HEADLINES:


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NEWS IN DEPTH:

Indian troops defending the Southern Slope of the Himalayas against the Chinese offensiveINDIA INVADED BY CHINESE FORCES, BRITISH SUPPORT SUSPECTED

CALCUTTA, INDIA (LJR) -- Chinese forces crossed the Eastern Himalayas earlier this month in a surprise attack against Indian forces. An enormous wave of over 2000 Chinese aircraft crossed the Himalayas to attack airfields and troop positions in the Indian province of Arunachal Pradesh, where they were met by an Indian air army only half its size. However, the newer Indian aircraft and better pilots, coupled with surprise reinforcements from the United Islamic Republic, managed to fight the Chinese aircraft to a standstill. Over 500 Chinese and 300 Indian and Islamic aircraft have been reported as destroyed so far. Some of the downed Chinese aircraft appeared to be British Tornado and Jaguar attack aircraft painted with Chinese markings, and several captured downed pilots were clearly members of the RAF and Luftwaffe. With neither side in complete control of the air, both air forces carried out sporadic and mainly ineffectual attacks on the opposing army. In heavy fighting on the southern slopes of the Himalaya mountains, Chinese infantry managed to capture the northeast corner of India and northern tip of Burma despite losses approaching 40%, although Indian losses were even higher. At the end of the month, Chinese forces had failed to reach the Brahmaputra river and seemed too exhausted to advance further, although the Indian forces were in no shape to offer much resistance.
Maps of the Assam Campaign

JAPANESE EMPRESS AILING

TOKYO, JAPAN (LJR) -- Empress Shikibu is reportedly seriously ill, and may be on her deathbed. Although a successor has not been named, the leading candidate is Crown Prince Rou Akira, her eldest son. However, the normally smooth line of succession has been repeatedly upset in recent years, with various political considerations overriding the traditional customs for a transfer of power. Shikibu herself was not the legitimate successor, but her older brother Isoruko declined the crown and retired from public life in a move that surprised nearly all outside observers. Several other potential successors are available if Rou Akira declines the crown as well. The exact nature of Empress Shikibu's ailment was not announced.

Russian forces retreating to HarbinRUSSIA COMES TO AID OF INDIAN ALLY, INVADES NORTHERN CHINA

VLADIVOSTOCK, RUSSIA (LJR) -- Following the Chinese assault into India, the Russian Empire came to the aid of their allies in the Brown Brahmins under the terms of their 1971 treaty of Mutual Assistance. Russian forces advanced in two spearheads, one into Manchuria and the other into Xinjiang province near Mongolia. While neither advance was opposed by Chinese aircraft, the advance into Manchuria met heavy resistance north of Shengyang and was thrown back to Harbin. The front has since stabilized with both sides apparently waiting for reinforcements to be brought up. The advance in the West fared better, with a small Chinese force destroyed south of Urumchi and Russian troops reaching the northern borders of Tibet.

CRIMSON CONFUSED BY BLUE ACTIONS

LONDON, ENGLAND (NEP) -- Today Chancellor Michael Streiker was asked to comment on recent developments conncerning the Blue Brigade. He stated that, "We are concerned as to the logic of the leaders of that bloc. They talk of not funding rebel actions or spying on the Red Republic, and even spending money on counter-espionage. Yet their country is deficient of resources...History tells us that they were formed by workers concerned about their job safety in a failing government. Now they betray those very workers by not securing the raw materials to keep their factories productive. I strongly urge any labor union in the Blue Brigade that was hurt by the decline in resources to consider the actions of such a clearly incompetent government. I furthermore guarantee any corporation in Blue that if they move their business to the Crimson Commonwealth, there will always be a steady supply of resources." Following this decision nearly 2,000 jobless Blue citizens and several small industrial companies moved to various places in German, England, and Canada.

MADCAP ALLIANCE JOINS RUSSIAN ATTACK INTO MANCHURIA

SEOUL, KOREA (LJR) -- An American-led task force from the MADCAP alliance advanced into North Korea late in the month and successfully linked up with the Russian forces near Jilin. Resistance to the MADCAP advance is reported as nonexistent, with all Chinese forces in the area apparently occupied with fighting the earlier Russian invasion. With more Russian and MADCAP reinforcements arriving every day, the drive on Beijing is expected to resume early next month.
Japanese airborne troops arrive north of the 38th parallel in KoreaMap of the Manchurian Campaign

PRESIDENT TRACY SUSPECTS SUSPECTS

PARIS, FRANCE (MAW) -- President Tracy of the SEU has been continuing his search for the real perpetrators of the supposed French arms deal in America. His press release findings have thus far shown that the entire ranks of the SEU's secret service have been accounted for in all detail. So at least no known member of the SEU was responsible. But the question remains, who is? President Tracy plans to continue to delve deeper into the investigation, but upon learning of his own union's UN-involvement, he has sworn to look harder. "We will not tolerate this sort of instigation. This union goes through too much to have to deal with propaganda of this sort. Mark my words, we will find the people involved and they shall be revealed to the world!" At the SEU's current rate, the real individuals behind the arms deals in America may be found within the month. We all stand, wait, and watch with our fingers crossed, hoping that OUR government's not to blame.

