The One With Mulder And Scully
by Kat, Mish, Becca and a little bit o' Bryn

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Ditto for all the X-Files stuff.

SG-13 were, as usual, bored out of their minds, and were sitting on the net looking for weird sites on weird stuff.

"Hey I know!" Cara yelled out suddenly. "Let's hack into the CIA or the FBI!!!"

"Um, Cara?" Bryn said. "Isn't that highly illegal?"

"Legal is boring!" Cara yelled as she was in a yelling mood right now.

"Oh right!" Bryn said happily, as she had just figured out why her previous sentence seemed so wrong.

Mish looked up from her computer, where she was checking her plethora of email addresses - and finding nothing in each one. "CIA? FBI? Mulder and Scully?" She looked hopeful. "Mulder?"

Bryn groaned. "Is all you think about cute blokes, Mish?"

"Cute blokes in uniform, yes. Mostly. Oh, no, wait, Mish just thought of another thought. No, that was a Marty thought."

Kat glared at her.

Mish gulped, and continued. "How're we gonna hack into the computer widgets?" she asked.

Everyone shrugged. Kat turned to Cara. "Your idea, you have to do the hacking."

"I'm the leader," Cara pointed out. "You should do what *I* say!"

"Bite me!" Bryn snapped.

"Um, Bryn, she wasn't talking to you," Becca pointed out.

Bryn shrugged. "It seemed like the thing to do."

"Ah right," Becca said. "Well, get to it Cara! We don't have all day!"

Cara stuck her tongue out at Becca before getting an evil glint in her eye. "Becca…you know you want to hack into the CIA or the FBI don't you…"

Becca just glared back. "I'm not going to do it!"

Mish cocked her head to one-side. "Incoming Unauthorised Mish-Thought Activation."

"What?" Becca, Kat, Bryn and Cara turned to her, looking shocked.

Mish was deathly silent, and didn't move an inch.

"You think we should call Janet or something?" Kat asked.

"You only want her to come here in the hope Danny will follow," Bryn said. "And we thought Mish was the bloke-oriented one?"

Just then, Mish's head snapped upright. She turned to her computer and got working.

"Some sort of Jolinar thing?" Bryn offered as an explanation.

"Done it!" Mish exclaimed. She pointed to the screen, where she'd hacked into MI-5. "Oh, wait." She did a bit more typing furiously, then it became apparent she'd hacked into the FBI.

"Nice, Mish. Nice!" Kat said with a broad grin.

Cara stuck her tongue out at Becca, then leaned over Mish's computer screen. "Wow… how'd you do that?"

Mish shrugged. "It's all part of my Superior Intellect," she said airily.

Becca snorted. "Sure, Mish…" Mish glared, just as Cara cut in.

"So what are we going to do while we're in here?"

Everyone said um, since no one had thought about what to do when they got there.

"We could have Maybourne declared an enemy of the state?" Bryn suggested.

"And Joe…" Becca added.

"And Martouf!" Kat said excitedly. Mish glared at her.

"Joe…" Bryn growled. She was a little slow today and a couple sentences behind. "I hate Joe. Let's label him 'hostile and dangerous' and see if we can get someone to shoot him on sight."

"Uh oh, now you got her started," Cara groaned.

"Die Bastard Joe, Die!" Bryn started to chant. She then wandered off to go make a flag with her motto on it.

"Oh-kay…" Kat said and turned back to the computer. "So, what do we do now?"

Mish, a couple of Seasons behind everyone else, wondered who Joe was, but wasn't going to ask. "Let's put General Hammond on the wante--"

The door burst open.

"NICE!" Mish exclaimed. "I wanna be able to do that randomly. It's not fair."

Two figures were standing in the doorway, smartly dressed.

Catatonia's 'Mulder & Scully' started playing from the stereo, part of Mish's extensive Pirate Music Collection (Oh, did I just say that aloud?).

"Mulder!!" Mish exclaimed. Her mouth fell slightly open.

"Mish, that's rude," Kat whispered.

Mish shut her mouth.

