Reader's feedback, Aug 2003


Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...) indicate deleted portions.

Some people request non-anonymization to allow other readers to send them feedback. If you want to reply to these people, please send your reply to the email address in the header of their mail, not to spankwithlove@hotmail.com. Thanks!
 


 
From:    e...@earthlink.net
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Thoughts on spanking
Date:    Thu, 28 Aug 2003

Dear Spank-with-love,

These are some general thoughts on the subject, so I don't know where, if anywhere you want to put them.

1. There as NEVER been a scientfically valid study done that shows that spanking leads to perversion, violence, shattered personalities, warts, shingles, inter-galactic war, or whatever. For a study to be scientifically valid, it has to look at both sides of the equation. To use an example: if you think that wearing green-checked sport coats causes traffic accidents, you would first determine the percentage of accidents where at least one driver was wearing a green-checked sport coat. If it was high enough to warrant further study, the second phase would be to see what perecentage of people wearing green-checked sport coats had traffic accidents. If it was a high-enough percentage, then and only then could you conclude that there was a possible linkage. Otherwise, it is not a factor.

For the entire 6000 years of human history, all complex societies (more complex than family/tribal units) have used spanking as the principal method of disciplining children.. All languages, all cultures. It is only in the past 50 years that we suddenly decided that we had been wrong for 6000 years.

Using the same failed logic of the anti-spanking folks, I could state that spanking produces astronauts, engineers, kings, queens, presidents, businessmen, religious leaders, actors, soldiers, etc. Virtually every adult human being on this planet was spanked as a child.

2. The gold medal standard for spanking, for the last 6000 years has been bare-bottom. Again, it has only been in the last 50 years or so that we've suddenly started worrying about the child's modesty. Society is trying to say that thong swimsuits are okay at the beach, but that parents shouldn't see their own child's bottom when spanking it? Absurd. A person being spanked has no reasonable expectation of dignity or modesty. Furthermore, within the first 2 or 3 swats, a person being spanked forgets completely about where they are, their body position, their nudity, and anything else except the pain. (Two guesses as to how I know this)
 


 
From:    r...@peoplepc.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: this is just my opion
Date:    Tue, 26 Aug 2003

hi there i just read all the feed back on your site and i decided to write my own

i was never spanked as a kid and sometimes i wish i was damn i was a hell raiser i don't know how my parents put up with me if i was them i would have whaled my ass. i now have my own lil girl she is 2 and oh my she dose get her butt beat from time to time not for swearing or anything like that because she is only 2 she doesn't know what those words mean but when she pokes the dogs in the eye or bites or hits someone or when she plays in the road

this is my thinking on spanking

i would rather have my ass beat 1000 time then have my mom or my dad tell me i was a brat or they were mad at me or they wish they never had had me or even worse

i am now 20 and looking back i wish my dad or mom would have spanked me because i still don't have any real respect for my dad and my mom is like one of my close friends but not like a mom. my grandmother use to hit me with the vacume from time to time but i was so rebelise that i would just laugh at her and keep on doing the same thing i was doing to make her mad. i still am the same way i get in alot of fights with people and i walk on my own path my boy friend has learned to put up with me he is the only person that has ever stood up to me and i am glad that he dose i am waiting for him to spank me some time lol cusp i even know i could use a good smake for acting like a damn brat well thats all for now i jus wanted to put in my two cents bye

J(...)
 


 
From:    v...@hotmail.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: After the spanking
Date:    Tue, 26 Aug 2003

Hello everyone and thank you so much for these great advices !! I actually have a 6 year old little sister and when she disobey me, I always spank her on her bare bum with my hand or a little belt. I usually give her 10 slaps or strokes. I don't know if I do things properly but after the spanking, I like her to apologize so I make her kneel down and she has to give me a kiss on the foot. She hates the spanking and to kiss my foot so she usually try to be a nice obedient little girl. I like to ask her to do that because it shows her that I am her older sister and I'm superior. She has to listen to me and being at my feet simply ilustrate the idea. I think kids need this as well but I'd like to have your advice because I may be completely wrong.

Best regards,

V(...)
 


 
From:    b...@emailaccount.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: How can I get my parents to spank me?
Date:    Tue, 26 Aug 2003

Dear Sir,

I am a 14 year old boy, and I have been reading your site fore a while, especially the section on "How can I get my parents to spank me?" I have never been spanked in my life, and i have always been punished by groundings or loss of privilages. I dont think this method works, since my parents dont know half of the things I have done wih my friends, and how many lies I have told them. One trait in personality that i lack is courage, or bravery, and I have never been able to stand-up and pay for my actions, so I continue lying because I am scared if I dont.

