| Lona- Just a couple quick little notes: First of all, don’t send me any mean mail. I like Treize. I’d have to in order to be this mean to him. Secondly, I really do like all the other characters too. Honest. Thirdly, I don’t own Ace of Base or their music. Any of their music. Fourthly, I don’t own any of this. I didn’t write the story either. Actually, I saw it somewhere and thought it was really funny and put my name on it… Duo- I think that’s illegal. Lona- I shouldn’t be telling you this. Any ways, enjoy. Three Little Gundam Pilots or Treize Finds A Friend [The setting is a small house in the middle of a large field. From inside the house there comes a loud scream and muffled rants.] Voice From the Sky- Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a… [more banging noises form inside…] um… happy family of Gundam pilots. There was a mama Gundam pilot… Trowa- [from in the house] NO! Voice From the Sky - Ahem! I said, there was a mama Gundam pilot… Trowa- [still inside] No there wasn’t! Voice From the Sky - Trowa, if you don’t come out right now I swear I’ll give Duo sugar and lock you in a four-foot box with him for- Trowa- [still in the house] Fine! Voice From the Sky - Any ways. Let’s try this again. There was a mama Gundam pilot, [Trowa, wearing a floral-print house dress and a bow in his hair, opens the door of the house and walks out, his arms crossed over his chest] and three little Gundam pilots. [Chibi Duo, Wufei, and Quatre emerge from the house looking cute like they always do.] Mama Trowa said she needed to talk to them. Mama Trowa- [mad] I need to talk to you. Duo- [sweetly, batting his eyes cutely] Yes, Mama Trowa? [Wufei tries not to laugh as Quatre looks concerned] Mama Trowa- [same monotone] You have lived at home your entire lives. It’s time for you to go make your own fortunes in the world. Duo- [blinks] Boink, boink! O_O Quatre- [slowly] Um… Tro- I mean, Mama Trowa- God that sounds weird- we’re only fifteen. Wufei- Yeah. And I’m fourteen. Mama Trowa- Tell that to her. [points up at the sky.] Voice From the Sky - Shut up. I can still find that box… Mama Trowa- [quickly] Okay, okay! Um… I don’t care. Now, um, leave. Duo, Wufei, and Quatre- [blink making a cute little ‘boink, boink’ sound.] Mama Trowa- So, um, go. [makes shooing gestures] Now. Leave. [Mama Trowa goes back in the house. The boys shrug and start walking down a path that leads some where. Duo accidentally knocks down a cardboard tree.] Duo- Um… Oops. [picks up tree] Quatre and Wufei- [blink] Boink, boink! [They continue walking, trying to ignore the tree thing.] Voice From the Sky - Later that day, the boys come to a fork in the road. Quatre- [excited, pointing to the place where the path splits] Look! Voice From the Sky was right! [claps giddily] Duo and Wufei- [blink] Boink, boink! Voice From the Sky - The boys decide they should split up. So, Quatre went down one path and Duo and Wufei went down the other. [Quatre looks nervous as the other two leave and he is suddenly alone.] Quatre- Um… I need a place to stay. Voice From the Sky - Then, a man carrying a load of straw walked by. Quatre- [blinks and stares] Boink, boink! Um… Zechs? Zechs- Just offer to take the hay. [impatiently begins to tap his foot] Well? Quatre- Oh, um… Can I have that hay? Voice From the Sky - [Mad, she stomps her foot as her Muse giggles.] It’s straw, not hay! Get the line right! Quatre- [sweatdrops] Can I have that straw? Zechs- [shrugging and walking away] Sure. Quatre- Thank you. [looks up at the sky] Now what? Voice From the Sky - [sighs] Build a house. Quatre- [confused] From what? Voice From the Sky - The hay! Quatre- You said it was straw. Voice From the Sky - [yells, knocking poor chibi Quatre over] I don’t care! Just build a friggen house! Quatre- [small, whiny voice] We shouldn’t be fighting at all! (1) Voice From the Sky - [sigh] God, don’t let me kill him. This is a children’s story. Please, no violence… [Quatre sweatdrops and begins franticly trying to build a house.] Notes- (1) That was taken from the other Treize fics I read. I thought it was funny. MEANWHILE… Duo- I spy with my little eye something that is… GREEN! Wufei- [dully] Grass? Duo- [happily, oblivious to his friend’s tone] Your turn! Wufei- [sigh] I spy with my little eye something that is round. [There is nothing round in the scene –except Wufei’s head, but that doesn’t count- and it is obvious Wufei doesn’t care. Duo searches to no avail.] Duo- [pouting, looking cuter than ever as he plays with his braid] I don’t see anything! Wufei- Oh. Must’ve passed it. Duo- [cheering up] My turn! I spy- Voice From the Sky - [cutting in] Suddenly Wufei and Duo came to another fork in the road- Wufei- [muttering] Thank God. Voice From the Sky - and the two boys decided they should split up. [Duo walks one way while Wufei disappears down the other trail.] Duo- [Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he begins singing to himself.] All that she wants/ is another baby!