The Great Filk Page

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Fighter

(To the tune of Asshole by Dennis Leary) Folks, I'd like to sing a filk about the SCAdian dream About me, about you, About the way our SCAdian hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests. About that special feeling we get when we talk about armour, Maybe about chivalry, Maybe battles and crusades, Maybe long-winded quests, Maybe our personas, Maybe even crown tourneys, We don't know. I'm just a regular girl With a boring job I'm your average Twenty-three year old slob. I like rugby and cider And books on sci-fi I rent an average house With a nice loud hi fi. My life is my job, No kids, just my car I wish I had cable, And my very own bar. But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a girl like me interested. Oh no, no way, uh uh. No, I've gotta go out and have fun, At someone else's expense. Whoa yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah. I die really slow on a battlefield, While my opponent is wondering, If I will yield. I'm a fighter, I'm a fighter I lose my IQ when I'm put in context. I walk around at a tourney sayin' "Who do I hit next?" I'm a fighter, I'm a fighter Sometimes I hit In illegal places While all of the marshals Make illegal faces. I'm a fighter, I'm a fighter Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song, Ranting and raving and carrying on, Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong .........Nah!! I'm a fighter, I'm a fighter You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 14th Century helm, painted black, with duct taped armour, and all leather cow interior, and a big bastard sword for a weapon. Yeah! And I'm gonna run around in that baby like a total moron, makin' one kill per fight, dentin' up whatever armour I can in intercollege war, with the old fashioned, non-breakable rattan weapons. And when I'm done dentin' up that armour, I'm gonna show my bruises at the SCAdian feast, then I'm gonna get really drunk and obnoxious for the whole night and there ain't a god damn thing anyone can do about it. You know why? 'Cause we just expect it, that's why. Two words, Heavy-fucking-fighters, okay? Dancing, table manners, court, they all have their place, they can have their place wherever the hell they want it and it won't make a lick of difference because we're just grots, okay? It was not light, you were dead! And as soon as he fights you again in a tourney, he's gonna go at it hard. And he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a hit that hurt? Well multiply that by 15 million times and that's not a light blow. I'm gonna get my mates, and a case of mead, and some liqueur, and some cider, and some beer and go off to Rowany. You know, you really are a fighter Why don't you just shut up and sing this filk pal? I'm a fighter, I'm a fighter F I G H T E R Everybody F I G H T E R I'm a fighter, and I'm proud of it

_SCA

(To the tune of YMCA by the Village People) (co-authored by Magdelena)

Stick jock

There's no need to fall down.

I said stick jock

Get your ass off the ground.

I said stick jock

'Cause you lost at the crown

There's no need to be unhappy.

Stick jock

There's a place you can go.

I said stick jock

When you've taken a blow.

You can go there

And I'm sure you will find

Many ways to have a good time.

Chorus:

It's fun to be in the _SCA

They have everything for young girls to enjoy.

You can hang out with all the boys.

It's fun to be in the _SCA

You can get yourself drunk

You can cop a good feel

You can even have sex appeal.

Stick jock

Are you listening to me?

I said stick jock

What do you want to be?

I said stick jock

You can make real your dreams,

But you've got to know this one thing

No man

Has fun all by himself.

I said stick jock

Put your helm on the shelf

And just go there

To the feast tonight

It doesn't matter if you can't fight.

Chorus

Stick jock

Can I get in your trews?

I said stick jock

You've got nothing to lose!

I've felt no man

Since today at sunrise,

But I've seen

Many interstate boys.

That's when

Stick jock came up to me

And said "young wench

Take a clove from me

I've a tent here

Come on back and see

My whole personal armoury"

Chorus

500 Knights

(To the tune of 500 miles by The Pretenders) If I could fight 500 knights Then I would fight 500 more Just to be the knight who fought 1, 000 knights To win this god damned war! Da da da daaa (etc.) If I could feast 500 times Then I would feast 500 more Just to be the wench who feasted 1, 000 times To fall down on the floor Da da da daaa (etc.) Repeat first verse

Duct tape is forever

(To the tune Diamonds are forever by Shirley Bassey (my hero!))

Duct tape is forever

It is all I need to please me

It can stimulate and tease me

It won't break in the fight

Have no fear that it might

Desert me.

Chorus:

I don't need straps

For what good will they do me?

Duct tape never lies to me

And when straps are gone...

It lasts on!!!!

Duct tape is forever

Sparkling 'round my little weapon

Unlike straps the duct tape lingers

It has a half life

Of 500 years

To degrade

Chorus

Duct tape is forever

Hold swords up and then caress it

Touch it, stroke it and undress it

Hit my helm really hard

And wood hides in the heart

To hurt me

Chorus

Kingdom of Lochac

(To the tune of Land Down Under by Men at Work) Travelling with some duct taped armour On the Rowany trail gut full of cider I met a strange lady She made me nervous She took me in And gave me a favour And I said I come from the Kingdom of Lochac Where beer does flow and we all chunder Will you let, will you let us plunder You'd better run, you'd better take cover I met a knight in Trimarus Who was 6'4 and lecherous I said can you speak any language? He just grunted and gave me a beer forthwith And he said Do you come from the Kingdom of Lochac? Who's ladies fight, they push us under We can hear, we can hear your thunder We'd better run, we'd better take cover Fighting in a dive in Outlands With a stuffed helm Like a garbage can I laughed at a wench who was trying to tempt me 'Cause I come from the land of plenty And I said I come from the Kingdom of Lochac And we make our enemies wonder If we will rend, we will rend them asunder You'd better run, you'd better take cover Back to My Home Page .