Reader's feedback, Oct 2003


Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...) indicate deleted portions.

Some people request non-anonymization to allow other readers to send them feedback. If you want to reply to these people, please send your reply to the email address in the header of their mail, not to spankwithlove@hotmail.com. Thanks!
 


 
From:    c...@wmconnect.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (no subject)
Date:    Fri, 31 Oct 2003

I am 34 years old. I was adopted and my adopted parents spanked me. alot of the times I got spanked with there hand or a paddle and most of the time they turned me over there knee and pulled my long pants and panies down and I got spanked on my bare butt. They spanked me maybe 2 times with my pants up. It wa s always with my long pants and panies down turned over there knee and most of the time I got 10 to 20 spanks on my bare butt. And they were hard spanks on my bare butt. by the time they was done my bare butt was on fire. I got spanked up intill I was 13 years old maybe a little older. I never was spanked with a belt but there was times I needed spanked on my bare butt over there knee with the belt. I was a strong willed chid so I deserved to be spanked on my bare butt. I have found my biolodgical parents and my biolodgical Mom spanked my sister once. My biolodgical Dad raised my biological sister and brother and my biolodgical Dad and I was talking one time when I was home in Arkansas and I told him how strong willed I was as a child and how I got spanked alot. And my bioldgical Dad said I would have gotten turned over his knee and my pants would have been pulled down and I would have been spanked with the his paddle or he would have unbuckled his belt and taken it off and turned me over his knee and my long pants and panties would have been pulled down and my bare butt would have been spanked 10 to 20 times to. I don't have kids but when I do I will spank my kids when they misbehave and every time they misbehave with a belt, paddle or a stick. I believe in spanking your kids. And I am a christian and I know the Lord as my personal savior and I believe in the Bible and I believe the Bible when it says to spare the rode and spoil the child. That means spank your kids when they misbehave. And I think the schools should be able to spank kids to when they misbehave. I think the schools would be better if they could spank kids in school now days when they misbehave. Spanking your kids is a good thing when you do it with love and you should make sure they know why they are getting spanked. And spank your kids with love. They will learn to respect you when they get older. I think kids should be spank for bad grades and any other time they misbehave. Don't beat them but spank your kids when they misbehave. If we all spank our kids or got spanked when we was kids the world would be a better place today. If kids got spanked with there long pants and panties down with a belt ,paddle or a stick the world would be a better place The kids these days need to be spanked . Thanks
 


 
From:    g...@socialist.zzn.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Flyswatter
Date:    Wed, 29 Oct 2003

Hi,

Have you ever thought of putting up the flyswatter on your implements list. It's commonly used in my area.

Thanks,
 


 
From:    m...@sbcglobal.net
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: help
Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 2003

hi I'm 13 and I feel I need a good swat on the butt, my parents feel that there is no need for this. I have no friends to do It (well at least non loyal enough any way). and I really have done alot of bad stuff. and if I ask my parents to they will think I'm crazy!!! any advice?

Please Post!

(...)

please someone answer fast I'm going out of my mind here
 


 
From:    f...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Sat, 25 Oct 2003

dear sir,

im a 11 year old girl my parent spanked me when i was younger but they dont anymore,and when they did it did not hurt it was on fully clothed bottom. but i now have a uncontrollable mouth and attitude i want them to spank me again and this time whenever i do some thing bad and on a bare bottom please e mail me back on how to ask them to start

p.s great web site
 


 
From:    g...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: spanking
Date:    Sat, 25 Oct 2003

I am 13 years old and my parents spank me. I resented it when i was younger because i didn't understand why they would hit me if they said they loved me. After many years of not doing anything wrong and not being punished, i started to get out of hand again. I wasn't doing things that were all that bad... yet. but i knew that i might be getting worse and i didn't want to be yelled at or grounded when it did. that's when i talked to my parents about spanking. First i did some research and found your site. It helped me a lot. Then i talked to my parents.

The first thing i told them was that i'm not crazy. I told then that i don't need a counselor and not to worry about me. I wasn't happy with their method of punishment (my brother had gotten into lots of screaming fights with my mom and had ended up getting arrested) and that i thought something different would work better for me. I told them about your website and how i thought spanking would work better now because i understood why they did it. I told them to look at spank with love and talk about it. They did and came back to me saying that we would try it. We talked about how and when it would happen.

Now whenever i do anything wrong i have the choice between a certain amount of time of being grounded or a spanking. I almost always choose the spanking. I go to my room to get ready and then my mom comes in. She sits on my bed and i pull down my pants (we decided to do it on my underwear, always). She puts me across her lap and spanks me with her hand. I get about 40-50 spanks. We agreed that that was a good number. If i do something really bad she spanks me about 30 times with her hand and 20 times with a hairbrush. We didn't have a good one so we went together to get a good "spanking brush." after we're done she hugs me and then leaves me in my room to compose myself. When i'm ready i go downstairs and apologize. We cuddle and tell each other "i love you."

This works really well for all of us. When we were talking about how to do it we addressed: position, number of spanks, on what, and impliment. They wanted to do it with the hand on bare bottom but i came up with the idea of hairbrush on panties. Sometimes i just get the hairbrush about 25 times because it hurts my mom's hand to spank. we agreed on a 6-month trial period. If my behavior seemed to be improving over six months then we would continue. We were both comfortable and i was getting better so i've been spanked ever since. We love each other and understand what i've done wrong, why i was punished, and that we all love each other. Spanking works really well in my house and nobody is abused. (ps. please do not put my e-mail online).
 