/ She’ll be gone tomorrow, boy./ All that she wants- Voice From the Sky - Ahem! A man walks by carrying a bundle of sticks. Duo- [blinks] Boink, boink! Hi, Howard. Howard- [sets bundle down] Hiya, Duo. Um… I got these sticks for ya. Duo- [blink] Boink, boink! Why? [Howard shrugs and walks away, leaving the sticks in the middle of the road. He is once more off to get drunk. (2)] Um… Hey, Voice From the Sky, can you help me out? Voice From the Sky - [groans] You’re suppose to build a house. Duo- With what? Voice From the Sky - The sticks. Duo- Why? Voice From the Sky - Because the story says so. Duo- But wouldn’t cement and bricks and, like, siding be more useful? Voice From the Sky - [yelling] Don’t any of you know this story? God! Build the house, Duo. Build. The. House. Duo- [grumbling] Okay. Okay. [Half-heartedly, he picks up a few sticks and builds a little tee-pee sorta thing.] I feel so stupid. [The tee-pee falls down.] Note- (2) Check out episode 6 (I think) where Duo is talking about ‘wondering how long he’ll be able to see the moon like this [from Earth]…’. In the background Howard says “Nothing like a good cup of Java…”, but he walks on screen holding a bottle, not a coffee cup. And then there’s the tone he uses- “Yeah. A graveyard.” He is so far gone! @_@ MEANWHILE… Wufei- I am Wufei! [He does a cute little kick with his cute, little chibi leg.] I fight for peace and justice! [He punches the air like he’s fighting something.] I will avenge those who have been wronged! I will bring solace to this world! I will- (3) Voice From the Sky - [cooing] Awe! Kawaii! Wufei- [stops, blushing] ONNA! Voice From the Sky - Wufei-chan walked along by himself until he spotted someone standing by the side of the road leaning on a pile of bricks. Wufei- Hello, Heero. What are you doing here? Heero- [sadly] I didn’t get a main part. I don’t think she loves me any more… [looks up at the sky with a sarcastic glint in his eyes] Voice From the Sky - Of course I do! There just aren’t many major parts. Sorry. I didn’t write it. Heero-… [glowers] Voice From the Sky - Any ways… Heero- Do you want my bricks? Wufei- Sure. I will use them to practice! [Wufei takes a brick from the pile and hands it to Heero.] Hold this. [He backs up, takes a couple steps back towards Heero, and kicks the brick in half with a loud battle cry.] YAH! Voice From the Sky - [panicked and sweatdropping furiously] What the hell are you doing?! [Muse out-right laughs.] Wufei- [blinks, confused] Boink, boink! What? I was practicing my defending-justice thingy with the bricks Heero gave me. Voice From the Sky - But you’re suppose to be building a house! Don’t you guys read?! Heero and Wufei- [blink] Boink, boink! Voice From the Sky - [takes a deep breath] Okay. Now, Heero, go away. Wufei, pretend you understand and build a house. Alright? Wufei- [nods] Sure. [Heero shrugs and walks away.] Note- (3) Sounds like Sailor Moon, huh? Scary. MEANWHILE… [The setting is a dark cave. Treize is sitting at a table. He is smelling a rose, sipping a martini.] Treize- [sighs] I’m bored! No one likes me! I’ll just have to go out and make some friends! [Treize stands up and leaves the cave, his stupid eye brows flapping in the wind, the sun reflecting off his ghetto, 80’s Ken Doll © hair. Suddenly he begins to sing in his annoying, chipmunk voice.] I love youuuuuuuuuu! You love meeeeeeeeeeeee! We’re a HAP-py fam-i-leeeee! Voice From the Sky - [ She presses her hands over her ears while her Muse screams in torment.] SHUT UP! PLEASE! God, save us all, hell has come! Jeez! [shakes her head as Treize looks confused at the strange and suffering Voice From the Sky.] Treize - [He blinks, but there is no cute ‘boink, boink’ sound because he isn’t cute. He is Treize and Treize is a stupid knave.] Um… Okay. [He shakes his head starts skipping down the road. But, because he isn’t cute, he trips.] Voice