A Widow for One Year : a novel by John Irving (1998) 
Vividly describes the fate in store for those who would fudge the dimensions of a squash court. 

(This comment is that of the reviewer who does not explain what this means - more to come when I find out!) (Anyone know of any other Squash Fiction?)

Like previous Irving novels, this one has its share of violence, most notably in the unpleasant and disturbing experience Ruth has in Amsterdam, while investigating the brothel district for research on her next book. But an earlier scene even more graphically illustrates the odd but effective combination of farce and physical brutality that's one of this writer's trademarks. After her reading at the Y, preparatory to embarking on the book tour that will take her to Amsterdam, Ruth visits her father and finds him sexually engaged with her best friend, Hannah. Furious, Ruth drives them out of the Sagaponack house, then invites a squash partner of her father's, Scott Saunders, to come play squash with her. Sex is also on her mind -- especially by way of punishing the father for his transgressions -- so after decisively beating the young man in five games, she cooks him a good meal, then takes him to bed for what begins as highly satisfactory sex. But it turns sour, the man forces himself on her and she tells him to leave, squirting some lubricating jelly in his left ear for good measure, after which he socks her in the eye. While he is assembling, half-naked, his clothes from the laundry room, Ruth returns with a squash racquet and goes to work: ''He was pulling his T-shirt over his head when Ruth caught him with a low backhand that crumpled his right knee. Scott managed to pop his head through the head hole in his T-shirt, maybe a half second before Ruth struck him full in the face with a rising forehand.'' The totally efficient assault continues until, collapsed on the floor, he hears her repeating the scores of their games -- ''a fairly humiliating litany: 'Fifteen-eight, fifteen-six, fifteen-nine, fifteen-five, fifteen-one!' '' (Must be American Hard-Ball!)

Squash Courts do Lower Character. By Jim DeWitt.  Published in Stygian Articles #9, Spring 1997. (Stygian Articles is believed to be a Science Fiction publication)

Secret Admirer. By Gillian Earthy.On line. Click here

The Squash Cannons -  How I Lost My Manhood Playing Racquetball 
By Andrew Miller 

Some CDs work better as an incentive to see a band live than as leisure-time listening fodder. One such release is the amusingly titled How I Lost My Manhood Playing Racquetball, which reveals hints of infectious energy and songwriting promise under the unfortunate cloud of foggy production, which occasionally renders the guitars tinny and the rhythm section virtually inaudible while reducing the horn section to a series of distant toots. On the upside, Josh Taylor's vocals are strong throughout the album, particularly on "Make Up Your Mind" and "Ask Me About My Lawnmower." At times, The Squash Cannons crank out dictionary-definition ska, with bouncy basslines and choppy riffs, but more often the band plays punk with horns, like a low-velocity version of Less Than Jake. Lyrically, the group is not quite as goofily inventive as its record title would imply, but it does give insight into why it thanks the Bloodhound Gang and Blink-182 in its liner notes with the bawdy "Brown." There's some catchy horn-powered melodies on "Ask Me About My Lawnmower" and "Cries to You," and "Drinkin'" features the type of Bosstones-style breakdown that always gets the kids jumping, but for the most part this release is better at suggesting how much fun a Squash Cannons show might be than it is at translating the experience onto disc.   Well, that has blown my mind!

Squash and Sex - It's not in the rules but this is the position! . click here

Robo-Squash 
for Atari Lynx 

Genre: Action, Puzzle Developed by: Atari Corporation. Released: 1990

Robo-Squash is quite a unique concept. Taking the basic ball bouncing idea from Pong, the biggest classic game of them all, Robo-Squash adds a third dimension and comes across with a unique style of its own. It’s a fairly enjoyable game, and takes advantage of the Lynx’s abilities well. 

The graphics are clean and crisp. The developers have really harnessed the Lynx’s hardware scaling abilities to animate the ball. With most games that use scaling on the Lynx, you’re usually made aware of the fact that the sprite is being scaled, or the game tries to hide it somehow. But the ball scales so well that it really looks like a ball animated to move smoothly into and out of the screen. The other aspects of the graphics are also done fairly well, though they tend to be on the functional side. The blocks in the middle flip from their blue to yellow sides and vice versa with enough animation to look smooth, and your paddle moves around fluidly. It’s sort of disappointing though that the ball breaks into the same red blotch each and every time. Some variations in the patterning would have been nice. 

