Almost two years ago, I ran across a site called Student.Net or Student.Com as it's known now. I joined, and in my free time read the personals. Often, people post poetry or just thoughtful ramblings. I was lucky and stumbled upon two people in particular, storyteller and christian22. The latter wrote the following posts. There are 35, compiled into two web pages. I don't remember which it was that caught my attention. All I know is that one did, and I'll be forever grateful for that. Without further adieu...
I love how your hair smells, even if it is only shampoo...I love how your head always finds the right spot on my shoulder...how beautiful, angelic you look when you sleep...how when we kiss everything suddenly seems right...the cute little way you eat and cut your food...how you look good no matter what you wear; how it takes you 5 hours to get ready, but it is always worth it in the end...how you fish for compliments eventhough you know I think you are a princess....I love your smile...the way your forehead wrinkles when you get mad...how you hand always seems to find mine...I miss how we kiss when we say I love you...how your number appears on my caller ID after a big fight....i love when you hit me and expect it to hurt..lol....and how you fall into my arms when you cry, and how you apologize for crying over something "silly"...the way your tears make me want to change the world so that itdoesn't hurt you anymore..WOMEN: regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them... it matters not. Because once in your life, When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart.We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt. Christian in Buffalo, NY
I miss how she smells...how the scent of her LizClaiborne lingered in my pillow....how she kissed me during the night and rubbed my chest..I miss her smile..her laugh...the little ways she made me happy, with a sweet word or thoughtfulness...I loved how she looked in clothes and how she always messed up painting her nails...I thought it was cute that she hated her feet and couldnt stand the sight of mustard of all things...so many things now gone...I treated her like a princess...she enjoyed me....victim of circumstance and logistics I guess.....but here I am ...back in the pool...where to go from here?..................
Ghost In You, She Dont Fade...
just coming up from the bar 330 am...unsuccessful in meeting the woman who you've always wanted..you crash out on your bed..almost falling asleep in mid-air...you head hits the pillow..you start to spin, but you still have your thoughts...you are exhausted from spending the last 4 hours fending off the toads who only care where their next mixed drink is coming from and who is going to buy it for them....you start to remember the girls throughout the night, the ones you talked to and the ones you didnt...and you get the overwhelming feeling of disappointment....sure there were a fewyou could bring home, but they are the same you dont want to bring out in public....then you drift...thinking of her...your ex...you remember all the good memories, pushing aside the memories that made her your ex....you force yourself, in those brief moments that she was the one and you were mistaken in letting her go...you convince yourself, in your drunken, helpless state, that she was the bomb and you are sorry.....you reach for the phone.......desperation?....4 rings....5 rings...6 rings...no machine?...would you leave a message....she out with her new guy?....at this point you wish you'd just pass out..fortunately...you dont get ahold of her because it would be meaningless and you'd hate yourself in the morning....thank god when you wake up all you are confronted with is a headache and not embarrassment...until the next time..the roulette wheel will spin again.......Christian......
But Never Even Caught Her Name..
You see her from afar...she is walking right towards you...whether it be in the mall..at a party or at school....entranced at the sillouette of her body and the smile on her face...her smooth skin of her neck exposed as she turns her head to smile at a friend just passing....she is still walking toward you...you notice her earrings..her nail polish and the cute way she matched her scrunchy with her outfit...closer she comes...feels like 3 minutes, but its only been 2 seconds...you look in her eyes and see your future....she is beside you..now passing....you catch her glance as waves of Liz Claiborne or Eternity crash over over..the most pleasent thing you have ever smelled......is now gone as the door closes behind her.....Will she ever know?....yup she probably does....women always know...Love that will never happen.....Christian......
Dont Go Away, Say That You'll Stay......
So I am looking around my office and I notice....everyone is either marriedto each other...married to someone in the business...engaged...or currently dating someone...unless they are Heather or Andrea, who only sleep around. I think to myself am I missing something here...Personally, I have been single since March....been dating ever since, but nothing noteworthy at all....but do you think that the love of your life resides in the same city...let alone the same building...or do people just settle for what is convienient....For instance, Lisa is engaged to a fellow Buffalo gentleman...she is happy for the most part...he has 7-10 qualities she wants and that is fine by her, but is there a guy say in Arkansas that has 10?...and if she only waited or, forgive me for saying this, got on the net then she would be perfectly happy?.......I doubt it...like people say..A bird in the hand.....Christian in Buffalo
Her Dreams Are My Dreams.......
