10:28pm
i popped my nose pimple. it's growing back tho. it hurts.
neil came over to talk today. did we? nope. but i expected that would happen so... no biggie. he was telling carol all this stuff and like he was coming all these times last week but never did. i've just lost faith. doesn't matter anymore. i just get this feeling that neil's pulling a noah. yeah. both of you cuz i know you both read this. i don't trust guys anymore cuz of you, noah, and i don't trust you, neil. what do you expect. i just get negative responses.
i said i don't want a relationship. it's cuz i'm tired of being the mediator and the decider for the whole relationship. i'm tired of doing all the work in making the damn relationship work. i'm tired of being the talker. i'm tired of all the shit of a relationship. ok, so companionship is nice. but a relationship takes too much of me to maintain and i just don't want to deal with that crap cuz... face it. it's not like i'm wrong. i'm the one who always has to call or say anything. and just shut up about me and my drama. if you had anything in your life you could complain but you live a simple life. not a fucked up one like me. so just stop going off about me and my drama. i take things as well as i can and i've gone this far. i was supposed to be dead by 18. i'm still here. so just shove it.
my sister's been forced back here cuz she didn't get up for two days. she's all complaining that she doesn't want to be here. well fuck, if you're not even getting up for work that you "love" at hot topic, then what the fuck do you think?! you fucking need help, dumb shit. jeeze. and she's just been bitching and giving me shit for the past week. i don't need anymore fucking shit from her. i do enough. i shouldn't have to look after my older sister everyday. i was already calling her everyday to make sure she was up. i missed two days and she just didn't get up.
i slept two hours at work yesterday cuz i was so dead tired and sickly. woke up at 5:30pm and it was time to go. karen and karen were so sweet, just let me sleep in the back. i'm better now. i have a damn cough now. sucks.
i'm tired. of everything. yeah. again... i know... shut up. just shut up.