 
From:    j...@yahoo.ca
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: spanking
Date:    Wed, 22 Oct 2003

Hello. I have a rather strange request. I'm ten years old and I found your website while doing a science project on expansion. I typed in expansion and your site came up for some reason. But then I started reading your website and thought you might be able to help me.

Me and my mother live alone. My dad left a few years ago and haven't heard from him since. Ever since my dad left my mom began spanking me. If I get in trouble during the day I get it over her knee. If it's before bed I get it with my legs up.

So here's my problem. My mom spanks me with my pants pulled down. But she leaves my underwear up. Right now I wear briefs. And my friends make fun of me in school. I've asked my mom if I could change to boxers because of this. She says no. And the reason is because she doesn't want to spank me with boxers on. Does this make sense? If you could give me some ideas it'd really help.

Thanks.

(from Canada)
 


 
From:    t...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Teenage view on spanking
Date:    Wed, 22 Oct 2003

My name is A(...) and I have to take issue with your advice on spanking positions. You reccomend the over-the-knee position most. I am 14 years old. I believe in spanking, but when my mom or dad puts me over their lap, I feel too childish. I would prefer to kneel over a desk during my s panking -- it feels less like I am a child.

I told my parents this, and recorded it in our spanking diary. I'm glad they honored my wishes. The next time I misbehaved, they told me that I can chose any position I wanted. They even sent me to my room and told me that I had as much time as I wanted to figure out what position and where I wanted to be spanked. I chose a desk. I took off my jeans and undies and called down to my parents to inform them I was ready. Now, I feel respected and mature that I can be spanked with dignity.

A(...)
 


 
From:    t...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (no subject)
Date:    Wed, 22 Oct 2003

Your website admonishes to spank in private, away from the prying eyes of others. Yet I encountered a challenge in that we live in a small house, and the sounds of spanking could be heard by others. I'm wondering if any of your readers encounter this problem, as well.

Although I do not have to often discipline my 12 and 14-year olds (normally once every month), the sound of slapping the buttocks could be heard throughout the house, and I do not wish to embarass my daughters.
 


 
From:    f...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: parents
Date:    Tue, 21 Oct 2003

Im currently 13 my parents stopped spanking me when i was 10. When I asked them to start again they grounded me for 3 weeks can you help me convince them.

(in another mail, dated October 24, 2003)

Hello SWD,

No need to write me back. As I said before im 13 and my parents stopped spanking me when i was about 10. I was reading you site on the page off topic:how to get your parents to spank you. I read some of the stories about how some kids got their parents to spank them well i did wut one person did which is to get a sibiling to do it i have two siblings my sister, 17 a sophmore and high school and a brother 22 who is in college i asked my sister about it she said yes she would. We made a list of things that i would be spanked for mainly cursing which i have a major problem with and other things i have been spanked twice by her the fist time 40 slaps with her hand the second time 20 slaps with a hairbrush. the first time i was in the bed position with a jock strap on but the second time she made the point that we were faimly so i was bare. I notice my cursing has reduced a little bit. Thank you for your great site. please do not post my email adress on your site, thanks.
 


 
From:    b...@ntcnet.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: asking over the age of consent
Date:    Fri, 17 Oct 2003

Dear friends

is it completely inappropriate to show this website to my dad, even though i am over the age of consent. i was spanked growing up, and i assure you, it kept me focused and behaved. Now that i am out of the house for a while, I am slipping into some VERY bad habits, and think there are times when a real spanking would do me a world of good. Would love any advice here. I feel that just because you reach a certain age, should not matter. what works, works.....and spanking has always worked for me. It was done with love and concern, but it was done soundly and very thorough. Dad always spanked bare fanny and over the knee, until tears flowed and legs were pumping pretty hard. You never slacked of after a good spanking. Now that i am a young adult, i still feel it would benefit. So, what do you think, Should I show the "how do I get my parents to spank me" page or not. I will feel better if i could get some feedback. Thanks
 


 
From:    j...@mail.uri.edu
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Sat, 18 Oct 2003

As a child growing up, I was spanked for both minor and serious infractions. Spanking were always given by a male authority figure for purposes of modesty.

Until 11 or 12 spankings usually were administered by hand to my buttocks, usually 10 to 12 swats. Once into my teen years spankings were usually given on my bare buttocks using a paddle or belt, and most of the time i was bent over a chair or laying on the bed with a pillow to support my middle area. I generally got spanked about once every month or two through high school.

On occassion when my Dad was the male giving the spanking, he would take me across his lap and give me a paddling. I remeber one night he caught me smoking, I had turned just turned 18 about a month before. He told me that I was going to be spanked for smoking in his house. I didn't resist, and even though I was 18 I knew that a spanking was called for. I went to my room where I changed into a plaid bottun down flannel shirt and blue jeans. He always wanted me to be comfortable during the spanking, so that was the reason for the flannel shirt.

I went into his study where he had the chair positioned in the middle of the room. Without being told I assumed position, pulling my pants to my knees and allowing him to put me over his lap. I always had my shirt on, and he allowed me to cover my genitals with the flannel shirt for purposes of modesty. I remember the spanking hurt very much, but it was a good lesson and I'm glad he gave me that spanking.
 


