
Punishment diaries
Some parents find it useful to keep a written record of their
children's punishments. This idea is not new; punishment books
have been used at schools, reformatories and
similar institutions for at least 150 years (see some examples
here
and here).
This page, which was suggested by a reader of this website, describes
an adaption of the punishment journal concept for use in the home.
A punishment diary can be helpful for the parents:
- to keep track of their child's punishments
- to evaluate the effectiveness of past punishments
- to get feedback from the child about his/her view
of the offense and the punishment
- to add an extra element of ritual to the punishments,
adding to their effectiveness
It can also be helpful for the child:
- to protect him/her from excessive or unfair punishments
- to serve as a reminder, helping to avoid repetitions of the offenses
- to let the parents know his/her thoughts on the
fairness of the punishment (sometimes these things are easier
to write down)
On the adverse side, maintaining a punishment diary is not only
time-consuming but also introduces an element of formality
which may be felt inappropriate for home use. But if you feel
comfortable with this concept, here are some recommendations for you.
Entries in the diary can contain the following data
(feel free to modify this list):
- the date
- the reason for the punishment (the offense)
- was it a first time or repeated offense?
- the punishment given. If the child was given a choice, list
all options and specify which one was chosen
- extra punishment, if any (e.g. for disobedience
during the punishment)
- comments by the child (was the punishment fair/unfair? too hard? etc.)
- additional comments by the parent, if necessary
Perhaps the most important column is the child's comments. Does he/she
think the parent overreacted? Would he/she punish his/her own child
for doing the same thing? The same way? Is he/she sorry for what he/she
did?
Due to its confidential contents the punishment diary should be kept
very private so that nobody except the parents and the child will
have access to it. A good solution is to use one of those diaries that
are lockable with a key. If it comes with a double key, one key can be kept by the
parents and one by the child. If you have more than one child, use a
different diary for each one.
When the child reaches adulthood (or some other agreed age) and the
diary is no longer needed, it should be given to him/her so that
he/she can keep it or throw it away.
After it has been introduced and explained to the child, the diary
should be used consistently for all punishments given. Not only spankings but also
time-outs, extra chores, writing lines, groundings, no TV, allowance cuts, etc.
should go into it. The entries should either be written by the
child, or together, or the parent can write the first part and let
the child complete his/her part.
It is best to write the entries directly after the punishment has
been completed and the child has been fully forgiven.
The reader who suggested this page wrote about her experiences after introducing
the diary to her teenaged daughter,
"The first time we used it I talked to her for a long time about why
I think spanking is important, especially why I think it is important for older
girls since most of her friends aren't spanked any more, and then why I thought
the diary was a good idea, and I think it took her a little to get used to it
but she really uses it now as a way to communicate with me, apologising for
something or else to say she didn't understand why a punishment was as strict as
it was. In that case I know I have to explain better to her in future. I think
that brings us closer together."
Back to the main page
Last update: May-09-2003 |
|