Chapter 474: Mallory VII—What Do You Want?
You’ve done all you can, the words ran through Mallory’s head but he could not feel weight to them, they felt meaningless. All morning with every spare moment he had between taking confessions and phone calls from charities, Mallory prayed, to himself and out loud. God answered him, he knew it, he could feel deep in his heart, warm in his chest, he could feel the answer, you’ve done all you can.
You will not be held responsible for the things you could not do, and could not be expected to do. These things are so much different than things you would not do. Do not hold yourself responsible for anymore. Your responsibility lay only in informing the girl’s sister, in pointing her to the right direction. She did you such a favor by releasing you from anymore.
These words were more than his hopeful thoughts, these were truths and he knew this. I should not be tormented by anymore, Mallory reminded himself. But still he felt the pain in his heart when that woman had made him realize that she expected him to have done more for a stranger, that he had not done all he could. It would be awhile before he finally came to peace with this, he knew it. Prayer, meditation, quiet contemplation by himself, it would take all of these things before he felt at rest.
And by the afternoon, Mallory had almost accepted that thought completely. He’d even fallen in love with the idea of requesting a little time for a sabbatical. How could they refuse him after having such a busy Christmas with no break, his friend, a fellow priest committing suicide, and doing so much for the community? Of course they would offer him a brief respite from responsibility and he could clear his head and think no more of green eyed girls and the troubles that ailed them.
By late afternoon, he felt quite happy indeed and eager to forward his request to the Church. And then as usually happens, at the moment he felt most relaxed, when the church was empty, filled only with cold stone walls and flickering candles, the door opened. Mallory did not turn around at first; he expected it would be another confession or prayerful plea for spiritual help, from the usual housewife with time, the usual husband with sins, or the lower class minority who had made a pilgrimage of sorts from their own torn neighborhoods to his flock.
He stood up but kept his back turned for a spell, listening to the footsteps over the stone floor, echoing off the tall walls and high ceiling and he imagined the person approaching perhaps, if they were new to this church struck with a brief feeling of awe. Perhaps they would already be struck with religious purpose. By the loud clopping sound of the feet, he knew the person was a woman; light, brisk, perhaps young. “What can God help you with, My Child,” he said calmly, soothing, not wanting to scare anyone away.
“I’m not looking for God, I know that for sure,” the woman said, her voice flinty and cold and striking into Mallory’s ears so harshly that he jumped and whirled around, almost, for a moment feeling terrified. His eyes widened and there she stood, in his church, frosty and brittle, cheeks red from the cold outside. “This is a pretty nice place; I thought the Church was supposed to be about vows of poverty or something. How come I never see that?”
“Katrina,” Mallory said and he cleared his throat, “What are you doing here?” Hating himself for doing it, Mallory tottered back a few steps, almost certain that another physical assault on his person would come from this young woman and in the house of God no less.
Katrina smirked. “Don’t worry I’m not going to slap you around again, you’re safe. Unless you give me reason to.” She sniffed. Delicate, exquisite, a million words similar to that flew through Mallory’s mind to describe the obvious beauty of this woman. Even more than Cecile’s clean fresh face, this young woman had all the beguiling charms of a siren, and she knew how to display them. With the fading of his initial fears, came the rise of a dormant pesky lust.
Ah yes he knew how lust felt.
“What do you want?” He whispered, and then he recovered his dignity, cleared his throat again and spoke in a firmer voice. “And I do not suspect that you are looking for clarity or absolution?” There he could show her that he could be just at brusque.
“Well that’s not polite,” Katrina said and she pulled off the soft knitted wool cap from her head, pulled off the matching mittens and smoothed down her shining ebony hair. Soft, smooth, Mallory blinked quickly, tried to squash it from his desires. “But you’re correct of course. I need to speak with you, Father, is there somewhere more private?”
Private, a word soft on the lips and heavy on the blood, Mallory turned away from her and went towards his private office, he would leave the door open, he knew. “Yes, take off your coat if you like, I have an office.”
Katrina did
not speak again until she sat, and Mallory could not help but notice how like
Cecile she seemed in features if not attitude, uncanny. Were the girls related
at all? He couldn’t see how they could be; Katrina as far as he could tell came
from a hard pressed family in the South, Cecile one of privilege from
“I should not have treated you like I did last time we met,” Katrina said, her throat tightened slightly, “I’m sorry, Father, you laid one hell… excuse me, you really laid a bomb on me and I acted way too fast. Look I didn’t know what to do okay? There’s a level of pissing me off some people shouldn’t take, and you really crossed it buster.”
Mallory half grinned, he could see a different woman before him, a more compliant one. It amazed him how women, above anyone else, seemed to be so capable of channeling so many different faces and displaying them so expertly to the world to suit any occasion. One of God’s gifts of survival. “Apology accepted, Miss Volanges, and I shall apologize as well, I should have found a more delicate way of putting the subject to you.”
Katrina raised her eyebrows, “There wasn’t any other way you could have put it, and no other better way either except for actually bringing my sister to me, which I still wish you would have done.”
There was a magic word, would have instead of could have, she still believed he’d not done everything he could. “I did everything I could, Miss Volanges, please try to understand this. I don’t know how better to express my remorse and sympathy to you but I am no being insincere when I say…”
“Can it,” Katrina said briskly and she held up her little hand. “We’re past that let’s go on okay? I want to talk with you about something else.”
“Oh?” Mallory asked and he wondered what it would be like to welcome her to his church, filled with sadness over her sister, looking to God finally for relief from her confusion and remorse, a saved soul at last.
“You
offered to help me in
“You accept?” Mallory gasped suddenly feeling terrified and lost. Yes he’d been sincere at the time he offered but by now he’d ruminated and realized exactly what a dangerous, fool hardy and ultimately futile a task that could be, not to mention the precious time it would take away from his attendance to his own church!
“I’m going to need help, especially from someone who already had a brush with what’s going on there,” Katrina replied with straight eyebrows and dark eyes, “I understand that now. I can’t ask anyone else to go with me, and you offered and I accept unless you weren’t even real serious about that to begin with?”
Gauntlet thrown, Mallory felt his entire being tighten for the greatest challenge of his life, perhaps in the end a true spiritual calling, “Of course I was serious.”
Was this God’s work? Did He still have plans for him? Or was this Satan’s beckoning in the form of a beautiful woman? Could God not give him a sign right now? Ah! “But,” he added, “I have no money at this moment, I’m afraid I would not be able to afford a plane trip for myself alone, much less a companion, and accommodations and…”
“I have money, more than enough,” Katrina replied, “If that’s your only worry.”
“Oh,” Mallory breathed, still unsure as to what sort of sign that could mean. “Then yes, I mean no, I mean give me a day or so to clear things up with the Church and then, yes.”
“I bought two tickets for tomorrow night. You can meet me outside of my building,” Katrina stood up and pulled the ticket from her purse, tossed it on his desk in front of him. “Don’t disappoint me, Father.”
Mallory watched her leave his office, he felt overly warm and sweaty, and so confused. Oh God, dear Lord above what have you sent to me? What do you want?