A/N: So… going… to… Hades….
Chapter 308: Joey XIII—Overindulgent
Joe’s first sensation when the alarm woke him up was that someone had kicked him in the gut with a sharp toed boot. In fact, he didn’t want to open his eyes, he pressed his hands into his gut after he had shut off the alarm and he groaned. An entire tray of pies, twelve pies to a tray, thousands of calories per pie, meats dripping with fat, cookies savory with sugared butter, and eggnog creamy and unskimmed. All of that had been ingested by him last night, God only know how it would metabolize.
“Do ya need the Pepto Bismol hon?” Debbie asked in a groggy voice.
“Nah,” Joe said, he vaguely remembered Debbie spoon feeding him the stomach remedy and that embarrassed him. “I’m good.”
Joe squinted in the dark, and when he rolled out of bed he knew immediately that he would most definitely not be alright. Aside from the dull ache in his gut, his joints felt sore and inflamed and his muscles felt too heavy to deal with. A layer of fat had just rolled itself around his major organs, he knew it.
He groaned as he went to the bathroom, he wondered how hard it would be to go to a hospital and just ask for some new visceral plumbing. The pink bottle of Pepto Bismol winked at him invitingly; he peered at its label before he poured a serving into the lid. For the relief of stomach pain due to overindulgence…. Yes that was apt. He rooted for the “coating action” as he swallowed.
When he saw Michele again he knew he would have to tell her to never, ever flash those evil desserts around him or his team again. Those weren’t pies; those were devices of sabotage, worse than paint fumes in the locker room or scuffed blades. He couldn’t believe that he’d never seen the truth of this before! Those pies were evil!
Well you shouldn’t have gorged on em you idiot, he thought. It’s not Michele’s fault we seem to have no self control around those pies, well me at any rate.
A hot shower helped him out immensely to wake up but as he got dressed and collected his bag together for the road trip, taking care not to make noise around Debbie, his body still groaned with an inflamed stiff grogginess. Calories, stored, sitting, fattening, expanding… it would take more than a few hours on the bike and some games to get rid of this mess. Joe poked at his waist line, his heart trembled but he didn’t feel a large roll of flesh like he had been afraid of. That would be a little more time. Stupid Christmas gluttony, pigging out on food GAH!
The hungry, plaintive growl his stomach let out as he took his bags down the hallway and down the stairs. Hungry? You ungrateful bastard, he thought poking on his gut, haven’t I indulged you enough for a lifetime? His stomach roared in reply. Patty once told him that eating too late at night for some reason makes the gut hungrier in the morning, Joe assumed that this was finally confirmation of the crazy goalie’s philosophy.
The growling would not cease and Joe knew that skipping breakfast only led to more digestive ills so he placated himself with a banana and cereal.
The sun wasn’t even close to up, four in the morning, he listened to the tick of the kitchen clock as he ate and then he heard something else. The sound resembled the clumsy sawing of a rusty motor, he frowned. The noise being loud, that he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t noticed it before. Belching without reserve, Joe got up to investigate and when he found the source of the noise he laughed.
“Alex,” he whispered. Alex Tanguay lay sprawled and open mouthed snoring on the couch near the Christmas tree, the lights illuminating his doughy face. He nudged the kid. How the hell could he have been left here? He had a blanket tucked over his body and he assumed that Debbie or Michele must have been responsible for that. He nudged him again. Alex snorted a snore. “ALEX!”
“What?” Tanguay gasped and he sat up blinking and waving around with his arms. “No! No!”
Joe rolled his eyes. “Alex calm down.”
Tanguay blinked and blanched. “Captain! What am I doing here? What happened? Is the party over?”
“Yeah I would think so,” Joe replied and he glanced around the couch. “Is there anyone else left here?”
“I donno,” Tanguay mumbled. “I don’t even remember falling asleep here you know? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to Captain.”
Joe grinned. “Hey it’s alright, kiddo. We need to get to the airport in an hour or so though so if you want to rush home and get your things you can, or we can just get to the airport together and you can just get yourself a new wardrobe on the road.”
Tanguay blinked. “I’m hungry!”
“Food’s in the kitchen.”
There were eight million things Joe could think of that were essential components of Alex Tanguay’s personality that would not even be close to tolerated on old hockey teams. Softness, sentimental, overindulgent, Joe knew that words like that would have been sneered at him years ago for finding Alex so amusing. Not many captains, even nowadays would take that kindly to Alex’s presumptuous nature and the way he took everyone’s kindness for granted.
Alex’s eyes were wide and he grinned. Cocky little kid! “Yeah I guess, I didn’t know Mitchell was so nuts over the Squiggling Buddy. I just thought kids liked action figures.”
“I’m gonna get you back you punk,” Joe said but he made sure to point at him with a playful smile. Alex gulped.
“But Joe!” he said in that plaintive voice. “I didn’t mean for that to happen you wanted to trade the gifts with me! Do you want me to tell Mitcheel? I’ll do that but it might make Mitchell not trust anyone you know.”
Joe laughed. “Naw don’t tell the kid, it’s my fault.”
