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- Never under any circumstances take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word
would be 'meetings'.
- There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and
'mental illness'
- People who want to share their religious views
with you almost
never want you to share yours.
- And when God, who created the entire universe
with all of its
glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, he
will not use, as his
messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
- You should not confuse your career with your
life.
- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- When trouble arises and things look bad, there is
always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to
take command. Very often,
that individual is crazy.
- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.
- Never lick a steak knife.
- Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
- The most powerful force in the universe is
gossip.
- You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings
time.
- You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely
suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can
see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.
- There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age
eleven.
- The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down
inside, we all believe that we are 'above average'
drivers.
- The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to
annoy people who are not in them.
- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter, is not a nice person.
- Your friends love you anyway.
And the thought for the day:
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that amateurs built the ark.
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