The only response I got was a complete lack of response.
I pried my eyes open and saw her frozen on the spot, her _expression a mixture of shock and confusion.
As I stepped back, her hands fell back alongside her body. "I think I should go now."
Without waiting for a response, I headed for the door.
Right before it slid open, she apparently came out of her stupor. "Wait, B'Elanna!"
I stopped but didn't turn around.
~*~
"You can't just drop this on me and then walk away... You owe me more than that."
The softness of her voice felt like salt in an open wound. "Please Captain; I already made enough of a fool of myself here tonight." My voice sounded strangled and wasn't sure how much more I could take.
Apparently she was right behind me, because I felt her hand on my back. "You haven't made a fool of yourself B'Elanna. You just... surprised me a little. And now I'd like to sit down and talk about this."
I refused to turn around so she moved to stand between me and the door, attempting to look me in the eye. I persistently averted my gaze.
"Please, let's sit down and talk about this." She said with a pleading voice.
"Well I don't want to talk about it Captain." I countered. "You weren't even supposed to know. Just forget what I said."
I tried to escape, but she effectively blocked my path, grabbing my shoulders. "You're not playing fair B'Elanna. Dropping this bombshell on me and then asking me to ignore it?"
She was right, I was being unfair. But damn it, I just wanted to get out of here.
There was no need to rub it in that she couldn't and wouldn't return my feelings. I got the message already. I just wanted to go to my quarters and smack my head against a bulkhead a few times. Was that too much to ask?
She sighed. "B'Elanna, I know this isn't easy for you, but I can't just ignore this. So can you please sit down and at the very least just listen to me?"
My shoulders slumped as I gave in. "Alright." She wasn't about to let me go anyway.
~*~
I went over to the couch and sat back down, ramrod straight, avoiding looking at her.
She lowered herself on a futon on my right and exhaled softly. "First of all..." She paused. "First of all, let me say I'm flattered."
I was desperately wishing I was anywhere but here. A Borg assimilation chamber seemed tempting right now.
"And surprised too. I really didn't see this one coming. I think, if I'm being honest, I never expected for a _woman_ to be... interested... in me."
She wasn't into women. Got it. Now could I go? Outwardly, I remained impassive, determined to keep my dignity.
She quizzically looked at me. "Were you ever going to tell me if it hadn't been for tonight?"
"No." I replied and swallowed.
"Why not?" She asked in a soft voice.
I resisted the urge to laugh hysterically. "Because it wouldn't solve anything. It would just be awkward. Like it is now."
She pursed her lips. "It's only awkward if we let it be awkward."
How could it _not_ be awkward? "Am I missing something here? I love you. You can't return my feelings. It's _bound to be_ awkward."
Her voice was dangerously low. "You're putting words in my mouth B'Elanna. I never said I couldn't return your feelings."
"Then what are you saying?" She didn't make sense.
"I'm saying that... I _don't know_ if I can return your feelings."
Oh. All stop. Hadn't seen that one coming. So this meant what? That I actually might have a chance? I was almost afraid to get my hopes up.
For a moment, I was lost in my own thoughts.
When I looked at her, I saw she had her eyes closed and was rubbing her temples.
Softly I asked the question that was running through my mind. "Is not knowing a good or a bad thing?"
With an exasperated sigh, she got up and walked to the window. "I don't know." Throwing her hands in the air she continued. "Seems there are lots of things I don't know all of a sudden."
She gazed at the stars for a few moments and I quietly watched her back.
Shaking her head, she suddenly chuckled. "You certainly know how to throw a bombshell my dear."
Yeah, well, it wasn't like I had done it on purpose.
"If you want to be alone now, I could just... go." I stated, figuring that maybe she'd rather have me out of her sight for a while.
"Oh no you won't." She turned around. "You're not getting away that easily."
I stayed put, not knowing exactly what to do or say next.
She let herself fall next to me on the couch, looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "It's just such a... new... and foreign concept to me. I never even wondered if I could be attracted to women, much less act upon such an attraction."
