Chapter 412: Joey XXIII—Try a Fast One

“Heh, heh, heh,” Keane said slowly. “So… roomies Joe? Heh…”

Sakic grimaced and looked at Keaner, “Yeah?” Actually he wanted to smile, he could see in Mike’s china blue eyes, a twinkle, slightly lewd, slightly nervous. He bet that Keane wasn’t at all that thrilled to have a new roommate, especially one that had complete control of the remote control no questions asked. This could turn out to be a pretty fun road trip.

“Heh,” Keane said again. “Yeah.”

Joe rolled his eyes. “Alright Keanes,” he said as they lugged their duffels down the hallway. Briefly, Joe mulled over making Mike carry all the bags but it didn’t seem fair to do that, seeing as Keane wasn’t the one being disciplined. With an “oh shucks” Joe realized that he should have had both Tiger and Hinote carry their bags up as well as their own. It would have gotten a point across nicely. Ah well. “Look just because we’ve never been roommates before it doesn’t have to be difficult this could be real fun, aye?”

“Aye,” Keane replied.

“Good,” Joe adjusted his grip on his duffel. “Now let’s just lay out a few little ground rules,” he grinned, especially when Mike breathed in audibly, as if waiting for the death blow.

“Rules are good,” Keane said tonelessly, waiting for the bomb.

“Yup,” Joe said. “So, I’m the captain which means…”

“Remote control’s yours, shower’s yours first, room service is on me, newspaper is yours first, I make sure your side of the room isn’t messed up, I stay off your side of the room, my dirty socks and underwear are nowhere near your bed, hands off your pillow mint, in fact you can have my pillow mint, and I fall asleep only after you do so my snoring don’t mess you up?” Spoken with such rapid, machine gun reluctance Joe really found it hard not to bust a gut laughing, much less not crack a gloating smile.

“Excellent!” Joe grinned and he patted Keaner on the shoulder. “I see we’re gonna get along just fine Keanes, I mean just because I have ultimate seniority though don’t mean we can’t both get along and have a good time. If there’s a program you really want to watch or you’re just that sore you feel you need the shower first, just tell me, I’ll oblige ya, okay?”

“Riiiight,” Keane said through his bottom teeth. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good, and remember…” Joe didn’t finish his thought however before his phone rang, beeping merrily in a tune one of his teammates had selected for him. “Ah just a sec,” he held up his hand to Keane, dropped his bags on the floor and answered his phone. “Yeah?”

“Joe, honey.”

Joe smiled, “Hey Debbie, what’s up hon, I was gonna call you in a minute we got to the hotel and…” He waved his hand at Keaner who grabbed all of the bags and lugged them into the room, closing the door behind him. Joe leaned against the wall. “…then I was gonna call. What’s up?”

“Oh Joe, how is Peter?” Debbie asked and she sounded truly disturbed.

“Eh?” Joe said. “Why are you worried about Peter?”

“Well honey, don’t you know?”

Joe frowned and thought about it, Peter’s pale face, his eyes worried, his lips tight and colorless, a man on his last leg. “Oh yeah, we just found out, so it’s true then, Josefina is gone?”

“I guess!” Debbie exclaimed and she sounded a little helpless and hurt. “She just up and left already. Mimi called and told me that Jo dropped by her house for tea, and she told her that she had to leave or something and I guess it’s for good. She didn’t mention anything about a fight, or even that Peter did anything wrong, it’s really weird Joe.”

Joe frowned, “Huh, yeah I guess it is.”

“I mean why would she just leave him?”

“Are you fishing for gossip or something Debbie?” Joe asked, and he couldn’t avoid a slight needling tone in his voice. He could imagine that Debbie would love to be the one to unearth the key point to the end of Peter’s love affair and be the first one to tell the rest of the wives.

“Nooo!” Debbie exclaimed. “I mean just a little. Joe, I’m just a little worried. If Josefina just left Peter without him doing anything to provoke it really, he must be so devastated. I’m only thinking of the team when you get down to it, Hon; I suggest you keep a good eye on Peter, even if he’s acting like everything’s okay.”

Joe nodded. “Yeah, that’s a great idea. You know it is weird, I hadn’t seen Peter so happy before I thought he and Josefina were doing real great together. We’re keeping an eye on him.”

“What do you think it could have been?” Debbie asked in a quiet, awed voice. “I just don’t understand it.”

“Well I don’t know Debbie,” Joe said scratching his chin. “You know Josefina better than I do, I can’t guess at a reason if I don’t see one.” His mind drifted to the hotel room, and what Keaner could possibly be doing in there all alone. No noise came from within, no television or even the sound of the shower, and that made Joe a little nervous.