Last night I dreamed that somebody loved me....no cold..no fears..no premature tears..or expectations..just love...someone who saw all the things in me that are good and real...who didnt just see the things I wanted her to see...she actually wanted to know me..touch me...hold me...be with me...It is amazing how real emotions are when you dream and how you feel them...I never saw her face though...how weird. I just heard her voice..felt her hand, but never saw her face...was it a premonition?...kinda like Doc Hollywood?...I have no idea...just thought i'd share that seeing i havnt posted in a while...Christian in Buffalo
U Say, U think, U are...Something Delicious
"the fleshy tempation....the sweetness of the fruit"
Most everyone I have ever met has good inside..some redeeming quailty or the like...so whenever you think how that person wasted your time...just harken back to the good...."they hadnt killed anybody"..."always nice to the dog and family"..."had good taste in clothes"...and "good a good sense of character"..(mainly yourself)...But it wasnt they inside stuff that drew you to that person...it was "the golden hair"..."the perfect smile"..."great sex"..."the appeal or mystery"...those things////One thing ..the hard truth..is that we are all myopic...no matter how much we profess that looks and material things don't matter...they do..a lot..don't get me wrong..Beauty isn't everything...but it is a foot in the door.....and no matter how much we try to make ourselves feel better..and be better people...it all comes unraveled the minute the lights come on or you find they are unemplyed..uneducated or terrible in bed....some may disagree but for almost all men it is that way...and the men that say it doesnt are the same liars who say that seeing two women together is disgusting and is something they would never participate in....However, I have seen the myopia is just as many women...women who only care where their next mixed drink is coming from and who will buy it for them...both women and men, no matter how different, in some things are unmistakenly alike...Christian in Denver...
I've Been There, That's Why I'm Here......
Everday tell her how beautiful she is...Tell her she is smart...Tell her she looks nice....Thank her for the considerate things she does...Open the door...Offer to cook...Never ever refuse sex or affection...Always listen....never judge or assume while doing so...Try to be open minded about things other than sports...Try new things...like...something other than sports...Get along with her family...especially her Mother...Never forget a date...anniversery...or a special moment...Never lie...Never tell her she looks plain..or ordinary...Always point out the small things that you know she took time in...her nails..her hair...Notice the changes..in hair style...wardrobe...and the like...Above all be attentive...never neglect or ignore....Try to be sensitive on occassion...Try and not be selfish all the time and actually put her needs infront of your own.....its tough, but needs to be done....What else....????????? It is very easy to forget the mundane tasks...the things most men take for granted after we know we have you..after that we dont do them anymore.....In the begininng these tasks/sentiments/things happen all the time...the rules are follwed and we are the men you want us to be, but at some point all men reach complacency...a certain comfort zone where we feel these things need not be done anymore...thats when she decides to move on and start a new cycle..get new attention...from a new guy..and we are left holding the bag, to only wonder what happened...and then talk amongst our buddies and come up with the ultimate cop out.. pin it down, and lay the blame on the now infamous..."oh man..she was totally psycho"......Christian in Denver
I'd Give Up Forever To Touch You.......
I really didnt think about what I was going to write about when I sat down tonight...I usually have an idea or a certain line that I focus on, but tonight that is not the case...I usually talk about love..lost or found...or hearts...broken or smiling...or relationships...split or together...I treat this place like a sounding board for every honest emotion/thought that I have...In person I'm arrogant and impenetrable...but on here I guess I dont feel I need to be that way...Anonymity does wonders I guess...It lets us be the people we always wanted to be...kinda like how everyone is at Christmas time...When the everyday real pressures and circumstances shift how we really want to act and what we really want to say...On here those pressures are gone and playing field is levelled...thats just my opinion..I could be completly wrong....probably why i'm still single...although I shouldnt be....Christian in Denver...