Robo-Squash’s sound clips won’t blow you away with diversity, as there’s basically three main sounds: one for a ball splattering, one for bouncing, and one for breaking squares in the middle. There are also assorted minor sound effects for some of the power-ups in the game. Their sound quality varies from average to fairly good, but not enough to make the overall sound situation impressive. Except for a short and forgettable theme in the intro screen, there is no music in the game. 

The gameplay takes a lot of getting used to, as in many ways it’s really quite different from Pong. Normally when you catch a ball right on the edge of your paddle you would expect it to careen away at a hard angle, as that’s how Pong works and even how balls bounce in the real world. But that’s just not the case in this game; the ball tends to bounce into your paddle when you hit them on your paddle edge. The ball also never goes off at hard angles. In Robo-Squash if you can get the ball to bounce off at a 30 degree angle you’re in pretty good shape. As a result you’ll never really have a difficult time trying to predict where the ball will go, and losing is just a matter of screwing up. But it also makes it more difficult for you to beat the CPU or a second player with skill alone, as they need to screw up too. But once you get used to the game’s quirks it really takes on a personality of its own and starts to get entertaining. 

Despite some shortcomings, Robo-Squash is nonetheless entertaining and a worthy inheritor of the Pong spirit. It does take some getting used to, but the end result is worth it. 

-- Kyle Knight

Squash and Shakespeare

A Midsummer Night's Dream Act III, scene I

BOTTOM: I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master Cobweb: if I cut my finger, I shall make bold with you. Your name, honest gentleman?

PEASEBLOSSOM: Peaseblossom.

BOTTOM: I pray you, commend me to Mistress Squash, your mother, and to Master Peascod, your father. Good Master Peaseblossom, I shall desire you of more acquaintance too. Your name, I beseech you, sir?

MUSTARDSEED: Mustardseed.

The Winter's Tale Act I, scene II

HERMIONE: You look as if you held a brow of much distraction. Are you moved, my lord?

LEONTES: No, in good earnest. How sometimes nature will betray its folly, Its tenderness, and make itself a pastime To harder bosoms! Looking on the lines Of my boy's face, methoughts I did recoil Twenty-three years, and saw myself unbreech'd, In my green velvet coat, my dagger muzzled, Lest it should bite its master, and so prove, As ornaments oft do, too dangerous: How like, methought, I then was to this kernel, This squash, this gentleman. Mine honest friend, Will you take eggs for money?

MAMILLIUS: No, my lord, I'll fight.

Twelfth Night Act I, scene V

OLIVIA: Of what personage and years is he?

MALVOLIO: Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a cooling when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with him in standing water, between boy and man. He is very well-favoured and he speaks very shrewishly; one would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him.

OLIVIA: Let him approach: call in my gentlewoman

Squash and Guitars?

Imagine that you are standing outside a Squash court looking
through the glass back wall towards the front wall as depicted
in the diagram above.

Someone has laid a carpet on part of the floor and then laid
two guitars on the carpet What are the answers to the following
questions.

1. Which looks to have the greater width, the front edge of the
carpet or the back wall of the court?

2. Is the carpet square or oblong?

3. The front edge of the carpet looks shorter than its front to
back dimension. Is that so?

4. Is one guitar longer than the other? If so which one?

5. Is the above sketch correct?

xxx Same width,square,no,no,yes xxx
Drag your mouse, with the left button pressed between the
space bounded by the xxx and xxx. This will give you the answers.

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES 8/28/94

By DAVE BARRY Miami Herald

GUESS WHAT: AMERICANS are too fat. This fact was discovered recently by a panel of concerned experts and reported extensively in the news media, as though it were a shocking revelation.

