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Is This What You Call a Holiday?
by Kat, Becca, Mish, and Bryn
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. Of course, Bryn, Becca, Kat, Mish and Cara belong to themselves, although Bryn might have it that she belongs to Danny . . . Mish would back out of the fight that follows, saying she's either Martouf's or Simmons', but let's not get into that. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment. We're not getting any cash out of it. But if you'd like to send us some, we'd be most greatful . . . no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Apart from Kat, Bryn, Becca, Mish and Cara. Who are obviously going to be like themselves, are they not? We're copyright, so you can't nick us! :-P Bleeah!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: You know you're obsessed with SG-13 fic when you watch an episode like 'Holiday' and think it could be done so much zanier with the intervention of SG-13. . .

Mish and Kat were walking around the SGC trying to find some coffee. Kat had run out of her Secret Secret Supply two days ago, and had stolen and finished Danny's Secret Secret Secret Supply a day later.

Yes, Janet was trying to get the SGC Personnel to stop drinking coffee.

And since the base was still undergoing decontamination procedures from SG-5's unfortunate visit to P8X-101, where they'd encountered a large ginger tom-cat and contracted an infection not quite totally unlike the common cold mixed with the black Death. Suffice to say, it was icky and no-one was allowed in or out. And Janet had locked up the coffee.

SG-13 had tried to rescue the coffee last night, undercover of darkness and Mission Impossible-like techniques. That had all gone horribly wrong when the alarms Janet had set up in the Med bay went off. Kat had tried to pass everyone off by waving her hand and going "These aren't the SGC members you're looking for. Move along." Mish had decided to pretend to be James Bond, but that imaginative spin didn't get them any closer to the coffee either.

"Any closer yet?" Kat asked Mish.

The other alien shook her head. "Mish doesn't see any coffee. She doesn't understand why you can't just drink coke, though."

"It's . . . not . . . the . . . same." Kat explained.

"Ah." Mish nodded.

Kat and Mish continued down the corridors. This part of the SGC was dimly lit and mostly unexplored. Of course, SG-13 had explored almost all of the base, so it wasn't new for them.

Mish grinned and pulled a water-gun out of her pocket. This she aimed at Kat and shot her, then ran off down the corridor.

"Hey!" Kat yelled in objection, and pulled out her own water-gun (SG-13 had been harassing various SGC members with them earlier, claiming that if they couldn't drink coffee, everyone else could have water sprayed all over them - it did make sense, at the time) and ran after Mish, squirting wildly.

"Mish, Kat, you found anything yet?" Cara's unmistakable voice emerged from the walkie-talkie on Mish's and Kat's belts.

This stopped them from spraying water at each other, and Kat leaned against the wall behind her.

"Nossir." Mish replied to Cara.

"What was that?"

"Uhm. Nossi- I mean, no, that is, Mish and Kat haven't found anything."

Kat disappeared.

"That is, Mish and Kat have found something, but they're not sure what it is yet."

"What?"

"Uhm. I'll get back to you on that one."

"Mish?! Mish! What the heck are you two up to? And can we join you?"

* * *

"What did you do?"

"What do you mean, what did I do? What did you do?"

"Look, it's not MY fault!"

"Of course it is, you were the one who started it!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too times infinity."

"Am not times infinity to the power of infinity."

"Hey, that's not fair. No number is bigger than infinity!"

"You're just sore because you know it's your fault!"

"Is NOT!"

"Wanna make something of it?"

Kat and Mish were arguing as they entered SG-13's rec room.

"Mish wants out of this body." Kat said.

Bryn, Becca and Cara exchanged glances. "What?" Cara asked.

"DamnitMarysia!" Mish cried.

"DamnitKatrin!" Kat cried.

Becca scratched her head. "What's going on, FCOL?" she demanded.

"Mish, you explain," Mish said.

"Nuh-uh, it's your turn to explain, Kat," Kat said.

"Are you two trying to play confuse us again? You know pretending to be each other only works online!" Bryn cried.

"This is all Kat's fault," Kat's body said, pointing at Mish.

"You think they've actually crossed the line to 'time-to-be-committed-with-straight-jackets-and-a-padded-room' insane?" Becca asked.

"Wasn't a very thick line to cross," Cara agreed.

"Wait! I have an idea," Bryn called as she bounced out of her chair and over to her desk. She grabbed a picture out the drawer and brought it over to Mish and Kat, holding it up in front of them to see. Mish screamed and held her fingers up in a cross. Kat started drooling.

"Oh sith, they've switched bodies!" Bryn exclaimed.

Becca and Cara exchanged looks. "Bryn, what did you show them?"

"A pic of Martouf with no shirt on."

Becca and Cara burst out laughing.

"This is serious!" Kat-In-Mish said.