"I love your body, not so much, I like your mind"...Sin and Sebastion
I've started this post many times, trying to find something triumphant to say...but alas..(with the beats pumping in the background)..all I can think about are the dancefloors...the dancefloors of back home..ie..Buffalo and Toronto....140 bpm, a stiff gin and tonic, my shirt half unbuttoned, dancing my ass of to Apotheosis or some KMFDM...not forgetting the heat..the sweat...the strobes..the darkness.. nocturnal havens for the weird and strange...everyone decked in black...the only color coming from the sparkle of a silver chain or diamond nose stud, the glimmer from a gold piercing....men who wear eyeliner and women who only wear bras...fishnets and burgandy lipstick...and the only acceptable shoes are Docs.....skirts of leather or vinyl....nary a pair of jean shorts in the house...and then there is the bar...metal of course, but behind, an oasis of well liquors in plastic bottles...2 for 1 gin and tonics..And the cigarette smoke...clouds over the entire room...everything spins the discs..the floor..the drinks.....I love everything about the club....I love to dance..i love to feel the beats...letting go...then getting picked up...there is nothing like the feeling of beats pumping through you...dancing..and catching the stare from the cute 5'6'' in the corner...that moment is magic...and should be cherished...the wry smile...the knowing that is doesnt get any better...because you are in your place...truly happy for that brief however fleeting, second...but in that instant you are the man you always wanted to be....atleast it works for me that way...I guess everyone has a different place...but this one..the one I just described.,.Is mine....Christian in Denver
Forever is As Far As I'll Go...
Men are guilty for letting relationships go on far longer than they should, myslef included. We think that if we dont call you anymore, that you'll just go away and thats the end of you. However, that happens like never. Men, in general, fear lonliness. We dont like you anymore, but we need you for self esteem reasons. So we dont call, we dont want to see you ever, when we do talk its for 5 seconds and all one word answers. But when we need you, like as our date for something...seeing we couldnt pull something the night before...we are as nice as can be to you....Because we know that one night will give us another 3 weeks or so of treating you like shit...all the while we look for something better...All the while stringing you along, not making any effort, but expecting you to be there..regardless. And when you call us on it, we have the gall to turn it around and make it your fault we never see each other and the relationship sucks. The only time we spring into action, and its only for 8 or so hours, is when you finally get fed up and call everyhting off, even the booty calls...Thats when the baby, you mean everything...baby, I have been neglecting you, lI'll be better..lines come out...But in the back of our minds we all say "Damn, if Allison(the current side girl) would just come around to the point where I can manipulate her as I do this bitch(meaning you) I wouldnt have to do this shit anymore... because the truth is, if our side girl was at the "fool" point, We wouldnt give a shit about not seeing you again...But ..since the "side " girl is not at that point we have to coddle you...throw you a few bones and get back into your good graces, until such time as the "side" girl becomes just like you,....then you are out....and the cycle repeats itself....Thank god..Im no longer like that....I hope I shed some light on things for you girls...Christian in Denver.
Well...I dont think anyone has ever said love was easy...loving someone is definately more than the proverbial game people say it is.....I once thought it was simple to love...guess it just goes to show how much I have changed...eventhough love is not rocket science..it is more than that...there are no X ' and O's..it is all emotion..and i think that it is because of that men fail so miserably at it...Most couples that I know that are still together have dealt with a ton of pain..learned to endure tears..ignore fears...and avoid temptation...most people just give in...mainly men...myself included at times...What i have learned is that the worst thing a man can do is leave a woman alone with her own mind...what men need to understand is that they should never leave the door open to question..because it will only backfire on them...woman tend to conjure up the worst..and a man with a weak excuse is doomed..hence the relationship go downhill...even if the excuse is legit...but that is a totally different story..the main point is not to put yourself in that position in the first place...a man needs to stand up..not walk away...and make her feel comfortable..special..needed and secure. But that only comes with real emotion and wanting...something most men lack...its a catch 22 and something that is only solved when the match is true...it is so easy to spot relationships that will never work out because one or both of the parties are just playing at it....making you watch their right hand while picking your pocket with the left....that is all i have today.....but the immortal words of Kevin Smith live on.."there are a million beautiful women in this world, but most of them don't bring you lasagne at work...most of them just cheat on you"...take care..Christian in Denver
She's Living Inside My Heart Now....