From the Sky and her Muse- HEEHEEHEE! STUPID TREIZE! Muse- [whispers loudly to Voice From the Sky] Do it again! [Voice From the Sky grins and nods. Treize stands up but falls over forward with an uncute THUMP!, his stubby arms flailing uselessly.] HEEHEEHEE! [Voice From the Sky smiles proudly.] MEANWHILE… [The setting is Quatre’s cute, little- um… [blinks] I mean big, sprawling estate… ?O_O? ] Quatre- [lounging in a chair by a giant pool. He is surrounded by minions who are waiting on him. To the left is a huge mansion made of woven straw panels. Quatre sips lemonade from a glass that is almost taller than himself through one of those plastic maze straws.] That was a good idea! Building a house. Now I have another estate! Voice From the Sky - Once Quatre- Um… Quatre? Quatre- [smiles] Yes? Voice From the Sky - [dully, some what annoyed] What’s that? Quatre- Oh! That’s the mansion my minions built out of the hay- I mean straw. And I figured if I had a mansion, why not put in a pool, some tennis courts, a Jacuzzi, a small guest house- for when the rest of the guys come over- an artificial fish pond, and a few palm trees to give it the right mood! [giggles] Voice From the Sky - [blinks] Boink, boink! [slowly] I guess it will have to do. Back to the story. Who should come down the road, but Treize - Odd People From Nowhere Who Are Walking By Because It’s Convenient - Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…! [Odd People From Nowhere Who Are Walking By Because It’s Convenient run screaming into the night, never to be seen or heard from again. Treize walks onto the scene, a huge Band-Aid on his forehead and a few more bruises everywhere else. He stops when he sees Quatre.] Treize - Maybe he’ll be my friend! Quatre- [He over-hears that annoying voice and is quickly carried into the large mansion by a herd of minions. Suddenly, the Winner family’s private jet takes off from a place some where behind the large straw mansion.] I want to go to Duo’s! Voice From the Sky - [groans] God, I’ve mutilated this… [clears her throat then continues, louder] Ahem! Well, the force of the Winner family’s private jet taking off causes the straw hou- mansion to shake slightly. Little drifts of straw float down around door. [Treize begins to sneeze and his eyes get huge and puffy. He stumbles around blindly, flailing about. His antics bring him closer and closer to the mansion. With one, final stumble, Treize flew against the poor building, knocking the whole thing down.] Treize - ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! [He stumbles to his feet and makes his way down the road to get away from the straw.] ACHOO! ACHOO! Voice From the Sky - Finally away from the straw, Treize begins to feel better- Audience- Booooo! Voice From the Sky - [sweatdrops and quickly continues] –but not too much better. He continues on his quest to find a friend. Treize - [sad and all alone (But no one cares because he’s Treize and he isn’t cute.)] I guess I need to look some place else for a friend. Well, [He begins skipping down the road.] I’ll just see if there are any more people down this road. [He sees a little birdie standing by the road.] Do you want to be my friend, little birdie? [The little birdie feels threatened by the squeaky voice and does what comes natural to any poor little birdie who’s being attacked- it dove at Treize’s eyes, trying to peck out his brains through his sockets. Of course it was unsuccessful. You see, Treize is a stupid knave. He has no brains. When the poor little birdie realized that the monster could not be killed, it flew away.] Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Random Audience Member- Poor Treize! [A shower of bottles and trash pellet the stupid Random Audience Member until he is dead. Then, a heard of wild chibi Wufeis dance around the body then drag it off to be sacrificed to the goddess, Nataku.] Voice From the Sky - [sweatdrops] This is getting too weird! [Muse giggles.] MEANWHILE… [Somewhere far, but not too far, away, Wufei labors with his bricks. Suddenly, a little, rather evil-looking chibi Heero pops his head out of the bush.] Heero- Psst! Hey! Wufei! [Wufei looks around until he spots Heero.] I’ve got something much better than those bricks for you to build your house out of. Wufei- [excited] Really? Heero- Yeah. [whispers slyly] But it’ll cost ya. Wufei- How much? Heero- No, no. Not money. [He grins and starts to laugh