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In Grace And In Sin
Cinnamon & Violet
"So."
Nick studied his shoes. "So."
"You know, I get paid for the full hour no matter what happens, so if you want to sit here and not talk, that's fine by me."
"It's not an hour."
The man removed his glasses. "Excuse me?"
"It's not an hour," Nick repeated. "It's twelve to twelve-fifty. It's not an hour."
"Okay." The man scribbled something onto his notepad. "Well, I get paid for the full fifty minutes, then. How's that?"
"Why are we here?" Nick asked suddenly.
The man regarded him for a long moment. "You know why we're here, Mr. Pierce."
"Yeah, I know that the Chief ordered me to be here. I just don't know why."
"You were mugged," the man said slowly.
"Yeah, like three months ago."
"It happened in your home."
Nick shifted on the couch. "You know, Doc, I was there. I remember what happened."
"And what was that, Nick? What happened?"
"I got mugged!"
Dr. Tasjian made another mark on his notepad. "Jack Mannion seems to think something other than that happened to you that night."
"He's right."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, they took some of my stuff, too." Pierce stood. "Look, this has been fun, but I have a job to do."
Tasjian raised his hands. "And I'm just doing mine."
"I get that, Doc. I just think we'd all be better served if you'd go help somebody who needs it. Me? I'm fine."
"How're you sleeping, Nick?"
Pierce paused, his hand on the doorknob. He stood there, silent.
"Did you hear me?"
"Yeah, I heard you." Nick's voice was low.
"It's not a hard question, there. I mean, you have two ways to answer me. Either you're sleeping well or you're not."
"Yeah, I heard you."
Tasjian crossed his legs. "So which is it?"
"I don't know." Nick chuckled weakly and made his way back to the couch. "I guess I'm not sleeping as well as I would if I had a woman next to me."
"So you're not sleeping well, and you don't have a girlfriend. That takes care of my next question."
"It's not like I don't date."
"You don't," Tasjian guessed. "And you're defensive about it. I would be too."
"I work long hours!"
"So do a lot of people. They date. I date."
"Isn't this where you say this isn't about you, it's about me?"
Tasjian shrugged. "Well, I'm not having much fun talking about you, since you're giving me crappy answers."
"What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to tell me the truth. How are you sleeping?"
"I'm not," Nick admitted.
"Why not?"
"I'm afraid of the dark."
"Why not?"
"I have dreams."
Tasjian circled something on his notepad. "We all have dreams. Say what you mean."
"I have bad dreams."
"It's gonna be like pulling teeth with you, isn't it?"
"I don't remember my dreams. I just know that I don't like how I feel when I wake up."
"And how is that?"
Nick raised his eyebrows. "Do you ever pause to take a breath?"
"Nope. I'm a sort of breathing camel. I can go for days on one breath." Tasjian put his glasses back on. "How do you feel when you wake up?"
"Cold. Hot, but cold."
"Sweating?"
"Yes."
"Shaking?"
"Yes."
"Do you have trouble breathing?"
"Yes."
"Physiological effects," Tasjian noted.
"Aren't you supposed to tell me that it's normal?" Nick asked.
"Do you think it's normal?"
"For someone in my situation. Sure. I suppose."
"And you didn't even have to spend twenty-five years in school," Tasjian said. "So let's move on."
"This is silly. We're just playing games."
"You've watched too many movies about what therapy's like."
"This isn't therapy," Nick said. "This is... Jack Mannion made me come see you."
"Yes."
"I don't want to be here. I'm not asking for help. You're just supposed to give me the once-over and the stamp of approval."
"You'd be surprised how many people want that out of therapy," Tasjian told him, crossing his arms. "So let's talk about why Mannion thinks you need your head shrunk."
"He likes to feel important."
"Is that right?"
"It makes him feel powerful to know that he can make me come here."
"So he's on a power trip?"
"What do you think?"
Tasjian shrugged. "I think the chief of police probably has better things to do with his time. Don't you?"