The puppy yipped at the door and Joe let him in. His stomach grumbled miserably as he went back upstairs. Debbie’s expression remained in him from last night and he didn’t know if he should wake her up or not to tell her goodbye. Last night he had told her about his gift to Cecile, and it occurred to him as he had told her that perhaps he should have told the girl that the gift was from both he AND Debbie. Debbie had smiled but he could see well enough in her eyes that she had been far from pleased.
That part annoyed Joe; did that mean that Debbie didn’t trust him? Was she mad at him for not putting her name as well on the gift, and did she feel left out? Had she been jealous and if so why? What would Cecile be to him other than a paid worker for the house, and yes, in a way, a friend but didn’t Debbie also see the girl that way? Maybe Debbie had had a little too much to drink or she had still been flustered about the very interesting bible interpretation the children had performed.
Either way, he wasn’t particularly in the mood to wake Debbie up and continue the conversation or have her get after him for spoiling the help. There again, the word overindulgent could apply.
He saw the outlines of the light peeking through the bottom of the door in Cecile’s bedroom, which lay next to the children’s room. The girl never seemed to tire, never seemed to need much sleep. He knocked lightly on the door.
“Come in?” The girl’s voice sounded uncertain.
Joe cracked the door open, just enough to peek through.
“Mr. Sakic?” Cecile sat up, pulling her blanket around her, and putting down a book she had been reading.
Joe smiled. “Hey, Alex and I are going to be leaving soon, can you tell Debbie goodbye when she gets up?”
Cecile nodded. “Of course… Alex? He…” she laughed. “He ended up staying here? I had no idea he was that exhausted!”
Joe grinned. “Yeah he’s worse than the kids. See ya when I get back.”
“Joe?”
Joe felt a sting inside and he turned around, Debbie stood in the hallway, in her robe and slippers. He swallowed and felt caught, but caught at what? Nothing at all really, God she looked beautiful in that color.
“Joe you’re leaving already?”
Joe nodded. “I didn’t want to disturb…”
“You wouldn’t have been disturbing me, you know that.”
Joe smiled weakly. “Debbie you’re gorgeous!”
Debbie frowned in a perplexed way more than an angry one.
On the drive to the airport, Joe noticed that Alex just would not stop talking. Could the kid always talk like this? He talked and talked on the party, and how well it had went and how cute the kids were during that play and what on Earth was he going to do now with that Mummy’s scepter?
Oh hell! Joe thought, of course, that scepter. Debbie had swiffed it away somewhere they would have to figure out how to get it back to the museum when he got back. How the kids had gotten a hold on it was beyond him, and it just reminded him that those women and kids were covering something up about that museum trip, a felony seemed to be on that list.
He slept a little on the plane, listened to bickering about card games, jokes, snores, and comments on that play. Hey Joe did Cecile teach that story to the kids? Joe really didn’t know, but it hadn’t seemed like the girl’s style to teach the children something like that!
While he
was on the subject of overindulgence, however, Joe thought long and hard about
the team. Alex still talked and laughed as they set up in their
It didn’t take long.
As soon as Joe sauntered into the arena for the practice skate he saw it forming. He frowned. Again he had been the last one into the locker room; he had been late sleeping with another nap. He didn’t know why he was so tired other than those damn pastries were weighing down his metabolism, still the point was, and he was late and that little punk Alex had not woken him up.
Joe had entered the locker room with half a mind to get after Alex about the miscue especially seeing as he had thought to wake the kid up for the plane ride. What greeted his eye, however, was the sight of David Aebischer grinning at Patty who was snuggling, yes he was snuggling those damn Smittens. The goalie had a blissful smile and the mittens were pressed against his cheek. Joe then looked over and to his chagrin and amusement he saw Robbie cradling the bowling ball Brandi had given him, on his lap. He had his hand resting on it and the picture and name was facing the locker room.
So we have a goalie that’s in love with Smittens, Joe thought, and a defenseman who is enamored with a bowling ball….. Joe’s eyes widened. He had to do a double take. Every other man, dressed in gear and ready had books in their hands, their noses were buried in it. Joe squinted at them; they were all the same book, The Bible, presumably from their hotel rooms.
“Hey getta load of this one!” Parker exclaimed. “You’re not
gonna believe what
“Hey there’s another Tamar story here,” Forsberg added. “But I don’t think it’s the same girl and she gets raped by her brother, that’s depressing!”
“Dude, you guys, Solomon really had it for this Shulamite girl you gotta read the stuff he wrote about her breasts and hair! Damn she sounds hot!” Derek Morris added.
“I got the mother of em all!” Keaner barked, “The book of Leviticus here, men, an entire list of rules for SEX!”
All the guys let out a mighty roar as they began flipping through the book. Joe shook his head and made eye contact with Coach Hartley whose eyes were wide. Hartley shrugged. “Well at least they’re reading the Bible eh? I guess we can indulge them in that.”
Joe laughed. “I guess! What is up with this team?”
“Damn Danny,” Drury said clapping Hinote on his back, “And here you had us all believing that your girl was such an innocent little virgin, she’s been reading smut this entire time!”