Two characters are ours, the rest belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, Warner Bros., & NBC. Standard disclaimers apply. Please send feedback.
Erzulie
Cinnamon & Violet
"Sir?"
Sam looked at the maitre d'. "Lisa Jiang?"
She briefly consulted the reservations book, then pointed to where Lisa was sitting.
"Thank you." Sam made his way through the restaurant and found Lisa at the best table.
She grinned as he approached. "Hi."
"I can't stay long," he said, pulling out his chair.
Lisa sipped her wine and nodded.
"Angel hair with shrimp and lemon?"
Sam looked up and saw Lisa motioning the waiter to place the dish in front of him.
"I ordered for you," she explained.
"Lisa--"
"And lobster ravioli for the lady." The waiter smiled at them, then left the table.
"You shouldn't have done this."
She looked at him. "You know, if you keep this up, I'm going to start thinking you're not happy to see me."
"I'm supposed to be happy to see you?"
"You could pretend."
"A note."
"Sam--"
"A note," he repeated, softly. "Five years, and I came home to a note."
"You came home from being on the road for three weeks," she reminded him.
"I was working!"
"You were playing cowboy with Josh. That's what you were doing."
"I told you--"
"Yeah, you did."
Sam blinked. "You said it was okay."
"Surprise."
"Lisa...." he sighed.
"It wouldn't have made a difference."
Sam was silent for a moment. "What are you doing in Washington?"
"Sullivan Boscorelli and I are down for the week, consulting at Edelman." She pushed the ravioli around on her plate. "I thought I'd look in on you."
"You'd look in on me." Sam smiled to himself and shook his head. "I asked you to marry me, and you said yes, and then you didn't. So you know what? The next time you feel like looking in on me, why don't you send me a note?" Standing, he opened his wallet and tossed a generous amount of money on the table, then walked away.
* * *
Josh came out of his office and hovered behind Donna. "Hey."
"What?"
"Do you know where my folder on the air travel thing went?"
"No." She kept typing.
"Are you sure?"
Donna spun her chair around and faced him. "Maybe if I think really hard...." She scrunched up her features and meditated for a minute, then opened her eyes wide. "No."
Josh frowned suspiciously at her as C.J. approached. "Can I borrow him for a minute?"
"Please do," Donna replied.
"Hang on!" Josh stepped in front of Donna's desk. "Why did you ask her? I'm standing right here."
"She knows your schedule," C.J. explained.
"I know my schedule."
Donna stifled a yawn. "Josh, who are you meeting with at two-thirty?"
He thought about it. "Kyle Clark?"
"Wrong."
"It's somebody with a name like Kyle Clark."
"It's Peter Mariowski, Josh." Donna looked at C.J. "Take him if you want him."
C.J. took Josh's arm and they walked down the hall. "What's the deal with Sam and this woman?"
Josh was puzzled. "Why, did a reporter ask about it?"
"No." C.J. paused. "Is this something reporters are going to ask about?"
"Why would anyone ask about this?"
"I don't know, Josh!" She stopped walking, frustrated. "I have no idea what's going on here."
"You and me both." He leaned against the wall next to her. "I'm not even sure who Peter Mariowski is."
"Deputy Secretary of Transportation, and I'm talking about Sam."
"Okay, listen." Josh glanced around them and spoke conspiratorially. "Lisa Jiang is the original dragon lady."
"You know what that was there?" C.J. said. "That was racist and sexist in one big package of stereotypes."
He ducked his head apologetically. "But you don't know Lisa."
"So tell me."
"I met her a bunch of times when they lived together in New York. She works on Wall Street. She..." He stared down at the floor. "She hates my guts."
"Hates your guts?" C.J. repeated, amused.
"I'm serious. She used to shoot me dirty looks behind Sam's back, and make little comments. Sam was crazy about her, couldn't think for himself around her." Josh sighed. "She left him when he came to work with us."
C.J. winced. "That's...."
"That's Lisa."
"I gather you hate her guts too."
He rapped his hand aimlessly against the wall. "She burned Sam, and Sam's my friend."
"I know."
"Sam's--"
"Over there." C.J. spotted him across the bullpen. "He's back early."
Josh checked his watch. "It couldn't have gone too well."
"We shouldn't bother him."
"We really shouldn't."
"He probably needs to be alone right now."
"Probably."
They looked on as Sam gloomily disappeared into his office. "We're going over there, huh?" C.J. said.
"Oh, yeah." C.J. and Josh quickly walked to Sam's office. "Well?"
"Did you know there's a drink called Bea Arthur's Underpants?"
Josh raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Bea Arthur's Underpants?"
"Vodka, beer, Mountain Dew, and honey." Sam took in their disgusted expressions. "I just drank one."
Josh grimaced. "Lunch was that bad?"
"She's a viper." Sam slumped into his chair. "She's the original dragon lady."
