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by kathy, aka halfpint
copyright and copy 1996. all rights reserved.
1. If you have to copy off of someone else's ideas because you can't come up with your own. (!)
2. If you like shrimp and chicken and anchovy pizza with ketchup.
3. If you conduct a survey on preferences of toilet paper.
4. If you use a bucket in the backyard shed because you don't like the color of the bathroom.
5. If you use notebook paper instead of toilet paper.
6. If you stand up straight in a cornfield and act like a stalk.
7. If you drive around town looking for weird street names to make a list.
8. If you use toothpaste as a graffiti tool in the bathroom.
9. If you ask people, "read any good trees lately?"
10. If you collect space heaters.
11. If you have a pet name for your toilet.
12. If you hire someone just to three-hole-punch your papers for you.
13. If you go to a place of employment and start acting like the manager... and you don't even work there.
14. If you tell everyone you see to tuck their shirts in.
15. If you repeat everything someone else says.
16. If you have a Kmart credit card.
17. If you call a pizza place and ask if the cheese comes with the pizza.
18. If you wear a suit of armor at all times.
19. If you jump up and down, claiming you are "rapture practicing."
20. If you visit someone and decide to clean their closets.
21. If you own a dishwasher, but still insist on washing dishes by hand.
22. If you jog in place chanting "I must, I must, I must increase my bust!"
23. If you're trying to read through the Reader's Guide to Periodical Literature.
24. If you can recite the micromachine commercials, with the correct speed.
25. If you've seen every episode of Green Acres and Gilligan's Island.
26. If you name your children Marcia, Jan, Cindy, Greg, Peter, and Bobby.
27. If you get on an intercom and whine, "Marcia did it again! Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"
28. If you wear headgear because you like to look like a spaceman.
29. If you scuba dive in the sewer.
30. If you really are crushed that JFK Jr. just got married.
31. If you actually pay for the transcripts of the OJ Simpson civil trial.
32. If you talk about the 90210 characters as if they were your circle of friends.
33. If it takes you 2 hours to do your nails.
34. If you put on a ton of make-up before going fishing, hoping to make friends with the boat mate.
35. If you see a bird and say "Hark! a Lark! Flying in a Park!"
36. If, when you flush the toilet, you say "Look out below!"
37. If you still dress like Michael Jackson, glove and all!
38. If you make fake glasses out of wire and wear them.
39. If you consider this a hip rap:
"We don't talk to strangers, but we love to be with friends, it's great when we're together I say the laughter never ends! but We don't talk to strangers cause there's none of those round here! (uh-uh) Just lots of friends we haven't met, we're here from far and near!
40. If you call yourself "puck" because it's a neat word.
41. If you wear your clothes inside out to start a style.
42. If you skip on the sidewalk and sing "ABC, 123, hooked on phonics worked for me!" while wearing a pippy longstocking wig.
43. If you walk backwards.
44. If you ask your professors for more homework to give you something to do.
45. If you spend more than your annual income playing "Street fighter II".
46. If you like to spend your day sitting in a tattoo shop.
47. If you carry screwdrivers in your purse, just incase you want to go in the attic.
48. If you get excited because there's a waffle iron in the cafeteria.
49. If you say "it is exactly 2 degrees cooler today than yesterday."
50. If you actually watch arts and entertainment network.
51. If you actually buy stuff from fingerhut.
52. If you like to recieve calls from telemarketers.
53. If you beg a mall survey worker to ask you the questions.
54. If your idol is the rock star formerly known as Prince.
55. If you really think you have a shot at dating Cindy Crawford.
56. If you eat Play-doh.
57. If you think "did you see the movie Batman?" is a good pick-up line.
58. If you wear a T-shirt that says "I'd rather be telnetting."
59. If you have a bumper sticker on your TV set.
60. If you hang out at doctor's offices to read the magazines instead of buying them yourself.