"Yeah," Mish-In-Kat agreed, "Where can I get a copy of that photo?"

Bryn smiled. "How did you switch bodies?"

"Her fault!" Mish-In-Kat and Kat-In-Mish said at the same time, pointing at each other.

"This is probably too deep for even SG-13," Bryn said.

"Nothing's too deep for SG-13!" Cara said proudly. "We're the best of the best of the best-"

"Cara, this isn't Men In Black." Becca said.

"Maybe we should take them to see Janet?"

"Janet?" Mish's eyes lit up.

Kat looked at her. "Don't you be drooling at Danny in my body, Katrin!"

"You drooled at Marty in mine!" Mish shuddered.

"We're off to see the Doctor, the wonderful Doctor of the SGC!" Sang Cara.

Becca shook her head, "Cara, we're not in the Wizard of Oz."

* * *

Janet started at SG-13 for several long moments. "You switched bodies," she said flatly.

Mish-In-Kat and Kat-In-Mish nodded frantically. "Ya gotta help us, doc! Please!" Mish-In-Kat cried.

"Please!" Kat-In-Mish echoed. "She's doing all sorts of icky stuff to my body!"

"Oh, get over the Marty thing," Mish-In-Kat scoffed. Her eyes went dreamy as she went into a Marty-tangent.

"You see!!" Kat-In-Mish cried.

"Hey, is Danny here?" Bryn asked, looking around the infirmary. Becca was playing with the beds and Cara was trying to see if she could run a wire through the air ducts to the defibrillator so she could hotwire it from the Gutter with out getting yelled at by Janet again for stealing it.

"Guys!" Kat-in-Mish yelled at her teammates. "This is serious!"

"How serious could it be? You're basically clones anyway," Becca called from the corner, where she was doing something that would most likely get her in trouble.

"I don't like the thought of Marty images being flashed through my head!" Kat-in-Mish pouted.

"Ummmm, Marty, Marty, Marty!" Mish-in-Kat chanted, closing her eyes and imagining real hard just to annoy her friend.

Janet just stared at them. "I'd call a psych eval, but we all know that wouldn't do any good."

Kat-In-Mish glared at Mish-In-Kat, who had started chanting Marty's name in a tribal rhythm.

"Hey, how'd this happen anyway?" Janet asked, narrowing her eyes.

Mish-In-Kat and Kat-In-Mish exchanged a glance. "We were just *looking* Dr. Fraser, honest!" Mish-In-Kat exclaimed.

Janet sighed. "Okay, show me where you were just looking. We'll get this sorted out."

"We were just walking along here, looking for coffee-" Mish-in-Kat was explaining as they retraced their steps.

"See? This can all be blamed on a lack of coffee!" Kat-in-Mish declared.

Janet gave her a glare and once again tried to inject seriousness into the conversation. "Where exactly were you when this happened?"

"Here," Kat-in-Mish and Mish-in-Kat said, pointing to a dark room.

"Here?" Bryn asked, leaning on something and giving the aliens a look. "There doesn't seem to be anything here."

"Uh, Bryn? I wouldn't do that if I were you," Kat-in-Mish said.

Becca, who had been behind him the whole way (the lack of coffee made her slow), came bouncing up. She bumped Janet further into the room. "Oops, sorry!" she trilled.

Cara gave Becca an evaluating look. "You're acting weird, even for you," she mentioned.

"Um, guys?" Janet piped up. "What just happened?"

Everyone looked at her. "Huh?" Becca said, summing up their feelings.

Bryn was looking down at her hands. "Oh, no…" she said softly. "The one time you weren't trying to freak me out, this had to happen!"

Kat-In-Mish and Mish-In-Kat burst out laughing. "You got switched too!" Kat-In-Mish cried.

"We told you!" Mish-In-Kat reminded them.

"I'm in Janet's body!" Bryn-in-Janet exclaimed excitedly. Her eyes grew wide as all sorts of possibilities popped into her head. "Um, be right back!" she grinned evilly and full on ran out or the room. "Where's she going?" Janet-in-Bryn asked, nervously.

"You probably don't want to know," Becca told her.

"Hey, no fair! Everybody else got changed except us! Becca are you feeling left out too?" Cara asked.

Becca nodded.

* * *

Bryn-in-Janet wandered back into the infirmary a couple hours later.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Janet-in-Bryn yelled at the top of her lungs.

Bryn-in-Janet starred at Janet-in-Bryn for a minute. //What an odd feeling being yelled at by yourself,// she thought. "I was with Daniel," she grinned, a dreamily look on her face.

"Oh dear god," Janet-in-Bryn said.

"He feels the same way about you, by the way," Bryn-in-Janet assured her. "And he's a VERY good kisser."

