Chapter 314: Joey XIV—Doing What’s Natural

Running from a spider, hiding in the bathroom like a tiddled sorority party. Not before then, Joe wouldn’t have done that before then. At the time, however, whether it was the fact that the damn thing wouldn’t die or pack behavior in running with Danny and Keaner at his side, it seemed completely natural. Alex saved the day, apparently, as evidenced by his calm voice telling them to come out, it was safe. Joe could only think about the sheer absurdity of the situation. Nothing made much sense these days why should this?

“Heh, you kill it?” Danny asked as he peeked out the bathroom door.

“No,” Tanguay replied. “I let him go.”

Keaner pushed Joe aside as he sauntered out into the room. Joe sighed and followed him out of the bathroom only to be blindsided by Danny who scurried to Alex’s side. “Him? I thought spiders that big were girls.” Keane said.

Tanguay laughed. “No this one was Igor, not a girl.” The kid had a playful twinkle in his eye, his childish smile. Sometimes Joe thought of him as a child that had not yet finished growing up. Igor… Joe thought about it but before he could ask, Keane put it to words.

“Igor?” Keane asked. “Isn’t that Jana’s spider?”

Tanguay sighed and sat down on one of the beds. “Igor belongs to no one.” He had said it with such a straight face Joe knew he had to be joking. Even Alex’s eyes were solemn, a young man with practice teasing children.

“Hehe now you’re just talking silly Tangs,” Danny said in a goofy voice.

Alex still didn’t let up his solemn face. “Sure,” he said. “Silly.”

Logical thinking, automatic, “Hey,” Joe said, “did it look like Jana’s spider then? That pet of hers she lost? Cause… because you know there’s a whole bunch of scientists really interested in that thing, new species and everything. You just threw it out of the window Alex?”

Tanguay’s round cheeks blushed. “Oh hey,” he said. “You know I didn’t think about that part Joe, but yeah it did look like Jana’s pet spider, exactly.”

“Heh,” Keaner said, “Are those scientist types offering a reward for it?”

Danny ran to the window and hung half of his body out. “I don’t see it, damn.”

Joe shook his head; the sight of Danny hanging out of the window reminded him. “Naw I don’t think that there’s a reward for the spider… Now Keaner, Dan, tell me what you two were doing crawling along the side of the building?” He looked straight at Danny who reddened. “Having rock climbing fantasies?”

Before Keane or Dan could say anything, the phone rang. Joe glared at them. “We’ll find out soon enough won’t we aye?”

Bob Hartley’s perennially cool demeanor never ceased to interest Joe. He could remember a few occasions where Bob had actually lost his temper and turned red, yelled, cursed, and all of those times involved Drury’s inability to pay consistent attention to authority. There were other times where it seemed as if Bob were angry at the referees, he would yell at them, bluster and curse but Joe knew that at times like those, Hartley’s only aim was to showboat for the home crowd or the refs. The instant the puck dropped, Bob would continue on calmly, with life.

Now the information presented to both he, Joe and Pierre Lacroix, by hotel concierge and security was this, Scott Parker had completely lost his senses and took an axe to a door, and the room had been wrecked. The fact that Parker had dropped the axe and remained calm when confronted by hotel security was the only reason that the police were not brought in. Now remained, the question of accountability and most importantly, of payment. Who would pay for these damages? And, importantly for the team’s future at this hotel, can they guarantee that this “attack dog” will stay leashed?

Lacroix’s cheeks reddened and his lips tightened so that he resembled somewhat a Bulldog that had downed a lemon. His large hands tightened on his lap. Hartley, Joe noticed, did not change his expression except for letting his mouth drop open a little bit. Joe didn’t know how he seemed to them but he felt himself smile inside to see Bob’s icy demeanor. Even when he had the team test him years ago, Joe had not found one single breaking point in him. Even Patty couldn’t induce him to lose his cool…. Heh… Just Drury.

“The damages will be paid for, of course,” Bob said coolly, “Sometimes these players you know and they have a little too much to drink. Things like this happen.”

The Head Concierge nodded, “And how did a thing like this, happen.”

“I saw the gumballs on the floor,” Lacroix said abruptly, “It looks like a bad practical joke. My understanding is that Scott does not react well to practical jokes. He only reacted as was natural to him, yes?”

“Everyone involved will be punished, of course.” Hartley added. Joe noted Hartley look directly at him.

Joe cleared his throat and sat up straight. “Yeah, I’ll get to the bottom of this if we can just deal with this internally. That would be great.”

“But the damage… who will pay…”

Lacroix tossed a wad of money onto the table. “Will you need more than that?”

Keaner, Dan and Alex were all into a card game when Joe got back to the room. They all stopped. “Hey Cap’n..”

“I’m going to bed,” Joe snapped, his head hurt and his eyes smarted from sleepiness. Plus, his gut roared with hunger and he didn’t need food that was the last thing he needed. “I’m turning off the light, now you guys can stay in here or go back to that room Parker tore apart, I don’t care we’ll sort it out in the morning.” Keane cleared his throat to say something but one look at his orange hair sliced him through with rage. “And who the hell plays practical jokes on Parker? Dammit Keaner I didn’t think even you could be that stupid.”