 
From:    m...@amserve.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: teenage spanking
Date:    15 Oct 2003

my parents had stopped spanking me by the age of twelve. for a few years i was well behaved, and i left school with good g.c.e. passes however once i started going to work my attitude changed.

i began to stay out late, and i started to drink under age. eventually my parents pulled me up about the situation. my mother was upset as she could see me ending up in court. mum and dad spent all day talking to me about my behaviour.

i began to feel bad about it all, and appologised to them. i promised to change my ways. mum said that she was glad that i was seeing sense. i asked if they were going to punish me. there was a discussion about this, and it was decided that they would both give me a spanking.

i was told to go to my room and strip off, then wait until dad came up to me. he came upstairs after half an hour. he told me to bend over the back of a chair, and hit me eight times with a leather strap. by the end of this spanking i was crying. i was seventeen years of age. mum came into the room. she asked if i was learning my lesson. i said that i was, then mum gave me another eight with the strap. i was in pain for a couple of hours after, but the most important lesson was that i had been taken down a peg.

we discussed the punishment a week later, and mum told me that she wanted to keep the strap as a punishment for me in future.
 


 
From:    garypj4b@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Reader feedback
Date:    Tue, 14 Oct 2003

(Note: this mail is not anonymized on special request.)

Hello, a friend introduced me to your great site and I've been reading over it. The reader feedback is of particular interest to me, to see what others think, and how they are addressing this often sensitive topic.

Like the reader whose July 28 and July 30 letters you printed, I found particularly interesting the letters from the young man who took the initiative to ask for a spanking, and subsequently received "maintenance spankings" from his dad. Though it's clear from your response to the July reader that you disagree with the practice, I must say based on my own experience, that I'm glad to see that parents are still considering this controversial but potentially effective parenting tool. It's not for everyone, but as we well know, there is no "one size fits all" approach to parental discipline. That's why a site such as yours is so useful, as a forum to discuss and explore the possibilities, and find solutions that work for each family.

Like the gentleman who wrote in, the subject of discipline was sometimes discussed between my own dad and his best friend (who had a son about my age, 16 at the time). There were no Internet sites or discussion groups. Parents sought advice and support from one another. At his friend's recommendation, my dad put me on a program of "maintenance spankings". When he first mentioned the subject, I thought it was outrageous--spankings for "nothing"? How is that possible? Yet, in my heart I knew that he had always put my best interests first. More importantly, I knew that these spankings would not be "for nothing". Like most teens, as my age advanced, I was afforded more freedom and less direct oversight. That's important to allow a child (teenager) to grow and learn life skills which will eventually lead to independence. But it also offers many opportunities for misbehavior--sometimes serious misbehavior. I'd be ashamed to admit the sometimes impetuous, stupid, and even dangerous things that I did. I wasn't a "bad" kid, even. I was a typical teenage boy, perhaps better-behaved than most, due to loving and consistent discipline, but I still did plenty wrong. My friends, being even more the typical teenage boys, often led me astray. And plenty of times I did stupid things on my own. The fact that I didn't get caught for my misdeeds didn't make them any less serious or less frequent. By age 16, I was getting spanked infrequently. My grades were good, and my dad didn't know what I was up to when I was outside the house, so it was pretty smooth sailing. It was easy--especially for my teenage mind--to forget how unpleasant the consequences of misbehavior could be. Add to that the impulsive nature of teenagers, and perhaps you can see that prospect of spanking became less of a deterrent than it once was. The maintenance spankings changed all that. There may have been one or two times that I got one that I didn't "deserve" in that time period, but given all the other times that I should have gotten a spanking and didn't, I have to say that the balance was more than in my favor. More importantly, it reminded me of what could and would happen if I got caught. Any punishments for misdeeds were in addition to the "maintenance" spankings, certainly not something that I looked forward to!

The defining moment for me, was when I came within a hair's breadth of shoplifting. I'd never seriously considered shoplifting before, but the item in question was just too tempting. I'd mulled it over and came SO close to slipping it into my shopping bag. I didn't think (at the time anyway) of being arrested. What did stop me, just barely, was knowing what would happen when I got home, if I'd gotten caught. And I would have gotten caught. What seemed like the "perfect crime" at 16, I realize now would have been disastrous and had long-term repercussions on my life--effects far worse than a spanking! I get the sweats just thinking about how close I came. If I hadn't had the last "maintenance spanking" fresh in my mind, I surely would have taken a different path.

In addition to that experience, I have to realize in retrospect that maintenance spankings were good for maintaining my attitude. I'd started to slip, becoming sassy and rebellious as teenagers do. There may not have been a single incident that rose to the level of "punishable offense", but did that mean that the larger body of behavior should be tolerated? Certainly not! My dad made it clear that he respected my right to assert myself, to learn independence, but I was to do so respectfully. The maintenance spankings helped me to remember that.

I know you probably still don't agree with me, and that's fine. I respect your views and your right to express them. But I was dismayed to see that the dad was "ashamed" after reading your response. I believe that, like my dad, he wants what is best for his son. Whether this is the right approach for him and his son, is a decision that only he can make. I hope that you'll print my letter, so he can see that there are two sides to this issue. If you're okay with it, I'd like for you to forward this letter to him (or at the least print my email address so he can contact me if he wants). I'd be happy to answer any of his questions.

I know this is letter is very long already, but I must also comment on your comparison of parenting to the judicial system. Your point makes sense on the surface, but there are more differences than similarities between parenting and the judicial system. The most pertinent here, is that parents have an opportunity and a responsibility to tailor their approach to a single individual, their child. They may also be called upon to do things that wouldn't make sense in a judicial setting, but make perfect sense for rearing a child.

I agree that the dad shouldn't have broken his agreement with his son (that sets a very bad example), but I have a problem with the whole idea of creating an "agreement" to begin with. The parent is the responsible party, and they must do what they feel is appropriate for raising their child. I think it's great that parents want to involve their children, but they shouldn't abdicate authority or responsibility in the process. The child is not in a position to know what's best for him--that's the parent's job. So I think that even though he went about it wrong, the dad did what he felt was appropriate. I also think he did the right thing in setting his son down and explaining what would happen.

