The One With the Clones
by Kat and Becca

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Dr Mackensie headed for his office, dreading the appointment ahead of him.

SG-13. He hated giving them psych evals because they made it impossible for him to get a real feel of what they were like, emotionally. The last time, they had been worse then usual and he hoped that they couldn't get worse than that.

The four of them sat in his waiting room. They were all sitting perfectly straight with no expression on their faces. They blinked in unison. Dr Mackensie's heart sank. Oh, no. They looked totally serious, and that scared him. SG-13 were incapable of acting serious. But...then again, he remembered the set of rules SG-13 had to follow, and hoped for the best.

"Will you follow me into my office?" he asked.

They stood up at the same time, and without saying anything, went into his office in a straight line. Mackensie sighed and followed them in.

He sat down behind his desk, and watched as SG-13 silently took the four chairs waiting for them.

He coughed, just to break the silence, and shuffled his papers around, pretending that he hadn't had their files ready days beforehand.

"So…. How are you doing?" he asked them lamely.

"We are fine, Dr. Mackensie," Cara responded. "How are you?"

"I'm uh...fine," he replied nervously. They NEVER asked people how they were. "I'd like to ask you some, uh, questions. If you could please answer them totally truthfully?"

They all nodded silently and kept staring at him, rarely blinking.

"What do you think of your new set of rules?" he asked.

"Why should we think anything of them? They were imposed on us, we will follow them as best we are able," Bryn said dispassionately, speaking up for the first time.

"Do you… like them?"

"We follow them as best as we are able," Becca repeated Bryn.

"Do you wish you didn't have them?"

"We follow them as best as we are able." It was Kat this time.

He started getting a little more scared, and shuffled his papers a few more times.

"You... seem different... changed, from what you were like when I last saw you. Uh... what made you make that, uh, change?" he stammered.

"We were not aware that we have changed," Cara told him.

Mackensie almost shuddered. This was just getting creepy. They were, like… brainwashed or something.

"Uh... I'll be right back, I just remembered that I have to grab some more papers off General Hammond. Just wait here," he said hurriedly. Anything to get out of there.

As soon as he'd gone, all four members of SG-13 cracked up. "Oh my god, he's actually falling for it!" exclaimed Bryn, wiping tears of laughter out of her eyes.

Becca collapsed on the floor giggling wildly.

Cara cut in: "Guys...we have to get out of here before Mackensie comes back, he'll probably be bringing General Hammond with him."

"Ya know... if we play this right... maybe we can scare them about clones of us running around too!" Becca hiccuped.

"Oooh, clones!" Kat cried. "Have we ever done clones before?"

"Nope," Bryn told her. "Are we up for it guys?" Everyone nodded. "Okay, then back into position!" They all scrambled back in their seats and pasted the blank looks back on their faces.

Mackensie came hurrying back through the door with General Hammond on hot on his heels.

"See General!? They're brainwashed or something!" he cried out.

General Hammond raised an eyebrow. "They do look a bit too… calm."

In unison, they all turned to look at Mackensie and Hammond. "Hello, General," Cara said in a monotone.

Hammond shrank back. "It can't be them… The real Cara would NEVER call me General," he said in a low voice to Mackensie.

"See! See! I told you I wasn't having an odd turn!" Mackensie cried out.

"Let me just call some airmen up and have them taken to Dr. Frasier for a medical checkup," General Hammond said, still plainly scared out of his wits.

"We are capable of going to the infirmary by ourselves," Bryn told the men.

"No, no… that's alright." Hammond used a voice suitable for trying to calm mad dogs. "This'll just take a moment."

Hammond grabbed the phone after fumbling it around for a few seconds, and put a call through to the infirmary to have Dr. Fraiser ready to receive some... patients.

Two airmen arrived, and left with SG-13 firmly ensconced between them. General Hammond breathed a sigh of relief. "They're in good hands. Dr Fraiser will find out what's wrong with them," he said to Mackensie before returning to his office to await the test results.

Fifteen minutes later, Hammond got a call from Dr. Frasier. "SG-13 never showed up," she told him.

"Damn." He slammed the phone down on his desk. Five minutes later, he walked into SG-13's lab/rec room, where the four members were all lounging around and eating popcorn. "Why didn't you go see Dr. Frasier?" he demanded.

They looked at each other blankly. "What are you talking about, George?" Cara asked.

"During your psych eval...I ordered you taken to Dr. Fraiser for some tests because you were acting rather... odd," Hammond said, rather flabbergasted.

"Oh, crap! Our psych eval!" Becca yelled. "We totally forgot!"

"You were there!" General Hammond told them, dumbfounded.

"No, we've been here all afternoon," Kat told him. "They introduced me to popcorn. Want some? It's really good."

"Umm… no." General Hammond resisted the urge to take some of the yummy, buttery popcorn. "So… so you were here? All afternoon?"

The girls nodded. "Sorry about missing our psych eval, George," Cara said casually, popping a few kernels into her mouth.

"But…" General Hammond stopped, wondering how much to tell the girls.

"Yes…" Cara asked.

"Has there been anything… strange going on lately?"

They all stared at him. "We're SG-13, of course things have been strange," Becca told him.

"Well, stranger," Hammond clarified. "Because… you were at your psych eval."