The truth, of course, is that we Americans already know we have a weight problem. We notice it every time we get out of the shower and look in the bathroom mirror and see our head sitting on top of what appears to be a towel-clad manatee. We notice it when we're unable to get our wallet out of the back pocket of our relaxed-fit jeans without the aid of power tools. We notice it every time we tune in to TV talk shows, which discuss weight control almost as much as they discuss major national issues, by which I mean O.J. Simpson. We notice it whenever we go to a mall and observe our fellow Americans, many of whom could not run the 100-meter dash in under four days, waddling around in logo-intensive stretch-fabric athletic wear, as though at any moment they're going to be called upon to represent the United States in the Big Butt Olympics.

So we know we're too fat. But that did not stop a panel of concerned experts from reminding us. This was a different panel from the one that announced recently that -- get ready -- Mexican food contains a lot of fat. The media jumped on this story as if the experts had come up with conclusive proof that Robert F. Kennedy was a woman. This is also how the media reacted when previous concerned expert panels announced that there was fat in Italian food, Chinese food, fast food, any breakfast food that does not taste like mulch, and of course the ultimate Death Food -- movie popcorn, which, as I recall from the wildly excited press coverage, contains more fat in one kernel than all the lard consumed by allied troops in World War II. You got the impression, from the media, that after a movie ends the ushers have to use forklifts to clear the bloated corpses out of the theater.

What I want to know is, do these expert panels honestly believe we don't know what these foods contain? Do they believe that when we go to a Mexican restaurant, we don't notice that virtually every dish consists of beef fat fried in grease topped with cheese and sour cream and garnished with individual cholesterol molecules the size of squash balls?

We know perfectly well that we're eating fat. We just wish you experts would stop reminding us. Because the truth is, we like fat. Fat tastes good to human beings. That's the way we were designed by Mother Nature (who herself is a size 24). That's why we don't eat what you experts nag us to eat, namely, 27 individual portions per day of raw fruits and vegetables. We don't want to live like some rabbit, nibbling nervously at a carrot, terrified because at any moment it could be eaten by an owl. We want to be like the mighty lion, which fears nothing and eats Mexican food whenever it chooses. Perhaps our diet is not so good for our hearts, but consider this: Of all the nations in the industrialized world, the United States ranks third-lowest in the number of people eaten each year by owls.

But we never hear this kind of good news from panels of concerned experts. They're too busy doing studies to prove yet again that we weigh too much and eat the wrong foods and don't exercise enough and watch too much TV and raise our kids wrong and smoke and drink and secretly pick our noses. And they love to remind us that we're stupid. Coming up with new ways to point out the stupidity of Americans is probably the single most popular activity in the concerned-expert community. Just about every week you read a news story in which experts announce an alarming new study showing that seven out of every 10 Americans don't know how many limbs they have, or cannot correctly identify their home planet.

I want you concerned experts out there to put your ears down next to the page and listen closely to what I am about to say: We know we're stupid. You don't have to keep reminding us. We see the evidence all around us every day. For example: Virtually everybody who drives in front of me is an idiot. I constantly find myself behind drivers who are startled and baffled by virtually everything they encounter, as though they've never been outdoors before. They'll see, for example, a tree, and immediately they hit their brakes, as if they expect the tree to leap into the middle of the road. They also brake for mailboxes, buildings and their own rearview mirrors. But above all they brake for the most disturbing and mysterious of all earthly phenomena, a green traffic light, which causes them to come to a virtual standstill, paralyzed, until the light turns yellow and then red, at which point they accelerate to 275 miles per hour and shoot through the intersection, leaving me stuck at the light, shouting until spittle covers the dashboard.

My point, concerned experts, is that we Americans already know what we're like. You don't need to keep telling us. Your message has penetrated even our fat, stupid brains. Some days we get so depressed about it that we think about committing suicide by deliberately swallowing movie popcorn. We would wash it down with diet soda.