I apologize for the length of this letter, but I do hope you'll print it. It's truly form the heart and from my own experience.
 


 
From:    s...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: "How do I get..."
Date:    Mon, 13 Oct 2003

Hi again! I'm still reading through your site, and had some comments and suggestions regarding the "How can I get my parents to spank me?" topic. I think most teenagers can benefit from spanking, and it offers very real advantages to both the teen and parent alike--but I was surprised (and impressed) to see this issue addressed. I think that those who do ask their parents to exercise this option, show great maturity. It takes a deep understanding of what they need to shape their lives, and a great respect for their parents that they're presenting an option that may be beneficial to everyone. The parents may even have wanted to use spanking, but feared that it wouldn't be effective or appropriate for a teen. In taking the lead on this, teens can make the difficult job of their parents a bit easier, by opening up a time-proven and effective option.

One reader made an especially good point, that the spanking should be equivalent or slightly greater in deterrent value to a grounding or other punishment. There will always be some who may present this option to their parents, expecting that spanking won't amount to much, and they'll get off easier. To that end, I would suggest what might at first seem like a radical idea, but one which I feel is well-founded. I think that when this subject is explored, there should be a "test run". Whether a punishment is otherwise due or not, I think it's important--especially if it has been a year or more since the last spanking was administered--for the teen to have a good idea of what to expect. To be truly useful, it would have to be realistic. I would suggest offering a sample scenario--one which would merit a strong punishment, such as wrecking the family car due to careless driving--and right then and there, administering an appropriate punishment. The pants come down, the implements are brought out, the spanking is administered exactly as it would be had the family car actually been wrecked--yes even if it means that the teen won't be able to sit comfortably for a few days! This would serve to educate the teen about their decision (some parents may allow the teen to opt-out at this point, while others may hold them to their decision). It may also help both parent and teen adjust psychologically to the new arrangement. If the teen has grown considerably since their last spanking, this would also be a good opportunity to explore how different positions and possibly even different implements might work best at this time. I'd recommend having an assortment of implements laid out for this purpose, and also have on hand a stool and different sizes/shapes of chairs to try different positioning options.

If it's done right, I think this could be a very educational experience for all involved; it could impress upon the parents that their teen is serious about their choice; and it very likely would even bring them closer together!

I must also comment on two points presented by your readers, about how to deal with multiple infractions. One suggested that multiple infractions should be addressed with a single spanking. Another reader insists that the "demerit" system doesn't work. I agree that the "demerit" system is flawed (for the reasons stated), and I'm generally opposed to any "one punishment for multiple infractions" approach. I think that each infraction merits its own punishment, especially when the infractions are serious. In the case of two or more serious infractions, it's not possible to administer a single punishment that sufficiently covers each, without running the risk of abuse. I think the answer is obvious: administer a spanking for the most serious infraction right away, and schedule (as far ahead as necessary) additional punishments for the remaining infractions. Depending on the intensity of each spanking, these may be scheduled on consecutive days, or perhaps spaced several days apart. Most families have a calendar hanging in the kitchen, which is ideal for keeping track of these scheduled spankings. Keep a red felt-tipped pen handy to jot down a brief note for each day. That way, the child will also be able to keep track of what they have coming. If the infraction is something that's an ongoing issue--such as a bad attitude toward the parents--I'd suggest even that a regimen of "maintenance spankings", perhaps once a week, are in order. Again, the calendar can be very handy for keeping track of these events.
 


 
From:    s...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Birthday spankings
Date:    Mon, 13 Oct 2003

Hi, I just discovered your site, and I think it's fantastic! I've never seen such a well-presented, thorough, and even-tempered site on this subject. I still have much more to read, but I just came across the section that covered birthday spankings and wanted to share my experience. Like many others, I received "birthday spankings", but mine were a bit different. My Dad believed that spankings were good for many purposes: the obvious purpose of punishment and behavior correction, but also to build character, to maintain order in the household ("maintenance" spankings to remind me "who's boss" as he would put it), and to mark milestones. My birthday spankings were certainly more ceremonial and playful in tone than punishments I received, but since they were to mark an important milestone, Dad felt that it should be something that I'd feel (and thus remember) more than the light pats that often given as "birthday spankings". As the years progressed, and the count went higher, I more and more often had a pretty sore bottom on my birthday! But it was done with such loving intent and lighthearted nature, I couldn't complain--in fact, I felt proud to mark my special day in this way. I took it as a kind of rite of passage.

Usually my birthday spankings involved just me, my Dad, and sometimes a few close family members. They'd tease and joke with me about the impending spanking, and it was smiles and laughter all around as I rubbed my sore bottom afterwards.

