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Wear something casual, she'd said.

I stood in front of my closet, eyeing different outfits. Too informal, too tight, too short, too white... Maybe I should just voluntarily report to Sickbay. It would be far less stressful.

A glance at the clock told me that I had exactly thirteen minutes to get ready.

Finally I decided on a wine red tunic with loose pants a shade or two darker. I combed my hair and put on just a touch of make up. It was dinner with the Captain after all.

Then I practically stormed out of my quarters, heading for the nearest turbolift.

~*~

"Deck three, Captain's quarters."

I slumped against the wall and breathed deeply. I would be fine. Everything would go smoothly. I was just going to have dinner with the most fantastic woman I had ever known. This was just a test of self control. I could do it.

The turbo lift came to a stop and the doors slid open. I calmly made my way over to her quarters and pressed the doorchime with a serene look on my face.

The doors opened and revealed a stunning Kathryn Janeway, smiling sweetly.

I felt my resolve crumble faster than a Ferengi chased by a targ in mating season.

"B'Elanna, do come in!" She stepped back a little as I entered and then turned around to guide me to the couch. I stared at her swaying hips, clad in a knee length, black skirt and swallowed. I sighed and shook my head; this was going to be a long night.

She turned to face me and gestured at the couch. "Please, sit down. Can I get you a glass of wine?"

I nodded dumbfounded, not trusting myself to speak just yet.

As she walked towards the replicator, I once again stared at her beautiful form. She was barefoot, and then there was the elegant black skirt and matching black top. Sleeveless and with a turtleneck.

She returned with a bottle of wine and two glasses. As she poured the wine, the right strap of her bra, also black I noted, fell off a little and I stared intently at that tantalizing piece of undergarment. Unconsciously she pulled it up again with her left hand. I wondered if this was one of those automatic gestures for her.

She handed me a glass and sat down on the other side of the couch. Before it could get awkward she spoke. "So, tell me, how did you solve that problem with the injector ports?"

Engineering talk. That I could do.

"We spent hours trying to figure out the new matter/antimatter proportions for the modified injector system. Yet every time we thought we had it right, a slight phase variance in the magnetic constrictors would disrupt the flow and cause an overload in the injector ports. We tried everything but couldn't get it right. So eventually we set our mind to finding the hypothetical optimal flow rate and then calculating the accompanying phase variance so that we could realign the constrictors to accommodate automatically."

She nodded admiringly. "Interesting way of handling that. I think most people would have focused their efforts on eliminating the phase variance, rather than just work with it. I've always admired this ability of yours, B'Elanna, to think outside the box."

I blushed. "Thank you Captain."

She gave me a half smile and cocked her head a little. "Please, call me Kathryn. No uniforms, no ranks, and from now on no more ship's business."

I nodded slightly. There went the last of my safeties.

She got up and I tried not to stare at the play of muscles in her calves as she did so.

"Let me just replicate dinner, unless you're not hungry yet?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Sounds great. What are we having?"

She smirked a little. "I know my lack of skill at the replicator is legendary, but I've been known to make a mean pot roast. And I also perfected a traditional family recipe for potato salad."

I smiled. "Great, I love potato salad!"

She headed for the replicator and spoke over her shoulder in my direction. "Why don't you go sit at the dinner table. I'll only be a minute."

I brought the wine to the table and sat down, just as she returned with the food. It smelled quite good actually.

She gave me a large portion of the potato salad and a healthy portion of meat, then served herself and sat down too. "Well, bon appétit!"

I dug in, trying the potato salad first. Not bad. Not bad at all. "Mmm, this is quite good! Any way I can convince you to give me the recipe?"

She feigned shock. "But... If I give you my secrets, then it wouldn't be `potato salad à la Janeway' anymore. It would just plainly be `potato salad'..." She shook her head. "If you like it so much, you'll simply have to come over for dinner more. It's the only thing I can decently replicate, so it's the only thing I serve..." She flashed me a bright smile.

A piece of meat almost went down the wrong way when she looked at me like that. Was the woman trying to kill me or what?

We ate in companionable silence for a few minutes and I concentrated on the food. So far so good. I had myself under control for the most part and even though I was not completely relaxed, I was enjoying myself.

Suddenly I felt her gaze upon me and I looked up.

She cocked her head to the side a little. "You don't seem to be very at ease B'Elanna. Don't tell me you're nervous because you're having dinner with the Captain."

I swallowed my food. "But I'm not having dinner with _the Captain_ remember?"

She smiled. "Touché... So you're uneasy because you're having dinner with _me_ then?"

Yes yes yes. "No, of course not."

She must have noticed my slight hesitation because she frowned. I met her gaze but felt my cheeks reddening. Oh no. And I had been doing so well.

"B'Elanna?" She inquired

Great, now I'd done it. "Look Cap... Kathryn, I'm not nervous about having dinner with you. I just have a lot on my mind and..."

She shook her head, indicating she didn't understand. "And what?"

Thin ice. I was on thin ice here. Trying my best to remain calm I stated. "And nothing. I just... I'm a little on edge, I'm sorry."

Her features softened. "Yes well, I've noticed. And if there's anything I can do, please, let me know. I am worried about you, B'Elanna."

Breathing in deeply, I cast her an apologetic glance. "Thank you, but I have to work this one out by myself. Please?"

Apparently satisfied for the moment she nodded. "Okay, I guess."

We resumed eating, but now there was no way I could just relax and have fun. With difficulty I finished my meal and tried to appear at ease. Judging by the worried glances she kept casting my way, I wasn't fooling her at all.

"Would you like dessert? I had terranut soufflé planned."

"Yes please." I answered tersely after a beat.

The pleasantness of the earlier conversation was completely gone.

She headed over to the replicator and came back with two servings of dessert. As she sat down, she cast a concerned look in my direction. "B'Elanna..."