"Agent Fox Mulder," said Agent Fox Mulder.

"Agent Dana Scully," said Agent Dana Scully.

*cough*Suckyfirstname*cough* -- That was from Mish.

"What?" Cara asked them. "What do you want? And can you fix the door?"

"Uh, sorry," Mulder said, looking behind him.

Mish sighed.

"Who's Mulder?" Becca asked, and immdediately Bryn and Mish stared at her.

"You don't know who Mulder is?" Bryn exclaimed.

"Um…no. Now who is he?" Becca asked again.

"You ever watched The X-Files?"

"Um…no."

Mish, Cara, and Bryn exchanged a look.

"Never mind," they said in unison.

"Why aren't you off investigating some X-File or something?" Kat asked Mulder and/or Scully.

Mulder looked at the ground and muttered, "Boss problems."

"We're contracted to do one non-X-File case a year. It's in my contract," Scully provided.

Mish looked sorry for Mulder. Working not on X-Files must be a distinct job for someone whose office is in a basement and who has an 'I want to believe' poster on his wall. "You wanna see the Stargate?" she asked him.

Mulder looked up from his shoes. "Okay," he said.

"Alrighty then. Follow me!" Mish said, and walked out of the Rec Room, Mulder hot on her tail.

"So we were sent here to investigate a hacking into the FBI's website . . ." Scully had continued, "Mulder!" she whined. "Where're you going now? That man is impossible."

Kat and Bryn coughed.

"She likes him," Bryn said.

Becca nodded. "Like Dan and Jan, and Sam and Jack."

"That's what makes good TV," Kat said cryptically.

Scully started following Mulder and Mish up through the levels of the SGC where, seeing as Mulder didn't have a security pass, Mish had to smack all the airmen over the head with a frying pan she conveniently had in her hand.

"Mulder? MULDER! Wait up!" she called after passing three of the unfortunate airmen.

Mish, who was sympathetic, slowed down abruptly, so abruptly in fact that Mulder ran straight into her.

After a round of apologies, they continued on to the Gate Room or, as it was more formally called, the Embarkation Room.

"Hey, I never knew it was call the Embarkation room!" Mish said, stopping at the foot of the ramp leading up to the 'Gate.

"So, this is the . . . Embarkation room?" Mulder said, a mystified expression on his face.

"Interesting." Scully didn't sound interested. "What does it do?"

"You go through it," Mish summed up. "Up there is a guy in the control room, hopefully Graham Simmons." She pointed to the control room. "And he opens the gate for you, and you go through it onto other worlds. S'tres cool."

Scully made a sceptical noise.

"Oh yeah?" Mish suddenly turned defensive and uptight. She turned to Scully. "You wanna make something of it? You wanna prove me wrong, huh, do you, huh, punk?"

SG-13, who had followed Mish, Mulder and Scully up the corridors from the Rec room, following the trail of cute-airmen-with-lumps-on-their-heads-laying-on-the-floor-unconsious, entered the Embarkation Room.

"Mish!" Kat exclaimed. "What have I told you about picking fights with FBI members?"

Mish shrugged. "You told me about that?"

"Well if I didn't, I'm telling you now!" Kat said sternly. "It's just not done, unless it's a cute guy!"

"Oh right!" Mish said. "So if I want to pick a fight with Mulder that's ok?"

"Sure, go for it!" Bryn said happily, since she always loved a good fight.

"But Mulder's on my side," Mish said, glancing at the man.

He was still staring up at the Stargate.

"That's healthy," Bryn said.

"Ya think?" Mish questioned.

" !" Mulder didn't say.

"Probably best we should get going," Scully said, turning to Cara, who appeared to be the leader of the group. She added, as an aside, "Just don't hack into the FBI again. And I don't want this turned into an X-File, so please don't get back to us."

"Hey, Mulder? Fox! Dude?" Mish was waving her hands in front of Mulder. Bryn did likewise.

There was no apparent response.

"Hey, Dave? David?!" Bryn asked. She turned to everyone else, when there was no response. "Well, it was worth a try."