I believe that spanking would help my actions, and help correct them, but I can never summon up the courage to just ask my parens "will you spank me?" Also, there are a lot more factors to think about. I would like to be spanked by my parents as punishment, but I would feel highly embarrassed to be spanked by them, clothed or bared; its just not my thing. That is a question that always comes to my mind and prevents me from asking them. Also, I am scared that they would take the spanking too far, and make me hurt a lot, such as using a belt or a cane on me. I dont mean to say I want a light punishment, but I dont want to think that I have made a wrong descision either.

Could you be able to help me on this problem? It has been bugging me for several weeks now.

Sincerely,

S(...)
 


 
From:    j...@hotmail.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Sat, 23 Aug 2003

Dear SWL

You may remember an earlier e-mail I sent you (reader's feedback of Nov 9, 2002) where I explained how, when my son (then 12) needed a change in his disciplinary regime, we agreed on getting his father to belt him for serious offenses while I would gradually step back. Instead of the rather frequent slipperings I used to administer, mostly for day-to-day breaches of house rules, there were to be only a few spankings by his Dad but for the more serious issues. My husband was not too keen on the whole thing, but he agreed to it. As a matter of fact, this new arrangement worked well for about 6 months (which is when I wrote to you, being rather proud of the way we had managed the whole thing!). My husband took his role seriously and spanked our son about once a month on average, either for bad marks at school or really outrageous behavior. My own slipper did not disappear overnight but was not used more than once or twice a month (for disciplinary purposes - as slippers I wear them every day!).

Things started then to deteriorate. My husband started to travel again quite a lot, and my son, now nearly 14, was getting increasingly moody, arrogant, provocative and unreliable. I shouted a lot at him, and the more so that I was trying not to spank him too often. I felt it was a time when he needed his father to set clear boundaries and teach him a few stinging lessons. But you know as it is in loving (Italian!) families, after a heated row, things cool off quickly. As a result, when my husband was coming back home at the end of the week, a few days after the incidents, tired and looking for a peaceful home, the incidents were almost forgotten or too old to be spankable. And even when I insisted the case was serious and did deserve a belting, he often refused to punish our son.

As a result, my son's behavior got worse. I got so fed up that, not being able to rely on my husband anymore, I resumed administering myself retributive justice with the good old slipper as I saw fit (for a while I thought about using the belt, but I had never done it before and was afraid to hurt him). To convey the message that the party was over, and that discipline had to be restored, I made a point to spank my son harder and more often. We engaged in a sort of escalation: the more I spanked him, the more negative his attitude became. The whole thing came to a climax at the beginning of the summer holiday. One day when his father was away, he got back home well past midnight and half drunk, from what was meant to be a late afternoon walk with his friends, without having even given a phone call to warn he would be late. I was so upset that I spanked him on the spot, not with the slipper but with a riding crop (first time ever I used one on him). I got a bit carried by my anger and he really got the thrashing of a life time.

The next day, after we had both recovered, we had a lengthy talk. He was utterly embarrassed by what he had done, and I was upset to have lost control of the situation. That was a pretty good combination for a serious chat. He agreed his behavior had been unacceptable and that the whipping he got was well deserved. He apologized, genuinely I think. We looked back at the events of the last year or so, since we had agreed on the new rules, and how they had not worked. He accepted the principle that he needed to be punished when misbehaving, the problem being how, how often and by whom. I offered to switch to non-corporal punishments, or to a blended solution. His preferred solution would have been non-corporal for the ordinary stuff I usually dealt with, spanking being reserved for serious offenses, may be once or twice a year, and preferably by his father. I insisted that in my opinion he still needed to be spanked a bit more than that for a year or two, that in the real world it was not workable to segregate light and serious offenses, and that his father was not enough involved at home to be a real player in this. The compromise we reached was to go non-corporal for routine stuff and to keep spanking rare but a real threat. To make a clean break with the past, the riding crop would replace the slipper as spanking implement. At the end, we both felt relieved and much closer. He thanked me a lot and I praised him for his mature approach.

That was in June. We are now in August. So far so good: we had far fewer conflicts; I hardly had to threaten him two or three times over these two months, and never had to actually whip him. Unexpectedly, his father who spent the holiday with us picked up a few arguments with him and gave him the belt once. He took it well, as a signal that eventually even his father was getting interested in him. Let's hope we are on the right track and going back to school will not ruin the balance we have achieved.
 


 
From:    c...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Fri, 22 Aug 2003

Dear Spank With Love,

I have a few questions to ask you. This letter is regarding how my mom spanks me. She spanks me with a hairbrush or slipper that is designated for spanking. After each spanking, I usually have to go to my room without dinner and wait for my dad to come home. At this time, I usually rub my butt to stop the pain, and whenever I get spanked with a slipper, my butt becomes kind of saggy and the bottom part of it feels kind of hard. I just wanted to know if this was normal. After a few hours, the hardness is usually gone. BTW, i'm 13 year old boy if you wanted to know. Thanks.
 


