p0ems i ha\/e written. select!ons.

My quark
a spark in the night
Holds me down
but I don't fight
Tell of no wrong
I'll show you what's right
My quark
my fire 'til morning's light

The smell
it's so important
That one defining scent
To carry with me
snugly
whither and thither I went

I remember this.
The sore arms.
The lingering kiss.
I remember this.
The scented clothes.
The face I miss.
I remember this.
The time too short.
The complete bliss.
I will remember this.

It's still fading, the desire
The want, the need, the fire
Burning, hating, loathing
Missing, wanting, mourning
I tell myself, 'get over it
She's just a fucking git'
Once a friend, now a pain
Will this feeling ever wane?

You know I never meant to cheese you off
But somehow it was nec. on the 'most perfect day ever'
And as the cream dried on my arm
The laundry buzzer rang and it was time to get up
Get up and go to bed
My ribs still ache just as the toad's must have
after his gigantic leap, leap into the infite abyss
from the depths of you
to the depths of you
Hands holding Herbert
Hands holding hands
Hands holding me
scolding me
for the cream cheese, until the bus flew past
five minutes early.

I can't describe what we have
Something in your hands pulls me
Draws me along this path
What's ahead I cannot see
I hold hope near as it struggles
I will not let go at any cost
Mildly warding off fear as it snuggles
Nestled in my brain with much else lost

When I look into your eyes
I see the glimmer of possibility.
You are endless.
When I hold you hand
I feel the pulse of your humility.
You are flawless.
When I'm with you
I know there's nothing more I need to be.
We are.

Tear-stained cheeks sprawl onto tear-stained hands.
And I don't think you realize how much I fear for you.
Grasping, clasping, empty hands.
And I click refresh just once more.
Time rolls backward and it's morning once more.
And I'm still waiting for sleep.
So alike, so alike.
And I wait for you, like I waited for him.
Nothing changes, but nothing's the same.
And I've constructed my own nightmares again.
I'm shaking in the warm summer night.
And I can't find myself in the darkness.
And I can't find me...
And I can't find me...

You tell me that

I'm scaring you
Well, you scare me
too sometimes
We both
conceal what is true
and hide our feelings
in plain sight
guised as poetry and rhyme

Pressure in the palm of my hand
Spread against his body.
I can feel his warmth
While he senses nothing.
I can see his options
While he is blinded by darkness.
I can trust in him completely
While he proclaims inadequacy.
When will he come to see,
That everything I really want
Is in the palm of my hand?

Running Running
Free but not wild
Beautiful vibrant
September child.

Mind overflowing
a river of knowledge
yet somehow doubts
admission to college.

Find your potential,
sister of the star-breasted
comic book girl,
life's to be tested.

Sadness can't hold forever
you can show them
all that you are

Just A Poem
... and that's enough.

I pick up the fone
I put it down again
I want to call
but I want so many other
stipulations as well.
It's hard to tell
which way I'm going
when I can't tell
my own damn head
from my own dumb ass.

Silver metal
Spirals up
from my shoe soles
to my arm's reach
Condenses to fit in my palm
Jumps with a playful sound
right to left
left to right
I chase it down the stairs
And don't come back again

The light trickles in the door of his sister's room
is the door locked?
We lost the others hours ago
will they walk in on us?
I run my fingers through his bleached, died hair
how far are we willing to go?
My shoes thud on the floor
did anyone else hear that?
We hold each other tight
can i stand for this moment to end?
We talk, we laugh, time passes without our notice
perhaps we should find the others now?
With one shoe on, we kiss a last time
when will we have another perfect hour like this?

I nod my head in silent agreement
only to find I'd been talking to myself.

When do I miss you more?
When I've not seen you for days
~or~
Just after we've crossed ways?

It's amazing
the trauma I go thru
One e-mail
makes him a god to me
and One day without
leaves me broken
shattered on the bare floorboards
How do I let him affect me this way?

Why do I love you?
The last thing you made me do was cry.
I loved you when I met you
I'll be damned to know the reason why.
You think it's becuase you're John Lennon
I didn't even know who he was when I found you
He pales in comparison
You're so much more to me than he is.
More than he could ever be.
I've felt your skin on mine
held your hand, kissed your lips...
How could he mean more to me?
JOHN LENNON'S FUCKING DEAD!