Mulder's mouth moved, and words spilled out. "You actually go to other worlds through that thing?"

Mish nodded. "Yep. And Kat and I ain't even from Earth." She smiled toothily, which scared Scully, (and most of the SGC, in fact. It usually meant trouble was a'brewing) but Mulder wasn't even looking.

In fact, he wasn't even standing.

He'd fainted.

"Aw, no fair. I was hoping for a fight!" Becca exclaimed.

"So was I!" Bryn glared at Mulder's still form. "Guys are always so stupid…"

"And I totally agree with you!" Scully exclaimed. "Now who's going to help me wake him up so we can get out of here?!"

"But can't you stay?!" Cara asked. "We could have so much fun…we could take you on a mission with us, and introduce you to Apophis…"

Kat cut in. "In other words, we'd scare them half to death and probably get them killed?"

SG-13 looked at Scully.

"Hey . . . That's a good idea, actually," Mish said, as though enlightened.

SG-13 were beginning to get the impression Mish didn't like Scully much. (Ya think?)

Just then, General Hammond entered, drawn from the control room. The redness was already beginning to flush in his cheeks.

SG-13 began giggling.

"Who is this, and what is she doing in the SGC? And who is that?!" Hammond demanded.

Scully put on her 'impress the boss face' "I'm Agent Dana Scully, FBI. And you are?"

"I'm General Hammond, SGC. What the hell are you doing on my base?!"

"We came to investigate a hacking into our systems…it originated from here," Scully said before glaring at SG-13, Mish in particular. "It was these girls."

George glared at them too. "Just what did you think you were doing?!"

Bryn pushed Becca forward and hissed: "Make up something!"

"Attempting to look up new material suitable for making a new iris?" Becca attempted.

"Ordering pizza?" Cara attempted.

"Trying to restart the computer, but pressing the wrong button?" Bryn attempted.

"Receiving sensitive information from The Powers That Be and trying to input this into a computer system?" Kat attempted.

"Trying to phone home?" Mish attempted.

"Uuuurgh," Mulder attempted, from the floor.

"Who are you?" George asked.

"Um…I'm…" Mulder looked around for help.

"I think he bumped his head a tad hard when he fell down," giggled Becca.

Scully glared then helped Mulder up. "You're Agent Fox Mulder…now can you tell me where we are?"

Mish put up her hand, class-room style. "We're in the SGC, Miss Scully," she said, managing to convey a patronising tone. She then turned to Bryn. "Damnit, I was going to tell him he was General Hammond and he owned the SGC…" Mish trailed off at the glare she was receiving from The Real General Hammond.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Scully asked Mulder.

"That's rude!" Becca exclaimed.

"Two." Mulder groaned. "Oh, my heads."

"Head," Kat corrected.

Mulder's brow furrowed. "Yeah." He looked around. "So who are all of you?"

Mish smiled sweetly. "I'm Agent Dana Scully, your partner."

Scully growled at Mish.

"That's SG-13, General Hammond and assorted airmen. Oh," Mish continued to explain, "This is your frying-pan." She pulled the frying-pan out from behind her and handed it to Scully, still smiling.

"Agent Mulder, Agent Scully, would you follow me please?" Hammond said, walking over to them, taking the frying-pan off Scully, grabbing both their shoulders in a slightly-friendly-but-still-I-mean-business fashion.

"Aw, man!" Mish exclaimed, as Hammond, Mulder and Scully exit the Gate room. "I hate when that happens. I was *this* close to spinning another of my unbelievable stories!"

"You know he wouldn't have believed it for that long, anyway, Mish," Becca pointed out.

"Yeah, but it's so fun!" Mish exclaimed.

SG-13 stood thinking about basically nothing for few a minutes before Bryn spoke up: "So what are we going to do now?"

"Let's go hotwire Jack's car!" shouted Cara.

"Let's stalk Danny!" Kat yelled.

"Let's stalk Simmons!" shouted Mish.

"Let's harrass the president!" Becca yelled.

They ran off to their rec room/lab to argue further.

© Mish, Kat, Becca and Bryn 2001

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