Title: Let's Play Squash (in Sonnet form)
Author: Tobi Jill Dickson (2001)

There is an amazing game down stairs
Faster than Tennis and tougher than Ping Pong.
Players are required to hit the small black ball
Like whatever animal they choose to.
But make no mistake, you only score on your serve.
If I fail to score on mine, pick which side you want
And now it's your turn to tighten your rails and offend.
The score has to hit 9 before you can have water,
90 seconds is all you have, but the beer is plenty when it's all over.
Always dominate the "T" and follow them to the front.
The game is about endurance and strength in every motion.
Watch your opponents every move and gather their weaknesses,
"Get it before it bounces twice!" You have to hit them all,
For as a wise sage once said, "Keep eye on ball."

A squash match between David and his prospective father-in-law highlights some tensions
The story starts as below. To read the rest click here.

"It was far too late to pull out of the squash match, David realised as he watched his prospective father in law squeeze into a pair of very tight shorts. Nasty sprouts of wiry grey hair poked out from his towelling socks, thinning out to an even spread over his lengthy and muscular legs."

C 1999 Mark Sexton

Squash is not a Vegetable

by Joe Yong-hee, January 30, 2002 Click here

QUOTATION:
I am filling the room
with the words from my pen.
Words leak out of it like a miscarriage.
I am zinging words out into the air
and they come back like squash balls.
Yet there is silence.
ATTRIBUTION: Anne Sexton (1928–1974), U.S. poet. “The Silence.

Stephen Wainscot Unfortunately the source does not say whether Stephen is the Poet or the Subject

The Squash Hotel . It is close from the centre of Fort de France (main city of Martinique).
Squash Hotel, 3 Boulevard de la Marne, 97200 Fort de France
Telephone 596 72 80 80 Fax 596 63 00 74

Unfortunately it has no Squash courts!

SQUASH DORKS?

squash dorks is the the first product of the collaboration between mc_bluebeard and dj_dogbite.
look for its release shortly. here are the two tracks from the promo disc.
Track 1 ::::::: Track 2

Squash Dreams? (Ajax Squash)

Steven Dizig's friend (Leah Tanner) taking a nap...gotcha Leah...blame it on Steven.

SQUASH BOWELS is one of the new bands who discretely are growing up puting out more and more releases each times on different labels and who are becoming more famous after each show. I saw Christopher and the rest of the band for the first time at the WEE LAWAAT festival Summer 96 and they really impressionated me a lot by their performance and their friendship, with everybody. Their music is powerfull and they aren`t big headed bastards as some of the DEAD INFECTION`s trio members were. Anyway, I don`t give a f*** to the effects of alcohol about some guys, if the music is OK. And in the case of SQUASH BOWELS, they merit the succuess. Read this interview and buy their last EP and tape, they really kill everything (even their english isn`t so good...):

1) Hi, Christopher. First of all, I would like you to remind us the whole story of SQUASH BOWELS, since the really first release, and also tell us please the name of the previous bands of each members?:

SQUASH BOWELS was borned exactly in April `94 with the line-up: Mariosh (voc.), Paluch (bass), Lechu (gui.). After three months of playing, we recorded our first release "Fürgott". Now the line-up presents: Mariosh (voc.), Paluch (bass, backing voc.), Lechu (gui.) and Rogal (drums).

2) The very first release I got from SQUASH BOWELS was the promo tape 1994 (the so called Fürgott demo). Slaweck of DEAD INFECTION dubt it to me with these words: "They`re a f****** Polish band!!!" You`re both living in the same place (Bialystock); so who the first influenced the other one and when? Did some other bands encourage you to continue your project (I especially think about PTOMANIA)?. How are your relations with DEAD INFECTION?. Competitions or cooperations?:

Well, I don`t know who DEAD INFECTION are. Who`s that band?. He, He!!. Dead Infection and us are very good friends. Only friends, not any cooperation or competition. About PTOMANIA, it was the band where played the vocalist of DEAD INFECTION. Now PTOMANIA is dead.

3) Sorry for such a crap question, but here in France Munkir and me were really ripped off many and many times by Polish bands, and so we denied the scene for a while. Sad, but according to you, were just victims of isolated bastards or is it (was it...) a current practise in the underground scene Poland?. By the way, tell us who are the labels and the distros (serious of course) who are truely acting in your country?:

They are some f****** rip offs; for example: Baron Rec., Loud Out Rec., and other f****** posers. Very big f*** off to Polish shitty labels!!!.

