The One With the Tok'ra
by Bryn
and Mish
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of
MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction
was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on
copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and
places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real
persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Bryn was sitting in the security room with only Darth for company, having
already scared off all the airmen. They knew better than to tell the General
or anyone else; in fact most personnel on base knew better than to interfere
with, rat on, or provoke SG-13 in any way, since they had a mean tendency to
return such favours. Anyway, she was watching Daniel on the security camera,
since according to her he was the hottest guy on base at the moment and she
had nothing better to do. Danny wasn't doing anything exciting, but his mere
image was enough to satisfy the severely dateless girl.
Just then Mish walked in.
"Hey," Mish said.
"Hey," Bryn said.
HISS, Darth said.
Mish looked at the duck, and raised an eyebrow. It was becoming apparent that
the duck didn't like anyone. Apart from Bryn. Mish side-stepped Darth.
"Whatcha doin'?" Mish asked, jumping into the sofa next to Bryn and staring at
Daniel Jackson's image on the TV.
What's it look like I'm doing? Bryn asked, giving Mish an odd look.
"I am paying homage to the god that is Daniel Jackson. What are you doing?"
"Mish is mostly asking you what you're doing." Mish replied. "Mish is also
wondering whether she should tell Bryn that Marty is about to come through
the Stargate with two of his Tok'ra friends."
Bryn snickered slightly. "Marty's coming. Did you tell Kat yet?" Bryn did not
detest the slimy presence that was Martouf much anymore after he'd got zatted a
couple times a few episodes back (SG-13 didn't tell Mish this cause it was fun
to watch her torment Kat.) Bryn stopped her laughing as she had a horrible
thought. "Anise isn't coming is she?"
"I didn't tell Kat, no." Mish replied, "And I have NO idea who that Anise
person is, but I do now know that she's not Jacob, who is Sam's daddy." She
said, matter of factly. Last time Mish had met Jacob, she'd *cough*accidentally*
cough* shot everyone with a tranq gun, which had been fun but hadn't exactly won
her plus points in Jacob's good books.
"Anise is evil. She's snotty, obnoxious, conniving, slutty, and she can't
dress. You only escaped the horribleness of her last time because thankfully
we had the presence of mind to shot her full of tranqs, even though we did have
to stay locked up in the Gutter for a week before we could finally come out
without our lives threatened by George. It was still fun though. Maybe we
should carry a few tranq guns, just in case." Bryn rambled.
Mish shook her head, "Nu-uh. The General said we couldn't have the tranq guns
anymore, you see, 'cause I accidentally shot him with one last week."
Bryn raised her eyebrows, "You did?"
Mish nodded sagely, "It wasn't my fault! I was aiming for O'Snaill, but
unfortunately, as Greedo did in the special edition of Star Wars Episode Four -
A New Hope, Mish missed Jack by a smidgen and ended up shooting Hammond instead.
She said she was sorry, though! And besides, Martouf will come, not Anise. Mish
specifically listened in to General Hammond's conversation, and no-where in it
did it mention this Anise you speak of."
"Oh good. 'Cause without the tranq guns wed have had to sick Darth on her and I
wouldn't want him to catch any of her ickiness. So, we off to scare the living
daylights out of Kat now?" Bryn smiled wickedly.
"Yeah, sure." Mish replied enthusiastically, "But can we go meet Marty first?
Danny and Simmons will be in the Control Room too, and my day would be
complete."
"Good plan." Bryn nodded. "You know they miss us already 'cause were not
there."
Mish agreed and they headed towards the control room with Darth trailing behind,
hissing to himself and anyone who passed by.
"Where is everybody anyway? Today's been a kinda slow havoc wrecking day,
we need to pick up the pace." Bryn commented.
"Becca and Cara were last seen by Mish when they were heading to the back of the
Stargate. They said something about technical details, and something about that
material the 'Gate's made out of. Mish got slightly scared by their technical
jargon, so went off to find Kat. She hasn't yet seen Kat today."
"Riiight."
Bryn and Mish past the corner and entered the Gate Room, which did have some
weird technical term, but nothing that was easier to say than 'Gate Room'.
Kat was already there, armed to the teeth. Mish made a 'meep!' noise. Bryn's
mouth hung open. Darth the duck went 'Hisssss', which wasn't new, 'cause he
always sounded like Darth Vader with a cold.
"Uh, Kat?" Mish asked.
"Shhh! The Tok'ra are coming through at any moment..." Kat shushed Mish.
"For Cryin' Out Loud!" Mish exclaimed.
"Uh, Kat?" Bryn asked, trying to hide behind Mish, who was in turn trying to
hide behind Bryn, making it very difficult for either of them to hide. "You do
remember how much trouble we got in for just shooting the Tok'ra with *tranq*
guns, right? What do you think George will do to us if you blow up the whole
mountain trying to get Marty?" Bryn was eyeing one of Kat's weapons that looked
suspiciously like a nuclear bomb.