The most memorable was on my 13th birthday. Less than a year prior, my Dad had finally settled a long-simmering dispute over how I should receive my spankings. Dad believed that I should have my pants taken down (as he always had growing up), but my Mom was against it. Dad finally won, and vowed from that moment on, that all spankings--big or small--would be on the bare bottom! It never occurred to me, until my next birthday came around, that this rule would apply to "birthday spankings"! Everyone had gathered around before my official birthday party (which would be later that afternoon), and I took quite a bit of good-natured ribbing, more than usual. There was quite a hubub and speculation that I'd really get it good, to mark my entry into my teens. Others commented that it would be a good introduction to what was to come. As one of my uncles commented, his boys started needing "maintenance spankings" around that age, and I probably would too. The adults had cleared a space on the dining table (I was usually bent over the table for my birthday spankings), and Dad had set out a couple of his favorite paddles. Dad cheerfully announced that it was time for my spanking, then stepped to my side and told me to pull down my pants and underwear. I know my face must have turned even redder than my bottom later would be, and I think time stopped! Everyone present had seen me get spanked with my pants down on at least one occasion, some of them more--so they wouldn't be seeing anything that they hadn't already--but I was mortified just the same. Dad gave me a moment to regain my composure, as I was literally shaking; my usual bravado about birthday spankings had faltered. Then he put his arm around my shoulder, and spoke to me softly and lovingly, reminding me of why were all here. He said that there's nothing to be embarrassed about, and reminded me that this is a celebration, a milestone, and everyone was there to support me and wish me well in the next year of my life. After a moment, I dropped my pants and pulled down my briefs--all the way to the ankles, as usual--and Dad began. Everyone counted off the years, as they were applied in super-hot paddle strokes to my bare bottom. My bottom was hot and stinging pretty good by the time he was done! I remained bent over for a moment, then stood and pulled up my pants. Everyone cheered, and rushed over to congratulate me, and tell me how proud they were of me. My Dad hugged me and told me "Son, you're going to make a fine young man." I have to say, it was the best birthday ever! And I stood through my whole party! :)
 


 
From:    c...@yahoo.co.uk
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: An interesting technicke
Date:    Mon, 13 Oct 2003

Dear SWL!

I am a 22 year old university student studying in a large European city. I live with a family, the father was my father's friend, and I am paying the rent. So I'm more than a simple tenant, I have a good relation to every member of the family but far from being a family member. I live at this place for three years.

To the point. This family has two boys, now age 17 and 15. The spanking technike is quite peculiar: Spanking is done in the evening, arund 10 'o clock, just before bedtime. The boy to be spanked goes to have a shower, turns the tap on, after a half a minuite the father goes in (the lock is broken for a decade). The boy goes to the other side of the bathtub, leans slightly against the wall, with the hands touching the wall. Then the spanking begins, ends shortly, the father comes out, the child finishes the shower, and when he comes out, he is hugged, and welcomed back to the family. Once I overheard the operation, and cautiously touched upon the subject. they said, that theis way the child is less humiliated, than if he is over the lap, and more convinient, because the child does not have to be bared extra.

On the question is modesty, the father said, the child was not over-modest at all. When he was growing up, they tried to find a position where he was more covered, but seemed to be ineffective or inconvinient, so the child said, they can stick with the old method. By the way, he is rarely spanked, once inevery two months, or so.

I was puzzled, i must say, but then again, the children really are not really modest. We go to the same sminning pool, and we often run into each other at the locker room. They are not exibitionists, don't get me wrong, but having to bare themselves before others is not a problem. In the shower, (which is not even a stall shower, but a square room, with taps on the side) they are laughting around with their friends, go to the men's sauna with only a towel, foolnig around the locker room half-naked, and so on.

Maybee the issue of spanking on the bare or not is only a question when the children are too modest, and the punishment is not given by a same-sex parent. or when having to bare oneself is associated only with sex. But what is your opinion? Is the spanking of teenagers this way something wrong?

I would not have written, have they not tried to pass a law, containing that spanking is is outlawed. The parlament voted against this.

Please post this letter to the rest.

(from former Yugoslavia)
 


 
From:    t...@msn.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Personal Experience
Date:    Fri, 10 Oct 2003

I am an eleven year old girl. Although I feel no different than any other eleven year old, I am considered "gifted" because of my IQ. I’m currently in the sixth grade and I’m also a sophomore in college. I take night classes and attend summer school at a university working on my undergraduate medical degree. It’s a good arrangement because it allows me to be a normal sixth grader, (hang out with my friends, play sports and such), and it allows me to get intellectually simulated in college.

My father disciplines us by becoming very serious and talking to us very directly. He is very muscular and can be intimidating. He talks, you listen. I knew from a young age that these ‘talking to’s’ are warnings. You are to listen, straighten up and DO not talk back. He is never unreasonable during these ‘talking to’s’ and is just giving us direction. Shortly afterwards he is back to his old self and everything is forgotten. My sister and brother didn’t heed these warnings and a couple of times found themselves at the wrong end of a paddle. I never was dumb enough to push him to that point. I knew he didn’t want to paddle me and I knew he would let me off with a warning if I straiten up.

Well I wasn’t as intelligent as I though. My school grades were never very good. I should get all A’s but never did. My father would talk to me about B’s: and told me to get thing done, take pride in myself and get A’s. I didn’t listen, heck, I was going to college. My last report card I got a C. My dad was mad and even raised his voice during the ‘talking to’. I said the teachers didn’t like me and he never yelled at my siblings for B’s and C’s. To my surprise he didn’t say another word making me feel pretty smart. I told him, ha. The next day I saw him at the school, he was having a conference with my teachers to finding out why they didn’t like me. I knew I was in trouble. The ‘talking to’ I was going to get.

