2. If you have 50 dustbusters.
3. If you spend your whole vacation looking at pictures of cats.
4. If you read the daily geological reports on the internet.
5. If you take a walk in the park and mumble the "who's on first?" joke over and over.
6. If you eat a TV dinner for thanksgiving.
7. If you can recite the US constitution word for word.
8. If you try to market a cereal called caca puffs.
9. If you play with snot.
10. If you hang out at the computer lab, but never actually use the computer.
11. If your goal is to learn to speak in binary code.
12. If you use milk carton crates for furniture.
13. If you actually think you're going to get arrested for using milk carton crates for furniture!!!
14. If you watch a video called "conversation made easy."
15. If you find statistics class exciting.
16. If you shine a flashlight on your face and chant, "money mud, money mud.."
17. If you think "B-E-E-R spells whiskey" is a funny joke.
18. If you and your friends dress like the village people and dance "YMCA.."
19. If you make pretty designs on yourself with your deodorant.
20. If you try to auction off batteries.
21. If you hang a toilet paper roll on your front door.
22. If you take a flyswatter and swat pretend flies.
23. If you wear a captain hook hat at all times.
24. If you have a secret desire to be a conehead.
25. If you think the restroom is a great place to meet and mingle with people.
26. If you draw polka dots on yourself and say you're the polka dot monster.
27. If you are excited because you folded towels all by yourself.
28. If you whisper in someone's ear, "watch this film, and pass it on."
29. If you sit on the side of the interstate and ring a bell, singing.
30. If you tell a total stranger, "guess what? I sneezed!"
31. If you send out a personal newsletter in celebration of sir John McDonald's birthday.
32. If you shout "Yahoo! Mountain Dew!" every time someone enters the room.
33. If you go door to door stealing pizza coupons because you collect them.
34. if you steal someone's nametag and wear it, saying "look at me, i'm this person!"
35. if you're 23 years old and still have a pretend friend.
36. if you love to read other people's junk mail.
37. if you buy magazine subscriptions because you really think you will win ten million dollars if you do.
38. if you write "I love Michael Jackson" on your shirt, thinking it's gonna make you popular.
39. if you have a bumper sticker that says "my child is an honor student at..."
40. if you climb on a roof of a house and shout "ok, you aliens, I know you're up there! get down here now before I shoot you..."
41. if you always take a shower before you go swimming.
42. if you ask people what they do in the bathroom.
43. if you go to a video arcade and pretend to play the games, but never insert money.
44. if you're fascinated by the microfilm machine at the library.
45. if you go to the bookstore to read the books, without buying them.
46. if you open a store called "spatula city--we sell spatulas and that's all."
47. if you give your girlfriend a napkin for christmas--and not as a joke.
48. if you go to a magazine shop and start tearing up the magazines.
49. if you open the bus window and sing loudly out the window, "I'm mr. belvedere, no one's ever seen me before, and I don't care!"
50. if you call yourself uncle nutsy.
51. if you wash your hands 500 times a day.
52. if you carry the internet yellow pages with you everywhere you go.
53. if your idea of a conversation starter at a party is "I like clocks."
54. if your normal greeting for everyone is "do you suffer from irregularity?"
55. if you wear a tuxedo and walk like a penguin, because it's your favorite animal.
56. if you cling to the garbage bags and say, "no! don't take them away! they are my friends!"
57. if you try to brush your teeth with a wire whisk.
58. if you bop from side to side while you're driving and chant, "brush your teeth twice, brush your teeth twice..."
59. if you really think that washing your clothes with calgon is an ancient chinese secret.
60. if you watch the clock and count down the minutes until barney comes on. "19 minutes and counting..."