C.J. glanced at Josh, and he nodded knowingly.
"What did she want?" C.J. asked.
"Hell if I know." He looked at them. "What's going on with Woliver?"
"He and Toby are still going at it," Josh said. "I expect one of them will emerge soon, bloody but victorious." He glanced at his watch. "I have to go see Leo."
"Are you sure you're not going to see Betty White?" C.J. teased.
Josh scoffed and ignored her. "Are you going to be okay?"
Sam shrugged and put on his glasses. "If Bea Arthur's Underpants didn't cure me, nothing will."
Josh turned to leave, and C.J. started after him, then changed her mind.
"Okay, Sam, here's what's going to happen." She leaned against the door. "You're going to come to my office with me and I'm going to give you a Hershey Kiss because you look sad, and then I'm taking you out to lunch because I'm almost certain you didn't eat before."
"Really?" He smiled.
"But you have to stop saying Bea Arthur's Underpants."
He nodded and stood. "I can do that."
* * *
While signing a stack of memos, Leo gripped the phone between his ear and his shoulder. "I know that. I'm not saying that. I'm saying I was sitting in a mini-bus for two and a half hours! There should be some kind of... no. No, I'll get back to you later." He hung up the phone and looked at it as if it had personally offended him.
Margaret stepped in. "Josh is here."
"Send him in."
She lingered. "Do you prefer orchids or chrysanthemums?"
"What?"
"For Mallory. You're sending her flowers because it's Valentine's Day."
"I didn't forget," he said irritably.
"All right." Margaret rolled her eyes. "So which ones?"
"How should I know?" He took off his glasses. "Is Josh here?"
"I just told you he was here."
"Yes, but then you started babbling about...."
"Orchids and chrysanthemums. They're very different flowers, Leo. They have entirely different--"
"Margaret!" Leo set his pen down, exasperated. "Send Josh in. Pick out some flowers. Stop driving me to an early grave."
Obediently, she went back to the outer office. Josh strolled in. "What's going on?"
"Margaret's become the Secretary of Agriculture," Leo said. "I just got off the phone with Kendall. Before that, I talked to Roanoke, Ford, and... I don't know, someone else in Congress."
"Well, that narrows it down," Josh murmured.
Leo glared at him briefly and went on. "Everyone agrees with me that the state of air travel in this country is despicable. Unfortunately, everyone's also in agreement that we're not going to get anything done about it right now."
Josh rested a hand on the back of a chair. "We picked it up and we're dropping it again?"
"For a while." Leo pushed his own chair back a little. "We'll take another look twenty months from now."
"Okay," Josh said soberly. Something occurred to him. "Now I have nothing to talk about in my two-thirty meeting with what's-his-name."
Leo stared at him. "Josh, you're not about to complain to your boss that you don't have any work to do, are you?"
"Of course not!" Josh stood straighter. "I have a lot of work to do."
"Get to it, then."
"Yeah." Josh hesitated. "You know, we should be nicer to our assistants."
Leo was already working on something else. "Hmm?"
"We should be nicer to them. We should be nice to everyone who works here."
"I'd hope so."
"I mean, they're our support staff. They -- you know, they support us."
"Sure you have enough work to do?" Leo asked.
"I'm gone," Josh said, and went.
* * *
"And that, my dear boy, is the Louisiana state song." Woliver grinned broadly and clasped his fingers behind his head.
Toby closed his eyes. "Yeah, well, the French really screwed us on that deal."
"Are you maligning my beloved home state?"
"Yeah."
Woliver chuckled. "Come on, Ziegler, sing with me this time. Give me Louisiana, the state where--"
"Okay!"
"You know, you're a real stick in the mud." Woliver suddenly leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "When do I get to talk to the big man?"
Toby blinked. "I assume you're talking about the President."
"You know what they say about the word 'assume', Ziegler: it makes an ass out of you and me."
"That's a new one."
"When, Ziegler?"
Toby looked at his watch and sighed. "The sooner, the better."
* * *
"Excuse me, sir?" Mrs. Landingham stepped into the Oval Office.
"What can I do for you?"
"It's Valentine's Day," she began.
Jed smiled. "I already bought something for the First Lady, Mrs. Landingham, but thank you for your timely reminder."
"Actually, sir, I wanted to give you something." From behind her back, she produced a large, heart-shaped box, wrapped in red plastic.
"Why, Mrs. Landingham!" Jed happily took the box and began removing the wrapping.
"I don't want you to think I condone your poor eating habits, sir, but it is Valentine's Day and I didn't want you to feel left out."
"I'm shocked!" He narrowed his eyes. "Do you mean I'm actually allowed to have chocolate?"
"Don't get used to it, sir."
"Mrs. Landingham!" Toby's voice bellowed from the hallway.
