Barnacle Bill The Sailor
(Author unknown. I believe the tune is based on one of the same name.)
Thanks to: Mike Richling for sending the lyrics!

Who's that knocking at my door
Who's that knocking at my door
Who's that knocking at my door, said the fair young maiden.

It's me and the crew, we've come to screw you, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor
It's me and the crew, we've come to screw you, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor

Wipe your feet upon the mat
Wipe your feet upon the mat
Wipe your feet upon the mat, said the fair young maiden.

To hell with the mat, you can't fuck that, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor
To hell with the mat, you can't fuck that, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor

What's that thing between your legs?
What's that thing between your legs?
What's that thing between your legs, said the fair young maiden.

That's my pole to shove in your hole, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor
That's my pole to shove in your hole, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor

What if we should have a child?
What if we should have a child?
What if we should have a child, said the fair young maiden.

To hell with the bugger, we'll fuck for another, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor
To hell with the bugger, we'll fuck for another, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor

What's that stuff running down my leg?
What's that stuff running down my leg?
What's that stuff running down my leg, said the fair young maiden.

That's the shot that missed the spot,
said Barnacle Bill the Sailor
That's the shot that missed the spot,
said Barnacle Bill the Sailor

Or an alternate verse I remember:

That's only shellac to fill up your crack,
said Barnacle Bill the Sailor
That's only shellac to fill up your crack,
said Barnacle Bill the Sailor