Joey XXVIII—Complex Creatures
Joe liked
the look of this, even though the second day of back to back games was
understood to be an optional skate, a good deal of the team was on hand at the
practice facility. Modano, Drury, Patty, Alex, Danny,
Hartley held out his hands, “Sometimes they can be smart eh?”
Since they had won the past two games, the main thing that needed to be stressed was not to get overly cocky. The things they had done well in the past two games, penalty kill, and defense down low were gone over and Hartley went over with them again that they wouldn’t have to rely on that penalty kill if they could just stay out of the box. True enough words, and Joe knew, as perhaps did the rest of the team that as soon as they got Blake and Foote back in the lineup, and Forsberg as well, perhaps things would be easier.
That’s the one thing they couldn’t afford to keep thinking.
For that reason, those three missing players did not appear at the facility and Joe really didn’t encourage anyone going out of their way to contact any of them on this day. Seeing them would only remind everyone that they would be back, and they could just hold on until their return. When an important player is injured, sometimes it seemed better to just perceive them as dead and gone, as unattainable for the rest of time. That way “just hanging on” didn’t exist.
“Woah,” Dan Hinote said rather breathlessly, comically earnest under that cap of styled blue hair, which had not faded one iota since the night he and Keaner had dyed it. “How do you just come up with all this deep shit? I mean, Captain you just know everything.”
Joe raised his eyebrows.
“That’s why he’s the captain,” Chris Drury said in his normal monotone voice, “common sense gets you that nice shiny C.”
“And don’t be forgetting it,” Joe replied.
“So what,” Dan shrugged. “Do you mean we have to treat Blakie, Fopps and Footer like Black Aces until they… I mean, well I mean we have to treat them like that? It seems kinda mean though.”
Joe folded his hands together, “Well, we’re winning aren’t we? So what do we need them for?”
Hinote shook his head with a smile, “Man I don’t think I’ll ever be a captain anywhere. That’s, just too much. But damn, you’re smart. How come the Coach didn’t come up with that?”
A sprinkle of laughs and Joe noticed a twinkle in Hartley’s crinkled eyes as he playfully wopped Danny up the back of his head. “Because if the Coach said that then I know you wouldn’t listen,” Hartley replied. “Stop analyzing things eh?”
Effectively, that ended the optional game day practice skate, and Joe left the facility in good spirits, whistling in the cold on his way to the car. He noticed Patty’s big black Hummer in the lot and chuckled to himself, if that thing were responsible for a nice juicy win streak he wouldn’t tease him too much about it. Feeling so good, Joe even sauntered to the core of the buzzing autograph seekers and signed a few.
The best feeling of companionship and brotherhood came from that locker room, coupled with the feeling of warm muscles and getting a job done. The fans, well Joe didn’t know if he thought about them all that much even when the sound of their adulation practically brought the roof down around his ears, but the ice, and the net, the coaches, the teammates, the opponents, the goaltenders, the net, all of these things built a purpose in his life. Could the fans really understand the importance of the game and winning it? Could they really understand how it felt to be responsible, to bleed, to skate in pain, for the lungs to be burning and flaking, and how it felt to score a goal?
Someday
I’ll be retired, Joe thought, and I won’t have to work out every day, and lose
sleep over broken toes and a bruised body, I’ll get fat and slow but it will be
a life well spent. Because Joe knew he had worked so hard for it, he knew those
hard days in
And his fortune included Debbie. Joe thought about her and then he felt an uneasy wobble in his gut. With Debbie, the main fears he’d had with her had been her health, never once had he questioned her overall happiness and she’d never given him reason to. With the beautiful children and his assurance that she would never want for anything financially and emotionally from him he’d assumed that he’d never have anything to worry about.
Well hey; it was just the other night, just idle talking.
Right?
The thing that bothered him had been that completely serious tone of her voice, a flat, low womanly voice that spoke to him as if she’d dug up the one thing she’d wanted to say for years, years. What could he make of that? Either he was right, and there was a problem with his marriage or he was wrong, and that meant he was paranoid.
Why the heck would Debbie just up and ask him about a threesome, even jokingly? He could see her asking him about fantasies, women asked about fantasies, and he’d assumed that asking about fantasies meant, well that they needed assurance that they were the fantasy. Well, thinking about it, he knew that women did love to act out fantasies, it was pretty harmless, they read those romance novels, and watched steamy love story chick flicks, why wouldn’t they want something to…
Easy enough, that had cheered Joe just momentarily. Had Debbie been asking for something a little naughty, like acting out a fantasy with her? Why shouldn’t she ask something like that, of course she would like something like that, hell he would like something like that. It would be fun! Providing the kids didn’t just accidentally walk in or something. Well, maybe, they could send the kids out for an afternoon what else were they paying a nanny for?