 
From:    c...@online.fr
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Thu, 21 Aug 2003

Dear SWL,

Curtwicklund's feedback (July 2003) reminded me of an initiative I took to get my parents to resume spanking about 10 years ago, when I was 14. Like him, it badly backfired, although in a very different way.

As a child I got spanked by both my (French) Mom (often) and my (Indian) Dad (rarely). Mom was always using her slipper (she was wearing at home Indian leather sandals called "chappals"), while with Dad it was mostly bare hand but as I grew up, he occasionally used his belt. The frequency of my spankings peaked when I was 11-12. When puberty arrived, at around 13, spankings were discontinued in a matter of months and replaced with the usual combination of detention, loss of privileges, suspension of pocket money, etc.

With the awakening of my own sexuality, I noticed that spanking fantasies were ever more present, and that my mother slippers were featuring prominently in them. I thought at first that I was abnormal; then read some educational books in a public library that made me realize that, after all, these fantasies were not so unusual. I tried to administer myself strokes with the slipper when Mom was out, but I was not brave enough to hit hard. That's when I started to think, like Curt, about ways to get Mom to resume the old habit of disciplining me. Mom's line had always been that she was spanking me to help me: help me solve an attitude problem, help me tide over a difficult time, help me realize I needed to work harder, or be more obedient, and so on.

So one day while traveling together by car, I talked about my general uneasiness, the difficult times I was having at school, lack of motivation, remorse I had for not being a good boy but also the inability I had to control myself. I told her that when I was younger the cure would probably have been easier as she would already have delivered the vigorous spankings that would have helped me to shape up. But now, I was mostly left to myself and could not regroup. She argued that they were still taking care of me, punishing me when needed, but added, as if joking, that she still had her slippers, and if it really was what I felt I needed, I could always ask and she would think about it. I blushed, mumbled something and backtracked quickly; not tactically but because all of a sudden I was really scared. We both remained silent for a few minutes. I was utterly confused.

After a while, nearly choking, I said something like: "Mom, this is serious. If, as you just told, you are ready to slipper me again, I think it is worth trying and see if it helps me improve". She looked at me , dead serious this time, and obviously surprised. She explained that they had stopped beating me because they felt I would resent being spanked like a kid while growing up into my teens. But if in spite of being well over 14 now, I was requesting it, she still thought there was a lot of value in a sound spanking as it remained the most efficient way to deliver a message about right and wrong. But she was concerned that I might have forgotten a bit what being laid over the knee with a bare bottom and being soundly thrashed actually meant. She offered to give me a "refresher" when we got home, and to take up the whole thing the day after. I agreed. Back home, she made me go and get the slipper myself, made me take my pants down and gave me a very, very serious slippering, probably meant to be a deterrent, that made me cry miserably. Then she sent me to my room to reflect on what had just happeneded.

But after a few hours, all my spanking fantasies came back with a new strength, as if stimulated by my sore bottom. It was like a dream come true, and I decided to jump on the opportunity. The next day I found a quiet moment to talk to Mom and told her that the test was positive, and that I was formally asking her to re-instate from now on spanking as the normal tool of discipline. She warned me that she would take this request of mine damn seriously, which meant she would beat me hard, and as often as needed, and that there would no turning back. This was not a trial period we were talking about: breaching house rules, not working well at school, attitude problems would all mean a spanking, until such day she would decide I had had enough. I confirmed my agreement and explained that I was confident that after only a few encounters with her slipper, I would fall in line, and all this would be bad memories. Of course I was counting on my own ability to manipulate the whole situation and get spanked only when my fantasies would request it...

The problem is that she took her commitment literally. For the first few months of the new regime, I really got spanked a lot, and not because I was playing my own fantasies, just because I behaved badly and she was punishing me exactly as she had said. It was not unusual for me to be slippered twice or three times in a week, which I found increasingly hard to accept. When I complained that she was too harsh on me, the answer was always: "you asked it, you got it; now don't complain". Increasingly, I started to see the slipper as an awful spanking implement, and my fantasies about being slippered began to fade away. After two or three months, there was no sexual stimulus to be derived anymore from the idea of being slippered, and I came to see my Moms chappal as just an old piece of discarded leather used to inflict pain. But as Mom had said, there was no way out. And as a matter of fact, after six months of this regime, my behavior did improve, and my mother started to compliment me for being lucid and brave enough to have identified the right cure to my problems. What she did not know is that she had also cured my slipper fetish...

After a while, she decided that now that I was back on track, she could relax a bit the day-to-day discipline. I was told she would focus on more serious issues and that I was indeed too old to be slippered on the bare even only a few times a month. I was also too old to be beaten by my Mom. She therefore informed me that my father would take over the role, and that his method would the belt. I got really shocked and scared. I protested that it was not our deal. Her answer was that the deal was to whip me back on track and they both felt that as I responded well to beatings, it had to remain the choice remedy, but delivered in a way that was more suitable to my age. And that was their decision, and not a deal with me. Full stop.