"Evidently not."
"Now who's playing games? You've got a good job, which leads me to believe you're a smart kid. You can't tell me that you believe Jack Mannion did this just to mess with you, and expect me to believe that you believe it."
Nick rolled his eyes. "Believe whatever you want to believe."
"That's certainly working for you, isn't it?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well, you seem to believe that you can ignore whatever happened to you that night."
"I'm not ignoring anything. I got mugged. It sucked. I dealt with it."
"So tell me what happened."
"I got mugged."
"Describe it."
"Describe it?" Nick widened his eyes.
"Yeah. How did it happen?"
Nick folded his hands in his lap. "I was asleep. The guy woke me up, he beat me up, he took my stuff."
"And that's all."
"You don't think that's enough?"
"I think it's more than enough, I'm just not sure it's everything."
"Yeah," Nick snapped. "He also made me watch Plan 9 From Outer Space. It was horrible."
"How long did it last?"
"I think the movie runs for a couple hours."
"The mugging, Nick. How long did it last? How long was this man in your home?"
"I don't know."
"Guess."
Nick fidgeted. "I don't like to guess."
"Humor me."
"Thirty-five minutes."
"Exactly thirty-five minutes."
"No exactly. You asked me to guess, I guessed."
"Why'd you guess thirty-five minutes?"
"Because that's about how long--" Nick exhaled through his teeth. "Listen, nothing personal, but you're driving me nuts."
"It's good for business."
"Speaking of which, I really do have work I should be doing."
Tasjian nodded. "Does your job keep you very busy?"
Nick looked at him. "Mannion must have talked to you about me."
"Yeah, but he's a stuffed shirt and I'm not that interested in the official line. Tell me about your job."
"I'm a liaison between the press and the police department."
"You work closely with the district's most elite police officers."
Nick nodded. "Yes."
"Did you call any of them?"
"When?"
"You know when."
Nick studied his hands. "I didn't."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"Sure, you know."
"If I knew, I would tell you."
Tasjian chuckled ruefully. "Is that right?"
"I would tell you."
"You know what happened that night, Nick, and you haven't told me, so forgive me if I'm skeptical."
"I got mugged! That's what happened!"
"You work for the police department."
Nick blinked at him, puzzled. "What?"
"You work for the police department," Dr. Tasjian said again. "I assume you have to know the basic terminology."
"Sure."
"You have a general familiarity with the criminal code."
"I guess." Nick stuffed his hands into his pockets.
"This is your field of expertise; I'm just a layperson here," the doctor said casually. "Isn't there a particular charge for breaking and entering?"
"What's your point?"
He shrugged diffidently. "Again, I'm not an expert, but I thought that mugging referred to a crime outside the home."
"What's your point?" Nick repeated, a growl rising into his voice.
"I don't know assault from battery," the doctor said. "I may be off base, but why isn't this a burglary?"
"Because it wasn't--"
"Or do I mean a robbery? Which is which?"
Nick realized he was starting to sweat. He rubbed his hands across his face, trying to concentrate. "A burglary involves unlawful entry--"
"Why not an act of larceny, Nick?" Tasjian steepled his hands.
"Larceny doesn't involve physical--"
"What makes it a mugging?"
The two men stared at each other for a long moment.
"I have to go," Nick said, standing.
"No, you don't," Dr. Tasjian said. "Sit down."
"You don't get to tell me what to do."
"Hey, I'm not trying to force you to anything you don't want to do."
Nick narrowed his eyes. "What the hell did you just say to me?"
"I'm not going to force you here, Nick. I'm just after the truth."
"There's no mystery here. I got mugged. My stuff got stolen."
"And you got beat up."
"I got mugged."
"Someone broke into your house," Tasjian said gently. "Someone broke into your personal space, into your possessions--"
"I got mugged."
"Someone came in when you were sleeping and--"
"That's all."
"Someone broke into your house at night and hurt you."
"I'm fine," Nick answered quickly.
