'So I finally get to carry you across the threshold.' 

Darren smiled weakly. ‘So you do.’

Carefully Daniel carried Darren up the stairs and into the guest room.

‘Umm, Dan.’

‘Sshhh, you’ll see.’

Hurriedly Daniel went into their room and then returned to collect Darren.

‘Oh Danny.’

‘You like?’

Candles burned on every conceivable surface, the air was sweet with incense and the floor strewn with hundreds of rose petals.

‘Vanilla.’ Darren said as the scent of the incense reached him.

Daniel smiled as he gently laid him on the bed. ‘but of course.’

Removing Darren's jacket, tie and shirt, Daniel flicked his thumb and forefinger against his lower arm, willing a vein to rise.

Finding one that was prepared to co-operate, he quickly administered a small shot of Darren's morphine, just enough to dull the pain and allow him to enjoy their final evening together.

Daniel continued to undress his love, first his shoes and sock, soft kisses placed on each of his toes, the soles of his feet, his calves.

‘Remember the first time we made love? How we were in such a hurry you ripped all the buttons off of my shirt?’

Then his cummerbund, trousers and boxers.

‘When you went overseas without me and I sent you a dozen red roses every day you were away?’

Daniel gently caressed Darren’s legs, kissing his knees, his inner thighs, ensuring that no part of Darren’s body remained untouched. 

‘And when I came home drunk from Jon’s stag party and you made me sleep on the couch?’

More kisses to Darren’s stomach and smooth chest. His shoulders, his track-marked arms, his wrists, his fingers.

‘Danny, I…’ Darren stroked Dan’s face. ‘I want you to make love to me.’

‘Oh Darren.’ Daniel buried his head in the crook of Darren’s neck. ‘I want that too but we don’t have to.’

‘I want to. I want to feel you inside me…one last time. Please?’

‘I’m so afraid I’ll hurt you.’

‘You won’t, I promise. Besides you want to cons…cons..sum..mate this m.marriage don’t you?’

Dan chuckled and kissed Darren’s cracked lips. ‘Very much so.’

Out of habit Daniel rolled over and opened the nightstand drawer. Taking out the pack of condoms he looked at them and then back at Darren’s fragile body. Not tonight. Tonight he wanted to feel Darren and have Darren feel him. Tonight he wanted them to truly be one.

Silently he let the box slip from his fingers.

‘Am I hurting you?’

‘No, it’s wonderful.’

Daniel hugged Darren closer and very carefully pushed in deeper. He wanted to make this last as long as possible. He wanted Darren to feel what he was feeling. Moving one of his hands up Darren’s chest he slipped a finger into his mouth, drawing it in and out in time to his own thrusts.

A low moan escaped from between Darren’s lips. ‘Jonesy.’

‘Baby you complete me you know that?’ Dan’s finger slid over Darren’s tongue. ‘It’s like there is no you, no me, just us. You are all I have ever needed.’

One of Darren’s hands came to rest over his and Daniel entwined their fingers.

Gradually he felt his climax build. No, he didn’t want this, he didn’t ever want their love-making to end but knew he was powerless to stop his body now.

Over and over Darren’s whispered name fell from his lips as Daniel came, filling him deeply for the first and last time in their relationship.

Shuddering he pulled his lover to him, unable to stop the tears that streamed down his face.

‘It’s ok Danny, it’s ok to cry, let it out.’ Clumsily Darren patted him, comforting him. Knowing that many more tears would be shed before Dan’s heart healed.

Very gently Daniel took a damp washcloth and bathed Darren, placing tender kisses wherever the cloth touched, then he dried him off and wrapped him in the rich velvet throw.

‘I’m not afraid to die.’

‘I’m not afraid to live.’ Daniel stroked Darren’s shoulder. ‘It’ll be tough but I’ll manage it. You’ll be watching over me right?’

‘You’d better believe it M..Mister.’

‘Well just send me some sunshine occasionally.’

‘The sun will always be shining on you my love.’ Darren paused and took a shuddering breath. ‘We had some good times didn’t we.’

‘The best my darling, the best.’

A long look passed between them.

Daniel nodded.

Getting up he went over to the bottom drawer of their dresser. Taking out a small bag and a pestle and mortar he came and knelt by the side of the bed. One by one he emptied his sleeping tablets into the mortar, using the pestle to grind them down into a fine powder.

Setting the mortar on the nightstand he gently sat Darren up, putting pillows under him to support him.

‘Ready?’ he asked.

Darren’s eyes said it all.

Tipping some of the powder into his hand, Daniel raised it to Darren’s lips, holding his head still so as much of it as possible went into his mouth, then he poured some water from the jug into Darren’s beaker and helped him take a few sips.

Slowly he massaged his throat, encouraging his muscles to swallow. Three times he repeated this process, all the time his eyes never leaving Darren’s.

Finally he took the bottle of morphine and filled a syringe to capacity. Parting the throw slightly he ran his hand over Darren’s thigh searching for yet another vein. Once he found one he slid the syringe in and emptied it.

Setting everything down he climbed back on the bed and took Darren in his arms.

‘Thank you.’ Darren’s voice was little more than a whisper.

‘You’re welcome.’ Daniel pressed his lips to Darren’s parched ones.

They lay there in silence. Nothing more needed to be said.

Briefly Darren opened his eyes.

‘Love you Jonesy.’

‘I love you too Dozer.’

A peaceful smile formed on Darren’s lips then he gave a little sigh and Daniel knew that he was gone.

For a long time he just sat there, holding Darren close, watching the sunrise filter through the curtains, listening to the church bells announce Christmas Morning, knowing that when he moved it would be over.

Placing one final kiss on Darren’s cool lips, Daniel tenderly tucked his velvet blanket round him.

‘Goodbye Darren.’

Even if he ended up spending the rest of his days in prison, Daniel would never regret what he had done.

With trembling hands he picked up the phone and punched in a number.

‘Dr Walker? Sorry to bother you at home on Christmas Day…It’s Daniel Hayes-Jones.’