"Go Bryn!" Kat-in-Mish called out from her place on one of the infirmary beds.

"Hey Chickaboo, guess what??" Cara's body said to Bryn-in-Janet as she bounced up.

"You switched, didn't you?"

"Uh-huh! We felt left out," Becca-in-Cara explained.

"Hey let's go see George," Bryn-in-Janet said. "I wonder how much I can talk him into before he figures out I'm not really Janet."

"How are you going to stop me?" Bryn-In-Janet asked. "I have access to needles now!"

"Hey, Bryn? Did Danny suspect you weren't really Janet?" Kat-In-Mish asked.

"Nope," Bryn-In-Janet replied with a big grin.

"Think I could pull it off with Simmons?"

"KAT?!" Mish yelled at Mish. "You *know* I'm working on getting Simmons fair-and-square!"

Kat-In-Mish smiled, a predatory smile which Mish had so often given people in the past. Mish didn't realise just how freaky it was, though.

Kat-In-Mish made a move for the door, but was floored by Mish-In-Kat, who tripped her up.

Mish looked down at Kat, or was it the other way around? "If you do that . . ." Mish said, Kat's voice dangerously like Mish's when she was in a bad mood, "I will dial 0-800-Tok'ra and pull off a similar stunt with a certain member of the Tok'ra who I happen to know you don't share the same feelings for as I do."

Kat got up and slapped herself in the face.

"OW!" Mish said, then slapped Kat-In-Mish back. She then winced as she thought about hitting herself, and how it might hurt when they finally switched bodies.

"Hey!" Kat exclaimed, and moved to slap Mish-In-Kat. Thankfully, someone had seen sense, and Bryn-In-Janet stepped between them. Unfortunately, she got kicked by Mish-In-Kat and slapped by Kat-In-Mish, but it stopped them from fighting, and it *was* Janet's body, so technically it didn't matter all that much.

Well it mattered to Bryn, who decided that violence amongst SG-13 members (unless it was thwacking Cara) was not cool, although violence from SG-13 members to other people, especially icky, bad Goa'uldish people, was ok.

Anyhow, Bryn decided she didn't like being slapped or kicked, even if it wasn't *her* body, because it was the body she was currently *in* so it pissed her off. Grabbing both Kat and Mish she threw them in one of the nearby quarantine rooms and locked the door. "Now behave, or I'll throw Maybourne in with you!"

"Bryn, ya sure it's a good idea to lock them in there *together*?" Becca-In-Cara asked. Bryn shrugged. "They'll either settle it or kill each other, either way I don't much care. They hit me!"

Becca-In-Cara decided this was an insufficient reason, and put Kat and Mish in different cells, adjoining each other so they could still shout at each other but not cause harm.

"Aw, man." Bryn-In-Janet muttered.

Soon enough, a certain Commander of SG-1 strolled past, singing . . . Wait a minute - Singing? . . . Yes, singing. "If I had a million dollars, I'd buy Sam a green dress, but not a really long green dress, that's true . . . If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars, I would buy her some Art . . . Hmm, perhaps I'd just get Cassie to paint some and keep the cash . . . If I had a million dolla-"

*AHEM* An 'Ahem' stopped O'Neill in his tracks. "What?" He asked thin-air.

"Wanna help me?" Came a pathetic voice from one of the cells - Kat's voice - "Mish beat me up and left me for dead."

"What?" Another voice, Mish's, came from another cell, "I'm Kat, and I did not!"

Jack O'Neill sighed and opened the door to Kat's cell. Kat got out and promptly hugged him.

"What?" Jack said.

"Mish, what are you doing out there?!" Mish's voice came from another cell.

"Nothing!" Kat replied. "O'Snaill. . ." She started, "Uh, I mean, O'Neill,"

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Come with me!" Mish-In-Kat (for it was she, catch up with the storyline, nitwit!) grabbed Jack by the arm and dragged him off.

* * *

"Kat, I'm back!" O'Neill said, opening the door to Kat-In-Mish's cell.

Mish followed O'Neill down the corridor, "Whaaa? What?" she kept repeating, and then "Oh no, not again. God almighty, not again."

"You didn't?" Kat-In-Mish asked.

Mish-In-O'Neill nodded, as did O'Neill-In-Kat, "Ya think?" They both said at the same time.

"Holy sithspawn!" Kat-In-Mish exclaimed.

"Ya think anyone will notice?" Mish-In-O'Neill asked.

"Oh, for cryin' out loud!" O'Neill-In-Kat exclaimed.

"Hey, Jack." Kat-In-Mish beckoned him over.

O'Neill-In-Kat went over to her. "What is it?" he (she?) asked suspiciously.

"Can we go back to the machine and switch bodies?"

"How does that do me any good?" O'Neill-In-Kat asked.