When I got home my father was waiting. He told me to go to my room. I thought he was going to yell at me in private for an hour. Boy was I wrong. He came in a few minutes later with the paddle. I looked at the paddle and was mesmerized by it. I realized that I was soon going to be on the business end of it. My father sat down on my bed and explained that I was going to be paddled because I didn’t do my school work, I was extremely disrespectful to my teachers and mostly, because I fibbed. Things I was warned not to do. He asked me it I agreed. I could not argue, I knew I was completely wrong. I asked (begged) him not to give me my first paddling. He just looked at me and I knew I was going to be feeling the wood soon. He had me undress to just my panties. He then had me stand right next to him by the bed. He asked me softly why I was there. I said, "To get paddled". He looked at me and said, "You’re smarter than that". I replied correctly, "To learn a lesson". I could see in his eyes he didn’t want to paddle me, but as a father had to. He guided me over his knee. It was quite intimidating when my feet left the floor. He then softly but very directly removed my underwear. This baring of my bottom was very important. My private butt was no longer private. I realized then I’ve given my bottom to my father for him to spank. I was a little embarrasses but mostly I was accepting of the fact that I would soon be paddled and taught a lesson. He then positioned me correctly and instructed me to keep my arms and hands away from my butt so they wouldn’t be hit by the paddle. He then set his muscular left arm across my lower back. Any thoughts of struggle were now gone. Finally he set the paddle gently across my butt which gave me a bit of a chuckle. I knew when the paddle returned it would not be so gentle. I was right. I got 13 of his best. When it was done I was a little embarrassed because all you could hear was me cry out load. I don’t know if I ever cried so hard. He returned my underwear and stood me up. He hugged me and left the room for me to reflect.

The point of this long winded story is that I learned a great deal from my encounter with the paddle. But a few thoughts/lessons stick out. First, I will never be paddled again. I fully deserved what I got, but will never be dumb enough to push the rules enough to require another lesson at the end of a paddle. After reading some feedback on your site I am amazed that anyone would need more than a spanking or two. Secondly, I never felt abused, if anything I felt loved during the whole experience. I know when I have children, I will try to reason with them intelligently and give them good examples, but I also know I will have a paddle in the draw when needed.

Regards
 


 
From:    b...@yahoo.co.uk
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: The Cane
Date:    Thu, 9 Oct 2003

Dear SWL,

Like you, I do not advocate the use of the cane. However, it was traditional in UK Schools until a few years ago. Not surprisingly, many parents felt that if schools could use it, so could Mum and Dad. I don’t think that many parents cane today, but there are some that do.

A few years ago, a man in the UK sold canes to needy parents. (He doesn’t now!) He made a very good point when he wrote that parents should administer the cane on the bare bottom. Why? Because if one stroke is allowed to land on top of another, the result is excruciating and is certainly not "spanking with love". It is much better to see where you have already hit and then decide where the next one is going to land.

I think that the same goes for other instruments that concentrate the force in a narrow line rather than spreading it, as with hand, paddle, etc. Straps are very difficult to control and can easily wrap themselves round the body towards the genitals.

(from the UK)
 


 
From:    e...@hotmail.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Issues
Date:    Wed, 08 Oct 2003

I enjoyed reading your website and I believe that you make many good points that more parents should consider as they raise their children. I do have a couple of perspectives however.

(1) It is not necessary for a spanking to be brutally hard. Applying a much larger number of swats, with an appropriate cadence, can cause the appropriate pain and discomfort without the risk of damage. You allude to that point but then talk about 10-15 spanks. I believe that 40-50 swats, well spaced out in terms of timing and location can leave a lasting impression. I have read many times about a child sent to the hospital after receiving two or three brutal swats of a paddle. I have never read about a student going to the hospital after getting a large number of moderate swats. Timing causes the discomfort to rise without severe brusing. The damage is clearly present but the brusing is more contained with many moderate swats.

(2) A carefully selected spanking implement is better than the hand because the child will not associate the parents' hand with punishment. Children shouldn't confuse a pat on the back with a pat a little lower! When I was growing up, one of my friends told me that his father had a razor strop. When his children required discipline, Mr. S(...) told them that they could go cut their own switch or he would use the strop. My friend was 18 years old before he realized that that strop had never been used. The children were so fearful of it that they always cut a switch. (and occasionally Mr. S(...) required them to cut another larger switch if the first one was inadequate.) The slow walk to the orchard and the long walk back, switch in hand, had a humiliating addition to the switching. And let me tell you, the S(...) children were very well behaved.
 


 
From:    nathanb_brandon@hotmail.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Hello
Date:    Wed, 08 Oct 2003

(Note: this mail is not anonymized on special request.)

Hello

My name is Nathan and I thought I'd Contribute to your reader’s feedback page after my dad showed me this site. I'd like to say that I think your site is great its good to know that there are other people my age still getting punished the proper way. Anyways I'm 18 and my brother is 15 my dad has used spanking to discipline us both as long as I can remember. He uses a bath brush which has always been the case always on the bare in our rooms but we wear a jockstrap for modesty. We have to wait in the corner for a wile as well; our mom is there for moral support always. I don’t resent my parents for punishing me in this way I've always just accepted it both my brother and I do well in school and play on rep sports teams. I love my parents and they never spank me in anger. I think spanking is a perfectly fine form of punishment and works very well on teenagers as well as kids. Anyways that my opinion and I thought I'd share it. You don’t have to hide my name or address I'd be glad to talk to other teens that are raised like me, or help anyone wanting to talk to their parents about the way they are punished.

Sincerely Nathan
 


 
From:    d...@webtv.net
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Your Site!
Date:    Wed, 8 Oct 2003

Hello,

I am an investigator with Child-Patrol. I read on your "Whats New" area of your web site "Spank with love", that geocities has deleted your site many times. There is a good reason why they have done it. There are certain internet pedophiles that have "fetishes" involving sadomasachist behavior and corporal punishment of children. The authorities are cracking down on "Pedophile/Related websites". The content of your web site lets "people", learn what to punish with and how. It's also not good (and Illegal), to show pornoraphic images of children, (Including Buttox Region), even if it's a drawing or comic peice. I'm asking you to please remove the artwork showing children being spanked, off your site, please. If you have any questions, please email me, Thank you for your time, and have a safe day.