Dad was in fact rather moderate in his use of the belt. I got it no more than 2 or 3 times a year but it lasted until I left home to go to University at the age of 18. And his belt never had any sex appeal to me...

That is how to satisfy a mild pubescent slippering fantasy, I ended up being beaten for the best part of 4 years... Not that I regret it with 10 years hindsight - they were right: I reacted well to beatings -, but not that I enjoyed it either...

(from France)
 


 
From:    s...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Thu, 21 Aug 2003

i'm 16 and i've maybe been spanked twice in my life and usually when i do something bad or piss my mom off it's usually a big story for a few days and instead of her grounding me i'd rather just be spanked but i don't want to ask her to do that. Is there any other way i can get that idea to work without having to ask my mom. Is there anything about getting spanked and 16?

thanks
 


 
From:    s...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: spankings
Date:    Sun, 17 Aug 2003

hello,

I saw your letters in the spanking web.

my mom does my spankings diaper way a lot. can i ask you why we gotta get them like that please?

After all.. it is totally embarrassing and stuff. By the way.. she calls it a sunny side up spanking.

I get them a lot. I am 11

Thanks for your attention.

M(...)
 


 
From:    x...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: no subject
Date:    Wed, 13 Aug 2003

hi

Earlier this year my friend played a prank. She got on my screen name and apparently came across this sight. She then wrote u an email which told the story of an abusive parent. Ofcoarse none of this was true. I then wrote u back to apologise. which is when i discovered your website. I would just like to say you people are sick. how dare you lay a finger on your child. There not your propertie you dont own them and there are other ways of punishment. also I have numerous friends that have been hit in there pre - teen years. your pre teen and teen years are your most iritable and i dont care what the fuck you say a hug is not gonna make up for it. All of my friends that have had this happen dont love and respect there parent they hate them. You encourage spanking till an older age such as 18. That is sick ! by 11 or 12 girls are going through puberty starting to develope and it becomes sexual at that age. Did it ever occur to you that u are not attracting concerned parents but people that get sexually aroused by this sort of stuff. It is primitive to hit your child. If u could even waste a second of your precious time to sit down and talk to your child then you would be able to figure out better ways to punish your child. Trust me I am all for the freedom of speach, but some people tend to take the first ammendment a little bit over the top. and for one thing if my parents just spanked me i would hate them . Most childrens aditude towards this subject is "you wanna hit me , two can play that game" the child will most likely go out and attempt to repeat the same act over again to get back at there parents. Another words saying "your not gonna stop me and look i can do it behind your back and you wont catch me" If you have a young kid under the age of ten then sit them down and talk to them and c why there doing wut they are. Trust me theres a reason behing everything (i know im a kid) if they are 11 or over (all depending on there maturity level) there probably not going to want to talk to you any way unless you are more of a frined than a parent and im assuming none of you are. Possibly seek professional help. SUch as a therapist to talk with your child and find out the reasons behind there actions. Children trust therapists for one reason only. They sit there, they listen and try very hard to understand what your saying, they wont just flip out in the middle of convorsationg. plus if you just hit your kid they're only gonna learn one thing and that is to be scared of you. If your child ends up in a twisted situation such as being pregnant or fathering a baby, wouldn't u want them to come to you. Well there not gonna come to you because they'll be to afraid that you will not listen and just hit them. Dont you want your child to be able to confide in you? please put this on your website. and email me back
 


 
From:    k...@...
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Tue, 12 Aug 2003

Dear Spank with Love,

first of all, please be sure not to publish my name or even any part of my E- mail address on your site. I'm asking this because my reasons for reading this site are somewhat peculiar and embarrasing too, one might say. I want to be completely sure that I won't need to discuss the subject with people I know, or even tell them I was here. I'm sure you'll understand when you read further. Yet it's allright to publish this anonymously, and I hope for you to do that. I think my views are quite different from any of those published here before.

Why am I here? Someone who wasn't spank as a child, who isn't going to spank her own children and who hasn't even got children yet? Well, I'm a spanking fetishist. (Or an S/M and submission oriented person, as you said they don't always differ so much.) I found this site by chance when I was looking for some sexually explicit sites about spanking. And what do you think I did when I noticed what kind of site this was? Say to myself "Oh, this is not what I wanted, let's try the next Google entry"? Of course not. I've been reading through this site very intensively, and kind of enjoying it, I must admit. I really hope that you don't react like I was a very sick person and stop reading. I just think that when you have some discussion about spanking fetishism on your site, and whether it's caused by childhood experiences or not, maybe you'd be interested in reading what one of those very fetishists has to say.

