Reader's feedback, Dec 2001


Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...) indicate deleted portions.
 


 
From:    s...@hotmail.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Like your site
Date:    Thu, 27 Dec 2001

Hi,

I have thoroughly read your web site, and I have to say that I agree with everything that you have to say. I think your site is well thought out and your ideas are communicated very well.

I'm a father, 38 yrs old, that uses spanking in our home with our two children, ages 3 and 6. I've been married for 8 years and my wife and I share the responsibility of spanking the children. Both my wife and I feel that spanking is appropriate for serious offenses, and I am sad to say that sometimes spankings are the only thing that make our kids listen and pay attention to what we are saying even after we have tried all other reward type of behavior modification. Thanks for putting this information together. It has solidified in my mind questions on whether I should use an implement on them when they get older and what the best position is for their spankings. And I have resolved to leave spankings as a discipline option for our children when they get older as well.

I hope that this site reaches more people so that other people who may spank now or don't spank because of whatever reason would come to understand your common sense approach to disciplining children.

Thanks!
 


 
From:    m...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: My Situation
Date:    Mon, 24 Dec 2001

I am a 13 year old boy who still gets spanked by his mom. My father died when I was 7 and mom assumed my discipline at that time. At first, she spanked me with her hand on the seat of my pants.

Then shortly before my 9th birthday, I was spending a night with my mom's best friend, Kathleen, as my mom had to work a rare night shift at the hospital as a nurse, when I accidentally spilled my coke on her new carpet after being told to be very careful. Fortunately, the beverage came right out, but Kathleen was still quite upset. I apologized to Kathleen and she said that while my apology was accepted, she was going to ask mom to spank me when she picked me up the following morning.

I managed to fall asleep that night, but was tugged awake the next morning by mom with Kathleen at her side. Before I was fully awake, mom had pulled back the bed covers and was unbuttoning my pajama bottoms indicating that at Kathleen's request, she was going to spank me on the bare bottom. I remember the huge embarasment and mom slid my pajama bottoms off, baring me from the waist down. Then just as quickly, I was over mom's lap getting spanked. Having never been spanked bare before, the extra pain was quite a shock.

On the drive home, mom discussed the spanking with me and when I admitted it had hurt much more on the bare bottom, she nodded in agreement, explaining that Kathleen had spanked her two sons (already grown) the same way. Mom added that my dad had been spanked bare as a boy also and that she now intended to do the same with me.

Mom has spanked me on the bare bottom since and now uses a hairbrush. While it is more embarassing and hurts more, I admit that it does me more good this way.
 


 
From:    d...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Spanking
Date:    Thu, 20 Dec 2001

Hello. I am fifteen years old and I want to express my opinion regarding spanking children.

I never thought someone would have to read a website full of information on discipline to learn how to correctly spank a child. It's insane. Listing all the implements, positions, strategies.... I was appalled.

I used to think that once I was married and had children I would most definitely spank them, but very rarely. But I was soo turned off by the feedback from other people explaining their experiences so in detail and all of the pictures meant to be funny i suppose, that I am really not sure if i want spanking as an option anymore.

I was most definitely spanked as a child. Many images in my head which it hurts to recall. I remember a whole year after one, I wanted to cry every time I thought about it.

Let me just say that when you hit a kid with a belt... it is not called a "spanking." That, ladies and gentlemen, is a beating, and noone should think about hitting their kids with a belt for minor offenses. Half of the time, no no.... 75 percent of the time, i had NO IDEA what I was getting hit for.

It is not right to spank a kid because the OTHER child is crying and you ASSUME it is their fault. And also, anyone who chooses to spank their children in front of their friends, family, and other people are really cruel. It is so extremely embarrassing, and just makes the child form a terrible disliking to any form of discipline and their parents.

It would be nice to explain why a child is getting a spanking. If they understand, wonderful. I was always hit out of anger, most of the time, and didn't see why I should be punished.

And one more thing, before this site........ i had absolutely no clue that spanking teenagers was even an option! And why teenagers would be sad because they WANT spankings and don't get any! AH! I was disturbed when reading the feedback with people saying how they are in college, or in their 20s, IN THEIR 2Os, still getting spankings. I have never heard of that. That is so extremely strange.

I am sorry if anything I said offends anyone, i am merely speaking my mind.

Supposedly, according to my parents, and turned out great or something, and am their best child. (thought they deny EVER laying a hand on me)

Well, though they may say I am a good kid, whether it be due to spankings or not, i have deeep emotional scars and it even brings me to tears at some moments.

That's all I wanted to say.