They all stared at him. "No, we were here." Bryn said it very slowly, as if George was a small child who wasn't that bright. He hated it when they pulled that voice on him.

"I think we'd know if we were at our psych eval…" Becca pointed out, in the same voice.

"But…" he started, then gave up. It was useless trying to explain anything to them when they started on The Voice.

"George, hasn't SG-1 had a bunch of clones and stuff made of them?" Cara asked innocently. "Because you made us go to P3X-666 alone, remember? Maybe you've got a bunch of SG-13 clones wandering the base."

That was a great thought. George wanted to cry.

Just then, Jack ran into the room. "General! The airmen escorting SG-13 to the infirmary were just found unconscious in one of the base corridors!"

"Airmen? There were no airmen," Kat said.

Yeah, she would know, Hammond thought. The alien had a thing for men in uniform.

"Are they okay, Colonel O'Neill?" he asked, going into 'General-mode.'

"The Doc has 'em now," Jack responded.

"Okay. I'm going up to the infirmary. Jack, watch them." Hammond turned to SG-13. "Stay put. And listen to Colonel O'Neill." They wouldn't listen to him. They never did. But it couldn't hurt to try.

SG-13 just put on their most innocent faces, and turned back to what they were doing. Which was, of course, chatting to people on the net and drinking lots of coffee.

Hammond left the room and Jack moved to block the girls from the door. "Okay, you and I all know that whatever line you were feeding Hammond is crap. What's really going on?"

"Gotta love that good ol' O'Neill suspicion," Bryn said with a smile.

Jack just glared, and started for Becca. He knew that she was extremely ticklish, and planned to use that to his advantage. He knew they were hiding something, and he wasn't above playing dirty to find out what.

Becca dodged the Colonel. "Does Sam know you try to tickle teenage girls?" she asked.

Jack stopped. "Okay, okay, no tickling. But what the hell's going on?"

I have absolutely no idea what you mean," Cara said innocently. "What would be going on? Maybe you can tell us?"

"Dr. Mackensie swears up and down that you four were in his office this afternoon, acting calm. We all know that you never act calm. But we also know that you never give up a chance to freak out Dr. Mackensie. So what gives?"

SG-13 looked at each other. None of them seemed to have any objections in this non-verbal exchange, so Bryn spoke up.

"Well… ya see, it's like this. We acted really serious and calm to freak everyone out," Jack just smiled a smug smile at being right, and waited for the rest.

"Then we um, kind of decided that it would be fun to scare everyone about clones…" Bryn said.

"You know Hammond has a clone-phobia, right?" Jack asked.

They all shrugged. "Oops," Cara said in a monotone.

Jack just sighed. "How did you manage to knock out the airmen, anyway?"

Becca glared. "Just because we're girls…"

"No, no…I didn't mean it that way," Jack said quickly.

"Oh, ok then," Becca said with a smile. "Vulcan nerve pinch."

"What?" Jack asked.

"Vulcan nerve pinch…ya know? Star Trek?" Bryn asked.

"Yeah, I know… but what's it got to do with those airmen?" Jack asked, totally confused.

Cara sighed. "Forget it, Jack. So, are you going to turn us in?"

Jack thought a moment. "Nah… as long as you tell me how Mackensie reacted to you guys acting normal."

Cara snickered. "Oh that was the funny part. He totally freaked!"

"Yeah, I think we really scared him," Kat said. She looked quite pleased.

Jack sighed. "I wish I coulda been there."

Becca grinned. "Wanna know a secret?"

Jack looked suspicious. "Depends…"

"Oh, you wanna know this one!" Becca assured him.

"Ok then…shoot," Jack said.

"I rigged the security cameras to the TV in here. It's all on tape!" Becca said triumphantly.

"Can I watch? Please?" Jack asked. "I won't complain about you for a week if you let me watch!"

"Well… should we let him?" Becca asked.

"Why not?" Cara said, summing up the feelings of the others. "But you owe us one, Jack."

SG-13 and Jack settled down on the couches to watch the tape. Of course…they ended up laughing so much that they all ended up on the floor anyway.

After the tape was over, and they had managed to stop laughing - all except Becca anyway, she always had problems stopping laughing - Jack pulled himself up and grinned.

"Thanks for that!"

At that, General Hammond entered the room. "The airmen say you knocked them out with a Vulcan nerve pinch," he said without preamble.

Cara put on her totally innocent face again. "What's that?"

George said nothing, and just stared at the TV. The tape had automatically rewound itself and had started playing again.

"Explain yourself," he said, in a scary, monotone voice.

"Umm… well…" Cara looked around at her team members. They had all looked away and were whistling, except Kat, because she couldn't whistle. "We were just having a little fun with Dr. Mackensie."

"A little fun? Our psychiatrist needs a psychiatrist! We have two airmen in the infirmary! I CALLED MAYBOURNE!!!! This is fun for you?" George demanded.

All of SG-13 snickered. "Well… yeah," Bryn told him.

George was silent a moment. "Fine. You get to deal with Maybourne when he comes then. I hope you have fun with that." He stalked out of the room.

There was silence for a few moments. Then Cara said, "So how can we freak Maybourne out?"

© Kat and Becca 2001

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