by halfpint
copyright and copy 1996. all rights reserved.
1. If you've seen The Brady Bunch Movie 3 times and still find it hysterically funny.
2. If you eat toothpaste.
3. If you can recite commercials word for word.
4. If you walk around the neighborhood with a frizbee on your head playing a kazoo.
5. If you have an intimate relationship with a fire hydrant.
6. If you cry every time you hear Barney sing "I love you, you love me..."
7. If you collect chapstick.
8. If you go to the mall just to copy the eye chart so you can memorize it.
9. If you have a special telephone pole that you talk to every morning.
10. If you like to memorize grocery UPC codes.
11. If you make a copy of a dictionary by hand.
12. If you take a stuffed dog for a walk.
13. If you're in a shopping center and you start jumping around and singing "ostrich, ostrich, ostrich..."
14. If you are trying to teach your bike to ride itself.
15. If you have all of the animaniacs songs memorized.
16. If you buy a newspaper just to read the dear abby column.
17. If you run after pennies that people throw on the ground.
18. If you keep a log of how many people said hello to you that day.
19. If you count how many stars are in the sky.
20. If your idea of a friday night out is to hang out at the 24 hour pharmacy.
21. If you stare at signs to see how many words you can come up with.
22. If you read every sign you see aloud.
23. If you secretly want to marry fozzie bear.
24. If you have to tell everyone about your diarrhea.
25. If you put mustard on your peanut butter and jelly.
26. If you go to work 2 hours early and leave 2 hours late, because you have nothing else to do.
27. If you have to touch every little thing you see.
28. If you sit in the mall all day and laugh at people's clothes.
29. If you spend more than 24 hours a day on the net.
30. If you go in pharmacies to read the directions for how to use certain products. (use your imagination)...
32. If you play solitaire football.
33. If you spell out every other word you speak.
34. If you can compile a list of sure signs that you need a life!
35. If you carry around a metal detector on your bike.
36. If you ride your bike wearing roller skates.
37. If the closest thing you can get to a date is a walk to the ATM with with a guy who is madly in love with your roommate.
38. If you won't date anyone unless they like your kind of music.
39. If you read a book called "how to be smart."
40. If you read books on how to attract women.
41. If you tell people "happy february 5th" (pick your own date).
42. If you ride around in a convertible with your friends, stopping every time you see someone to sing in unison "(clap, clap, clap, clap) oh we're really having some fun and we'd like to share it with you and now all that we have to say is B-O-K-C-H-O-Y, bok choy! (cheers)" then drive away.
43. If you are amused by watching popcorn pop in the microwave.
44. If you like to look in the mirror for hours and hours.
45. If, every time you see a steering wheel, you grab it and scream "hey, i'm driving! i've got my driver's license! hey, i'm driving! i've got my driver's license!"
46. If you carry around a tambourine and a drumstick at all times, acting like the "shoe town" guy.
47. If you get into people's faces and shout "What's your name?" and IF they tell you, you start singing the name game...
48. If you have a fascination with copy machines.
49. If you try to sell pizza by truck (as opposed to an ice cream truck).
50. If you go trick or treating on st. patrick's day.
51. If you go around singing christmas carols in october.
52. If you splash puddles on the sidewalk with your hands and sing "fuuuuun!"
53. If you kick ant piles to watch the ants scramble.
54. If you go on television to tell kids how to act like a chicken.
55. If you can sing along to all the barney songs.
56. If you run after birds in the sky and yell "hey, come back here..."
57. If you run in the middle of a tennis match to try to dodge the balls.
58. If you like to play cops and robbers with your girlfriend.
59. If you fantasize about being a werewolf, and what it would be like to have fur, fangs and claws... and if you pretend to "claw" people.
60. If you point your clarinet at people and say "pow, pow."