Kat glared at Bryn. Bryn just shrugged. She didn't like Marty that much anyway
so watching Kat blow him up might be kinda fun. Besides, she was an
intergalactic ambassador, what could they do to her?
Bryn pondered if diplomatic immunity applied to aliens.
"Kat! Look over there - it's Harry Potter!!" Mish yelled, and sure enough,
Kat looked over there. Of course, Harry Potter was not there, but it did give
Mish a chance to unclip some of the weapons which hung on Kat's shoulder,
A-Team style.
"Alllrrrriiiight!" Mish said, now holding a belt which contained at least five
nukes, a couple of proton torpedoes (or at least, their smaller cousins) and
a packet of Juicy Fruit chewing gum.
Becca, Cara (who had recently come back from, uh, improving the Stargate) and
Bryn eyed Mish and Kat for a second before deciding their best course of action
was to get as far away from the highly armed, extremely insane teenagers as
possible. So, of course, they decided to go hide in George's office.
"Hey George!" Cara called cheerily as she opened the door.
George sighed heavily. "SG-13 what are you doing here?"
"Hiding," Bryn explained toying with something weird looking and breakable on
his desk.
George paled. "Hiding from what?"
"Kat and Mish," Becca answered non-chalantly. SG-13 quickly tired of answering
questions. *They* knew what was going on, so why then all the tiresome
questions?
Just then the Incoming Traveller announcement screeched through the base.
"The Tok'ra are here. Is your desk bomb proof?" Bryn asked George, eyeing the
space under his desk.
The Blue Shimmery Thing, which had absolutely no relation to The Blue Computer
Screen Of Death which occasionally infiltrated the SGC's base computers
(especially after SG-13 had re-wired all the computers after the, uh, incident
with the CD writer) started up, and Kat got ready with her nuclear warheads.
Mish, fortunately for the incoming travellers, took a running dive at Kat, who
was then thrown towards the Stargate. Martouf, Jacob and another Tok'ra had
already come through the Stargate, so Kat was pushed into Jacob, Mish found
herself in the arms of Marty and the nuclear warhead found itself on the other
side of the Stargate.
The base shook from the explosion which happened on the planet Marty, Jacob
and Tok'ra1 had just come from.
"Woah sith." Mish exclaimed.
"What did you just do?" Marty asked.
Mish, who's mind was slightly slow today, suddenly realised she was on top of
Martouf, and swooned.
Bryn, Becca and Cara had followed George out of his office and into the control
room, only because he'd ordered them to and had been really mean about it,
threatening to remove all caffeine from the base unless they behaved. This
scared SG-13 tremendously so they did as they were told, for the time being.
They had just made it in time to see the rather drunken-like antics of Mish
and Kat (they'd started giggling until George glared at them meanly again and
then Cara had stuck her tongue out at him again when he'd turned his back).
The three girls looked back and forth at each other as the explosion rocked the
base and mumbled, "Oops."
Then Bryn grabbed the microphone. "Y'all didn't leave anybody important back
on that planet didya?" She couldn't help but giggling, which did not help the
situation.
Jacob and Kat removed themselves from each other hastily, and Kat scowled at
Mish, as she actually thought Jacob was pretty cool. "No." Jacob said, shaking
his head, "We 'gated to another, abandoned planet, and then from there
we 'gated here."
General Hammond was impressed. The Tok'ra were evidently following the
goings-on of SG-13 in the SGC, and had taken the hint that Kat really
didn't like them much.
Mish made no move to disentangle herself from Martouf, but Marty had other
ideas (and not the kind of ideas that were running through Mish's mind,
unfortunately for Mish) and peeled her off him.
"Damnit." Mish muttered.
Kat, Mish, Martouf, Jacob and Tok'ra1 met General Hammond, SG-1, and the rest
of SG-13 in the room-which-overlooks-the-stargate-which-is-featured-in-almost-
all-SG-1-Episodes-But-Mish-Can't-Remember-It's-Name. After everyone was settled
in Mish's-very-long-named-room which was in fact the briefing room, no one
talked for a few minutes, but there was much glaring going on, most of it
pointed at SG-13, who were doing their best to look innocent.
"Id just like to say that we had absolutely no intention of hurting Jacob, any
danger to him was purely incident and we apologize." Bryn announced.
"The rest of the Tok'ra, on the other hand..."
"We like Marty!" Mish declared.
"No we don't!" Kat rebuked, thwaping Mish.
"And we really hate Anise." Becca added helpfully.
"This isn't helping you at all." Jack said.
"Ya think?" Mish automatically replied to her sarcasm idol.
"I sincerely apologise for SG-13's behaviour in this matter." General Hammond
explained to Jacob, the vein in his head throbbing again, especially when he
looked at Kat, who, upon seeing this, smirked.
Mish looked at the table. "I tried to stop her..." She muttered.
