
Dangers of abusive spanking
Spanking has been called a "parenting tool", and like any tool, it can
be dangerous if used inappropriately.
Spanking abusively will put your child's physical and emotional well-being
at risk. Parents who use spanking should be aware of the dangers, and know
how to minimize the risks.
Physical dangers
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Fat embolism
Spanking the buttocks with an implement can not only cause bruises,
but also loosen fat globules into the bloodstream. If spankings are given
excessively (hard and frequently), there is a serious risk for these fat
globules to block vessels in the lungs or the brains. Such an
embolism
can be fatal.
Safeguard: Never spank your child too frequently or too hard. Don't use
implements. Seek professional help if you notice you have difficulty keeping
your temper and tend towards abusive spanking.
-
Coccyx injury
Hitting the coccyx (tailbone) is very dangerous. The risk of a coccyx
fracture is especially great when a non-flexible implement, such as a
wooden paddle, is used for spanking.
Safeguard: Never spank the buttocks too high (see figure 4 in Spanking
techniques). Don't use implements for spanking - in particular,
don't use hard or heavy ones (see Spanking implements).
Don't use positions that pose a risk to unintentionally hit the coccyx
(see Spanking positions).
Emotional dangers
-
Decreased self-esteem
Spanked children may feel unloved by their parents. They may get the
feeling they just can't cope with the high parental expectations, and become
shy and withdrawn. Such a child's depression can go unnoticed for a long
time. Poor school performance (due to concentration problems, for example)
is often the first indicator for parents that something is wrong with their
"good, well-behaved" child.
Safeguard: Praise and hug your child a lot for good behavior. Let him/her
feel how much he/she is loved. When you need to scold him/her, follow the principle
"love the sinner, hate the sin." Instead of saying "you are bad", put it
in the words "this behavior is unacceptable" or similar. Always tell your
child that he/she is loved and accepted, even when he/she does things
that need correction. Consider the use of non-corporal punishments instead
of spankings, they may work better for your child.
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Increased aggression
The opposite can also occur. A spanked child may begin to heap up negative
emotions. This can result in angry outbursts, temper tantrums, and
other aggressive behavior. Such a child is likely to start bullying siblings
and classmates, in particular weaker and younger ones.
This can be the beginning of a vicious circle. A child is spanked for
bad
behavior, shows only some temporary improvement, soon acts worse, and gets
spanked for that again. Over time, the parents lose control, and the child
becomes emotionally deranged.
Safeguard: Establish a deep, trustful parent-child relationship. Give
your child lots of praise and hugs for good behavior. To correct bad behavior,
try non-corporal punishments. If you still feel the need to give a spanking,
do it non-aggressively. Never spank in a fit of temper. Before
any punishment, talk calmly with your child about what he/she did. Display
sadness about the behavior, not anger. If you feel the need for a severer
punishment, instead of increasing the pain, try emphasizing the ritual.
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Sexual deviation
This topic is debated heatedly. According to traditional
psychology, there is a cause-effect relationship between traumatic
childhood events and adult sexual deviation. In other words, spanking
a child too much or too hard can turn him or her into a spanking fetishist,
a bondage/domination/submission fan, a sadist, or masochist when he
or she grows up. The
underlying theory (link broken)
is that a sexually undeveloped child can work up a painful, traumatic
experience by "eroticising" it.
On the other hand, many spanking fetishists say they were never spanked as
children, nor did they witness spankings of other children.
For that reason it seems reasonable to assume other, unknown causes.
A nature/nurture coalition may offer the most likely basis of an explanation.
Safeguard: If the theory is correct, the tendency to eroticise a
traumatic experience is the higher the younger the child is. Spanking
a child under the age
of 3 must therefore be considered potentially dangerous. It is recommended
to never give a child under 3 years more than one single swat on the rear.
However, it is important to note that the danger lies not in the
spanking itself, but in the trauma. For that reason, the best way to
keep the risk of sexual deviation low is to prevent trauma. A spanking
given by a calm, controlled parent with lots of love and care is much
less likely to cause a trauma than a spanking given by a furious,
uncontrolled parent.
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Drug and alcohol abuse
People who were physically abused as children have an increased risk
of drug and alcohol abuse as adults. They are also more likely to suffer
from emotional problems (depression, aggression), to have a poor impulse
control, and to abuse their own children when they become parents.
Safeguard: Spank only nonabusively as recommended by this website. If
you notice you tend towards physical child abuse, seek professional help
as soon as possible.
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Last update: May-23-2003 |
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