PBiB: Xander: Perception
Alexander Harris.
I will always love him. I loved him from the first time that I saw him step onscreen in the pilot episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He's the zeppo, yes, but he's also the Heart. The pulse. Perceptive Guy. Not just the funny Xand-man, but a kind of normal-glue that makes all the superheroes keep their sanity. He's Alfred. Without him, the Batcave would just be a cave.
The first time Xander made me cry was when he staked Jesse. I cheered in "The Zeppo", when at the end he just walked away from Cordelia, a small, satisfied smile in place. Seasons later, the yellow crayon speech? I cry every time I see it. When he walked away from Anya, into the rain? My heart broke just a little bit more.
Xander has a kind of subtle depth that makes him the most believable and extraordinary character on the show. He has been through more battles, more wounds, more pain and heartache than any man should rightly endure. And he did it, because he chose to. No one branded him with a special destiny, or handed him a power that came with equal responsibility. Xander saw his humanity as reason enough to fight. He saw his friends, and loved them enough to want to help them.
He's the guy that sees things. He always will be... this is probably the corniest little speech I've ever written, but it's Tuesday, at 9:15pm, and I just finished watching "Dirty Girls." Oh god, Xander... I'm crying right now.
Please be okay. Don't lose your heart.
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