"You were asleep."
"That's what people do at night."
"How did you wake up?"
"I just did."
Tasjian flipped a page. "You didn't hear a noise?"
"I just woke up."
"And then what?"
Nick stared at the wall just beyond Tasjian's head for a long minute before speaking. "I saw a man."
"Where was he?"
"Across the room. By the door."
"What did you do?"
"I said hello."
"You said hello?"
"Not hello like, hi, how you doin'. Hello like, 'What the hell, is someone there?'"
"Did you think it was someone you knew?"
"No, I didn't. I didn't know him."
"Did you get out of bed?"
"Yeah."
"Then what?"
"He knocked me down."
"With?"
Nick looked at Tasjian. "A feather. He hit me in the face with his fist and it knocked me down."
"So you were on the floor?"
"I guess."
"Don't guess. You were there."
Nick closed his eyes. "I was on the floor."
"Where was the intruder?"
"He was there."
"Where?"
"Standing."
Tasjian placed the notepad on the floor. "Standing in the corner? Standing by the door? Standing above you?"
Nick's eye began to twitch. "Uh..."
"Standing over you?"
"I -- I can't -- "
"Take your time, Nick."
"He just hit me and took my stuff. Really. That's all that happened. Really. Really."
"Take your time."
"He -- he grabbed my watch off the nightstand. I guess he was looking for my wallet."
"Where was it?"
"By the door," Nick said, breathing a little too rapidly. "I tried to say it was on the table by the door."
"Tried to say?"
"I mean, I said it was in the hall."
Dr. Tasjian fixed him with a steady, patient look. "You tried to tell him."
"He didn't listen. He wasn't listening. He didn't listen to anything."
"Did you try to get up?"
"I don't--"
"Did you try to get up, Nick?"
"He wouldn't let me."
"How?"
Nick pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. "He was a big guy."
"He made you stay down on the carpet."
"Not carpet."
"Not carpet?"
"The floor in my bedroom is hardwood. No carpet."
"Your face was pressed against the hardwood floor."
"He just wanted my wallet," Nick said in a hollow voice.
"What could you see?"
"The floor."
"What else?"
"The side of the bed. The nightstand."
"There a clock on your nightstand?"
"I -- yeah."
"Thirty-five minutes?" Tasjian said quietly.
"Thirty-seven," Nick replied, even softer.
"And then he left."
Nick nodded.
"What did you do?"
"I don't remember."
"Nick..."
"I don't remember! I -- I got up."
"Did you go to the door?"
"I locked it."
"You didn't call the police."
Nick wiped his eyes. "No."
"Why didn't you do that?"
He exhaled slowly. "I thought -- I didn't want to tell them."
"So you locked the door, walked around a little, took a shower?"
"Yeah. Yeah. How'd you--"
"I did go to school for twenty-five years," Tasjian said, not unkindly. "It's what most people do."
"Most people?"
"Most rape victims."
Nick scoffed. "Women."
"And men," Tasjian said. "Look up the statistics sometime."
"I'll get right on that."
"Nick, you were raped."
"Okay."
"Nick."
Pierce watched his hands trembling before folding them. "I know it."
Tasjian studied Nick for several minutes before capping his pen and rising to his feet. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"I think we're done for today."
Nick stood, too. "We're done?"
Tasjian nodded. "Yeah. You did a good job today, Nick."
Pierce crossed his arms tightly and didn't speak.
"So yeah, you can go."
"Okay."
"It might be a good idea for you to come back."
Nick thought about this. "That sounds -- I think so, too."
"I'll see you," Tasjian said, lowering his eyes to his notes.
He paused in the doorway. "I don't know--"
"Enough," Tasjian said. "It's been enough for one day. And don't expect miracles. I don't fix people."
"You don't?"
"That's not what they pay me for." The hint of a smile crossed the doctor's face. "I'll see you."
"Yeah." Nick hesitated a moment longer, than started down the hall. "Yeah."
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