I looked up; my _expression guarded, and noticed she seemed uncertain how to proceed.

"I'm sorry if I've offended you earlier. I didn't mean to make you even more uncomfortable and..."

All of a sudden I felt so very exhausted. What was the point in sitting here, torturing myself like that? "Look Captain, it's not your fault that I'm uncomfortable. In fact it's mine. I shouldn't even have come here in the first place."

She blinked in surprise.

I shook my head and rose from my chair. "Thank you for a lovely dinner Captain, but right now I think I should go." I turned and headed to the door. The sooner I got out of here the better. What had I been thinking anyway?

"Sit down Lieutenant." Her voice was razor sharp.

I stopped and was close to growling `Or what?' but the sharpness of her tone made me walk back to the chair and sit down again. I stared at the untouched dessert in front of me.

"There is no reason for you to treat me so disrespectful. Now... finish your dessert. Please."

I looked at her incredulously. She was going to make me sit here and finish my dessert?? I wanted to protest but she seemed about ready to explode so I sullenly complied.

I took a mouthful and dug my spoon in again, determined to eat as fast as possible.

After swallowing for a second time, I heard a muffled sound coming from the other side of the table. I looked up to see her desperately trying to hold her laughter. She bit her lip but couldn't hold herself any longer and slapped her hand in front of her mouth, laughing out loud.

I was too startled by the sudden change to do anything but stare at her.

She slowed down a little after a minute. "Oh, I'm sorry B'Elanna. But I just had this vision of becoming my mother." Grinningly she shook her head. "I was this close from sending you to your room and grounding you for two weeks." She exhaled heavily and closed her eyes.

When she opened them, she was relatively serious again. "I'm sorry."

Damn it, I was nothing but clay in her hands, ready to be molded into whatever shape she wished. I was sorry too. Of course I was sorry too! I never meant to be rude like that, never meant to disrespect her of all people!

I smiled apologetically at her. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to insult you."

She waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it, I've been insulted before. Now please..." She gestured at the dessert in front of me.

We ate the rest of our dessert in a comfortable silence. When she was finished, she put her spoon down and smilingly shook her head. "I can't believe I'm turning into my mother! And you thought you had problems..."

"Is that such a bad thing? Turning into your mother? I thought you liked her very much?"

She smiled softly. "I do. I love her very much. But that doesn't mean I want to be her."

"What is she like?" Suddenly, I found myself wanting to hear her talk about home. I wanted to know the little things. Things she rarely told anyone.

Closing her eyes, she leaned back in her chair. "Well, she's a very strong woman. Passionate, stubborn, elegant, warm and almost painfully rational. She's a mathematician you know. They tend to be rational. But my sister and I used to curse that side of her when we tried to argue for later curfews and more allowance. We could never win from her and it used to drive us crazy." She paused for a moment, remembering. "You know, I think that right now, I understand her better than ever. Maybe it's because I'm older, or maybe it's because I haven't seen her in such a long time, but I feel as though I can only now appreciate her for everything she is and has been. I hope that one day I can tell her that..."

I reached out over the table squeezed her hand a little. "I'm sure you'll get the chance."

The touch seemed to bring her back to the present. "Well, I don't know about you, but I could use a cup of coffee right now."

I nodded, glad that the good mood of earlier had been reestablished.

"Join me on the couch?" She asked. "It talks easier." And it gave me a better view of her legs. I internally groaned. When was this torture going to end? I willed myself not to be affected by those smooth and firm, yet delicate calves.

"Penny for them?"

My head snapped up. "Sorry?"

"Penny for your thoughts. You seemed a little distracted." She grinned. "Either that or you were staring at my legs."

Dare I try flattering my way through? "Well, you do have great legs."

She blinked for a moment, trying to figure out what to make of my response. Then she flashed me a shy smile filled with mirth. "Thank you."

We sipped our coffee. It was a little strong for my liking; it would probably keep me warped for hours.

She sighed appreciatively. "Oh, I could kill for this stuff."

I smirked. "That was never in doubt. Rumor goes that you once threatened to feed an ensign to Tarquelian wilderbeasts for accidentally deleting your favorite blend from the replicator."

She cocked her head. "Now that's an exaggeration. I just threatened to throw him out of an airlock, that's all."

I raised my eyebrows.

"What? He did delete my favorite blend! I had to make a statement!" She defended herself.

"Okay..." I eyed her apprehensively as I put my cup on the table. "Remind me not to get on your bad side."

She put her cup down too and patted my leg by way of assuring me. "You don't have anything to worry about B'Elanna. Just steer clear from the coffee and you'll be fine."

Touching me again. Deep breaths, B'Elanna. Go on, you're doing great! I closed my eyes and couldn't contain a soft moan. Why was her hand still on my thigh? Arousal was coursing through my veins and my face was flushing yet again.

"B'Elanna?"

Now another hand was placed on my forehead. That was more than I could take.

I jumped up to get away from her.

Confusion was written all over her face as she got up and approached me. I was breathing heavily, arms crossed over my chest. My heart was pounding in my ears.

Tentatively she reached out and put a hand on my upper arm. I flinched but willed myself not to pull away. Obviously concerned, she put her other hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer in a reassuring hug.

She made shushing noises and softly stroked my back as I slumped in her embrace, my arms still folded in front of my chest.

"Sshh, it's alright." She murmured repeatedly.

I calmed down a little. "But it's not." I countered in an unsteady voice.

She stepped back a little, her hands still on my shoulders, to look me in the eye. "Why not?"

"Because..." I averted my gaze.

Her hand softly stroked my hair. "Because what?" She urged.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip. I was not going to tell her. I was _not_ going to tell her. "Because I love you..." I whispered. Damn my big mouth.

Part 3