IT'S A SURE SIGN THAT YOU NEED A LIFE, PART 5!!!

by halfpint
copyright and copy 1996. all rights reserved.

1. If you're changing clothes and suddenly scream, "what the hell??? there's an onion on my butt!!!" just to get a reaction.
2. If you sing while using a public toilet.
3. If you carry a camcorder wherever you go and film people.
4. If you see a volkswagen bug and shout "HERBIE!!!"
5. If you point out the window and shout, "zip windmill!!!"
6. If you eat styrofoam.
7. If, when you ride in a car, you ask the driver, "did you know you're exceeding the speed limit?"
8. If you get mad because your ex girlfriend asked you for the twentieth time not to copy everything she does anymore.
9. If you frequent the "lookhere" webpage.
10. If you believe chain letters are true.
11. If you like to watch the coffeemaker.
12. If you shake cans of soup, singing "i'm a soul man..."
13. If you dress like santa claus in order to get someone's fruity pebbles.
14. If you walk up to someone who is reading a book and ask to see the purchase requisition for that book.
15. If you brush your teeth in a public restroom.
16. If you buy enough of the new "surge" drink to fill your fridge in hopes of selling it.
17. If you are trying to breed orange and green rabbits.
18. If you clip your toenails in the supermarket.
19. If you're in church and yell "does anybody have a spoon?"
20. If you carry preparation H in your pocket just incase.
21. If you yell "just say no to ketchup!" in class.
22. If you sing "how do you solve a problem like maria?", accent, movements and all, at a pizza party.
23. If you say "It was nice discussing taxi numbers with you!"
24. If you are ecstatic because someone let you borrow a pen, thanking them profusely.
25. If you aim a ketchup bottle at your hamburger, saying "hamburger, hamburger, hamburger..."
26. If you can sing all the letter people songs.
27. If you glue buttons to yourself and sing "beautiful buttons, oh beautiful buttons, oh beautiful buttons on me..."
28. If you claim that "dem bones" is the international friendship song.
29. if you wear a sign at all times that says "i sell pencils".
30. if you cry on the potty, cause "it's my potty and i'll cry if i want to..."
31. if you take a crawfish out to see a movie.
32. if you go up to a roach with a microphone and say "ok mr. roach, what do you have to say?"
33. if you stoop down to ask ants if they have any popcorn.
34. if you dance on your porch and sing "sesame street news, singing the blues, i'm gonna eat my shoes..."
35. if you put shrimpheads on your fingers and pretend they are singing "set me free why don't you babe, get out my life why don't you babe..."
36. if you ask a dead fish a question, because "i can ask it anything i want to, it won't answer, it can't talk!"
37. if you taped every episode of turkey television, and really believe that a turkey created TV.
38. if, when people ask you your name, you gaze and say very fast with a british accent, "my name is robin leach and i don't know whyyyyyyyyyyyyy. people always look at me strange and i don't know whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy."
39. if you initiate a "miss internet" pageant and complain that you only have one contestant.
40. if you play with a hammer and sing "bang bang maxwell's silver hammer came down on her head..."
41. if you have a net wedding on a live internet talker, and then say you're "net pregnant with net twins".
42. if you wear a sweatshirt that says "i'm an idiot, let's play! insert 25 cents."
43. if you call someone while using the bathroom and say "listen to this!"
44. if you are the life of the party because everyone cheers for you to "do the worm" (in which you get on the floor and act like a worm)
45. if you go door to door selling hair tonic.
46. if your favorite character on the brady bunch was cousin Oliver, and you've memorized his lines and cut your hair like him.
47. if you watch a pencil for 3 hours to see if it will move.
48. if you put a hole in your wall and watch it. "i'm watching hole in the wall!" (as opposed to TV)
49. if you sing the U.S. presidents in order of when they served, to impress a girl.
50. if you use the word "potato!" as a stand up comedy routine.
51. if you walk up to your friend who is typing and say, "you know what? ice cream doesn't make noise."
52. if you issue passwords to friends, and insist that no one can talk to you unless they know the password.
53. if you walk around in circles singing "fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads, fish heads, fish heads eat them up yum!" for 8 hours.
54. if you try to feed mardi gras beads to a stuffed reindeer.
55. if you try to teach a pig to sing.
56. if you ponder for hours whether or not "anal retentive" has a hyphen.
57. if every night you dream about blouses and wall hangers.
58. if you hang out in kmart's underwear department on friday night.
59. if you smoke chee-tos.
60. if a school bus is your dream vehicle.