Now this felt fun! Joe imagined how Debbie might react now that he’d finally taken her hint about being just a little naughty. She’d be thrilled! After the game tonight, perhaps, they had a day off tomorrow so they could stay up a little late and he could whisper into her ear about…
Well…
About what?
Joe grimaced. Okay, the problem with acting out fantasies is that you needed a really good one. “Do I even have a fantasy?” Joe said to himself out loud.
What kind of man didn’t have a fantasy? Joe felt his cheeks redden with embarrassment although no one knew his terrible secret. A man without a sexual fantasy on his mind couldn’t be normal. Even a castrated man could drag up a fantasy. Oh God everyone would laugh their heads off to know this tidbit of information.
Even worse, when he drove up to the house, he recognized Michele Roy’s car right in the middle of his parking spot on the driveway. Debbie’s car sat right next to it so he couldn’t even take it into the garage. What did she just want to have everything sit out in the cold and get snowed on tonight and freeze? With an angry groan, Joe pulled into the driveway and parked behind Debbie’s car. Really he should just park behind Michele’s and laugh at her when she asked if he could move his car to let her leave.
But that would be mean, why think about doing that to a lady?
Ah that was the least of his problems, Joe thought and he tossed his keys in the air, and caught them as he went to the front door, he had no fantasies! Work on this work on this, Debbie, how else would he want her other than sighing in his arms and firing his passion in the sanctity of….
Joe closed one eye and turned right back to his car, hoping no one had seen him.
“With words like ‘sanctity’ Joey no wonder you got a problem,” Keane said with no trace of humor on his lips, not even a sparkle in the eye. “What about the porn we watched, none of that did anything for you?”
Funnily, Joe had not even thought twice about calling old Keanes and meeting him for advice. The first name that came to mind was Mike, and he knew somehow, that discretion would be most assured with Keane. Even though the man was a joking grinding leering ball of sleazy fun, Joe knew that there was a deeper side in there, an understanding old veteran, and above all, a roommate.
“Huh, Joe?” Keane prodded. “Did it do anything?”
Joe thought about it, moaning squealing blonds and brunettes with pinched in waists and large round enhanced breasts like boulders. Usually they “played” with each other, or were screwed by some ugly dumb guy with a gut or some overly muscled man with no I.Q. in situations he couldn’t possibly conceive of any woman with self esteem agreeing to. The only thing those movies brought to Joe’s mind was the closet he’d sat in, peeping, the smelly old closet with smelly friends.
“Well… nothing memorable comes to mind,” Joe said slowly not looking his friend in the eye.
“What?” Mike exclaimed. “I even ordered the artsy deal! Come on Rochelle, Rochelle had subtitles, that’s like high brow porn and Bravehump, at least there was history in there, for God’s sake Joey what more did you need?”
Joe sighed and blew out a breath of air. “I’d be lying if I said that something in there didn’t look pretty good, but Hell Keaner it’s animal nature, just animal nature. I mean all guys get off that way, it’s just not something that a woman like Debbie would really be expected to even be exposed to.”
Now Keane grinned, and his eyes shone. “Women are pretty damn durable, you know Joe? They can take a lot and often they want a lot. More than we credit ‘em for and they hate us for not reading their minds on it. You won’t find a really innocent one out there even Nuns have their fantasies. You gotta watch out for ‘em Joe. They got some pretty serious fantasies.”
This felt like math, like freaking advanced geometry in the early morning when he’d already been busting his butt at practice for three hours. In fact he even felt so annoyed now that he wanted to just gripe at Debbie! “So I’m just supposed to automatically know what her deepest secret fantasy is without any hint from her and then just surprise her with it?”
Keane raised his ginger eyebrows, “She kinda did from what you told me aye?”
“Kissing other men and having sex with her and another women? Mike I know she’s not depraved! God I don’t think she was serious about that.”
Keane grimaced, “She could be?”
“Next option,” Joe snapped holding up his hand.
White bread grin, “Read a romance novel.”
“What?!”
Keane stood up and clapped his hands together, rubbing them and he went to a book shelf, “We have our porn where dumb blondes take it from both ends without complaining much and thank us for it. Right,” he waggled his fingers and then ran an index finger across the spines of the books on the top shelf. “Here we go.” He grabbed a soft cover book and tossed it to Joe who caught it.