An American B-2A Stealth Bomber attacking Chinese nuclear missile silos in HunanINDIAN, CHINESE NUCLEAR MISSILE SILOS ATTACKED

NEW DELHI, INDIA (LJR) -- As fighting raged in Assam and Manchuria, the cream of the Chinese air force was on a desperate mission deep inside Indian territory. In a surprise raid on the first days of the war, a large force of Chinese bombers struck the IRBM silos near New Delhi and took out India's strategic nuclear capacity. Although the nuclear missile silos were destroyed in balls of smoke and fire, there have been no reports of radioactive fallout in Central India. Indian officials refused comment, but French scientists interviewed by the Remis Velisque stated that this fact, coupled with the lack of any defensive opposition to the Chinese attack, might mean that the warheads were not on the missiles when the silos were destroyed.

Later in the month, a similar attack on Chinese nuclear missile sites was carried out by Stealth and conventional bombers of the United States Air Force. Starting near Midnight on April 24th, American bombers used precision munitions to destroy ICBM and IRBM silos at several locations inside China. The Pentagon reported success, and at least 90% of China's long-range nuclear missiles are believed to be destroyed. A news blackout inside China has prevented confirmation of rumors of radioactive fallout in Hunan province, and Chinese officials refused to answer questions on the subject, saying only that "a wise warrior carries a second sword".

PRESIDENT HOFFMAN GOOD TO GO!

ATLANTA, GEORGIA (AP) -- After a bad ten days with the common cold the President is back at work today and has taken over from his Vice-President control of the nation. "Thank-you for the support," he offered his fellow countrymen. "I would really like to thank my VP for running the nation with such strong leadership and commend him on a job well done." The president returns to work in a world plagued by emerging war from several different countries willing to go at it with each other. "I'll see what I can do to stop us from plummeting into another global civil war." When reporters asked storekeeper Frank Willy for some words on the President's return, he said, "Wow, now I can shave my back and watch TV too!"

AMERICAN AND JAPENESE FLEETS BATTLE CHINESE NAVY NEAR HAINAN

MANILA, PHILIPPINES (LJR) -- Within hours of the first MADCAP troops crossing the 38th parallel, a powerful American and Japanese combined fleet entered the South China Sea and attacked Chinese ships near the island of Hainan. Although the Chinese admiral Zheng Ho laid a cunning trap involving a decoy force and a large number of land-based missile batteries, his complete lack of air cover doomed his plan to failure. American E-2C Hawkeye radar planes spotted the deception, and the MADCAP fleet was able to avoid the shore-based Silkworm missile batteries on Hainan. The battle opened with an unsuccessful MADCAP submarine attack on the Chinese fleet. Over 100 submarines clashed in a chaotic underwater battle, and when it was over, both sides withdrew with heavy losses, although Chinese losses were reportedly slightly higher than allied sub losses. However, the sacrifice of the antiquated Chinese subs was enough to prevent the weakened MADCAP sub force from attacking either the Chinese surface forces or the Chinese SSBN, which was able to escape to open waters.
The Chinese Destroyer Zhuhai firing a C-801 Eagle Strike antiship missile at the MADCAP fleet

Late in the morning, a large wave of carrier aircraft from the MADCAP forces attacked the larger of two Chinese flotillas in the area, sinking half the Chinese surface ships. With the opposing surface ships still outside of radar range of each other, the air strike was followed by a solid wall of antiship missiles from the MADCAP surface vessels, guided by radar-equipped aircraft and helicopters. Only a handful of Chinese ships managed to launch desperation attacks on a reciprocal bearing before the last of the Chinese Surface squadron was destroyed. However, the Chinese got lucky, and 2 allied frigates and 3 destroyers were sunk by seaskimmers that got through the Allied point defense. Before a second wave of airstrikes could be launched at the surviving Chinese decoy squadron, bad weather moved in and both sides were forced to withdraw. However, with approximately 75% of the Chinese navy on the bottom of the South China Sea, it is unlikely that there will be much opposition to the rumored planned amphibious attack into Southern China.
Map of the location and course of the Battle of Hainan

NO MORE LIMITS TO PRESIDENT'S TERMS

WASHINGTON, DC (UPI) -- After lengthy debate, Congress finally approved the latest change to the Constitution of the United States. Amendment 27 to the United States Constitution now officially repeals Amendment 22, which was enacted in 1951. Now in April of 2001 it is once again legal for a President to hold office for more than two terms. Many reasons for this change have been offered, but the single most likely reason is that President Carney's approval rating has risen higher than any other Republican President since the days of Ronald Reagan. When asked what he thought about the repealing of the laws that had limited him to two terms, President Carney said, "The people should be allowed to decide whom they want to run this country. Who are we to say that the people cannot have the President they want simply because he's served for two terms? How many times have we heard voters complain that they did not approve or either candidate for the Presidency? I for one am glad that the American people have this chance to continue to vote for someone who is doing a good job if they so desire."

TRADE TALKS END ON A POSITIVE NOTE

ABU DHABI, OMAN (UIR) -- Talks concluded on a positive note today between Japanese Minister for Trade Takashi Myamoto and UIR Chief Economic Officer Hasan Bha'rahad. After over a month of discussions, the Yellow Empire and the UIR have come to agreement on terms of exchange acceptable to both parties. According to a source that asked to remain anonymous, the most direct results will be a reduction of import tariffs and a more secure flow of commerce between the two nations. Indications are that a Free-Trade Agreement may be in the works later this year.
Japanese and Arab negotiators pose for photographers at the meeting


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The Remis Velisque is published in Calais, France, by MegaDodo Productions, a division of Exedra Enterprises. This paper is distributed by a fat man in a red suit driving a sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer. We wanted a nice, normal paper boy, but that's what you get when you use a Temp Agency. All Rights Reserved, ©Copyright 1999 by Martin A. Hohner.

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