Investigator G(...)

ID: (...)

Child-Patrol Investigations Unit

child-patrol@websafety.zzn.com

(Note: the images on this website are of course not pornographic. If they were, thousands of children's books and comic books would need to be censored instantaneously because they contain cartoon drawings of bare bottomed child characters, or child characters getting spanked. Secondly, needless to say but this website is of course not "sadomasochist", "fetishist" or "pedophile/related" either. It's a parenting advice website helping to make legal corporal punishment safer, more effective and less traumatic by educating pro-spanking parents. This site is perfectly legal and fully complies with Geocities Terms of Service.)

(Update: A follow-up mail was received dated November 26, 2003:)

I am emailing you to apologise for actions said by one of my Investigators for "Child-Patrol". He was out of line for telling you those false accusations and has been removed from employment with our agency.
 


 
From:    h...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: spanking implements and results
Date:    Wed, 8 Oct 2003

as a young child, i found certain procedures used by my dad made the whole event more impressive and added to the fact of getting a sound spanking something which made one sure he did not want a repeat performance for the misdeed. mother never laid a hand on me and said "wait till your father gets home". the waiting period and knowing my bottom would be on fire soon impressed the fact that what i did wrong i should not repeat as it was not worth the resulting pain. after dinner he told me to go upstairs, get the large plastic hairbrush and wait for him in the bathroom. again the forthcoming spanking was upmost in my mind. when he entered and shut the door he sat on the toilet seat and told me to get my pants down and climb over his knees. i was then instructed to say why was being spanked. then the brush was applied to my bare bottom long and hard tears fell and crying could be heard all over the house. when it ended i was told to go to my room and think about it. as i lay on my tummy rubbing out the fire i knew i would not do my misdeed again.
 


 
From:    a...@gosympatico.ca
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Fri, 3 Oct 2003

Hello. I am a 14 year old girl. I have never been spanked, and I don't know anyone who has been spanked. I am sure that it is not a pleasant experience at all, but maybe I would be better behaved if I was occasionally given a good, sound over the lap spanking on my bare butt. Right now I am just punished with early bedtime and maybe being sent to my room. Also, a lot of times my parents say I have to go to bed early but then they end up giving me a second chance. I have read a lot of the feedback you have on your site and I have noticed that everyone who said they had been spanked has seen a big improvement in their behavior. I think that if I was threatened with a spanking, and then I actually did get one, then I would behave better.

Feel free to post this on your site, and you don't have to anonomize my e-mail address. I would greatly appreciate it if people who read this could send me an email with any advice or comments they have for me. Also, to the people who run the site "spankwithlove" if you have any advice or comments of your own for me I would like it if you sent me an email.

Thanks.

Oh, one more thing. I have a question if anyone cares to answer it. Do you think that standing in the corner after a spanking is appropriate? If so, for how long? What will it do for the person who has to stand in the corner? Thanks again.

(from Canada)
 


 
From:    soozy_queue@hotmail.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Reader's Feedback
Date:    Fri, 03 Oct 2003

(Note: this mail is not anonymized on special request.)

Dear SWL,

With your permission, some thoughts on why mothers make the best spankers of naughty boys.

The younger of my two boys is 14, and he still makes a facedown visit to my lap once every two or three months. I don't spank him any differently at 14 than I did when he was eight. I sit on his bed and pull his trousers down while he stands unhappily but obediently before me. A quick move to the side of my right knee, and he's down and over my lap with the mattress beneath him.

A boy's underpants are the dividing line between the desperate retention of his delusions of autonomy and the harsh reality of his behavioral accountability. Who better to take them down - an action I perform only with my son positioned so as to maximize the embarrassment factor in my actually witnessing his bottom's transition from clothed to naked - than the parent who most likely taught him all about pulling them up? I'm sorry, but mothers who decline to emphasize their authority by baring their sons' bottoms in an indifferent, matter-of-fact fashion are depriving traditional spanking of one of its most potent features: the profound shame attached to the methodical, maternal baring of a boy's backside.

I have no idea what planet the parents who insist on stripping their kids for spankings come from. I have never deviated from trousers and underpants being taken down just far enough to leave my boy bare from his waist to his knees. For me, the visual prominence lent to his upturned derriere by clothing above and below only intensifies my determination to spank - and to spank soundly!

The palm of my hand continues to be my favorite spanking implement. Whatever good they might do, resorting to straps and paddles and brushes is man's doing. God gave children perfectly smackable bottoms and parents the laps and the arms and hands to deal with those bottoms when their owners forget where the authority lies in the family unit.

A boy of 14 typically imagines from time to time that he's no longer answerable to anyone for his actions. Having his pants taken down and his bare bottom spanked across his mother's knee definitely qualifies as a rude awakening! And invariably, upon tearful reflection with a stinging, rosy red backside commanding his attention, a boy whose mother won't tolerate his shenanigans realizes in his heart that he's far luckier than the boy whose parents have abdicated their disciplinary responsibility. Those are the boys whose maturation is chronically one step forward and two steps back. Not mine!

Thank-you for the invaluable service your wonderful site performs.

Sincerely,

(in a follow-up mail, dated October 22, 2003:)

I think we've lost each other. Typically, the parent most responsible for training young children in preparation for their stepping out the door and interacting with others is their mother. Typically, not always.