I think, spanking from maybe age 3 to possibly 9 is sufficient. There are other ways to discipline kids or to make people understand.

Also, people referring to the scripture in the Bible speaking of the ROD.. it compares parents to loving sheperds. And the sheperd's rod was used to gently direct the sheep when one or two would stray from the flock. They didn't beat the poor lambs with it, they steered them in the right direction. Just thought the parents who refer to those scriptures should know that.
 


 
From:    m...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Wed, 19 Dec 2001

Thank you for your website. It provides support for those of us who choose to spank our children. I was spanked as a child by both of my parents. It was the main form of punishment and was very memorable. I grew up in the 1970s and in those days, everyone was spanked or smacked by their parents. My father spanked me with his belt, for different lengths of time depending on what I had done. It was bare bottomed and it did not matter who was in our house. If I was naughty, I paid the price, or rather my bottom did.

My mother usually used a hairbrush, usually on my bare bottom. Sometimes she smacked my hand with a slipper or wooden spoon. In public she smacked my hand or clothed bottom with her hand.

My husband was spanked by his father with a belt.

Today my husband and I have 3 children and we too use spanking as our main form of punishment for our (usually well behaved) children. Disobedience and cheek are not tolerated.

We spank bare bottomed with a wooden ping pong paddle, never in public and usually they get 2-3 spanks per year of age. So my 9 year old gets around 20, the 7 year old gets around 15 and the 6 year old gets 12. It is quick retribution and it works.

Thanks again for your support

Our methods are frowned upon by some but our children don't usually need to be told to do something twice.
 


 
From:    w...@lineone.net
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Spanking
Date:    Sun, 9 Dec 2001

I came across your site as a sequence of accidents that started, oddly enough, with research into the Russian revolution! Anyway, it's a good site. What I noticed was that the hairbrush technique was different to my experience. I was only smacked once with the brush, and then it was with the bristles. It stang like mad and hurt for some time afterwards. Is this unheard of?

Apart from that, my experience tells me that spankings are very random. Sometimes I just got a light smack on my jeans on the spot. Other times, I had to stand in the corner before the smacking and then take it bare-bottomed. All proper smackings were bare bottomed for me. It was more embarrasing, especially if the trousers and underpants were off, too. The more clothes I had removed the more effective it was. One earlier comment from last December notes how in boys (I am one) the scrotum dangled in a way that felt vulnerable. This certainly takes you down a peg.

My biggest spanking came when I was 9. I broke a window half deliberately (through a stone slightly harder than I should have) in irritation, something I did not usually do. My parents explained why I had to punished. I was only wearing shorts, t-shirt and socks at the time, so this time I received the smacking totally naked. Usually it was naked below the waist- having the socks removed also makes you feel vulnerable and embarrased. It certainly shut me up. Afterwards I had to stand in the corner for ten minutes bare-bottomed. If I had done something that humiliated another person I took the smacking and cornertime in front of them if they wished. Then I got my clothes back and the whole thing was left in the past.

It was always with a hand. I do not regard it as abuse, only discipline. I was spanked fairly infrequently, too. This made the ritual of having your trousers and underwear pulled down more humiliating because I never got used to it. I was rarely allowed to choose a punishment- if I had it would not really have been punishment.
 


 
From:    disciplinarian_dad@hotmail.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: balance
Date:    Tue, 04 Dec 2001

Note: this letter is not anonymized by special request.

I have just read the article about balance and would like to offer some comments. I do agree that minor punishment should certainly outweigh severe punishment, but I think that getting too scientific about it misses the point that parenting is not so much a science as it is an art.

I have observed many parents, in stores or other public places, whose children are "acting up" in some way (at least the parent considers it that) when, in reality, they are just being kids! I have seen mothers and fathers exasperated, frazzeled and making dire threats of "time outs" or other kinds of punishment (most of them are afraid to say the word "spank" in a public place for fear of being stoned) when they could very easily have stopped the situation by simply picking the child up, giving them a hug and a kiss and saying "I love you and as soon as I am finished standing in this line, we can talk about what you want." Please feel free to put your own statement in my quotes. My point is that parents expect kids to act like miniature adults and they forget that they are kids. Kids are driven by seeking immediate gratification ,for one thing, and it is a delicate task to teach them that is not how the world functions.

Many of the "minor" punishments are, in my own opinion, totally unnecessary if only the adult would learn to think like a child instead expecting the reverse. I have already written about my own use of spanking and I would be happy to discuss this, or other subjects, in email.
 