Keane sniffed and reddened, he looked away. “Alex I’m taking the bed. Let’s get the lights off for the captain.”

“Oooo,” Alex whined. “But Keaner I don’t want to sleep on the couch.”

Joe laughed without mirth. The kid was amazing, really he was…. He rolled his eyes as Danny clicked off the light. The room was still illuminated from the street lights outside and Joe could still see everyone fairly clearly outlined in pale blues and grays. Joe wasted no more time crawling into bed and he closed his eyes. He heard Keaner getting into bed.

“Keaner I don’t want to sleep on the couch, I don’t!”

“Well you can share the bed with me then.”

“Oof! I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Joe grinned.

“What about you sweet cheeks,” Keane said gamely; Joe assumed he was talking to Danny. At least he better be. “Wanna share a bed with me or Alex?”

“I ain’t sharing a little couch with Alex,” Danny said. “Move it on over Keanes.”

Joe yawned and rolled himself in the comforter, ah, yes he could feel himself sinking into darkness and sleep. He sighed in bliss as he listened to Danny rolling into bed with Keane. Shuffles of comforters and pillows and whispers.

“Hey I need a pillow and blanket!” Tanguay said.

“Here Tangs I don’t like pillows.” Dan said.

The sound of the pillows flying through the air for Alex to catch sounded like the puff of an owl’s wings. “Thanks Noter.”

“Hey I like pillows!” Keane barked, “why’d you give away mine?”

“Eh, they’re not good for your neck anyway, Keaner,” Danny replied.

“Hey!” Alex snipped. “You don’t seem worried about my neck how come you gave me pillows?”

“I’m just not gonna win am I?” Danny asked in an exasperated voice.

“Shut UP!” Joe bellowed. He didn’t open his eyes however, he felt confident in his ability to silence the brats, and it worked. Sweet silence returned. Joe listened to the light sounds of the wind against the window, and traffic. He heard some more rustling.

“GAH!” Danny barked and Joe’s eyes snapped open. He rolled over to see Danny jumping out of the bed and onto the floor. “KEANER!”

“Just doing what comes natural sweetie.”

“EW!” Danny moaned and he ran over to the couch. “Move it on over Tangs, Keaner’s a pervert.”

I can’t believe he just molested Dan… was Joe’s last thought before he fell asleep.

“Aw they look so peaceful, like little kittens in a basket.”

Joe frowned and switched the toothbrush to the other end of his mouth. “I guess so,” he mumbled through the paste.

Danny and Alex were curled up on the couch tangled with each other, sharing a blanket and pillows. Their limbs were tossed about and entwined, Danny’s cheek rested on Tanguay’s chest and they both breathed with the light breath of morning sleep. Joe hadn’t really noticed them; he had been brushing his teeth when Keaner called him over to look at them.

“So what should we do with em?” Keaner asked.

Joe frowned at Keaner and went to the bathroom where he spat and rinsed his mouth. “What do you mean what do we do with them?” he asked as he came out of the bathroom. He could see Keaner rummaging through a duffel bag. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for my goodies.”

Joe raised his eyebrows. “Keaner when did you get your bag?”

“Before sunrise, I can’t function without my bag Joey.”

Joe recalled hearing that line before, only he remembered Debbie saying something similar when she had lost her purse. “That’s great Keaner.”

“AH ha!”

Keane had his devilish grin as he procured a roll of duct tape and a Polaroid camera. His pink tongue ran over his lips as he approached their sleeping teammates. The image it put into Joe’s mind was that of a vampire stalking its prey. “Keaner what are you doing?”

“Having a little fun, Joey.”

Joe rolled his eyes. “What did I tell you about practical jokes?”

“Gumballs are out, Polaroids are classic, Joey. Now are you gonna tell me you don’t have an appreciation of the classics?” Keane stopped and looked at him with a lifted eyebrow and a daring twinkle. “Where’s your sense of fun Captain? We got two cute, young, vulnerable pups sleeping on this couch, now tell me that the possibilities of this situation don’t dance in your head.”

Joe shook his head. “Keane no we’re not…”

“Exactly Joe!” Keane grinned. “Kids! Remember what it was like in the juniors when you didn’t give a flying shit about the standings or anything that the coach told you to do. You just cared about scoring that next goal or scoring that next girl and tomorrow didn’t mean anything! Think about that, remember when your sides just ached from that ONE perfect joke that you know everyone would talk about for years. Remember that?”

“Keane I was a star in junior hockey,” Joe replied.

Keaner rolled his eyes. “Fine. Well this’ll be new for you, now come on and help me tape these kids together before they wake up. Trust me, you’ll be glad once it’s done.”

“Keaner!” Joe exclaimed, “I’m not gonna be part of torturing two kids for no reason except sick fun.”

Keane crossed his arms. “Just think about every single time Alex has ever annoyed you, like those times when he complains about hotel concierge being too mean and can we not do anything about it?”

Joe nodded. “Right, hand me the tape.”

Amazingly enough, both Alex and Dan did not wake up through the entire process of being taped together. With an artist’s confidence, Keane even positioned it so that it looked like the two were cuddling, even arranging their arms in an embrace. Perverse but hilarious especially with the blanket pulled up under the shoulders so that the tape wasn’t visible. And the Polaroid came out, picture perfect.