
Finding balance
This chapter is on how parents can balance reward and punishment,
and the various degrees of punishment, in a way that is fair,
appropriate and effective.
Human behavior can be roughly represented by a
bell curve.
Individual acts of behavior range from the very good to
the very bad, but the probability of the extremes will usually
be much lower than the probability of the middle (neutral) ground.
The same is true for the behavior of children. We can call
the center area of the bell curve the "neutral zone". To the
left of it are the "good acts" that deserve encouragement and
reward, and to the right of it are the "bad acts" that deserve
discouragement and punishment.
Generally, the more severe an offense is, the higher the
punishment should be. From the shape of the bell curve you
can see that minor offenses will be much more
frequent than major offenses. Consequently, light punishments
should be much more frequent than harder punishments.
The spectrum of punishments available for parents ranges from verbal
correction (scolding) to time-outs, corner time, restriction, extra
chores, removal of privileges, etc. etc., up to corporal punishment
(spankings). Spankings are typically used for the most serious of
offenses, so to correspond with the bell curve of bahavior, spankings
should be pretty unfrequent events, compared to milder consequences.
It has been suggested that an appropriate balance of the frequency
vs. severity of punishments could be (approximately):
- 4 verbal corrections for 1 light punishment
- 4 light punishments for 1 medium punishment
- 4 medium punishments for 1 hard punishment
According to this table, there should be 64 verbal corrections
(on average) for one hard punishment. These numbers are of course
not to be taken literally, but you see the point. If spankings are
an almost daily routine in your family, something is out of
balance.
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Last update: Aug-31-2004 |
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