Martouf, fortunately, was in a slightly better mood that anyone else
(amazingly, since he'd almost just been blown up) and gave Mish an encouraging
smile, when he thought no-one was looking.
Mish prided herself once again on looking cute when she was melancholy, and
cheered up immensely.
Becca and Bryn winced.
"What are they actually here for anyway?" Kat asked.
"The Tok'ra have come blah, blah, blah. . ." Martouf began but by about the
fourth word even Mish wasn't paying attention anymore, though she was staring
dreamily at him which made Kat want to puke.
SG-13 slowly faded from normal type boredom which they experience anytime they
weren't talking to extreme boredom which set in at meetings and anything
resembling serious-like-ness. Cara started burning pens, Bryn was trying to
teach Darth how to sit up, Becca was having a staring contest with Teal'c, and
Kat was trying to edge further and further away from George who looked like he
really wasn't kidding about murder this time.
"So that is why we have come." Martouf finished.
"Yes." Jacob agreed.
Tok'ra1 said nothing. (Why are there always three or four Tok'ra when they come
to visit the base, at least in Season Two, who say nothing at all?!)
"I think we can do that for you." Hammond nodded, "SG-1? Major Carter will give
you what you need, Jacob. SG-13, meet me outside."
"But we didn't do anything!" Cara, Becca and Bryn objected. And it was true,
this time they hadn't. Yet.
"I don't care! All of you out, now!" George yelled.
SG-13 quickly rushed outside and waited for George, who had thankfully started
taking anger management classes and was taking the time to calmly count to ten
before talking to them. When he appeared he no longer looked like his head was
going to explode, but he was still pretty mad, he said, "Cara, why did you
*not* inform me of what Kat and Mish were doing down in the Gate room when you
came into my office?"
Cara shrugged. "What were you going to do, try to stop two insane girls armed
with nuclear warheads? We just figured you'd wanna hide like us."
George growled. Mish and Kat hid behind Cara, Becca and Bryn.
"Who started it?" Hammond demanded.
Mish pointed at Kat, who pointed at her. "She did!" They both said.
"It's not my fault." Mish continued.
"It's not fair!" Kat objected.
"If I don't get some sort of explanation, missy, you're in serious trouble."
"Kat was trying to blow the Tok'ra up!" Mish objected, before Kat could
get in there.
"I was trying to save the galaxy!" Kat said.
"Need I remind any of you that we have a treaty with the Tok'ra?" George looked
pointedly at Kat, who did her best to look shocked. "They are our allies and as
such, we can't blow them up!"
"But they're mean!!" Kat whined.
"I'll admit that some of their behaviour in the past has proved less than
commendable, but they are our best hope for defeating the Goa'uld." George
explained patiently.
"We could so take the Goa'uld," Cara mumbled, still trying to spread her theory
that SG-13 could take out Apophis without breaking a sweat.
"Can we at least have Anise to torture? No one likes her, even the Tok'ra!"
Kat pleaded.
Gorge appeared to mull this over. "No." He finally said.
"Awww." Said Kat, Bryn, Becca and Cara all at once. Mish didn't say anything
'cause she didn't know who Anise was yet, being a few seasons behind everyone
else.
"So if I let ya'll go, you'll be good?" General Hammond asked, in a threatening
sort of voice.
"Yeah." Said Kat, in a small voice.
"Sure." Becca mumbled.
"As much as we usually are." Bryn said.
"Okay, I guess." Cara said.
"Sir, Yes Sir." Mish said.
Cara, Becca, Bryn and Kat glared at Mish, who sometimes got stuck in Upstanding
Military Personnel Mode.
Mish shrugged, "Yeah, sure." She agreed.
George seemed satisfied. "Very well. SG-13, you are dismissed. But I'll be
watching you."
"Freakily Horror Movie like." Mish said, when SG-13 were back in their
Rec Room, The Gutter.
Kat glared at Mish, "I could have done it, too."
"Yeah, and you would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that pesky
general." Mish countered.
Kat and Mish laughed. Thankfully, they had yet again forgiven each other, for
no apparent reason.
"So whadda we do now?" Becca asked.
"Do what we do every night, Becca, try to take over the w-" Bryn began, then
stopped,
"What were you guys doing behind the Stargate anyway?"
"Oh, we just did a bit of plumbing." Cara answered, holding up a book,
'Amature Plumbing For Beginners.'
"Plumbing?"
"Yeah," Cara added, "So now when anyone goes through the Stargate, they get a
shower before they go through the gate. The event horizon-"
"Blue Shimmery Thing" Mish amended.
"The event horizon," Cara repeated, "will disguise the water which will run
down, just in front of it so that they'll be completely soaked."
Becca looked at her watch, "And on my count, it's three seconds until the
Tok'ra go back through the 'gate."
"1..."
"2..."
"3..."
A shout echoed through the base. "SG-13??!?!!!???!!!!!"
©Bryn and Mish 2001
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