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God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the
good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the
difference.
Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:
- I started out with nothing,
and I still have most of it.
- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
- I finally got my head together;
now my body is falling apart.
- All reports are in;
life is now officially unfair.
- If all is not lost,
where is it?
- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
- Some days you're the dog;
some days you're the hydrant.
- I wish the buck stopped here;
I sure could use a few...
- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
- Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
- It's hard to make a comeback
when you haven't been anywhere.
- The only time the world beats a path to your door
is when you're in
the bathroom.
- If God wanted me to touch my toes,
he would have put them on my knees.
- When I'm finally holding all the cards,
why does everyone decide to
play chess?
- It's not hard to meet expenses...
they're everywhere.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave
is the depth.
- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter ..
I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
- Funny, I don't remember being, . . .
absent minded...
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