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According to reliable saucers.........
the population of the entire Planet Bollock, is 22.  Now I'm not saying this is some conjured up figure to keep anyone from bothering to go there.....but LOOK at the LIGHTS !... theres gotta be at least a few thousand inhabitants, ..either that, or the existing 22 are   A) :- massively and unnecessarily industrious, OR B):-  they have more nightclubs per haed than any other planet  in the known universes.
  The term nightclub , by the way isnt such a popular word ,out here. the idea of day and night depends entirely on having an atmosphere., which the vast majority of existing planets have precious little of.
And while we are at it. the terms "Year" , "Month" , "Day" etc..etc... are entirely irrelevant , the moment you leave  the 200klm zone surrounding planet Earth
Time ceases to exist...since its no longer relative to the frequency of revolutions about the sun , and so on.
Out here,... time is how long it takes to complete a task, or  travel from one plane of existence , to another.., and is measured not in minutes, but in  "Frings"
To give you some idea, of how long a FRING is exactly......try squatting down with your head between your knees and mustering up a really good fart.
The amount of time , that elapses between when you begin contracting your stomach muscles....and when are eventually revived and concious, is a fairly accurate measure of one Fring.
The obvious difficulty in developing an awareness of something that happened while you were unconcious, is patent. It is  completely due to this misconception, that  the Department of  Population Assessment  calculated the population of Bollock , as only 22.
That , and the fact , that the staff of the Department of Population assessment  are complete and utter dickheads.
They decided that the time it took, between meeting one Bollockian and another, was an estimated 400 earth years. based on their mis guided  conception , that a Fring was equal to some 44 hours. which in fact is not entirely impossible., just extreeeeeemly unlikely., since a fart devestating enough to render a person or persons unconcious for 44 hours would be considered a breach of National Security, and treated as a registered weapon.
As a result, the population of Bollock remains a mystery. The  government  in question , having long since disbanded the Dept of Pop Ass, as it was known,
Or , to the locals of Bollock *the Department  Comprising The Largest Amount Of Dickheads Since The Jehovahs Witnesses Were Finally Wiped Out In the summer Of 2077 When They Were Stricken With a Wildly Communicable Desease Known As Respect For Privacy"

One final point reguarding population on Bollock...it is customary, when confronted with another Bollockian who looks the same as you , to beat them to death instantly with a cabbage.  This wouldnt ordinarily be a problem. excepting that in 2082 a Visitor, known only as Elvis the Moose, managed to have sex , with over 90% of the population. causing a spate of babies , all born with antlers , and a strange addiction to banana Cream Pies.
   The Cabbage Wars, have shadowed the planet for some 50 years..since
or in real terms..... half a millennifring.

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