Eventhough it came out in 86'..."About lastnight..." has to be one of the all-time greats when it comes to relationship movies...I dont think there is anything redeeming about a "moral victory"...2nd place sucks...1st place gets to fuck the homecoming queen...There is a new magazine out...well actually its been out for a while..its called Maxim..its kinda like the male version of Cosmo...I know a lot of men read Cosmo, so I wonder if any of you have read this mag...I like it and find it terribly insightful...let me know....To all of those rave/techno heads out there who know what I am talking about...I have found out where you can get a hold of a copy of Apotheosis.."O Fortuna"...Lesson: Now I have never ever been a needy or clingy person...not at all...infact I've done more pushing away than a tugboat in Boston Harbor, but the fact remains there are many woman like that. Men know when they have a woman like you...it's like radar alomost..even men can figure out real quick what they can and cant get away with...why?..its becasue they know you care more than they do...When you care about a man more than he cares about you...DO NOT LET HIM KNOW IT...because if you do he will exploit it to its fullest potentional....And after 6 months of bad phone calls..heartache...and pissing of your best friend because of your persistent whining about this guy...how he doesnt do this or doesnt say that...you break up with him...caving into the momentous echoes of "leave him" coming at you from every direction....But then...2 weeks later he calls you(at 2am in the morning)...He's sorry...He didnt appreciate you...And all the things he should have said to you while he had you..NOW come out..(sound familiar yet)..He says..Im sorry, I need you...Im sorry, you are the most special thing in my life...Im sorry, I took you for granted...BUT..dont buy it...what he is REALLY saying is...."Honey, the last few nights out at the bars I couldnt pull anyone, my ego is really in trouble, and I need you to get me back on my feet, stroke stroke stroke...or.."The woman I was cheating on you with for the past 2 months (which is why I wasnt paying any attention to you)...really isnt doing it for me anymore( truth is she dumped him)...and I need you back because my ego is really introuble"....DONT BELIEVE A WORD..you dumped him for a reason stick to it...the only reason why a guy goes back to his ex...like a dog who returneth to his own vomit...is because he need consoling..something tragic in his mind has happened and he comes to you for ego gratification...after 1 week of you nursing his needs...you'll be left broken once more..this time worst than the last....Christian in Denver
Does She Hear Me When She Sleeps....
I love how perfect..how sweetly angelic "she" looks while "she" sleeps..how soft and round "her" lips are...how peaceful "her" face looks, all aglow ...how adorable "her" sleepy words and thoughts are. I cant help but look...stare...and sigh...Other things that are really cool:
BLINK...DAMMIT....................
its alright to tell me
what you think about me
i wont try to
argue or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving
you
must have your reasons
the season is calling
your pictures
are falling down
the steps that i retrace
the sad look on your
face
the timing, the structure
did you hear he fucked her?
A
day late, a buck short
I'm writing the report, on losing and
failing
when I move I'm flailing now
and maybe I'll see
you
at a movie sneak preview
you'll show up and walk by
on
the arm of that guy
and I'll smile and you'll wave
we'll
pretend, it's okay
the charade, it wont last
when he's
gone, I won't come back...
and it'll happen once again
you'll
turn to a friend
someone who understands
sees through the
masterplan
but everybodys gone
and you have been here for
too long
to face this on your own
well I guess this is growing
up.....
*not an original*, but poigniant....Christian in Buffalo
Love..Will Tear Us Apart....Again...