"Come on in, Toby." Jed placed the chocolates on his desk.
"Sir, you remember Louis Woliver."
"Of course. Congressman, good to see you!" Jed extended his hand to Woliver.
"Can I get you anything?" Mrs. Landingham asked.
Toby leaned slightly towards her. "Save yourself."
* * *
"So when you danced with her, who would lead?"
Sam plopped down comfortably on C.J.'s couch. "I'm not sure. I've never been able to figure that stuff out."
C.J. sat in her chair. "You're hopeless."
"Yeah."
"Hey." Toby came in from the bullpen. "Sam, if you're done playing hooky--"
"I'm being enlightened," Sam explained. "C.J.'s telling me why women are cruel."
"And?"
"Apparently we drive them to it."
"He's catching on," C.J. said approvingly.
"Woliver's in with the President," Toby told them.
Sam brightened. "Now that's a meeting of the minds."
"He wants you in there."
Sam got up and crossed to the door. "Are you coming with me?"
"Hell, no," Toby said. "I've had enough of Congressman Big Easy for one day."
"He's the right guy," Sam called over his shoulder as he exited.
"He's a dangerous madman." Toby took Sam's seat. "He spent the better part of an hour telling me about his great-grandfather's sexual exploits in the French Quarter. In lurid detail."
"Really?" C.J. shook her head. "My God."
"He sees him sometimes," Toby added.
"His great-grandfather?"
"His God." Toby waved a hand in bafflement. "He's somewhere between a lapsed Catholic and a black magician. Also, I think he sweats bourbon."
"I met him at a Christmas party once, and I'd have to agree with you. Is Sam right?"
"Is Sam ever right?"
"Is Woliver the right guy for the EPA?"
"I suppose." He slouched a little. "He made me listen to him sing."
She laughed. "The horror, the horror. Do you want the last Hershey Kiss?"
C.J. held the candy out. Toby stood up and took it from her, then lifted his hand and placed it back in her palm.
"You have it," he said.
"Thanks." She unwrapped the foil cheerfully.
As he left her office, he hid a smile.
* * *
"It's fiction!" Louis Woliver boomed. "The dolls, the pins, that's a Hollywood fiction."
Bartlet nodded. "It has nothing to do with the religion."
"Nothing," Woliver agreed. "Vodon, in fact, runs parallel to Roman Catholicism."
"I'd read that," Jed said, vastly enjoying himself. He looked up as Sam quietly entered the room. "Sam, did you know that the spirits of Vodon can be linked to Christian Saints?"
Sam sat down. "I did not."
"I'm particularly fond of Agwe and Yemanja," Woliver declared.
"Agwe and Yemanja?" Jed repeated.
"Water spirits. And, of course, I have a special feeling for Erzulie. She's the Virgin figure." He winked at Sam, whose face flushed. "She's also the goddess of love and sexual energy."
"Everybody needs one of those," the President said. "Sir, we've talked about greenhouse emissions, we've talked about clean water, we've talked about pesticides and risk management. Let me ask you one more question. Last year, a group in Colorado burned down a ski resort in order to protect the habitat of the lynx." Sam's mouth tightened as Bartlet continued. "What would you say about that?"
"I'd say that destructive behavior is a stupid way to make a conservationist point." Woliver pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I'd also want to take a look at that resort, if it was endangering wildlife for the sake of a film festival and some bored yuppies."
Jed looked at Sam questioningly. Sam paused, then nodded. The President turned back to Woliver. "Congressman, how would you like to come and head up the Environmental Protection Agency?"
Woliver beamed. "I'm proud to accept."
Jed stood up, and the other two men followed suit. "You're going to do good things in this office."
"Thank you, sir." Woliver shook the President's hand. "And I have no doubt that some of those things will actually be allowed to make an impact."
Jed smiled as Sam guided the Congressman out of the Oval Office, and Leo came in. "Lou Woliver's a lot of fun."
"Yes, sir," Leo said.
"You know, if I wasn't the leader of the free world, I might find him a little intimidating."
"Really?"
"If only because of the bright pink shirt. A man who's not afraid to wear something that color...." Jed circled the floor and stood near the window.
"You have a security briefing," Leo reminded him.
"Yeah." He glanced around the room. "Where's Charlie?"
"He's on a break."
"Why--"
"Because I told him he could take a break."
Jed shot a wary look at Leo. "Is something going on here that I wouldn't approve of?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"All right." The President turned and walked toward the door. "I could still build a dungeon."
"Aren't you running late already?"
"I could put you in it, for a start."
"Yeah." As the President strolled out, Leo returned to his own office. "Margaret!"
"Yes?"
"Get me whatever you can find on the Antianita thing."
"Okay."
He sat down, reached for the phone, and then stopped. "Margaret!"
She suppressed a sigh. "Something else?"
"Cancel my six o'clock with Mulligan. And Happy Valentine's Day."