4) I really don`t want to be ironic, but the really first release was an autoproduction, the split Ep with/ CATASEXUAL URGE MOTIVATION and the split live tape with UNDINISM are released on German labels, and your full lenght Ep and live tape were done by a Japanese label. So, what`s happened to Polish labels?. Why don`t they believe in the talentuous bands like you from their own country?:

Polish labels as I said before aren`t interested in bands playing grind/noise/hc. Polish labels release only fashionable music. They publish music of the bands only for money. F****** posers. Well, who is playing Balck, doom, sympho or gothic metal way write to Polish labels - pigs.

5) Following the same spirit as the previous question, do you actually have the attention of any label (worldwide) to produce something more (I don`t want to provoke someone with such a word) "commercial" like a Cd or a Lp?. I think your name in now well known, in the European scene and worldwide too I hope. So, when will we have the opportunity to listen such a stuff?:

I think that a Cd or Lp isn`t commercial. It`s good to sign a band but not for commercial idea. Only a music or someone`s activity could be considered as commercial. I don`t know when we`ll have our debut Cd, but if it will be, it won`t be commercila for sure.

6) It seems you play a lot of gigs. Do you really enjoy it?. What does the audience gives you for feelings?. Do you have special acts during your shows?. I mean: with such lyrics and violence musicwise, do you use blood, body arts or stuffs like that?. What do you think about Black metal bands (even in your country, `coz I know many are trying to play in Poland), who are using corpsepaints, spikes, light and so on?. How do you accept this trend in the scene?. Is the Polish audience more turned into BM than grind core or is it the opposite according to you?:

Yeah, we like guys very much and we are satisfied of our gigs. Our shows are sometimes very sick and psycho. We don`t use blood or entrails. Only music is true feelings for the band. Many Black Metal bands are very shitty in Poland, but some of them are good. Personnaly I only like BATHORY, IMPALED NAZARENE, SARCOFAGO, BLASPHEMY and some positions of MARDUK. Now, Black Metal is f****** trend like death metal was 3 or 4 years ago. Shows with true human blood and entrails could be very great, but majority of groups are using false things. It`s stupid.

7) As we are discuting about "trends" in general, what`s your opinion about the actual obsession of many bands and musicians to orient themselves more into sex, perversions and mass murdering?. What did push them to do that?. Is it plagiasm or just a moral (or mental) view?:

I think now the trend is Black metal as I sais before, or doom, symphonic and gothic metal. These groups are very, very presents, and tons are borning, good or bad, but I hope that once would be the evil of this. I think these are little bands who are dealing with murdering, sex and so on. It isn`t a trend yet!. In comparaison with BM or symphonic, it isn`t a trend yet.

8) All your lyrics, since the whole beginning (I think) are brutally gore and splatter horrors turned (as for DEAD INFECTION but of course many other bands). It`s an usual question for a grind core band like SQUASH BOWELS but why such an orientation lyricswise?. Do you usually have some "no catholic" practices, as mentally profanation, morgue visits, cadavers obsessions and stuffs like that?. What and where do you find your inspiration?. What`s about sex?:

You think bad, he, he. All our lyrics aren`t gore, splatter brains, sex and so on. Many people think like you because we have some gore pictures, but our lyrics aren`t gore. Lyrics of SQUASH BOWELS are about human life, human problems in general, social, personal, about people`s feelings, `animals` feelings`, about all shits and evils of this earth. Inspirations come from the whole life, mine and others. So, personnaly, I like horror/gore, perverse movies and so on. Sex is great, debauches and perversity is cool!!!.

