when i'm 28, i'll be a very expensive whore. this suits me well for two reasons. first, because everyone knows that i think about sex every waking moment (and over time when i'm not awake). second, since i'm a very expensive whore, i'll go ahead and assume that my customers are relatively intelligent and well educated. that way, while i'm having pillow talk, i can tell them all my crazy physics theories. maybe i'll get a customer willing to take me on as his personal concubine and he'll decide to sponsor a bunch of my research. then you can be a world famous physicist and be having continually fantastic sex. what more could i want? (courtesy of the grand drum major)

What can you really say about Elfie? Well, she can't spell, she likes to yell "HUZZAH!!!" at random, and she has an over fondness for cheese....

now, elfie has proven me, aiko, right. she wants me to write her bio for her. and since i'm at her birthday party right now, but working on my site instead of being social, i feel obliged to write this. so i'm writing, but now i'm lazy and someone wants the phone line open.

The Grand Drum Major of the Universe wasn't born at any time or in any place, nor will she die at any specified point in time. She just kind of exists and that's that. She enjoys tapping drum sticks together and randomly yelling "BAND TEN HUT!!" at the top of her lungs. She also thinks that she would enjoy making egotistical trumpet players drop to half position until she gets tired. In her spare time, when she's not harassing the saxophones, she likes to play her flute and dream up new ways to make freshmen suffer at band camp.

Psycho Girl was born in a very small trashcan on the planet Jupiter approximately 323.5 years ago. Being born on a Sunday, she was supposed to be a lucky child, yet that luck has failed to manifest itself to this day. She used to devour batteries as a small Jupitarian child and as a result conducts electricity rather well and puts out...a lot of voltage. Her childhood accomplishments include tightrope walking while balancing many small rocks and tubes of toothpaste atop her head, building geographically accurate models of tectonic plate activity with popsicle sticks, and disecting her playmates. As time progressed, however, she soon became aware that her true role in this world was to dominate all others, as their idiocy prevents them from properly governing themselves. She now spends a great deal of her time studying the causes of the failures of other attempted dictatorships and endearing herself to peasants in third world countries. She is currently writing her manifesto, entitled "Mein Kookie". The only personality flaw she possesses is a slight multiple-personality disorder which results in very animated poltical debate among her various alter-egos, and a minor power struggle within her head for who gets the last waffle.

hello, my name is ashley but i would prefer it if you called me the all powerful ruler of the universe because then i will take all the loverly power you have just installed in me and create a rotating black hole 456.38 AU from our sun and then require that everyone calculate the slope of the tangent line at the point of the black hole's event horizon that is closest to orion's nebula.

alright, so you want to know about me? well first of all i find punctuation and captilizing letters ofensive and i cannot spell but that does not bother me however it seems to offend everyone around me so i am trying to make an effort for all you poor souls reading this right now adn i am getting the destinc feeling that this is not as funny as i was hoping which means that i am failing the exerxise since the one requirement is that our bios are funny so does that make me a failure for not being able to be funny?

No, Ashley, you are not a failure.

Really? Thank you, but I just don't see how not being able to write a funny bio makes me an anti-failure.

You're good at alot of things!

Yeah right! I can't even get the guy of my dreams.

That doesn't make you a failure. Besides, you don't need him.

Yes, but we wants him!

Well you cants have him, wicked hobbities!

We wants him! We will takes him!

Yes! NO! Too risky! The fat one, he knows!

Then we lets her do it.

Yes! she could do it!

And then we takes him.

Yes!

sorry about that, i'm not really sure what that was.

It was us!

Yes! We wants to come out!

You can't deny that we're here!

i can, and i will, now shut up, both of you!

that's better. now i can tell you about myself...

come to think of it i'm pretty borring without my voices.