[ April 23, 2004 ^ Friday ]
Good news!
Spellbound has now been turned over to a new webmistress - Cimmerian-chan! She's
one of the authors in the site under the pen name sky75rk. Well anyway,
what happened to my bribery - yes, it worked and now I am red all over because
of sunburn...I can barely be recognized now.
Today is also my love's birthday and today is our 17th month (1 year 5 months)
of being together and we spent half of the day eating pizza from pizza hut,
chicken wings from KFC and seafood pasta from French Baker. We watched this
hilarious movie too and went to church to close the day. It was nice knowing
that he's become older once again and we have lasted for so long and looking
forward for more months and years of being together. God, I'm being so sappy.
Well anywayz, I too am glad to be the moderator of JKML and it's a good thing
that as I opened my mail today, I've received a lot of mail from JKML and that
the members zoomed and the people are active. I'm looking forward to more
of JKML's activities, really. It's a blast! All in all, today is
like one of the best days this year - someone saved me from the guilt, I have
achieved the right commotion to waken up members of JKML, my JKML announcements
were effective, I had a great date, I watched a good movie, I ate good pizza,
pasta and chicken and now I'm about to eat a good cup of ice cream! Nice, ne?
kill me shining //
trapped in the collapse
+ + +
[ April 20, 2004 ^ Tuesday ]
I have a new
self-appointed mission - that is, to unite all JubeixKazuki/KazukixJubei Fans in
the world.
Because of this, me and my very good friend Fall-chan decided to create and
moderate JubeixKazuki Mailing List. If you are interested to join us scream and
shout about JxK/KxJ lovin', you can check out this link and READ THE RULES! //
Link
to JubeixKazuki ML Home.
Wow, at first I thought I should distance myself from the yaoi fandom or the
computer life outside the 'real' life, you know. But then after all of
this, I realized that I just got one major bulk out of my schedule knowing for a
fact that the SenRu/RuSen Fandom had already been satisfied and stable and I did
not really exclude myself from this computer life stuff. It's nice though,
at least I get to travel on different fandoms and enjoy. But still, a fact
remains - SenRu/RuSen is forever...one of my favorite yaoi pairs.
going back to my real life, it's a nice thing that my boyfriend does his job
regarding me fairly well. it's his birthday by the end of the week and we're
supposed to go to this faraway place to enjoy the day with his family but then -
as expected - mom wouldn't agree! she said its waaaay too far and dangerous so,
yada...yada... but we've got a plan - i talked to my dad and pushed him agree on
me going to the 'boyfriend family affair' but then he said its my mom my
boyfriend should be asking. i thought that if my boyfriend would ask mom about
it, mom would go nuts and be mad but then dad said it's not going to be that way
- so now, i asked him to court my mom ffor it's the only way. we've been
thinking of some token of...bribery? and i said to bring like a fruit of some
sort but then look at this - he said he's thinking of giving her an imported
coffee - but we just got tons of it when my uncle came back from lala-land
recently - so now, he told me he's going to bring white wine - hmmm? he's got
money that i don't know of! but isn't that sweeeeet! he's really going to
persuade mom into allowing me to go his birthday and he really won't take no for
an answer - Gods, I'm kinda nervous....i hope this works well.
parting words // fellas, pray for our souls - it's his birthday i'm going to
anywayz!
kill me shining //
trapped in the collapse
+ + +
[ April 14, 2004 ^ Wednesday ]
Okay okay...so I
lost 500 bucks today...pure shit, right?
Well I went to the gym, thanks to my boyfriend's 50 bucks I get to have 'free
gym' sessions for today and I must say, I DON'T WANT TO RETURN TO THE GYM
ANYMORE!!! It's so tiring, man...all my muscles are worked up and I bet to all
bets that tomorrow, I won't be able to stand up on my bed! But it still feels
good to have perspired all that baby fat and all!
Looking back at this Sakuma Ryuichi oh-so-hot blog picture of mine, next month I
most probably be putting on my new love Makubex, or maybe Jubei...or maybe
Kadsuki/Kazuki...or maybe Ginji as Thunder Emperor right? And speaking of which,
I'm kinda loving some GetBackers yaoi...it's so so so so obvious - the Jubei/Kadsuki
thing! Eeeeeeee! Write? Write? Write? Nah...not now I guess, love is still for
SenRuSen and I am actually about to write a new fic now for a change! Oki oki...gotta
go then!
parting words // guys, check out the Jubei/Kadsuki thing and will someone tell
me who's Mido Ban's love interest? Some say it's HEVN in the manga - hmmm...good
choice ne? Some slutty taste Ban has - but really good, I must say - I'm HEVN
then! Bwahahahaha!
kill me shining //
trapped in the collapse
+ + +
[ April 12, 2004 ^ Monday ]
I'm in love...