9) Ok, now we know a little more about you and SQUASH BOWELS, so let me ask you some question about the music. It sounds very brutal, powerfull as hell, and well,, to tell you the truth, it stays the only style I enjoy today. Your compos are very pure grind core with a raw sound (4 arms and 4 legs drummer!!). Difficult question: what`s grindcore for you?. Is it the future trend of the underground worldwide or is this style condamned to stay in the obscurity for eternity?:

Grind core is the music we like most. It`s music for expression of all feelings and ideas. It`s the pest of life. I think grind/noise/crust/hc couldn`t be trends in the underground. In each country is the general music scene more imposant than the underground scene. And some trens may exist only on the general scene. Rich and big labels and records release music of band who can sell. Bands are more and more with music more commercial and it is the way to come into being f****** trend. Selling is causing trend, but underground is only underground and here couldn`t it be a trend.

10) Will SQUASH BOWELS exploit new directions, always musicwise speaking?. I mean, do you have the intention to compose some hard core songs or stuffs like that?

Now, new dierction of SQUASH BOWELS is going to become hyper grind and with powerfull sound, extremely sick vocals. Maybe in the future songs would be more hc, but without a doubt will it be with grind and noise influences.

11) Speaking now with the last release: "Dead?!". It`s the second time you are using a picture as design for cover. It appears to my eyes that you are reaching the art, horror art of BRUJERIA, isn`t it?. Where did you find the photos?. Do you have a friend working in a morgue?. What sort of feelings do you want to have: fear, disgust, fascination, what else?. If you`ll have T-shirts, whar will you have for design?:

The "Dead?!" demo is an old position for us, because it was recorded 1.5 years ago. I found a picture for the cover in the encyclopedia of forensic medicine. This picture and others from collage (for example) appear for people what is cruel life and what man may make for other man. It`s terrible for some people. Now, we have our shirts "Don`t Worry" and on the back side written our logos. It can be yours for 12 US $ (Europe) and 13 world. Newest shirts will be out soon.

12) Oh yes, a personal question now: what`s about Japan?. It seems you got some friends here (C.U.M., Bloodbath Rec, Obliteration Rec and so on), but is that all, or do you have the lust to live in their country (or just visit it)?. Did you interest yourself inot their culture?

Japan is very old and beautiful country. I`d like to see the whole country of course. Their culture and other thing are exotic and I hope girls are very great. ...and of course the scene is very cool!!!.

13) I sometimes ask this question to the band, it depends of my imagination: why did you choose SQUASH BOWELS for a band name?. What does that mean for you?. Has it a special meaning or was it simply two words coming from your mind or the dictionary?:

The name SQUASH BOWELS fit very much to our music and to what we are doing. I`m satisfied that I found these two words in my mind. As I said it`s the part of my life.

14) Don`t you have the lust to have a side project?. If yes, it means that you`d like to express feelings or a style you can`t have or do in SQUASH BOWELS. If no, SQUASH BOWELS is more than a band, it`s your conscious. What do you want to choose and comment?:

I haven`t any other project and other memebers haven`t projects too. But I`d like to make sex/ noise project. SQUASH BOWELS is not sex band. Name of the project should be probably N.H.B.M. which means Nympho Harrid Bodily Molestation, but maybe in the future. I don`t know yet.

15) To cut my speach about the Polish scene (and rip offs we told about before), do you have a band from your country to promote here?. Give us your whole merchandising:

Good bands from Poland I recommend you are: DEAD INFECTION, INCARNATED, PSYCHONEUROSIS, ROTTING HEAD, GROSSMEMBER and so on. Promo tape `94 Fürgott, live tape in A.C.K., split tape with UNDINISM, demo "Dead?!", split Ep with C.U.M. and full lengh Ep called "Someting Nice". And we will have the best releases in the future. Besides thanx a lot Necrophil for this interview. Support the underground and good music. Kill all trends.

SQUASH BOWELS/ Christopher Rogucki/ ul. Kozlowa 10-11/ 15-868 Bialystock// POLAND.

Since it's autumn, our latest foray into the health & beauty scene is graciously demonstrated by a fall vegetable, Stanley the Anthropomorphic Squash. Here Stanley shows us some of the yoga poses which keep him serene and focussed even when faced with the prospect of being sliced up, breaded, and thrown in a frying pan. And truly - don't we all feel as though we're about to be fried sometimes?

