Smarter than your average Malkavian...

Vampire the Masquerade. Here's a quick glossary, of the interesting things.

ACTUAL IN-CHARACTER INFO:

Camarilla - Regulated, civil, co-existential vampirism. There is a court, rules, etc. that govern behavior and conduct.
The Traditions - The cardinal rules, code of honor, whatever, that all good Camarilla vampires abide by. There six. Violation of the Traditions will get you killed.
Masquerade - A Tradition. It is the need for secrecy. It is an oath to conceal one's vampiric nature from anyone and everything that didn't already know about them.
Domain - A Tradition. Each city, town, etc. has a ruler. While in that ruler's territory, you ask permission before you eat his/her nice humans
Progeny - A Tradition. Don't make new vampires without permission. We have no minions, only Childer. Therefore, it is important to only use the best ingredients.
Accountability - A Tradition. If you're stupid, someone will be put in charge of you if your Sire isn't around. If you're smart, you might be put in charge of someone stupid.
Hospitality - A Tradition. Ask the ruler if you can stay in town before you buy a crypt.
Destruction - A Tradition. You cannot kill another vampire without permission. However, if the ruler decides that someone needs to die, it's your sworn duty to try to kill them. If you refuse, you get to die, too.
The Prince - The ruler of a specific town or city. Only he/she can grant permission or give orders about the traditions.
Ghoul - A mortal being who drinks vampric blood. This grants hightened senses and abilities, while still allowing you to enjoy things like spicy buffalo wings and tanning. The downside is that vamp blood is addictive, and withdrawal can kill you. Plus, you create a blood bond with your Regnant. That isn't always good.
Regnant - A vampire who makes a ghoul, whether it be human, dog, cat, lion... we had a ghouled squirrel last week. *snicker*
Blood Bond - A tie of slavish devotion. Namely, a ghoul is automatically inclined to obey/serve/assist their regnant. It's like a thrall.
Primogen- This is the person who is the head of a specific Clan, who reports directly to the Prince. They tend to die pretty often if the Prince is displeased.
Clan - A group of similar vampires, descended from the third generation of 13. A vampire can only create Childer who is a member of the same clan as he is, because that allegiance gives certain abilities and flaws. I'll only touch on clans that I care about.
Malkavian- A Clan. Malks always have some kind of insanity. (Think Drusilla.) They are mostly mental, meaning they can do stuff like make other people crazy. They like to play pranks - like dropping monkey bombs. *snicker*
Gangrel- A Clan. They are closer to the beast than the others, meaning they have animal natures. Gangrels can, if they are strong enough, shift into a beast form. Examples include wolf, cheetah, crocodile, sparrow, rat... But you only have two forms, a Fight and a Flight. They are guardians and herders of humans.
Brujah - A Clan. They are philosophers, rabble-rousers, and occasionally, meatheads. They like to break stuff. They can have levels of supernatural strength.
Ventru - A Clan. They like money. They like it alot. They are the businesmen of the vampire world. They are aloof, superior, and filthy, stinking rich.
Nosferatu - A Clan. They're also called "Uglies". That's because they look deformed. Like, oh, giant cockroaches, or eviscerated corpses. Abilities, thankfully, include Obfuscate - ie, hiding and illusion casting. They skulk, inhabit the sewer system, and gather information.
Toreador- A Clan. Mostly comprised of pretty, pretty... PRETTY people. They love all things artistic. They can be entranced by anything shiny. They're, mostly, raving prima donnas. Think Harmony, only talented. Sorry.
Hunters- These are humans who have unnatural strength and powers, who hunt down and kill vampires, no questions asked.
The Sabbat- This is the "bad" vampires. Sabbat vamps do not respect the right of humans to live. They kill and maim and do bad things for the sheer joy, as opposed to occasional mayhem for fun or feeding. It's their fault that the Hunters want us dead.
Embrace- Turned into a vampire.
Blood Frenzy- So angered, or so hungry, that the vampire goes crazy and tries to kill anything that moves. Fun for parties.

ROLE PLAYER TERMS:

Staked- Incapacitated. Staking does not cause dusting. Only beheading and/or sunlight do that.
Monkey Bombs- Reference to a particular incident, in which a group of Malkavians Embraced a bunch of chimpanzees, then staked them all. Then, the paralyzed apes were allowed to get hungry. After a week or so, the Malks got a helicopter, and flew over the city. Having wound a rope around each chimp, they then pushed them out of the chopper one by one. They spooled down like little yo-yo's, then at the end, right above street level, the stakes popped out. Hello, blood-frenzied monkeys, tear-assing through the streets of Columbus. *snicker*
Popping Claws- A Gangrel ability, if one has earned it. They can grow big talons, capable of slashing and rending. Yay!
Character Sheet- A piece of paper where you write down your characters merits, flaws, traits... this keeps things realistic, so you can't just say, "Well, I dodged!" a million times when someone is trying to throw things at you. You get mental, social, and physical traits that define what your character can and cannot do. For a combat/ability using action, you must declare what trait you possess that allows you to do this.
Experience Points- You earn them by playing, and you use them to buy more abilities and traits.
Throwing Chops- Playing rock-paper-scissors as a form of mock-combat. Here's how a scene goes, where one throws chops.

Random Brujah: Wah! I am becoming angry in my neanderthal way! I wish to hurt you!

Random Malkavian: Bring it on, bitch!
Random Brujah: I am Potent enough to punch you!
Random Malkavian: I am Quick enough to dodge!
Random Brujah: *pumps fist, rock paper scissors*
Random Malkavian:*pumps fist, rock paper scissors*
Random Brujah: Rock!
Random Malkavian: Paper!
Random Brujah: I missed!
Random Malkavian: I am Deadly enough to kick you in the butt!
Random Brujah: I am Tough enough to take it!
Random Malkavian:*pumps fist, rock paper scissors*
Random Brujah: *pumps fist, rock paper scissors*
Random Malkavian: Scissors!
Random Brujah: Paper!
Random Malkavian: Take a lethal!
Random Brujah: I yelp, scurrying away like the bitch that I am!
Random Malkavian: *laughing maniacally* I am Manipulative enough to Haunt you!
Random Brujah: Oh my god, the walls are staring at me! Help! Help!
Random Malkavian: I WIN!

... are you scared yet?

For the official story, try Columbus In Darkness. They know what they're talking about.

CHARACTERS I PLAY:

Fred Hess: Malkavian Vampire. Fred is a girl who thinks she's a boy (No, not based on the Angel character.) She also talks to a dead pigeon. She's from Tenessee, is 92 years old, and looks like a ten-year-old boy. She carries a steamer trunk, and tries to put "bad" in the box.
Desiree: Nosferatu Vampire. From Chicago, she's only twenty three. Her Mask is impeccable- she loves to be a pretty pretty vampire, and scare the crap out of Toreador by dropping the illusion to reveal her genuine, haglike state. Filthy rich, very bitchy, has two sister-vampires. Has recently become a member of the Sabbat, due to her estrangement from the Camarilla court and her sisters.
Mandy Jane LeCroix: Gangrel Vampire. She's twenty-seven, from Texas and Southern Louisiana. A hairdresser and manicurist, she had terminal cancer and is madly in love with her former regnant, who happens to be married to one of her close friends. Her recent embrace only complicates things.

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