Frowning, Joe looked at the shiny marbleized pink cover with the gold letters. “My Pain, My Pleasure?” He read the title and he looked at Mike. “What?”
Keane grinned. “Tammy’s favorite, I’m not kidding you all the chicks read that stuff, it’ll tell you something. It’ll tell you important things, there’s more to women then demure glances and giggles, there’s heaving bosoms and edible necks, dive in brother, heh.”
“Mike I thought you were trying to help…”
“I am!” Mike exclaimed. “Look read that book. It’s a primer for a woman’s fantasies. Even smart chicks who don’t read that shit still want that shit. Trust me, you’ll thank me.”
“Uh thanks, Mike,” Joe said looking at the book, he stood up and he set it down on a coffee table, “But I don’t think…”
“That’s your problem!” Mike barked. “You think. Stop thinking; now do Debbie a favor and read that book, you’re lucky she hasn’t already started sleeping around on you already. Nip it in the bud, Joey, aye, nip it in the bud.”
“Sleeping around!” Joe cried and he fell back onto the couch. “What?”
Keane sighed and he scratched his bearded chin. “Joey, Joey, Joey, did no one ever sit you down and talk to you about women?”
Joe could only feel helpless.
Now Joe couldn’t say that the world felt or looked different when he left Mike’s house to go home, but he felt that it should. Really, he felt tired, overloaded, just battered with excess information he didn’t need right now! Now he felt immensely irritated, what the hell was the use of manners and consideration if a woman just wanted you to rip the buttons of her shirt and tell her she had no choice but to “make love” to him. He closed one eye when he saw Michele’s car still in his driveway.
Just think about the game tonight, Joe, he thought. Just think about the game, don’t worry about Debbie. In fact, yeah, he was sure of it. Keaner was just toying with him now; ha ha look how funny I can scare the Captain. He would have to clap the old dog on the back and give him a nod for that.
Cecile opened the front door before he could put the key in the lock, large eyes, a smile, a baby face. “Hello, Mr. Sakic, here let me get your coat.”
Joe stepped away from her and he took off his coat, “Naw it’s okay, so how is everything?”
“Good,” Cecile said, blink, blink, she nodded, “Good.”
Well here’s a girl who didn’t want to be tied down to a bed with pink ribbons and kidnapped by someone with bulging thigh muscles… seriously… bulging thigh muscles? Look at her, she’s a kid, she’s sweet she’s quiet she’s got that same baby smoothness to her cheeks and innocence that Debbie had and, she’s a quiet girl. Don’t tell him that in that brain of hers lurked some sort of insatiable thirst for being…
“Are you okay, Mr. Sakic?”
Now the look on her face, a little worried, a crinkle on otherwise smooth skin, an expression almost too willing to trust. He cleared his throat. “Sure, I’m fine,” not knowing what else to do he handed his jacket to her and shuffled away. “Fine.”
“Is that you, hon?” Debbie’s voice rang from the living room.
“Daddy! Dadda!”
Scoop up one twin, scoop up the other, they giggled and wiggled under his arms like Mitchell’s wiggling toy and he swung them once around and then propped them on his hips. Debbie sat on the floor, surrounded by toys, ruffled, huge smile, pink cheeks his beautiful bored wife. “Hi honey.”
“Hello, Joe!”
For some reason, this time it just grated up and down his spine, why the hell would he really be irritated by Michele’s voice. “Hi there, Michele.”
She smiled, beamed, pretty lipstick, pretty eyes, pretty teeth and he remembered, “Oh I’m sorry for being in your parking space, Debbie got after me I just need to get moving, yes?”
Oh yeah, his space. “No problem, Michele, it’s fine,” he replied.
Michele wrinkled her nose, and then looked at Debbie, “See I told you he’s a gentleman, Debbie, shouldn’t you know your own husband?”
Debbie lifted her eyebrows, “Hmm I guess. Maybe I’ve been married to long I just don’t notice.”
“Oh but I do,” Michele whispered and then she looked at him, she winked.
Debbie made out with her! Joe thought, his mind just fixated on that, made out with her and it was Debbie’s idea!
Complex women, Joe, complex, he heard Keane’s voice in his head, but under all that powder puff exterior they’re all depraved little horny hell cats. And did Michele just make eyes at him? Joe felt his cheeks redden and he dropped his gaze and stared at the carpet. But of course the woman wouldn’t want to stop at making out with Debbie, what next? He thought of Debbie, and really, well, her and Michele, and… Stop it Joe!