I can't believe I did it. I told him I liked him and he rejected me. The only reason I said anything was because Dan made me believe that Tim liked me back. And I was not imagining things; he flirted back, he showed an interest in me, and I thought that for the first time in my life a guy wouldn't reject me. How could I be so fucking stupid?

"Stace!"

"Go away Dan." I can't be around anyone right now. I need to leave this stupid bar and get the hell away from them. Jesus it's cold out.

"Stacey. Get back here."

"No!" Why do I always do this to myself? I always set myself up for major disappointment. It's really cold out. Isn't it September? I blow a breath out of mouth to drive the point home.

"Come on Stace. Come back and have a drink."

"No." Is that a truck? Should I do it? Is he worth it? Is anyone worth having your body splattering across a road from the force of a dump truck?

"Stacey!" Dan runs over and pulls me back onto the sidewalk, "Are you insane? You could have been killed."

"So what? Who would have cared? Tim wouldn't have."

"Stace come on. We'll go home."

"Fine."

Dan and I walk across campus. It's dark except for the lights along the pathways that loop around the exterior of the quad. I wouldn't do this walk alone. Thank goodness Dan is a big guy. He doesn't say anything to me. At least he knows when to shut up. I just want to go back to my room, get undressed, crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep lying in fetal position. I should have worn a warmer jacket tonight.

Dan stands in my doorway, "Will you be OK?"

I fake a smile that Dan can see right through, "Of course!"

"Stacey."

"What?"

He repeats my name in a tone that only my mother would use just to annoy me.

"Don't lie to me."

"I just want to be alone." Please, I'm a girl. We like to cry ourselves to sleep. It makes us feel so much better. He gets the hint and leaves me.

I walk up to the mirror above my roommate's dresser, "Why doesn't he like me? What's so terrible about me?"

I look at my face and examine it in the harsh fluorescent dorm lighting. "Jesus I wouldn't like me either." I look at my left lazy eye, my slight acne scars, and my bushy eyebrows. How could my parents let me out of the house looking like this?

I hear noises outside in the common room. My suitemates have returned home. I am beginning to sober up so hearing their loud whiny voices only cause my mood to sour even more. I turn my light off and jump into my bed. I pretend to sleep so they won't bother me.

I stare at the ceiling when my eyes adjust to the dark and begin to play tic tac toe in my mind with the tiles. I win. I win again. At least I'm winning something.

There's a knock at my door.

"Stace? Are you up?"

I don't answer. It's my suitemate Wendy. She'll just want to rehash every ugly moment of the night and I don't feel like it. I just want to crawl into a hole.

I pray that Tim will be too drunk to remember me throwing myself at him at the bar. But I know that's not possible and that I probably just ruined everything. Stupid Stacey. Way to screw up your first year away at school...