I'm a 23-year-old woman. I live in Finland. (So, that's the reason if my English is weird sometimes. I learned it at school but haven't been using it very much since. :) ) In my country spanking is prohibited by the law, as well as all other kinds of corporal punisment, too. I think this law is quite a new one. It might have been settled in the late 80's. In my parents' childhood, which was in 50's and 60's, spanking must have been most common. If you talk about the subject with people of that age, you get the impression that nearly every child was spanked sometimes. I think it was still quite usual in the 80's too, because I know many people of my age who were spanked as a child. I wasn't, even though I was sometimes threatened with it. What I want to say is that the thought about spanking as a definite not-to-do thing is rather new in this country. Even if it's prohibited, it still happens in some families. Yet it's not generally accepted and parents who spank are considered violent and/or abusive. The public opinion is that if you're spanked, you should contact the police. In a way I agree. I don't think spanking itself is such a "sick" thing to do, but the idea about a parent who would insist on spanking a child now that it IS prohibited by the law, it makes me wonder. Why is it so important that you should do it even against the law? And, after all, you're not allowed to hit any grown-up person. Why should you be allowed to hit a child that's even more vulnerable? So, my opinion is that spanking isn't a very good way of punishing, and if I have my own children someday, I definitely won't spank them. Yet I feel quite puzzled about the strictness of attitudes towards those who spank in my country. The change from total acceptance to total tolerance has been very fast. Just as you tell on your site, spanking has been a usual method of discipline for many centuries. This is true in Finland, also. So, if someone still spanks his/her children, he/she has probably been spanked as a child, too, as well as his/her parents and their parents too. I don't feel it's fair, suddendly to start blaming them about abuse.

I'm trying to be objective about this matter. That's why my own attitude about it has changed a little. I used to feel very strongly about spanking a child before. That means I was one of those "Everyone who spanks a child is a pervert" people. I remember when there was a discussion about spanking at school and I tried to explain to my friends that spanking is actually child abuse, people who do it just don't always recognize it. There was one boy who had been spanked as a child and he thought I was fanatic. And now I think so, too. One of the main reasons for me to disapprove spanking as a method of discipline is that I, myself, have sexually explicit feelings about it. You probably understand that when a mere thought of a spanking - whether the spanked one is a child or an adult - makes me feel sexually aroused, I certainly wouldn't imagine of spanking my own children. In my case, the risk of it being abusive would be obvious. At least I would feel bad about it. But one has to understand that people are different and even if I've got this perversion or whatever it is, it surely doesn't mean that spanking would mean the same for everyone!

Yet I would like to try and explain to you how weird this site seems when you look at it with the eyes of a "spankophile". That's what I am, and that's allright with me. So, if I'm curious about sites like this and reading them gives me some kind of satisfaction, that's no wonder. But if you people are NOT interested in spanking in a sexual way, or any special way at all, how come are YOU so keen on discussing it and even making a large www site about it? I mean, if I've got this right, spanking is a quite small part of your and your children's lives. It only happens when the child has done something very bad, it's quickly over and you have no problem about it. Like brushing your teeth or something. Who would make a whole site about brushing one's teeth? :) I'm not blaming you about anything, and I'm bothered about being so paranoid. I just can't help wondering. Are you quite sure this subject isn't giving you some kind of pleasure? There are some sections on this site, for example the descriptions of different spanking implements and positions, and the poems about spanking, that could just as well be parts of a site intended of my kind of people, spankophiles! Especially one of those poems, one that describes in detail about a girl's spanking, her pleading for not to have it, her panties being pulled half way to the knee and so on and so on. Quite innocent, actually. But who wrote it? Why would someone take the trouble of writing a whole poem that has no other message than to describe what it's like to give a spanking? For what reason, if not because recalling or imagining such an event gives him/her pleasure? And you people, what's your motive in reading it? I hope you would, rather than taking offense, try to explain it to me.

About spanking fetishism, then. Is it caused by being spanked as a child? In my case, obviously not, because I wasn't spanked. In general, I don't believe it is. As I told, many of my friends have experienced spankings and none of them considers it a very frightening or traumatizing thing. And none of them is a spanking enthusiast. Then I've got friends that really are somewhat interested in spanking in the sexual sense, and they are ones that were never spanked. What becomes to myself, I've had this enthusiasm as long as I remember. It might have been caused by my mother's threatening me with a spanking and thus making it an exciting thing to me, but to tell the truth, I don't believe in that either. It may be inborn, or it may have something to do with the fact that spanking is quite a taboo nowadays.

I feel that maybe I should try to tell you what spanking fetishism is like. But I'd rather tell what it's NOT like. I mean, I could imagine there are lots of prejudices towards this phenomenon and I'm afraid of being considered as something I am not. Take this, for example: the fact that spanking is something sexual to me, does it mean that I'm a pedophile? No. I really do not have any sexual attractions towards children, I don't have fantasies about beating a child, nothing like that. I'd also like to emphasize that being interested in S/M doesn't mean being a violent person or accepting any kind of violence at all. I'm strictly against all violent acts, and so are all S/M oriented people I know. Spanking fetishism, S/M and domination/submission are sexual games played by willing adults, and nothing else. Sure it might also mean that when a spanking fetishist reads about a spanking in a novel, for example, or a site like this, it gives them pleasure. But it's more like imagined role-playing than feeling anything towards a child.