My Feet Are Stuck This Way Pose. Doesn't it look profound? Your family won't suspect that you're slacking off when you use this jewel; they'll assume that you're meditating.

Dive into Carpet Pose. This one is particularly challenging to perform for those of us without stems. Proceed with extreme caution.

Child after Tantrum Pose. Scream and alternately beat your arms then legs on the floor until exhausted. Relax. Feel your gut sagging into the carpet. Don't you feel young again?

I'm More Limber Than You Are Pose. Unless you have as great a range of motion as Stanley, you may need assistance in assuming this position. We suggest heading to an ice skating rink and strapping a pillow to your crotch.

Bug on Back Pose. A great position for soothing those tired back muscles and for checking out the paint job on the ceiling. With arms and legs pointing helplessly in the air, roll from side to side, back and forth in an ever increasing frenzy, attempting to flip yourself right side up.

Always check with a Physician before attempting physical activity - particularly if your legs are held on by rubber bands.

© Inman Design Works

Squashed!

FRANK KEATING

One of lan McEwan's familiar set-piece exuberances in his acclaimed new novel Saturday — 'undoubtedly his best': Anita Brookner, The Spectator, 29 January — has neurosurgeon hero Perowne indulging in an intensely competitive game of squash with anaesthetist Strauss. The doc plays each desperately combative rally on the tightrope of his own mortality, as if every unsparingly venomous stroke might be his last. McEwan is spot-on: fiction as sporting verity. Forget the noisy, follow-my-leader courtesy of modern motor-racing, hectic hunting, or even madcaps' mountaineering; I fancy that it is the sheer mental and physical ferocity of racket games played shoulder to shoulder in a cruelly intimate, confined space which, of all sports, transports its par- ticipants closest to death.

I'm talking both suicide and murder here. I once knew Jonah Barrington, the remarkable Brit who was wholly responsible for the astonishing squash boom of the 1970s and 1980s. Forty years ago this engaging obsessive was washer-up at nights in a Kensington bistro I used to frequent — 19 Mossop Street, next to the Admiral Codrington pub — and at dawn he moved down the road to wash milk bottles at the Chelsea Dairy. In between, all day long the wacky nut would practise squash and we used to snort and giggle with derision when he said his plan was to be world champion. And then one day, suddenly, he was — and every year between 1967 and 1973, with outrageous verve, he defended the title against a succession of fuming all-comers. I interviewed Jonah on the famous night he won his sixth championship. He was wrecked, all-in, but his eyes dazzled in delirium: There was a fantastic and savage and unrivalled satisfaction the moment I knew I had him beaten. I looked deep into his eyes and could see his defeat, his utter humiliation, his degradation . . . and, I'm telling you, there just ain't another feeling in the world remotely like it.'

I thought of that malignantly scary night reading McEwan — and also last week when reading of the death at 85 of good Lord Aberdare. He was another rackets champ I briefly knew, but a mighty different cove from good oF homicidal Jonah. Or so, from his endearingly gentle manner, you might have imagined. But I bet his lordship's plimsolls squealed with just as pitiless intent as he stalked his prey on the parquet-floored snakepit of the courts. Else he would not have won the British real-tennis singles and doubles titles four times each in the 1950s and 1960s, would he? Unlike Barrington, m'lord had been born to the perspiring intensities of the chase — his pa, the third Baron, also held national titles at rackets and real tennis, and as well as being a doughty doll at lawn tennis, mater was one of Britain's first women's squash champions.

I worked with Lord Aberdare, who was a junior minister in Ted Heath's Tory government, when he helped set up the museum at Wimbledon's All-England club. His graciousness and knowing enthusiasm were a delight. He said the two proudest moments of his life were, at age 20, reaching the final of the 1939 British doubles championship in partnership with his 54-year-old father (lost 3-14) and, at precisely the same advanced age, taking a set off world champion Howard Angus (25) in the Bathurst Cup. And now I come to think of it, just for a second or two as he told the tale, a diabolical shaft of sadistic savagery did illuminate the old man's soft-boiled eyes.

From The Spectator 12 February 2005

Tailpiece?

Squash and Squashed