“Mimi says she thinks Jo will be back,” Debbie said brightly, “I mean maybe she will be. She said that Jo seemed so unsure of everything and real scared, she’s pretty certain that she’ll be back.”

“Well let’s trust Mimi then,” Joe said and he didn’t bother to hide the patronizing tone in his voice. “Everything will be just fine.”

“Oh poo on you Joe!” Debbie snipped but not strongly, “Someone has to worry right? And we liked Josefina, well most of us do. We really thought she and Peter were gonna make it.”

“Yeah, honey,” Joe said and he turned the doorknob, “Hey honey, can I call you back in a bit, Keaner’s alone in the room and I gotta check it out okay?”

“Keaner? What’s Mike doing in there?” Debbie asked.

“Eh, it’s a long story,” Joe replied, “Call you back, hon?”

“Sure,” Debbie said, “Sure that’s fine.”

“Thanks, love ya,” he said and he heard Debbie repeat the phrase and Joe narrowed his eyes as he went into the hotel room. He found Keane reclining on one of the beds; his palms behind his head not even a smile on his face. Glancing around the room, Joe didn’t see anything too out of place; he saw the duffel bags neatly at the foot of the beds, the remote control sitting nicely on his pillow. “Everything looking good, Mike?” Joe asked.

“Yup,” Keane replied with a dull expression on his pale face. He sniffed, “Room looks good, as good as they come, Cap’n. Hey, lookie, I left the remote there for ya, yeah I think I’m gonna take a nap if it’s all the same to you, or maybe go out for a bite to eat ‘less you wanting me to get room service aye? Yeah hey you look beat too, I mean I was thinking of taking a shower first but if you want to do it by all means, just go on in you’re the captain right?”

Joe nodded and grinned. “You’re a good man, Keanes.”

Mike winked and half grinned. “Hey I try.”

Joe laughed. “Right. Right. Look I think I’ll just pass up on the shower right now. I took one before we left; I’ll just take one in the morning, so if you wanna go on in that’s fine by me.” He crossed his arms and he saw Keane’s cheeks redden and he cleared his throat, twitching his top lip as if he had a tickle there. “I mean you wanted a shower, you just said that right?”

“Eh,” Keane said.

Joe nodded. “Right, I get it. Okay Keane, go on into that bathroom, take out the shampoo you just put in there, the one that would have bleached my hair, then take out the gag cake of soap that would have left me smelling like cooked cabbage. And then you can take out the liver flavored toothpaste and the towel that would have left blue dye streaks on my face.”

Mike cleared his throat and coughed. “Eh, yeah and what makes you think I would have done something like that Joey?”

Sakic nodded. “And while you’re at it, take the plastic wrap off the toilet bowl.”

“What plastic wrap?” Keane shrugged.

Joe laughed. “Right, fine, then you can go in and take a shower and use the toilet as is. I mean there wouldn’t be a problem then right Mike?”

“Eh,” Mike said. “Gotcha,” he grinned. “You’re a quick one Captain, a real quick one. That’s why we love ya!”

Joe waved his hand in the air, “Right. Right. Get to it Mike okay? Cause I’m hungry, we’re going down to eat, they have the best chicken parmesan here don’t keep me waiting.”

“Aye aye!” Mike saluted and he jumped off the bed and grabbing a plastic bag off the carpet he went into the bathroom.”

Joe shook his head, Mike had some nerve! When he reached for the remote control off the pillow he paused. Exactly how much nerve did Mike have? Nah, he shook his head and smiled to himself. Don’t be that paranoid, Quoteless, he thought just to prove to himself how silly he was, he pushed aside the remote and then picked up the pillow. “AAAAAH!” Joe screamed and he jumped back as a Jack-in-the-Box clown face on a spring flew up at him, cackling and rolling off the bed after its initial jump. “MIKE!”

Keane appeared from the bathroom with his bag bulging full of the bathroom tricks. “Oh sorry, Captain I forgot about the spring, heh, I didn’t think it’d actually work, it’s in preliminary stages.”

Joe rolled his eyes. “Come on; let’s get something to eat before I really kill you.”

“So Mike,” Joe said after they’d ordered their meals. “Is it just instinct, can you really not control it?”

Mike took a drink of water and squinted. “You already noticed Joe?”

Joe shrugged. “Well you made it kind of obvious from the moment we got here.”

Mike raised his carrot orange eyebrows. “Eh… I did?”

“Yup.”

Mike sniffed and sucked in his lips. “Really?”