Yep, yep, yep - Archangel-chan is in love...actually, this is what a girl on
vacation with not much to do, well...does - blogging her blog every day. I just
watched Get Backers on Animax today and it just kinda pisses me off that the
Makubex series stops at a time when Makubex is ready to blow up Infinity
City...is that the right way to treat fans? Well anyway, I just hope that I
won't watch episode 1 four times the way I'm doing now...Animax, onegai...please
finish the Makubex series!
Well, going back to the 'I'm in love' thing I have, yes, I am in love...with
Makubex! That's all I wanted to say and blog about. I love Makubex!
parting words // I left Spellbound for good now but I still love Makubex!
kill me shining //
trapped in the collapse
+ + +
[ April 11, 2004 ^ Sunday ]
Is this right?
Will someone tell me what's happening to my life?!?!
Well you see, I dedicated 2 whole weeks in editing HTMLs and stuff and making
more than 50 summaries for the fictions that are not included on the author's
pages that I lost - God, then now that I am through in doing all of those
things, I just remembered - I have a copy of all the summaries in my search
page...and whalalalalala! There, I saw it! Niiiiice, ne? It just kinda
pissed me off.
Even if my summaries this time aren't as good as the original one, I don't have
a heart to go gaga over another editing session! Guys, for those who are reading
my blog for some spellbound news and stuff, here's the catch - I have just
uploaded the author's page and later I'll do the rest...byt tomorrow, you have
all the site functions working a-ok, except for the search page...I need a
break! Boyfriend's coming home from the province tonight and I need to look as
if I'm not doing anything with my life. And oh, by the way, my
webmistressing life for Spellbound is finally over. I have done all that I
need to do for the site, maybe upload some of my fics and that's all but
basically, spellbound is no more. I'm actually over the sadness of having
to leave the fandom - I mean the site. I actually thought of leaving the fandom
for good but then it seems that I also like to finish the unfinished fics that I
have.
The thing is, I feel contented already with the webmistressing part, but as an
author, I ought to do more.
kill me
shining // trapped in the collapse
+ + +
[ April 9, 2004 ^ Friday ]
kill me shining
// trapped in the collapse « euphoric dream state » | hypnotized by [sakuma
ruyichi] \\ version three
neeee...new bishie for the new month - what do you think? well, as everyone may
already know, this is Sakuma Ryuichi, my animé j-rock god! lead singer of
Nittle Grasper, my animé j-rock band-god!
so why sakuma ryuichi // i have mistakenly believed that the song 'no style' was
sung by this god - but then it's not! and up until now, i cannot believe that
shindo shuuichi (was the spelling right?) sang 'no style' - not that i
discriminate shuu or what - it's just that - it's not like bad luck's usual
songs - and damn i'm so affected! whatever now - i'm trying to cope with it,
though *everyone sweat drops* - see, i'm affected!
okay, what happened to mido ban // i still love him, but it's a new month, so -
i have to move on *people throwing trash at me* - go to hell, girl!
blog proper // i just got home from a 5-day ultimate vacation to a faraway
island in my country and God, I'm so tired, everyday we would tour the area, go
to the beaches, go to the discos, drink and eat a whole lot of sea foods! it was
so damn nice and i wish i could go back next summer, too bad my vacation was cut
short because i have to go back to the city for my school requirements - that
sucks! » early this morning, i had a fight with big sis over money matters and i
was at fault really - bad computation and i can't believe i owe her 1000 bucks.
well anyway, i lowered down my pride and said sorry. i'm over it now. » 10:20pm
- just got home from 7 churches and thee dorm, we ate pizza and chicken and drank
a liter of pepsi and went straight home. i wished to gain control over myself
and help my parents with all the financial crap - plus help my sister in her
personal dilemmas. cum laude? i want it but i would let God decide and do my
stuff, i wished for strength and power to rule myself and my longings. i just
wish i'll be given all that though i know that i really do not deserve much -
i'm a sinner after all...
parting words // we're all sinners after all.
kill me shining //
trapped in the collapse
+ + +
[ March 17, 2004 ^ Wednesday ]
How does it feel
to fail?
