Valentine's Day SG-13 Style
by Bryn

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

"It's Valentine's Day!!!" Cara announced as she dropped 10 pounds worth of chocolates and candy on the table in the center of SG-13's lab/rec room.

"Ooh, can we do something big, so Major Davis has to come to the base and do his liason-y thing or whatever he does?" Bryn asked, grabbing some chocolate crunch hearts and a coke from the fridge. It was 3 PM and they were just starting their sugar high, which, with the proper refueling, would last all night and well into the next morning.

"I want Major Davis!" Kat complained.

"Tough shnikes! I'm writing this fic and so I get him!" Bryn stuck out her tongue at her. Kat just chucked more candy at her in reply.

"Hey, that's not fair, we don't have enough semi-main characters to go around for all of us." Becca pouted.

"Well, we could just hook up with random, cute uniform dudes. Or you could, Mish calls Graham," Mish said, starting in on the brownies.

"We could order Danny clones," Bryn suggested.

"Bryn, be reasonable, we can't order clones," Cara scoffed.

"She's right, they'd never get here in time," Becca said.

"Did Cara just say 'be reasonable'?" Kat asked, horrified.

"Yeah, she did. I'm scared." Bryn answered. She jumped up and hid behind Mish. "Someone give her some more sugar, maybe snap out of this whole calm thing."

"Ok, so we've got lots of sugar and no guys," Mish summed up, pushing Bryn out from behind her, for which she got a very rude look but didn't much care. "So what else are we going to do for the rest of the night?"

"Let's play Cupid!" Cara grinned, the chocolate beginning to kick in.

"I'm not wearing pink tights!" Bryn declared.

"Fine, Becca will. So, we have Sam and Jack and Daniel and Janet. But what do we do about George and Teal'c?"

"Teal'c's visiting his wife in the Land of the Light. I spent all of yesterday guilting him about the slutty jaffa lady." Bryn smiled.

"George said something about needing a day off. I don't know why, all I was doing was repeatedly asking if he could order the Tok'ra to only send cute blokes from now on." Mish shrugged.

"Mish, your first solo harassment! I'm so proud of you!" Kat smiled. "You have learned much, young padawan."

"All right, so just our two favorite couples to deal with!" Cara giggled. "Though I will miss George, he's so funny to watch when he gets all mad. He looks like Elmer Fudd."

"Ok, we need a warm up to make sure our sugar high has taken effect. What do we do first?" Becca asked.

"Valentine's Day cards, of course. I'll write to Daniel from Janet!" Bryn announced. "I'll go get some supplies. Ooh, I love doing arts and crafts!" Bryn jumped up and ran to the storeroom, coming back a few seconds later with construction paper, glue, scissors, markers, glitter and doilies.

"Why does a top-secret military base have glitter and doilies?" Mish asked.

"Because we needed them?" Bryn shrugged.

The four girls got busy making Valentine's day cards, which came out quite nice considering they were all too hyper to even sit still.

"Alright! Danny should turn thoroughly red when he reads this!" Bryn proclaimed, holding up a pink and red heart-shaped card with doilies and silver writing. "Who'd everyone else do?"

"I did Daniel to Janet." Kat grinned sweetly.

"I got Jack to Sam!" Cara said.

"And I did Sam to Jack!" Becca said, beginning to spin around the room.

"I did Mish to Graham." Mish smiled. Everyone stared at her. "What, everyone else was already covered and he's cute!"

"I'm going to make one for Kawalsky," Kat decided.

"Kat, he's dead, FCOL!" Becca told her.

"NO! I declare that the Enemy Within no longer exists. It is just Goa'uld propaganda and shall go to the same non-existent place as Chapter 12!!" Kat exclaimed.

"Um, ok," Cara said, giving Kat an odd look. "So Kawalsky is no longer dead. Does this mean we can use him in these fics?"

"Yes! And he's going to be my Valentine!" Kat crossed her arms defiantly.

"Okay, no more sugar for Kat," Bryn said, slowly pulling the chocolate behind her.

"Mish wonders how we plan on delivering these Valentines," Mish said.

"Bryn thinks that is a good question," Bryn said. She suddenly realized what she'd said and thwacked Mish. "Stop making me talk in third person!"

"Cupid will deliver them." Cara grinned wickedly.

"Where are we going to find someone to dress up as Cupid?" Becca scoffed, laughing lightly. She stopped laughing when she noticed everyone was staring at her. "Uh, guys? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"I think I saw a pink leotard and tights in that supply room," Bryn commented.

"Really?" Kat asked her.

"Yeah, I thought it was kind of odd, but hey it works out great for us! Now we just need to make her some wings. Let's go see if there happens to be some wire and a bag of feathers too." Bryn waved them all on after her.

~ ~ ~ ~

"Guys! I really don't think this is that funny!" Becca whined. She was dressed in the aforementioned pink leotard and tights with giant white wings on her back. Now Cara was trying to figure out a way to attach wires along all the corridors on base so that Becca could fly.

"If this works with Becca the rest of us could try it, too!" Cara exclaimed happily.

"*If* this works??? Cara!!!" Becca yelled.

"It'll work!" Cara said confidently. "I hope," she added under her breath.

"Uh, Cara?" Mish called out from her post as look out.

"What?"

"Jack's coming!"