"Well, I'd be in my proper body!"

Mish-In-O'Neill looked around. "Hey, where's everyone else?" she (he?) asked.

Kat-In-Mish shrugged. "They abandoned me," she said in a small voice.

"We did not!" exclaimed Bryn-In-Janet, entering the room.

"Where were you?" Kat-In-Mish asked.

"Janet's trying to convince Daniel that it's her in my body." Bryn-In-Janet giggled. "It's really funny. Becca and Cara are still watching."

"Why'd you leave?" Mish-In-O'Neill asked.

"Jack?" Bryn asked. Mish-In-O'Neill shook her (his?) head. "Mish?"

"Yep!" she (he?) exclaimed.

O'Neill-In-Kat scratched his (her?) head. "Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm Bryn," Bryn-In-Janet said slowly. "You're Jack. Remember?

O'Neill-In-Kat sighed. He decided he wasn't going to get anywhere talking to these three, so he set of in search of Janet-in-Bryn.

"Hey! Where's he (she?) going?" Kat-in-Mish said. "Come back here with my body!"

The three …uh, people… chased after O'Neill-In-Kat.

They caught up with him outside of Daniel's office and somehow managed to squeeze inside the poor, incredibly confused Archeologist's lab along with Becca-in-Cara, Cara-in-Becca, and Janet-in-Bryn.

"Jack?" Daniel asked Mish-in-O'Neill.

"Yes, Dannyboy?" Mish-in-O'Neill smiled.

"Hey! Stop that!" O'Neill-In-Kat glared at his body.

"Stop what?" O'Neill's voice asked back, the inflection in the tone saying it was anything but O'Neill's voice.

"Jeez - Danny, that's Mish in my body!"

"Of, for cryin' out loud, Kat!" Mish-In-O'Neill said to O'Neill-In-Kat. She (he?) turned to Daniel, "Are you really gonna believe he-uh, she's me?"

Daniel nodded slowly.

"Finally!" Kat-In-Mish said, "Now can O'Neill and I swap bodies so I'm me again? Please?"

"At least Jack's not drooling at Danny in your body." Becca-In-Cara said.

Mish-In-O'Neill grinned.

Danny looked at Janet's body, and gulped.

Bryn-In-Janet looked triumphant, "Isn't it funny how you never knew Jan felt like that about you, Danny?" She asked, sitting on Daniel's desk and looking down at him alluringly.

"That's it. You girls have got to switch back!" Daniel said.

"I agree!" Janet-In-Bryn agreed, "I've been telling you from the beginning!"

"Right." O'Neill-In-Kat agreed.

"Aw, man! And we were having so much fun!" Mish-In-O'Neill said, smiling evilly.

"Ya think?" O'Neill-In-Kat responded.

Just then, Samantha Carter walked into Daniel's office - or at least, attempted to.

Mish-In-O'Neill gulped. "Let's go." She said to the others.

Daniel, followed by Kat-In-Mish, followed by Becca-In-Cara, followed by Cara-In-Becca, followed by Janet-In-Bryn, followed by Bryn-In-Janet, followed by Mish-In-O'Neill and also followed by O'Neill-In-Kat, exited the room.

"Sir?" Sam asked as Mish-In-O'Neill left.

Mish turned her (his?) head, "Yeah, I'll get back to you later, Sam . . . Oh, fancy going out for dinner tonight? Small celebration. Me, you, Danny, Janet, Teal'c, and SG-13, in that fancy restaurant downtown? I'm buying!"

"Uh . . . Sure, sir." Sam said, left in Daniel's office.

O'Neill-In-Kat THWACKed Mish-In-O'Neill as they reached The Machine. "Don't you ever pull a stunt like that again, Mish."

Mish-In-O'Neill looked up-uh-down at O'Neill (who was now in Mish, Kat and he already having swapped, and Mish and O'Neill the only ones whose bodies were yet to have been swapped in order for normality to be restored) with innocent eyes, "Next time?" She (he?) asked.

O'Neill-In-Mish sighed, "Just get on with it."

Mish-In-O'Neill shrugged, "Okay."

They both took ahold of The Machine and in a FLASH of special effects, Mish was in Mish and O'Neill was in O'Neill and everything was back to normal.

O'Neill(In-O'Neill) looked down at The Machine, "How do we get this thing outta here without switching again?"

"I have an idea…" Mish began.

"No, I have a better one!" Kat objected

"How about I get to have a plan for a change?" Becca asked.

"Listen to me, guys..." Cara began.

"No, listen!" Bryn tried to get SG-13's attention.

Janet sighed, and threw her hands up in exasperation. "Look, if I give you coffee, will you be happy?!?"

SG-13 nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

© Bryn, Becca, Kat, and Mish 2001

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