To me, spanking fetishism is not a problem of any kind. It began as a special interest towards spankings when I was a child, and later it's become a part of my sexuality. Am I sick? Well I don't know, but if I am, I can hardly imagine how my being sick could harm anyone. I lead a normal life, I feel perfectly happy and balanced. I have a husband that knows about this fetishism, accepts and understands it, and yes, is willing to spank me just because it gives me pleasure. Sex or anything sexual is not an obsession to me. I don't believe I think about it any more than any grown-up person would. What I want to say is that spanking fetishism is really nothing to be afraid of. Sure it might cause you some kind of a problem if you happened to have a partner that wouldn't understand and would keep telling you how sick you are. But I think that's a problem that has to do with people's attitudes towards fetishism, not fetishism itself.

That's all about me. Still I've got one question about bringing up a child. You talk about spanking compared to other punisments, and some of you say spanking is better than them. But is it sure there must be a punishment at all? Does this sound crazy to you? I can tell you that I know people who didn't really get punished at all when they were children. And they've turned out quite well. It doesn't mean the child would have no limits and he could do whatever he pleases. It just means the parents have a sufficient authority even without spanking, grounding or anything like that. I mostly wasn't punished, if a scolding doesn't count, and I can assure you that I was more of a good child than most of the others. That was partly because I learned very early what's a wise thing to do and what isn't - and I am to thank my parents for that - but it was also because I was afraid of my parents, what they would SAY. I think I would have willingly taken a hundred spankings if I could have avoided telling them what I'd done. But that isn't good either, being afraid of your parents. Anyway, my opinion, which may be a little too idealistic, is that a child should do the right thing, not because he/she is afraid of a punishment, but because he/she knows it's right.

(in a follow-up mail, dated August 29, 2003:)

I really hope [my mail will reduce some of the prejudices readers of this website site may have regarding spanking fetishism]. It's not only because of my own want of acceptance. There's also another reason. On your site and some anti-spanking sites I've read letters from people who have this fetishism and seem to feel extremely oppressed about it. There are feelings of shame and guilt, and they even seem to think that spanking fetishism is a sin. Now, this is most extraordinary. I know that the Bible says a lot of things, but it surely doesn't say you shouldn't enjoy a spanking, does it? Why would such thoughts make you any less "pure" or "chaste" or what so ever? And the idea that someone who has this fetishism would never be able to enjoy a happy and balanced sexual and romantic relationship... Well, that's bullshit. Really. Now, I feel sorry for these people, and if there was something I could do to make it easier for them, I would do it. I doubt that my letter and could really affect their way of thinking, as additudes linked with religion don't usually change easily. But there's always a tiny chance that someone would give a little thought to my views, someone who suffers from feelings of guilt towards his/her own fetishism. Are they quite sure it's not their own limited way of thinking that makes them suffer? How does spanking fetishism prevent them from being a good person? And, after all, if you've got problems with your own life, it's usually not good idea to keep blaming your mum and dad and your difficult childhood. You should rather seek for a way to solve the problems, and the way I suggest is to try to accept yourself the way you are. What comes to christianity, I really think it's main message is more about loving one another and doing good, not about worrying yourself to death about things that do not actually do much harm to anyone...

I'm not sure if I believe in [judicial punishment for adult lawbreakers], either. It works in some cases, yes, but for example keeping people in prison for years doesn't often do good to them. In prison they lose all contacts with that "normal life". There are examples about people who didn't use drugs before but learned to use them in prison. And I've heard it's difficult to start all over after being in prison. One of the problems is that no one gives a job to someone who hasn't got a clean record. It's understandable, of course, but... In addition to this, keeping people in prison costs fortunes to the society. And after being let out they only commit another crime. But if you ask me whether I have any better suggestions, the answer is no. The right thing to do would be explaining to those people why they can't be allowed to do what they did and give them real alternatives to a criminal life - and I understand, of course, that we don't have time and money to do that. Even if we would, maybe we wouldn't succeed. With your own children it may be a little bit different, just because you can use more time with them and you simply care more than you would care about a stranger. Maybe it could work if we tried very hard... Well, maybe you're laughing at me, and maybe I've deserved it. I know how silly I am with my idealism and I know that when I have my own children, I'll be worried and stressed and ready to do nearly anything to prevent them from being bad. Even to punish them, maybe. ;) But I cannot know it yet. I can learn it only by experience. Until that I'll caress these childlike ideals. Perhaps it makes me feel good or something. :)

(from Finland)
 


 
From:    a...@prodigy.net
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: maintance spankings
Date:    Thu, 7 Aug 2003

Thank you for speaking out again maintence spanking. I believe if a person is spanking every day, week or month as a remind he/she may just act spank so the spanker has a reason to spank. I would be quite offended if a cop pulled me over even though I was not speed and gave me ticket and told me it was to remind me to continue to go the speed limit. It would be quit tempting to speed, because I could get a speeding ticket whether I speed or not. However I could report the cop, which would probably get him/her fired.