maniacally, but stops, not wanting to use his one manic laugh for this ‘episode’. (4)] I just want a favor when you’re done… Note- (4) If you really pay attention to the show, you will notice that Heero never gets two maniacal-laughing scenes in one episode. MEANWHILE… [Duo is struggling with the sticks, using a small tube of modeling glue to try to keep them together.] Duo- [He throws a glue-covered stick on the ground in frustration.] Stupid glue! Stupid sticks! This story is dumb! [crosses his arms over his chest] I refuse to work under these conditions! I have rights! There are labor laws! Child labor laws! Chibi labor laws! [stops, blinks] Boink, boink! Aren’t there? [Suddenly, a loud, roaring sound fills the air as Quatre’s jet lands next to Duo. Duo dives out of the way of one of the wheels and towards a bush for cover. The bush doesn’t give way to him, however. It falls over with a loud, echoing THUMP! as the hard cardboard hits the ground. Quatre, who was just opening the door to his jet, stops.] Quatre- O_o Duo- [sitting up, little bushes flying around his head] Ooch! Cheap set! [He throws the fake bushes away angrily.] Stupid prop department! [Quatre walks over to his friend and helps him up.] I’ll kill them all! Quatre- [yelling in a whiny voice] We shouldn’t be fighting at all! Duo- I wasn’t fighting. Quatre- [quietly] Well… good. Because we shouldn’t be fighting at all. Duo- [rolls his eyes] Jeez! Do you ever get any good lines? You’d think you could buy some, at least! Quatre- [defensively] I like my lines. [slowly] They’re… They’re…[A long pause follows as the young millionaire tries to think of something convincing.] Duo- Really sucky? Yep, I know. You could buy better lines from a three-humped camel, [covers one eye] with one eye, [hops on one foot] and no legs with a purple half-penny! Quatre- O_O Um… I can buy half a purple camel? [looks confused. Duo loses his balance and falls over on the pile that was supposed to be his house. Glue-soaked sticks clung to his hair, clothes, and face.] Duo- Oi! Quatre- Are you all right? Duo- Yeah. *o_O I think. [He stands up and walks towards the larger pile of unused sticks, pulling the sticks that were stuck to him off and dropping them as he went. One stuck to his hand and he began to shake it furiously. The stick finally came loose, flew towards Quatre, and stuck to the side of his head with a loud SLAP!] Quatre- Ooch! [He begins to cry. A dozen Random Minions (5) flock around him, giving him things, saying comforting stuff, and over all trying to make him feel better.] Random Minion #4- [pulls stick off Quatre’s head] Random Minion #97- It’s okay. [gives him a lollipop] Random Minion #367- We love you, Master Quatre! Random Minion #210- You’re the best! [gives him some toys] Random Minion #12- Please don’t be upset! Random Minion #253- Master Quatre, I brought you some tea! [gives him tea] Random Minion #304- I brought you cookies! [gives him cookies] Random Minion #76- I brought you candy, Master Quatre! [gives him candy] Random Minion #184- I brought you- [Duo shoves all the Random Minions aside.] Duo- [yelling] Alright! Alright! He stopped crying! You can go now! [shoves Random Minion #49 who is walking away slowly] God, can we please just finish this?! Quatre- [His arms are laden with cookies, candy, toys, balloons, money, and other expensive objects. He looks at Duo disapprovingly.] You should be nicer. [Quatre puts everything down except a stuffed Sandrock.] Cute! [He hugs Sandrock as Duo rolls his eyes.] Duo- Voice From the Sky, can we move on? Voice From the Sky- [sheepishly] Sorry. Um… [looks at Muse for inspiration…] Note- (5) This was also taken from the authors of the other Treize fics. Hope no one minds me using them… [sweatdrop] MEANWHILE… [The scene opens with Wufei working quickly to build something. Heero is standing off to the side, leaning against the wall of whatever was being built, a smirk on his face. He glares sky-ward as Wufei begins to cackle evilly.] Heero- [low, menacing] Give me a walk-on part? [sneers] Didn’t really think you’d get away with it, did you? Voice From the Sky- [BIG sweatdrop] Um… Easy, Heero-chan. I, um, I’m sorry. It was her fault! [points accusingly at Muse. Muse ducks behind the computer table.] Coward! Come out and- [Muse throws printer at Voice From the Sky. Voice From the Sky ducks and decides to continue. Anything had to be safer than staying where she was...] |