
Teenagers
First, please read Disciplining Older Children
by SaferChild, Inc. This page contains valuable tips for disciplining
older children without spanking.
It has been already said that spanking as a punishment method tends to
become less effective above the age of around 10. Generally, the older
the child, the greater the chances that spankings will cease to be
effective. Any ineffective punishment - i.e. one that does not improve
the child's future behavior - is useless. Any ineffective spanking
causes unjustified suffering and is therefore abusive.
It would be naive to think that increasing the severity of the spanking
would fix that problem. It wouldn't. It would only shorten the distance
to abuse.
There are two ways out. The first way is to use exclusively
non-corporal punishments, such as grounding, extra chores, loss of privileges,
allowance cuts, etc. The second way is to include spankings in the list
of possible consequences, but only if the teenager agrees with it.
It may surprise some parents, but there are in fact many teenagers
who prefer spankings to other punishment methods. They say they prefer
getting a spanking (if they deserve it) because it helps them best to
realize the wrongness of their action and to effectively change their
future behavior for the better. Also, spankings are often preferred
because this punishment is intense but quickly over.
For this reason, this website recommends to use spanking for teenagers
only if the teenager agrees with the use of this punishment. So we
are talking about spankings in a cooperative environment; the
suggestions in chapter "Cooperative
children" apply.
The "bare bottom or not" question is debated rather heatedly
when it comes to children in that age group. Many people feel it is
inappropriate for parents to spank their teenage children bare bottom,
even in the privacy of the home and the family. This website
recommends to ask the child's opinion in this matter. If he/she
is willing to accept spankings but prefers clothed-bottom spankings
with an appropriately increased number of spanks (or possibly the
same number of spanks, but given with a "safe" implement) to make
up for the extra protection, the parent should go along with this request.
Readers have also suggested various ways to bare the bottom without
involving frontal nudity, such as: taking the underwear down to just
below the bottom, pulling the underwear up (into the crack);
making the delinquent boy/girl wear thin (and/or tight) underwear,
swimwear, backwards-on underwear, drop-seat pajamas or long johns,
(if female) thong undies, (if male) a jockstrap, etc. etc. It's up to
the reader to make use of any of these suggestions, or to come up
with other ideas.
Summary:
- It is recommended to use spanking as a disciplinary method
for teenage children only if they agree with it.
- It is good to allow the cooperative teenager some choice to decide about
the details of the spanking, such as the position or the implement (see
chapter "Cooperative children".)
- Even for teenagers, this website recommends to spank with the
hand only. If you think this is too mild, you are either underestimating
it or you are not doing it right (see chapter "
Spanking techniques".)
Dec 2001: A reader pointed to this interesting thread from a
public message forum. A mother tells how she
decided (after some hesitation) to give her 14-year old daughter a
choice between two weeks grounding or a spanking. She hadn't spanked
her for years. Read the thread here:
Teen daughters and discipline
Jun 2003: A 15-year-old reader recommends the way his parents spank
him (see his letter dated June 13, 2003):
"If I'm going to get spanked, then we go to the living room. My
parents leave, and I have 10 minutes of "alone time" to get ready.
The living room has doors, so all off them are closed and I have
the room to myself, and I can do whatever I want in it for those
ten minutes, but at the end of them I have to be ready for my
spanking. I have to move the table away from the couch and put
the chair next to it for Mom or Dad to sit on. When the alone
time is done I have to be lying flat on the couch with my pants
and underpants off and a pillow under my crotch. During the time,
Mom and Dad decide who will spank me, and how many. Once the time
is up one of them comes in, sits down on the chair I put next to
me, and I get my spanking. It hurts, but not too much. Mostly, I
cry because I regret what I did, and I know I disappointed my
parents. Still, the spanks are slow and hard so towards the end
I cry because it hurts too. Once the spanking is over then they
leave, and I have another 10 minutes of time to myself. I usually
spend it crying and rubbing a bit, and I also have to put the
living room back the way it usually is. Then I go out, and they
hug me and tell me they love me, and we talk again about why I
got spanked.
I know not many kids my age get spanked, but I think that maybe
they should, because there are kids who go out and shoplift and
stuff just for fun and their parents don't do anything about it.
Now I get spanked very rarely, and almost always if I'm spanked
for something I never do it again. I think if kids act in ways
that deserve a spanking then they're not too old to spank."
Oct 2005, Reader's contribution: "When preparing a teenage boy for a spanking, it is important to make
sure that the boy's genital area is well protected. This can be attained
by having the person who will be administering the spanking slightlt
spread his/her legs apart so that the frontal part of the torso can rest
in between the opening. This will prevent any accidental injury or
unintentional stimulation of the genital area."
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Last update: Jan-01-2006 |
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