I believe in warning spanking, which is not the same a maintance spanking. An example of a warning spanking is when a child or teenage or an adult who told someone they could spank them, is behaving badly, a parent, mentor, etc. gives that person one or two quick smacks on the rear and told if they do not straighten up the will a good hard spanking. Perhaps one or two swats is enough to start acting right.

I know some people will sometimes withhold information from the a person that would spank them if they knew it could lead to a spanking. However in many cases the guilt a person feels can be far worse than a spanking. I believe if parents are not aware of any thing their child does that warrents a spanking they should not spank. I believe spanking should be humbling, painful, fair, and most of all well deserves. I know many children and teenagers that have not been spank for months or years, because their parents don’t feel they deserve a spanking. Not all children or teenagers need a spanking and only a small percentage of adults need to be spank. If a child or teenager can follow the house rules without be spank, I would say to parents don’t spank.

I don’t see anything wrong the birthday spank that are only once a year and should not be near as hard as a punishment spanking. If a parent feels a teenager need a spanking as a reminder to continue following the rules, I would suggest only once a year, even though I would not encourage or support it.
 


 
From:    j...@hotmail.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: A New Link
Date:    Thu, 07 Aug 2003

Hi Spank with Love

Your readers may enjoy my new website.

Thank you

J(...)

The Campaign for Real Boyhood

'Boys are not girls : Boys are not men'

http://campaignfrb.blogspot.com/
 


 
From:    c...@webtv.net
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Grandmothers
Date:    Thu, 7 Aug 2003

I enjoyed the letter from the grandmother in a March 2003 letter that told how she is raising a grandson instilling values in the boy and using sound spankings when necessary. I also am 60 plus and although I don't have custody of any grandchildren I do a lot of babysitting especially for my daughter's kids.

My own children were subject to bare bottom, over the knee hairbrush spankings done in private. A child will never resent a spanking if it is done in a calm manner for just cause.

My husband's grandmother, when she was in charge of the family, required the child to be spanked to go to his room, strip naked, and report to the living room for a long, hard, over the knee hairbrush spanking. Any family members but no outsiders, were required to watch the proceedings. This was the procedure used even for a teen child and my husband said he was always on his best behavior when grandmom was in charge. This was in the 1940s and 50s and although few parents use this method today I know a few black mothers who do so.

My grandchildren are still too young for hard, hairbrushing spankings but shortly, with parental permission, which I have, they will receive the same discipline their parents did.

Of course spanking is only a small part of child rearing. My philosophy is the same as the book having the title "Lots of love and a spanking".

Gram
 


 
From:    l...@...uk
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: diaper position
Date:    Thu, 07 Aug 2003

To Spank With Love,

I have discovered a non-embarassing way to spank teens in the diaper position.

Have the child put on their underpants/panties on backwards before the spanking. Apart from making it easier to pull the material into the crack, the extra bagginess at the front helps to protect the genitals when in the diaper position.
 


 
From:    k...@bigpond.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: re spank with love
Date:    Tue, 05 Aug 2003

I am shocked that there are so many parents who treat there PRECIOUS children like this, and cannot be bothered to LEARN proper parenting techniques!

I have been reading this website as i am considering getting married and starting a family soon, and would like to know how to discipline my own children.

I would NEVER spank my kids or humiliate them in this way, and i honestly never thought that there were so many LAZY parents out there.Of course kids being kids, they must be disciplined, but there are so many other ways of getting through to kids!

It actually sounds like a lot of parents get some satisfaction out of spanking, espacially after reading the website on spanking techniques.Ok, they probably dont enjoy it, but to me it seems like a very thin line between normal spanking and perversion!

Children are people too, and there is way too much violence in the world today.By the way, i was never spanked!
 


 
From:    m...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Spanking Son
Date:    Mon, 4 Aug 2003

Dear Spank With Love,

I am writing to you about my son B(...), age 11, who my wife and I am thinking about spanking. B(...) is usually well behaved, but he gets cocky and often misbehaves at his sports games. Winning is everything to him and he often starts huge scenes on the baseball field after his team loses (especially when he thinks it's his fault). He also tends to brag a lot, which is a habit I cannot get him to stop. He sometimes openly insults his friends and doesn't think he's being the least bit rude. We are very loving with our son, and give him lots of hugs and kisses, especially before games, but it doesn't seem to change his manners.