She gaped at him. "What?"
"Not gonna say it again, Margaret." He picked up the phone and started to dial a number. It took his assistant a few moments to tear her eyes away from him and leave the room.
* * *
Zoey stood outside the Mural Room and nervously fingered the doorknob. "Relax," she ordered herself. Throwing the door open, she began to speak. "Hey, Dad -- hey, you."
Instead of her father, Zoey saw Charlie standing in the center of the room.
"I thought you were working," she said, closing the door behind her and walking to him.
Charlie placed his arm around her. "I'm on a break."
"Nice flowers," she said, nodding her head in the direction of the table. Following her gaze, Charlie walked to the roses and gently lifted one from the vase. Carefully, he handed it to Zoey. "I'm glad you like them."
"You know," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Leo said my dad wanted to see me in here."
Charlie grinned at her. "I don't know how to tell you this, but Leo lied to you."
She shook her head. "I guess I'll have to have a talk with him." Her fingers tenderly caressed the hollow at the base of Charlie's neck, and she pressed her lips to his.
* * *
"Few things are more beautiful than skunk cabbage," Woliver proclaimed as he charged down the hall. "The poets sing of its beauty. There's real magic in those wetlands, Seaborn. You ever do it in a swamp?"
Sam's eyes widened, and he stammered. "I don't--"
"Ziegler!" Woliver hailed him merrily. "Looks like I'm coming to work for your boss."
"Congratulations."
"Thank you! Although I'm sure you'll be taking it back a few weeks from now."
"I'm sure I'll be taking it back a few minutes from now." Toby inclined his head. "The state of Louisiana's not going to miss you?"
"I'm going to miss the state, the great state, of Louisiana. I just think you guys need me more than they do." Woliver took a few backward steps down the hall. "I can do more good by fixing your wussy-ass environmental policy. See you soon."
"He's the right guy for the job," Sam murmured aside to Toby.
"Yeah," Toby admitted grudgingly. "But first we have to get him confirmed."
Sam couldn't hold back a smirk. "The Senate's going to love him."
"Almost as much as I do."
* * *
"Donna!"
"No!"
"Come here!"
She poked her head around the doorway. "No."
"Donna!" Josh drew her name out. "Please?"
Reluctantly, she stepped into his office. "What?"
"Open this," he said, gesturing to a folder on his desk.
"Why?"
"Just open it."
She eyed him warily. "If I open it, those big worm things aren't going to fly out, are they?"
"Donna, it's not a can of peanut brittle." He picked it up and held it out to her.
"Is it that air travel thing?" Accepting the folder, she opened it and smiled. "Josh!"
"Happy Valentine's Day." He grinned broadly and walked around the desk to stand next to her. "It's a card."
"Josh."
"I made it myself." He pointed to several places on the valentine. "See, I just cut a few hearts out of a piece of paper and colored them with a red marker. It wasn't hard."
"What's this?"
"It's a cherub."
"Is that--" Donna furrowed her brow.
Josh nodded. "Two paper clips and a rubber band, yeah."
She smiled again. "Well, I love it. Thank you."
"You're welcome." Josh sat in his chair again, grinning proudly as Donna started back out to her desk.
"Hey."
Josh looked up at the sound of Sam's voice. "Hey."
"Woliver accepted the position."
Josh smiled. "That has to annoy the hell out of Toby. Listen, what are you doing now?"
Sam looked serious. "I thought I'd go home and soak in a nice, hot bath, then watch 'The Way We Were' and have a good cry." He stared at Josh for a moment, then chucked. "I don't know, Josh."
"You want to go out?"
Sam shrugged. "Maybe."
"Are you up for Bea Arthur's Underpants?" Josh wrinkled his forehead.
"Ten bucks says you pass out halfway through your first glass."
Josh hopped up and threw on his jacket. "You're on."
They walked quickly from the office and past Donna's desk.
"Where are you going?"
"We're off to find Bea Arthur's Underpants!" Josh called over his shoulder.
"Good luck!" Rummaging through a stack of papers on her desk, Donna found several pages of notes, and soon, her fingers were flying over the keyboard as she transcribed the notes into a memo. She finished and pulled out the makeshift Valentine again. She ran a finger across it, a glowing expression on her face. It faded when she looked up again.
"Bonjour, mademoiselle," said Congressman Woliver, bowing with an extended flourish.
She swallowed hard. "Can I help you, sir?"
"No, no. I can see myself out." He bent close to her, speaking as if he was going to confide a secret. "You know, miss, even a blind hog gets himself an acorn sometimes."
She tried not to look terrified. Woliver drew back, executed another dramatic bow, and marched away.
Donna whimpered softly and buried her face in her hands. After a few seconds, she peeked through her fingers. When she was sure the visitor was gone, she took a deep breath and began working again.
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