Joe sighed. “Mike in less than three minutes you booby trapped an entire bathroom, and set up a homemade clown spring thing in the hotel room, yeah I think this practical joke addiction of yours was kind of obvious.”

“Oh practical jokes!” Keane said his eyes widening and he coughed and breathed out as if in relief. “Sure, yeah, yeah Captain I think you can say it’s kind of like an addiction aye, yeah I’ll look into it. Right.” He breathed out again through his mouth and took a long drink of water.

Joe raised his eyebrows, “What did you think I was talking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Mike?”

“Yeah?”

Joe shook his head. “Do I want to know?”

Mike jut out his bottom jaw, baring his teeth, “Eh probably not but weall find out things sooner or later aye? Mmm bread…” He dug into the bread and tore a hunk off in his teeth, avoiding eye contact completely.

Well, Joe thought, at least I know I won’t be bored.

“Hey lookit there, it’s Tangs and Hinote,” Mike said with his mouth full of bread.

Joe looked over and saw that Danny and Alex were indeed sitting just a few feet away from them. Both of them seemed in a good enough mood, considering how they had previously been with each other, namely, they weren’t snipping at each other or trying to physically assault the other.

“Hey Sport, hey Noter,” Joe said, smiling and feeling pleasant, “How are you both getting along? You guys didn’t even notice us or something, can’t say hello to your old roomies, for old times sake?”

“Hi Joe!” Alex and Danny said with perfect timing.

“We were debating ownership of the remote control,” Dan said earnestly, “I’m trying to get Tangs to agree to a poker game for it or a game of pool or something, you know a clear and even field. I guess we really got into it, sorry we didn’t see you guys.”

Mike nodded, “That’s my boy!”

Joe smiled, “Hey that’s not a bad idea, you two should really…”
“Um, excuse me Mr. Sakic?”

Ah one thing that irritated Joe more than anything was being interrupted during a meal by a fan for an autograph or a conversation. Not that he didn’t appreciate attention and fans but, well there should be some times when a player’s privacy is sacred and eating should be one of them. He smiled politely and looked at the person who had addressed him, a round, brown haired, older woman with thick glasses. She had her hands clasped together in obvious nervousness, and her bottom lip trembled.

“Yes, ma’am?” Joe said, feeling more receptive to this woman than he did to some other types who would dare bother him at a restaurant.

“I’m really sorry to be bothering you, I really am,” she said in a trembling voice, “I know you’re ready to have a meal and everything sir, but I gotta tell you, I have my son here and he’s a real big fan of yours, a real big one, and it would mean so much to him if you could just say hello to him, just real quick, maybe an autograph? He’s only eleven you see, and it would mean so much.”

“Sure,” Joe said, now kids were always a different story. “Sure bring him on over, is he with you?”

“Ah, he’s over there,” the woman said pointing to the other end of the restaurant. “He’s on crutches right now see, he had surgery for a injury from gym class, he’s kinda sore to walk if it’s all the same to you?”

“Alright,” Joe said feeling his palms dampen a bit. “Sure, no problem, what’s his name?” He stood up and followed the woman to her son.

Timothy was the boy’s name, and he really was genuinely happy to meet him. He talked with the boy a little bit about hockey, favorite team, his dreams, how to take better care of himself in gym, and other small talk. He autographed Timothy’s cast and a slip of paper and after patting him on the back and wishing him good luck he came back to his table where the food waited for him.

“Cute kid?” Keane asked twirling spaghetti on his fork.

“Yeah,” Joe said, “Nice kid.” He picked up the salt shaker and tipped it over his own pasta and watched, not completely surprised, as the cap fell off and the entire contents of the container spilled onto his plate destroying the food.

“Heh, heh,” Keane laughed quietly.

Joe sighed and instead of yelling or otherwise reacting he picked up his plate and then grabbed Mike’s and switched them. He raised his eyebrows and gave Mike a good long stare. Mike grimaced. “Fair enough.”

“Fair enough,” Joe replied and he dug into his food, savoring every saucy, spicy bite. “MMMMMMM.”

Keane scraped off the top layer of salt wrinkling his nose, he took one bite and scowled. He then looked at Alex and Danny who were bickering about what did or did not constitute worthy television programming. Joe put his chin on his hand and watched as Mike reached over, grabbed Danny’s plate of Chicken Parmesan and switched the plates without Dan or Alex so much as noticing. “Heh, life is good.”

Joe shook his head and smiled.

“….so I guess you just don’t know how to enjoy good animated programming.” Dan finished and Alex rolled his eyes. Dan then stabbed his fork into the pasta and slurped a huge bite. He choked and spit it back out. “This food is terrible!”

Joe laughed and clinked glasses with Mike.