before my life (or any of your lives... yes... you... i'm talking to you... you're reading this, rite? don't lie. i know you are) there was my mommy and daddy. so i do a quick story of them:
now meeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was born in san jose, ca in alexian brother's hospital on april 28, 1982 at 6:17pm. (see? i was born a nite person. so there.) my mommy went in to labor and all that good stuff and the doctors prepped her. an hour or so later they went to check on her and noticed that i was a tad higher than i was before... meaning that instead of coming towards the artificial light of the emergency room, i went back in to the womb. "what the hell is wrong with this kid!" so, then went on in and did a cesarian (eh, however you spell it) to my mommy. yep. cut her right open. SPLICE! they reached in and grabbed me out... and they found out why i'd gone back in. my head was blackish blue (with a few other hues)... woo woo!... and the embelical cord was tied around my neck. but not once, not thrice, but TWOOOOO times. yep. twice. i had been an active little jumping bean before i was even born and jump roped in my mommy's tummy... and got it tied around my neck. but no! that didn't stop me! i went ahead and kept going! i didn't stop till it was around my neck twice! then i realized... hey... i can't breathe... lemmie kick a bit. maybe that'll do something. *kick... kick... kick...* and i was out. i weighed in at 6 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. (i know, i haven't grown much since then. don't need to tell me. hey! stop it! i already told you i know! shaddup!) ok. so... yes. i was born. two days later, the 30th of april, i smiled for the first time. yay! everything's peachy. i was brought home after a while and everything was calmed down. i entered the my green-carpeted two story house in san jose on may 2. a few months went by and i was ok. i recognized my mommy's face on may 29. on the frist of june (yes, june 1,) i laughed for the first time. the beginning of an era of my hideous laughter. wooack wooack wooack!!!! horka horka hork. i stood up on november 1, craawled on the 20th, and stood alone on jauary 3rd of 1983. i began walking on the 29th of may of '83. on january 5, 1983, i said "mama" to my mommy. there. finished copying everything from my baby book.
story time! well... not really a story... i'm jus gonna gloat a bit. ok. october 3, 1982 my mommy enrolled my sister in to a beauty pageant. ok ok, so it was the "santa clara county baby pageant and diaper derby." same-o same-o. well, i won 1st place and got a little trophy. my sister got 2nd. yay! go me, go me, it's my birthd... um... no it's not... but... i won! i won i won i won! and the best part is, is that i'm SO modest! i hate it when conceited people win stuff. don't you? yeah. so it's good that it went to MEEEEEE.
one year old. 18 pounds, 5 ounces... 29 3/4 inches long. i was now potty trained and could walk. well... "walk."
story time!!!! one day, my mom was enrolling my sister in to swim lessons at the "y" and she left me to wander about. i mean... what could i do? i could barely walk! (must've forgotten the incident with the embellical cord...) well, she turned around to fill out a form while i hobbled over like an old crippled worm over to the drinking fountain to get a drink. my mom turned back around to see me bloody on the floor. i had fallen and split my lip on the rock platform that the drinking fountain was above. i was rushed to the hospital and got a buncha stitches on my cute little face. i was gonna be a-ok. (yes. i have a mark on my lip... didn't notice eh? doctors sure did a good job. yup. i didn't even know that i had it there 'till my mom told me about it. then i looked and was like "woooow... there really is a mark! spiffy doodleoos!"
i got millions of pictures taken cuz i was o-so-cute. sears was rackin' in the dough from my parents. you would'a thought that i was some famous person or something with all them photos. whooo! anyway. i'm tired. typing takes a long time. i stop for now.
ok i'm back again! so.
two years old. 17 pounds, 12 ounces... 28 1/2 inches long... oh wait... that's not right... ha ha! ok. let's try that again. two years old. 25 pounds... 33 inches long. wow... four inches... i guess that was my growth spurt for life... anyway! so all my teeth were in now. i was talking. terrible two's. even tho i was a woonderful child. i was cute and sweet and everyone loved me. i dunno what else happened. i was two. nothing really grand happened. oh wait... yes... it did. my parents got separated. that's big. yup. i dunno what else... so... on to... whatever.
