The End

November 16, 1996

I get pissed off easily by certain people. Sometimes I just leave it. After a while, it gets bottled up inside until I practically blow-up.
I get upset and feel like runing away. Then I think about living outside in the cold and not having a home or friends, and, ofcourse, the punishment I'll get if I get found.
So that idea always gets thrown out.
Then suicide comes up. I think about ways that I can quickly and easily kill myself without too much pain. So cutting myself with a knife is out of the question. The only way would be a gun. But how the hell am I supposed to get a gun? So I just sit there crying, wishing I could get a gun, and thinking about other ways. All the others are painful or too slow:
suffocating, hanging, gagging, or stuffing myself to death with toxic poisons. Or, poisoning myself. But those could be stopped. After I stop thinking about killing myself, I think-- "God, stupid! Why the hell do you want to kill yourself! What's the fu**ing point? You're probably just gonna have to re-live again and have another crappy life.."
Then I start wondering what does happend when you die. Do you go to God in Heaven? or Hell? or do you become an angel or a devil? or linger behind as a ghost? or do you go to another land for a while with the Buddhas, then get reincarnated back to Earth again in another body? or, dose it just... END. Kuhplut. Darkness. It's over? 'Cause if it ended, you wouldn' teven be able to say "whoah-- there isn't an afterlife or other worlds! It just ends! Blackness!" 'Cause you'd be gone. Forever.

It's a weird thought to think about. I mean, imagine not tihk ing anymore and making remarks like, "whoah, cool!" or "Damn, this sux!" 'cause you're braina dn spirit have just-- dissappeared. Forever.

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