My wife and I occasionally give him a hard slap across the face when he's being really naughty, which usually results in B(...) crying, then apologizing, and finally giving myself or his mother a big hug. This punishment usually makes B(...) realize he is misbeahaving, but it happens far to often. (Somtimes twice in one day). We also do not allow any kind of swearing in our household and B(...) or his brother get their mouthes washed out (with soap) anytime bad words are spoken. This usually just results in a sulky expression for about an hour, at which point the whole affair is forgotten. (This also seems to be happening too often). These two types of discipline are used openly in our household along with grounding loss of privileges and extra work. The reason I am writing to you is B(...) is starting to misbehave more and more, and these punishments do not seem to be working.

As a child I was spanked by my father bare-bottomed up to age 14, at which point he started using a belt over my boxers (which offered almost no protection). Before age 14, at times when I deserved a spanking my father would take me into the living room (when no one was around), and tell me to put my hands on my head while he pulled down my pants and boxers. He then put me over his lap and pushed my shirt up to my shoulders. With my entire body almost bared I felt very embarrassed and didn't even think about struggling. My father would then proceed to smack my bottom with an open hand for 3 to 7 minutes depending on my offense. He used the layer cake method and I usually started crying towards the end of the ordeal. He would then sit me up with pants and boxers back on and hold me tight while he told me how much he loved me. I didn't feel abused or mistreated at all, only loved.

I think B(...) could use a good dose of this punishment, although I'm not sure how far I want to go. My wife says it's all up to me since she wasn't spanked as a child. Your input would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

M(...)
 


 
From:    n...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: reader response
Date:    Mon, 4 Aug 2003

In further reflection, I also suspect that - in the case of the 16-year-old - what she is describing was an emotional dam break in the wake of a long overdue spanking that cleared the air and actually promoted better communication between parent and child. Subsequent difficulties may have arisen because her father never wanted to go back to the *old days* with his daughter - when communication was strained, the relationship was estranged, and misunderstandings were common.

Unfamiliar with the real power of a series of mini-spankings to renew, restore, and refresh, the father considered *upping the ante* - by using a belt - to make sure that he *got through* when his daughter did not cry, or by *taking out a little insurance* against future relapse. I can understand his frustration, even his guilt at the thought. At the same time, as at least three of your readers pointed out (the nurse in January 2002, the second grade teacher in February 2002, and my response in April 2003), a paddle may actually be preferable to the hand for older or more willful children.

It is interesting to note that at least two of the older girls - the nurse's college age mentee and our daughter - acknowledged their own paddling as appropriate. Likewise, the 14-year-old - whose mother's struggle to discipline her daughter, after grounding her proved ineffective, were described on the GoSin bulletin board to which you linked - chose what amounted to a paddling (with a hairbrush) as a fitting punishment for sneaking out of the house a second time. As with other descriptions - from both parents and children in your Reader Responses - getting paddled once often serves as a deterrent to teens.

Knowledge gleaned during intervening years has (since our daughter concluded that there are times when even a high school senior ought to get paddled by her parents) has taught me that parents tend to dismiss spanking from their strategies too early - thinking alternative punishments and reason sufficiently effective after a child reaches some arbitrary age - without letting the child's response be their guide.

The tendency of sophisticated parents to put blind faith in alternatives and the often-hollow promises claimed by more positive parenting strategies can actually be exacerbated by education! (This seems to have been the case with both the second grade teacher who wrote in February 2002 as well as my wife.) Experience suggests that those who scrupulously avoid that inevitable and occasional spanking - much as those given to excessive leniency - can be just as ineffective in their parenting as ill-equipped parents who think rapacious beatings to be a universal solution.

The fact that a spanking is unpleasant - even an awkwardly painful and unsettling experience for both parent and teen - doesn't make it either uncalled for or even scandalous. More frequently, finally paddling the older child clears the air and brings closure to an otherwise unreconciled matter for which no effectual solution has been found in a timely manner. (While we did not find it necessary, as both the nurse and the second grade teacher went into detail to point out, it may take more than one session, a few relevant discussions, and eventually uncovering the essential area before achieving the desired results.)

Regardless of the child's age, spanking often accomplishes what words of caution and discussion have failed to achieve - the firm understanding that some behaviors and attitudes are simply not acceptable.
 


 
From:    s...@b-stik.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: B-Stik
Date:    Sun, 3 Aug 2003

We recommend that the hand never be used. Check out www.b-stik.com or this press release: 1024, Inc. Develops Safe Alternative Discipline Device for Children

Let me know what you think and feel free to link to the site.

S(...)

1024, Inc.

(in another mail, Aug 5, 2003)

Thank you for your response and providing a link to my site. I have high hopes that this product will lessen the potential for harm or injury from physical discipline.

The product is very flexible and soft. It removes most of the risk of blunt force trauma by absorbing a high percentage of the impact within the soft shell thus allowing the flexing to cause a slapping to provide the stinging sensation. I have received a lot of thanks from parents that now have an alterative method to discipline their children safely.
 


 



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Last update: Dec-11-2003