 
From:    v...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: 18 and still spanked
Date:    Mon, 3 Dec 2001

Hi. I found your website a few months ago and I just wanted to say thanks. I was spanked as a child from the ages of 3 to 13. I was spanked on my bare bottom over my mom's lap, and mom would take down my panties and always spank with her hand until my bottom was red and she decided I had had enough. I got my last spanking on the day of my 13th birthday. She said that I was finally a teenager and that I was too old for spankings anymore. She gave me a "birthday spanking", and it wasn't by all means a joke, just a reminder that I was to still follow the rules and I would still be punished, just not by spankings. I was mostly grounded. I didn't like getting grounded. It made me feel hurt and mostly frustrated.

When I found your website and saw all the older teenagers that felt the same way, I realized I had to do something. My grades in school were slipping, and now that I'm in college that is no laughing matter. My mom didn't even think of punishing me anymore. Finally, we had a long talk. I showed her your website and she agreed. I was to be spanked again, and I would continue to be as long as I lived in her house.

About two hours ago, mom made me go to my room and wait for her. Then she came in and put me over my lap. She flipped up my skirt and pulled down my panties just like she always did as a child. She spanked me with her hand for a long time, and it brought me to tears. Then she added a paddle, because she said I was older now, and a hand spanking was not enough. She paddled me until I was crying hard. Then she let me up, hugged me, and told me to sit in the corner until i had calmed down. The last part of my punishment was to write to you, thanking you for bringing us closer together. So here I am, at my computer, sitting with a sore butt, writing an email. Thank you very much. I'd also like to talk to other teenagers and young adults who are still spanked at home. Is there a group that makes this possible?
 


 
From:    s...@haefft.de
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: How we spank
Date:    Sun, 02 Dec 2001

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have read your site for some months with much interest. In my opinion, such sites are very important for parents who have decided to spank their children. And, as you pointed out on your site, there are many parents all around the world who do so. You help to prevent any sort of abusive spanking and, thus, to create an atmosphere in which spanking is carried out with love, an atmosphere which is unfortunately very rare.

I have got two daughters, one now aged 7 years, the other 4 years. When my wife and I got our first child, we agreed to use spanking as a way of disciplining our children. But we also agreed to use it only as an ultima ratio if any other measure should not work. Of course we did not use spanking when our children were under two years old, especially since it was not necessary. But as the two became older, they misbehaved more and it was not enough to tell them they should stop. Consequently, my wife and I started to use force in order to discipline our daughters. At the begin, it was enough to give them a fast smack on their hands or their bottoms. This worked until they were about three years old. I suppose that children get a stronger will from that age on and then, they try to do what comes in their mind. But this, I am afraid, includes actions being dangerous for either themselves or others. So we started to spank our children when they misbehaved in any more serious way.

We have always followed the same procedure since that time and today reading your site I can see that we did right. When one of our children is going to misbehave seriously we tell her she will receive a spanking if she continues. Most times, this is enough we have to do. If she does not listen to us and misbehaves, either my wife or I take her to an other room, which is almost always her bedroom, to make sure that the spanking is carried out in private. Then she is asked why she will be spanked and we explain it to her, so she really understands it. This being done, her trousers and her underwear are taken to her ankles or, when she wears a dress or skirt, the skirt is turned up and the underwear is removed completely. After that she is turned over her parent‘s lap the parent being seated on a bed or couch or, if these should not be available, on a chair. She always gets so many slaps until she really cries. Then she gets one or two more and then the spanking is ended. We always hug her and hold her on our arm until she has calmed down. Then we leave the room in which the spanking has been administered and she has to stay her for up to ten minutes sitting bare-bottomed on a chair and not being allowed to rub. The time being gone, we come to her again and put her cloths on again. When we leave the room with her, "the bill has been paid". The spanking will not be mentioned any more nor the offence having caused it. Both our two daughters know that and I am sure that this system allows us to live happily together.

(...)
 


 
From:    e...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (no subject)
Date:    Sat, 1 Dec 2001

i found your site while looking up research on spankings and i am impressed with what i found. Your site has a lot of useful information on it and it was interesting to see the techniques and positions. i always thought over the knee and over the lap was the same thing. i think that spankings are a good form of punishment and should be administered as long as needed as agreed by parent and child. i live at home and at eighteen, recently got a spanking on my bare bottom with a ping pong paddle (minus the ball). it hurt quite a bit and made my bottom very red and hard to sit on but it was needed and it helped my behavior. spankings help get the point across better than a warning or restriction. congrats on making a site where good bottom warmings aren't condemned. please e-mail me with any suggestions on how to continue getting spanked rather than grounded. should i talk to my parents or what?

thanks
 


 



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Last update: Jan-04-2001