Well actually, I think I felt this just this Monday when I thought of how
disgraceful I am to myself for not being able to meet my personal standards.
I actually do well in school but then, these past few days, I have been so bored
in schoolwork. I fail my exams, well not really fail but 7 mistakes is not
a good sight for me, much more for a 12-mistake test on one of my majors.
I feel so stupid, shit.
This coming finals, actually - later... is the start of my final exams and what
a good time for me to feel this way. The thing is, I am disappointed with
my performance in school and it hurts like hell to be dominated by people who
you thought are not as good as you are. That is major pain in the soul, man.
Really hurts. Well, I guess this is God's punishment for not being humble enough
and for always stretching my limits. I don't know, I feel so pathetic.
Maybe because my boyfriend or everyone tells me of how good I do in school and I
became this pretty little airhead and got my feet off the ground then God said,
"Hey, that's enough." I guess that I relied too much on my own
capabilities, tested my brain content, got bored in school and this is what
happened - well, maybe God just showed me that sometimes I needed to feel pain
and failure - which are actually the two things I hate most about life and
living. Well, yeah - it hit me to the core of my being. And so I cried
alone in school yet it was only my boyfriend and gay/bi best friend who knew why
- well you guys too, I guess.
So that's what it feels to fail and not being able to meet your set standards -
it hurts like hell, just like Heero Yuy once said. And actually, it's like
dying.
And now that it's the final exams, I don't know how to get that strength to
study and concentrate. Every time I make a mistake in my review, it's like -
shit, man...is this how you're gonna do in the exams? I feel like a child
who's starting to crawl or walk...and I hated it. Well, guess this only
leads me to one thing - yeah with the crap of believing in yourself and trying
to reach the maximum, live life to the fullest and in the best of your
capabilities - but here's what, learn to trust and seek God too, it so damn
hurts to rely only in yourself then you suddenly fall 100 feet or more with no
one to count on...it just. so. damn. hurts.
Yet that's life.
did you have a good
dream? // it only lasts
for one minute
+ + +
[ March 13, 2004 ^ Saturday ]
This has got to
be one helluva day for me! First of all, I managed to finish yet another layout
for a site that is to be considered dead - that is, my seventh version of
spellbound. Second, I get to read my mail and a friend of mine congratulated me
for winning SDRC 2003 Best Pairing Shrine by Fans- wow! Then I get to read
my other mail just to be a little pissed off but nonetheless amused
because of a one liner 'whatever' review for my fic Bliss - it said, 'Go To
Hell'.
Well, guess not - I'm Archangel, I live in heaven, freak.
Okay, so I'm tired now, having to work for 12 hours straight to finish off
version seven and upload the archive. It's incomlete, though but that's all I
can do for now - I'm on to my dreadful finals and I need to get an average of
1.6 at least to glue my spot on the cum laude! Bwahahahaha! Talk about crap,
man.
did you have a good
dream? // it only lasts for one minute
+ + +
[ March 6, 2004 ^ Saturday ]
evil eye // onto
the one minute dream | addicted to [mido ban] \\ version two
why mido ban // my addiction towards omi tsukiyono had subsided and february has
passed. i was supposed to be featuring my dear love sendoh and this month mitsui
hisashi - but then i changed my mind - who wouldn't when mido ban comes
around handing over some 'get backers' flyer?
me // i'm a walking zombie right now - i'm finishing so many *argh* *argh*
requirements. oh, i'm hungry too - i haven't eaten since last night.
onto the one minute dream // end of spellbound - yep it's true and it's
final! i had just closed the site and up until now i haven't uploaded the
fanfiction archive. my one and a half years of serving the akikaenian community
has reached it's end [that is as a webmistress] but as a writer - i don't think
so! the truth is, due to mild depression, i haven't been visiting the site
since...whatever date i have uploaded version six [but i will change the layout
again, i'm kinda tired of it already]. call me a freak but that's the truth -
whenever i see spellbound, i feel like shit for leaving it behind. the problem
with me is that i know i'm going to leave spellbound after a year or so -
maximum of two years - even before i started working on spellbound, now that i
have reached the peak of until how i could stand, it just doesn't seem right but
then there's nothing i can do, i need to become more of the nurse that i ought
to be - i'm graduating next year and like what? could i still keep quiet when i
work on spellbound? or will i let my relatives and boyfriend see the site
and say 'hey that's yaoi, i've been working on it for more than a year now' -
blast it? yeah, blast it!
did you have a good dream? // it only lasts for one minute