From The Mind Of A Goa'uld: In The Line Of Duty
Becca


E-MAIL: yuna_ezri@yahoo.com
STATUS: part of a, hopefully, ongoing series. this one is 1/1 tho
CATEGORY: S/J, angst
RATING: PG-13
SEASON/SEQUEL: S2 - you have to have seen In The Line of Duty to know what this is about
SPOILERS: major ones for ITLoD
SUMMARY: ITLoD from a different POV.
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine. I'm just borrowing them and I'm not making any money :)
AUTHORS NOTES: This is just a little something I thought up in chat one day and my muse wouldn't let me put it down until I had written at least one of the instalments.

(...) - indicates Sam's thoughts
*...* - indicates Jolinar's thoughts

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm so scared. I don't know what I was thinking, taking control over a host body. I was just so scared at the time.

Now, I can't let go of my control, or my host will probably just kill me with the help of her friends, who believe me to be a Goa'uld.

Here comes my host's lover...no, not lover...they love each other...but...they are not able to express that love...because of stupid rules. How can simple rules keep two people who love each other apart? Rules are made to be broken, as my dear, beloved Martouf always said. I miss him so terribly.

"You and I need to have a little talk," he says. "You really screwed up here, you know, I mean you really blew it."

"You are weak." I sneer. Maybe if I can pull him down a few notches, he will be more likely to help me. I don't want to have to have control of this host's body. Given a choice, I would be holed up in a little corner of her mind right now trying to forget my time on Netu.

"Who's behind bars right now?"

"Your tactics will not work on me," He must let me go...he MUST!

"Not buying it, huh?"

"You must let me go." I try again. This must work.

(It won't work. He'll never let you go)

*Not even for you?*

(Especially not for me)

"Uh...no..." You have no idea why this is happening...The Ashrak will come soon. He must be made to see that if he does not let me leave this planet in this body, both I and the host will die. She means a lot to him, would he not jump at the chance to help her?

"And I guess you don't feel like telling me?"

"Let me go through the Stargate, I will find another host and send your friend back to you."

"You can do that? Leave a host without killing them?"

"Yes, it is possible, but not easy. I could die, but I promise I will try," I must try. . .even if I do not succeed. . .I must at least try.

This host does not know the Tok'ra. She thinks I am a Goa'uld too. Maybe I can show her what I really am? That might work. She might be able to convince them.

He just stands there for a few seconds before turning on his heel and leaving. I sigh.

*How can I make them believe me? How can I make them let me go* I ask my host, Samantha...such a pretty name.

(They won't. Not after your little trick with the grenade in the gateroom. They can learn too much about the Goa'uld from you.) *But I'm not a Goa'uld.* and with this I fling my memories at her.

She is silent for a while, while she absorbs them.

*Well? Do you believe me now? And see why I must be let go?*

(Yes. I do. But I cannot convince them. They will believe it to be you just using my voice to speak.)

*We must try...for your sake and mine. It is our lives at stake here*

(Yes. . .it is. I am sorry, for what it's worth, that I called you a Goa'uld before. I didn't know.)

*It is alright...I was not going to let you know...But I saw that you had to know to be able to help me*

~~~~~~~~~~

*The Ashrak comes, Samantha dear.*

(I'm sorry I couldn't convince them, Jolinar)

*It is alright, Samantha. I do not blame you.*

She starts to cry and it physically affects the body we share.

*Don't cry for me, Samantha. I'm already dead.*

~~~~~~~~~~


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