Last time in Omochao Land, Pat, Andy, and Bob got captured by Tim. And Ian and Fred are arming themselves in order to launch an assault on Tim’s fortress of mouse-itude.

Tom: Sir, this fortress of mouse-itude will never hold up against a real attack.

Tim: Shut up, lowly assistant! No one will dare attack me! I am Tim!

(What Tim didn’t know, was that his new prisoners, Andy, Pat, and Bob, have some very powerful friends. By powerful, I mean weak. Read on!)

Fred: We sure are weak.

Ian: Powerful weak.

Fred: Powerful…. WEAK???

Fred’s head explodes.

Fred: So anyway, we’ve got guns, grenades, and spears. I’ll take the cool weapons and you get the spear.

Ian: w00t. You might just call me Britney SPEARS.

Fred’s head explodes.

Fred and Ian walk around the corner and run into a man in his mid-30s with a huge beard. It happens to be Tedder.

Tedder: Ah!! Help! My friend Pat got kidnapped by Tim! Ah! I don’t even know you!

Ian: Hold on, did you say Fred?

Fred: He said Pat… I’M Fred.

Tedder: You know Pat?? And his two stupid looking friends?

Ian: HEY! Andy and Bob are not stupid looking! Well… together they are, but not individually.

Fred: We’re getting off topic…

Tedder and Ian stare at Fred. Ian asks “Since when have YOU been a voice of reason?”

Tedder: It doesn’t matter! I need help rescuing them! I know where Tim’s secret lair is.

Fred: And we got guns, ammo, and booze!

Ian: Booze?? We didn’t buy booze.

Fred: Booze? I meant… shoes…

Tedder: News?

Ian and Fred: SHOES!

Ian: Thank God we don’t have to go through that again…

Tedder: Clues?

Fred’s head explodes.

(Author’s Note: We’re gonna skip ahead a bit, the Three Musketeer’s (Fred, Ian, and Tedder) arrive at the front gate of Tim’s Fortress of Mouse-itude (guarded by Tom) to rescue the Three Stooges. (Andy, Bob, and Pat)

Tom: So… I buried the body, and the cops never found out it was me.

Guard: Hold on, I think I heard something…

Tom pulls out his gun… “Is it… is it bandits?”

Guard: Put away your gun… there are no bandits here… the only bad guy who ever attacks us is Sonic and he just jumps on us until we empty our wallets.

Suddenly the Guard gets shot several times and falls over dead.

(Author’s Note: The guy without a name always dies first.)

Tom leaps behind a nearby… um… cactus and gets ready for a fight.

Suddenly a grenade lands in Tom’s lap and his eyes widen.

Tom: Oh sh-

KABOOM!

Fred: I think we got him.

Fred, Tedder, and Ian creep forward slowly to Tom’s “dead” body. Ian is armed with his Britney Spears. Fred has a shotgun, and Tedder has the grenades.

Suddenly Tom stands up and starts having a seizure. He grows hair all over and his legs and arms become hooves and he even grows horns!

Tedder: Oh my God. The legends are true! It’s Tom “The Goat Man” Flecther!

Fred: GOAT MAN?? Are we even in Sonic Adventure 3 anymore or what?? This place is crazy!

Tom grabs Ian and throws him back over the walls of the fortress and Ian flies into the window of the prison and lands next to Andy.

Andy, Pat, and Bob all stand up in shock.

Andy: Ian! How’d you get here!?

Ian: I brought… a spear…

Ian passes out from the shock of just being thrown 100 feet in the air.

Andy grabs the spear and says “I know what we can do with this.”

Andy aims the spear at the nearest guard and hurls it at him.

Guard: Uuuuuugggggghhhhhh.

Pat: I think he’s dead.

Andy: Of course he’s dead you chowder head.

Pat: Nuck, nuck, nuck

Andy: I think we’re free!

Andy stabs the Guard’s keys and they get caught on the end of the spear. He brings the keys back and uses them to open the cell door.

Pat: AH, AH, AH, THREE PATS! GIVE ME FIVE!

Andy: We don’t need you anymore!

Andy hurls the spear into Pat’s heart.

Pat: Wh… Why?

Andy: Because you’re working with Tim!

Bob gasps. Ian wakes up then gasps. Pat gasps… for life.

Pat dies.

Bob: Andy, why’d you do that?? “Working with Tim”? Do you even have proof of that?

Andy: I’ll explain later, we have to go! Tedder is working with Tim, too! And he might have hurt our man on the inside. Tom!

Ian: So Fred and Tedder are fighting Tom, who is secretly working for us. And Tedder is secretly working for Tim, and so is Pat, and that’s why you killed Pat?

Andy: Yes! I’ll explain more later, we have to find Tim and get the access codes.

Ian: I believe you for now. Bob?

Bob: What choice do we have? Let’s go!

Ian, Andy, and Bob run out of the cell, Andy with Britney Spear in hand.

Ian: I want Britney Spears back…

Andy: What good is Britney Spears anyway? None at all, is my answer.

Andy throws the spear out the window, never to see it again...

(Author’s Note: This is a statement on something in real life, try to figure out what.)

Meanwhile…

Fred: Ok… Calm down Tom…

Tom: GLAR BLAR YAARR!!!

Tedder: I think he’s mad we blew him up…

Fred: He threw Ian pretty far and… Tedder… what are you doing?

Tedder is suddenly pointing a gun at Fred.

Tedder: I’m sorry Fred, but Tim planned this whole thing, and frankly, he pays me a lot of money. It’s over for you.

Tedder is about to pull the trigger when Tom grabs Tedder and throws him at the fortress of mouse-itude.

Tedder: I’ll get you for this Middler!

Just as Tedder is about to fly through that same window a spear comes out of the window and goes through Tedder, killing him.

Fred: Whoa.

Tom powers down from Super Goat Mode into Human Mode.

Tom: I’m working with Andy to get the access codes to save you, Bob, and Ian Lee. Tedder and Pat are traitors. If things went as planned, then Pat is dead, too, and Ian, Bob and Andy are on their way to confront Tim and they’ll need all the help they can get. Let’s go.

Fred: I am so confused, but let’s rock on!

How was that for crazy? Or crazy bad, depending on who you are. Tune in for chapter 4 where the group of 5 (Tom, Fred, Ian, Bob, and Andy) confront Tim and some of his other minions.