"Oh drat! Well, I guess we'll have to work on the flying later. Just go prance a lot, Becca!" Cara said pushing Becca down the hall towards Jack and taking off in the other direction with the rest of SG-13.

Becca skipped up the corridor 'til she reached Jack. Smiling sweetly she handed him the Valentine.

"What's this?" he asked, handling it as if it were a ticking bomb.

"A Valentine." Becca smiled.

"From whom?"

Becca shrugged. "I'm just the messenger." She skipped off again, on her way to make her other deliveries, leaving Jack standing in the hallway, staring at the card in his hand.

~ ~ ~ ~

"Mish must now deliver her Valentine's card." Mish grinned and headed toward the control room. The others followed joyfully behind. Anything other than work around the SGC was fun.

"Heya, Graham," Bryn called as the four non-Cupid members of SG-13 walked in.

"Oh, no…" Graham trembled. Mish planted herself on the edge of the desk in front of him and stared adoringly into his eyes.

"Mish, we're going up to the briefing room!" Kat called out as she headed toward the stairs.

"Ok," Mish called out, still staring at Graham.

"What are you looking for Kat?" Cara asked.

"Him." Kat grinned as she pointed to the man sitting at the briefing table. It was Charlie Kawalsky.

"How did you do that?" Bryn asked.

"The magic of non-existence." Kat smiled and headed toward the very confused, not-so-dead man.

"Hey Cara, wanna see if we can break into George's office and use to Red Phone to call Major Davis?" Bryn asked.

"Oh, sure, can I bug the President while we're at it?" Cara replied.

"But of course!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"So do you think they'll believe the Valentines?" Mish asked, several minutes later as they met up with Becca back at the lab/rec room.

"I hope so, or all that time learning to forge their signatures was wasted!" Bryn commented.

"Well how are we gonna know if we're down here?" Kat asked, making a new pot of coffee.

"I don't suppose they'd be nice enough to come down here and fall madly in love right in front of our door so we can watch?" Becca asked hopefully.

"Doubtful," Mish replied.

"Hey, Boo?"

"Yeah, Bryn?"

"You know how you hacked into the security camera link so that all the screens displayed BeccaVision2001? Do you think you could do the opposite and connect the feed from the security cameras to our TV?" Bryn asked, an evil grin starting to form on her face.

"Oh, sure, just give me a minute!" Becca jumped up and raced out of the room.

Ten minutes later SG-13 were all curled up on the couch, with a bowl of popcorn watching what they'd named the "SG-1 Soap Opera." Becca had set up the feed so that the screen was split into four sections, one showing Sam's lab, another showing Jack's office, the third Janet's office and the last Daniel's lab.

"They aren't doing anything interesting!" complained Bryn.

"Hey look! There's the card sitting on Danny's desk," Kat pointed out. The girls all leaned closer and nodded happily.

"He glanced at it! He's thinking about it! C'mon Danny: go to Janet, go to Janet!" Bryn yelled at the screen.

"He's picking it up!" Mish smiled.

"Now he's standing up!" Cara added to the play-by-play.

"He's leaving the room. Oh that's sucks, now we can't watch him anymore!" Kat moped.

"What are the others doing?" Bryn asked as she was getting a nice tall coke with ice to enhance the caffeine high.

"Sam's working as usual, does that girl ever have a life? Janet's… oh I don't know, something that isn't very much fun to watch, and Jack's playing solitaire some more," Becca summarized.

Cara suddenly jumped up excitedly. "It's God time!!" she yelled and ran toward the microphone that was hooked up besides the TV.

"So is this when the men in the white coats show up for her?" Mish asked Kat.

"No, she already scared them away," Kat replied.

"Cara, what are you talking about?" Becca asked.

"Remember that speaker line we hooked up to Jack's office a while back? We never did get around to using it, I'd say now's about time. Sit back and watch a God at work!" She grinned, which just made the others scared. "Jack," she said into the mic.

On the screen, Jack's head suddenly shot up and started frantically looking around the room.

"You can not see me, Jack," Cara said. "I am God."

Jack jumped from his chair and started searching his office for… anything. SG-13 started laughing so hard they fell off the couch and started rolling on the ground.

"I have come to tell you, Jack, that you're a doodie head! You've got a beautiful woman who's in love with you and sent you a remarkably well-crafted Valentine's Day card just down the hall, with there's no General on base, and you're sitting in your office playing Solitaire! How dumb can you be?" Cara paused since she couldn't stop laughing at Jack's reaction. "Speaking of dumb, what did you ever see in that Laira chick? C'mon, she was so just using you! And then there was that time-"

Jack had evidently had enough, because she suddenly went running from the room, leaving the door wide open behind him. SG-13 exploded in another round of giggles.

"Cara, won't he recognize your voice?" Mish asked.

"No, we reprogrammed the speakers to make whoever talks sound like Elmo," Cara replied.

"Hey look, Danny's in Janet's office!" Kat exclaimed.

"And Jack just ran into Sam's lab," Mish added.

"Looks like our work here is done, whaddya say we go hotwire Jack's car now?" Cara asked.

"And miss the good part? Are you mad?" Bryn throw a handful of popcorn at her.

"But I wanna go for a joyride," whined Cara.

"Me too," added Becca. "Let's see how recklessly we can drive it."

"All right, all right, next fic, I promise! But right now, the soap opera's just getting interesting!"

© Bryn 2001

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