In all my posts I have neglected any personal info on me...sooo...As for me..I love to play soccer and always try to make the best of a bad situation...I believe that I am well read and have..on occasion..been good at being independent...I tend to be to the point and am never shy..I watch Dennis Miller as much as possible and have been told I was born with a silver foot in my mouth....I won my 6th grade spelling bee on the word arduous..I can appreciate a cold beer as well as a fine wine..I hate all music from the 70's..the Bee Gees and Abba make my ears bleed...I can dance...I can't sing...nightclubs, occasional Bills games and Sabres season tickets round out my social calendar....I am looking for a girl who is smart..thinks for herself..has a career ambition...but also has a wild side and is not afraid to let her hair down and will drink a beer out of the bottle instead of a glass...Another quality would be thoughtfulness and always having my best intentions at heart...Also.. I never wear sneakers if I can wear shoes..and if i find the right girl I am as loyal as a stray puppy...Hope to talk to you soon...
I havnt written in a while...Seems that responsibilty hits somewhere around the age of 23...and continues forever. Up until 23 I realized that I could skate by with someone else's notes and a Xerox machine...Work is a 4 letter word. See I don't post for sex or even troll for women...Its just not my thing..If that happens great, but there are plenty of live bodies walking around Denver and Boulder to keep me busy. I, in fact, like this place as a sounding board. In the past actually some of you girls actually like what I have written. However, everytime I sit to write, nary an original thought runs through my head. Its like all the thoughts, all the emotions, every word that can be said, has already been packed up into a nice little song, commercial, movie, short story, or those little blurbs you see in Details magazine. If there is anything that I have learned in the past year I've spent in Colorado...its that women want sex every bit as a man does...In fact, I think your appetite is much more insatiable...You guys can cum 8 times in an hour an still be determined to get another...While all we want to do is have a sandwich then go to sleep...You know I had never even thought of diddling a girl with a cigar, until someone actually did it...Imagine it never crossed my mind...go figure...What kind of pleasure can you get from a cigar any way...I think it would break if it was utilized properly...In the past six months there has only been 1 girl with whom I wanted to be with and not want another...That is the true measuring stick of any relationship...If you would rather not be somewhere else or with someone else than that particular person...it is the greatest feeling...Sadly things went to shit...Actually it was me who hated her Mother...besides that...I dont think there is a worse feeling than being on the second/third date and realizing you'd rather be home masturbating, out with your buddies, or with ANY other chick besides the one your with...I feel horrible when I make excuses to call the night early or to not have sex with her...My trouble is that Im bored easily...It gets to the point where sex is not appealing and that like a week later...So cherish the moments you have when you arent tortured with that feeling of indifference to the person you are with...*smile*...Christian in Denver
Since i have been away from here a real longtime..i am going to re-post stuff..I hope you like..and remember...If you can identify where/what the title of this ad is I will be truly impressed...oh yeah...I am 24yrs...have devilish hazel green eyes, a cute smile and blond hair. I like being the life of the party and always try to make the best out of a bad situation. I'm told that I am arrogant and brash at times, but I look at it as confident and honest...I love to play soccer and watch Dennis Miller whenever possible...besides nightclubs..Rockies and Avalanche tickets round out my social calendar. I am looking for a girl with a head on her shoulders and some ambiton, but with a wild side....not afraid to let her hair down and drink a beer out of the bottle...a girl who will laugh at my jokes and always have my best interests at heart....Hope to talk to you...Christian
I Want the One I Can't Have......
Cupid, you promised to give me a break...you said I could make my own choices again...but stupid of me to think I could avoid your little voices..Now you're gone and made me want someone I can never have and don't think I can't hear you laughing...Cupid, you know have yourself a brand new enemy. It's time to get cruel, I'm calling you out....I see you in the backs of cars and through the neonlights of the bars...I see you are the fiery sunsets aiming those little arrows...escape from your poison is narrow at best...Its the strong of heart you should be aiming for ...So leave me out of your range of fire...Innocent victims see heaven in each others eyes...they are only looking at their own demise...Romeo and Juliet...Anthony and Cleopatra..Adam and Eve..would all be better off if you had just left them alone...Cupid..you make us dishonest friends..make lovers blind to their bleeding..I dont think you are lucky, I dont see you as heaven sent...Wouldnt even put you on a greeting card...To keep everyone happy..and sane...I'm gonna shoot you...Im shooting cupid.....Christian in Denver...by the way...I really am not head over heels for anyone..i just felt like writing that down....