four years old. no more tabs on weight and stuff. moved out of my dad's house and were living in an apartment. me my momma and my sista. not sure where... but... yea. i was going to a montessuri (sp.?) school called "5c's." i was a smart little kid. a bit too smart... my penmanship was hoooorible (even worse than now... i know... *gasp!*) but my teacher, valerie, said it was cuz i was thinking too fast and all my thoughts i wanted to put on paper at the same time... thus the jumblieness of my words. awww. i was so cute!
story time!!!! there was a boy. his name... victor. dunno of a last name, no pictures, nothin... well, everyday i'd come home "mommy! i'm going to marry victor!" and victor would go home... "daddy! i'm going to marry betty!" we were so in love. *sigh* young love. so sweet. well, back to school night victor's dad approaches my mom. "hey. you betty's mom?" "yeeees. and you would be..." "victor's dad." "oh! hi! betty's always talking about your son!" "yes... what did your daughter do to him?! he's always saying he's going to marry your daughter!" pish. what'd i do to him? nothing. he just fell in love with me. ok. so i threw sand at him and everything. but... hey. guys love that kind of thing.
hmm... maybe that was five years old up there... oh well.
six years old. i know for sure we were livng at "gardens of fountain bleu." i was going to collins elementary. my teacher was mrs. nevens, formerly known as ms. key to my sister when she had her as a teacher. all the boys feared me. i chased after the 2nd grade boys in my sister's grade and they ran like headless chickens. i remember one climbed up the monkey bars once and i pantsed him. superman underwear. ha ha. it was great. i was an evil little child. i mean... i was an angel! so sweet. that's me! 0- :) yep. anyway. so i was one of those kids who wouldn't sleep at nap time. but i'd fake it. and when it was time to get up? no... i just layed there like a log. hee hee... skipping class already. whoo. i was a bad kid. so my mom was at work full time supporting my sis and me as a single mom (visitation was for my dad everyother weekend, the rest of the time was with my ma) and so my sister adapted the role as my mother. meanwhile... there was... daycare. *shudder* they were so mean to me :( there was an evil lady... she made fun of me everyday. thought it was cute. no. she wasn't. she was evil. don't make fun of my name! AAHHHH!!!!! i'm not betty boop! shut up!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *ahem* anyway.
story time!!!! it was break time and we went outside. the guy daycare guy was out there flinging a kid around. "me too! me too!" i said. so he grabbed me by the arms and flung me like a helicopter. wee! fun stuff. then the next person. she was only one arm. "me too! me too!" god i was annoying. well he had both arms, then let go of one... *POP!* uh oh. "ooooooowww...." sniffle sniffle, whimper, whimper... baaaawl. i'd sprained my arm. :( poor betty.
well i went to the doc and it was popped back in place and i was better. a while later we were eating watermelons. i swallowed a seed. evil lady came up to me... "uh oh! betty boop swallowed a seed! you're gonna grow a WATERMELON in your tummy! haaaa haaa haaaaaaa!" grrrr. i so totally believed her too.
story time!!!! recess! yay! all us kindergarteners scampered out in to the field and sang "so happy together!"... ok not really. but i like picturing mario and yoshi and pikachu fighting and flying. it's funny. well... i got stung by a bee. ow. i cried and cried. and my mommy was called. i whined as much as i could for her to bring me home but she wouldn't. i was so upset. i cried and went back to class as my mommy left me there to die. *sniffle* well... that day she had wanted me to stay at school cuz she had just gotten a brand new computer as a surprise for my sister and me to use. mainly my sister. but anyway... one of 'm green and black text ones. ooo the technology of the time... well, she went on the freeway and got in a MAJOR accident. she was totally rear ended and the car was totalled. she got out of the car and looked at it. she fell to the ground and started crying. people thought it was cuz of the car. others thought it was the computer. but the real reason? the back seat was totally crushed. if i had gone, i would have been totally killed since when i'm sick or pathetic and blah, i lay in the back seat. my mom was crying and praying, thanking buddha (yes, she had already become buddhist) that she had refused for me to go along with her.
poor david (our car) was dead tho. he was a great car (a woody car). he talked to us. if the door was open he'd go "the door is ajar... the door is ajar" and stuff like that. but... it was time for a new car... heidi. we got a maroon toyota camry. and it's time for another break.