In any case, I fully maintain that child spanking is an act better suited to the maternal temperament. Again, typically, fathers are too concerned with getting from A to B to be bothered appreciating the journey. They treat spanking a bottom like balancing a ledger. A mother is naturally more inclined to deal with the various stages of a traditional bottom warming as individually important parts of the whole, each deserving of close attention.

Still, in the final analysis, what matters is that we agree on the necessity of a spanking being treated seriously by the parent in order for it to be taken just as seriously by the child.

Thanks for writing.

Sincerely,
 


 
From:    alanboy01@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: reminder spankings
Date:    Wed, 1 Oct 2003

(Note: this mail is not anonymized on special request.)

Dear Spank with Love,

I had written to you some time back when I told you about my Dad and I agreeing to go back to spanking. Well, I'm now 17 and am hardly ever spanked. It took only two more over the knee pants down paddling to stop me from disobeying curfew and backtalking. I must say I am much more respectful and honest then I was. But I still have a habbit of swearing quite a bit. And my father had started something he calls "behind reminders," which are less severe as the over the lap 30 plus smacks with the paddle. They also happen more often. When I curse by accident or otherwise, I'm sent upstairs to my room and my Dad comes in and tells me to drop my pants and underpants and bend over. He then give me 5 quick smacks and it's over. It doesn't make me cry or anything but I'm getting better at not swearing and It's less embarassing then over the lap. Plus I feel strong about being able to take the smacks. I was getting this three times a week and now only once last month. I think it works for teen guys.

Feel free to list my e mail, I don't have problem talking about it, and let me know what you think about it. I hoping to not need to spanked within a few more months.

Sincerely,

Alan
 


 
From:    n...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Teen Option Table Suggestion
Date:    Wed, 1 Oct 2003

With regards to the splendid idea of giving teens a choice of punishments, constructing an option table might prove to be useful for teens contemplating asking to be spanked rather than grounded. Such a table might be similar to the one that you have already constructed in the Implements section of your website, so it should not be that difficult to create another.

A four-column table might be a useful place to start. The columns would be grouped in pairs. One column in the pair would be labeled "Pro" and the other "Con". Above each pair of columns would be the name of an alternative, consequence, or punishment.

"Grounding" and "Spanking" might be the choices in a four-column table. Preferable and unfavorable aspects of each option might then be listed. Pithy listings such as "Over quickly," "Privacy," and "Intense pain," could be listings in the appropriate columns under spanking. "No pain," "Time to think," and "Friends know," might be starters for Grounding. Obviously, more detailed listings are also possible.

Once you get the table started, readers may expand it for you by contributing their own ideas and experiences. The table idea might also be incorporated parenting strategies for younger children.

By the way, the 20-year-old single mother spoke volumes - as did several of the late August contributors to Feedback! Likewise, so did the woman (I presume the writer to have been female) in September who inquired about spanking as punishment for adult misbehavior - echoing a theme that seems to appear from time to time in the e-mails. I really do think that the days of rabid anti-spanking zealotry, as I have heard it called, have faded for at least a generation or two.

Now that some of the downsides no-spank are becoming evident, especially from those who were - like the 20-year-old single mother - supposed to have *benefited* from never having been spanked, it may send those who wished to outlaw spanking back to the drawing board to craft some wondrous new strategy with which to bedazzle the public in a generation or two when the current lessons are forgotten.

Then, as my wife - who never felt it was really her job to paddle some else's child - observed as she watched the paddle disappear from the classrooms around the country, the people who took it away only wanted it gone; they replaced it with nothing and could not have cared less about the mess they created as they pushed their myopic agenda.

(in another mail, dated October 8, 2003)

While my evidence is admittedly anecdotal, my understanding is that spanking in countries that prohibit it is like drinking in the United States during Prohibition. It still happens.

Someone asked an employee of Danish embassy what was really going on with spanking in her country and the employee admitted that parents, including the woman being asked the question, still spank. Apparently, children have learned that it is safer to be spanked by their parents than saved by government intervention and no one has offered parents anything that achieves the desired results quite like spanking.

It is also my understanding that a 200-year-old French law prohibits spanking. However, much like French income tax law, it is widely ignored.

Over time, it is simply impossible to prohibit what people have done for thousands of years. The Soviets learned that the hard way with religion.

In keeping with the concept of a synthesis merging from a thesis and antithesis, what seems to be happening in the United States is that spanking is becoming as described in a typical dictionary - a series of smacks with the open hand (or similar light, flat object) on the buttocks for punishment - rather than a euhemerism for beating a child with a stick or whipping them with a strap.

That, in the end, may be the ultimate contribution of the anti-spanking movement. It kept the word honest.

Properly used, spanking seems to buy the parent and child time to solve their problems in a more constructive manner. As one recent reader response pointed out, the child who has been spanked does not talkback. By implication, then, the child is more amenable to listening to the parent afterwards.

Whether three days or two weeks, while memory of the experience is still fresh, if the time bought with the spanking is put to good use, the need for a future spanking may be greatly diminished.

One opponent of spanking claimed that there had never been any long-term benefits shown to be associated with spanking. That is true since spanking is a means to and end (in that it is useful) rather than an end in itself (a panacea). In this regard, only an absolute fool uses spanking as their primary childrearing strategy!

Wise parents use spanking prudently because children will only take a limited amount of spanking before the law of diminishing returns sets in. It is the antibiotic of parenting - powerful if used wisely, but counterproductive if squandered.

The limited usefulness of spanking is one of the reasons for the layer cake method. Instead of the child becoming oblivious after half a dozen swats, layer caking allows the parent to keep the child's undivided attention for as long as necessary to make sure the child learns the desired lesson the first time.
 


 



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Last update: Jan-07-2003