She turned to look at me. "I definitely care a lot about you... More than some of my past lovers; come to think of it." My heart fluttered as she paused for a second. "I don't mean for any of this to come across as homophobic, but I'm a little intimidated by this whole `love between women' thing."
I thought about that for a moment as she continued to gaze at me intently. I wasn't sure I wanted to know her answer to my next question. "Intimidated by women in general or you and me in particular?"
She shook her head. "It's not the women or you I'm intimidated by... It's the loving part. The way I see it, it's so much more... intense. Does that make any sense?"
I cast her a confused half-smile. "A little. But what's wrong with `intense'?"
She studied her hands. "Nothing. I'm just not sure I can do it."
I scooted closer and took her hands in mine. "Why not?"
She closed her eyes and swallowed convulsively. "Lots of reasons... The main one being that I'm scared."
"I would never do anything to hurt you." I whispered.
She squeezed my hands. "Oh I know that, silly. It's me I'm scared of, not you."
"I don't understand." I countered. "You're afraid of yourself?"
"No. Yes. I'm afraid of losing control, of needing someone, of giving myself completely..." Her voice broke and she put a hand over her mouth, trying to get hold of herself. She sniffed. "Sorry."
Looking up, she exhaled heavily. "I think this conversation warrants something stronger than coffee, don't you?"
~*~ As she headed over to the replicator I decided I needed to stretch my legs as well. I walked over to the window and pensively gazed at the stars. This had turned out to be quite the day.
She came to stand next to me, silently handing me a glass of something. Good plain old Scotch I discovered when I took a sip.
Her hand sought mine and our fingers interwove. I smiled at the gesture and lightly stroked her thumb with my own. She gave me a little squeeze in response.
After another sip of whisky, I put my glass down on a little side- table and broke the silence. "So... What's the plan?"
"Good question." She answered after placing her glass next to mine.
In the vague reflection of the window, I saw her turn to look at me and I spoke softly. "You know how I feel about you..." I swallowed. "I love you Kathryn. Nothing you say or do will change that."
When I gazed at her, I saw tears form in her eyes. My heart skipped a beat at that display of emotion.
"Do you really mean that?" She whispered hoarsely.
"Yes." I breathed, drowning in her eyes.
She stroked my cheek with her free hand. "Show me..."
I briefly closed my eyes and leaned a little closer to her, pressing a feathery kiss on her forehead, and then lovingly tipped my nose against hers. I brought up our still intertwined hands to lightly kiss her knuckles.
She let out a shuddering breath. A tear slowly trailed a path over her cheek.
I cupped her face to brush it away with my thumb, and she turned into the touch. We let go of each other's hands and she placed hers around my neck, tugging me closer.
With my eyes closed, I let my lips softly brush over hers, feeling them twitch under my touch. She whimpered quietly as I pulled back a little.
She breathlessly closed the distance between us again and heatedly pressed her lips against mine while tangling her fingers in my hair. I put my hands on her hips and molded her body against my own. She whimpered again. A tiny sound in the back of her throat that made my heart race.
Tentatively, I let the tip of my tongue flutter over her delicate lips. She responded immediately by opening her mouth and pressing her body impossibly closer to mine.
Our tongues danced together, stroking softly, eagerly exploring each other. My mouth worshipped hers passionately and she responded with equal fervor.
A blazing fire spread inside me and all my senses focused on the wonderful sensation of her lips on mine.
I desperately tried to convey everything I felt for her in slow, open mouthed kisses.
She was so sensual, so intense and passionate. Everything I ever desired and more.
Slowing down a little, she moaned. I gently sucked her bottom lip, unwilling to let go of her completely. She stroked my upper lip with her tongue once more before drawing back, breathing raggedly.
Her hands trailed gently over my face and I slowly opened my eyes.
I found her gazing at me with a smoldering look. Her pupils were dilated and her face was flushed. She bit her bottom lip and exhaled softly. "Wow."
My face split into a wide grin. "Wow indeed."
She bowed her head a little and I pressed my lips on her forehead again, savoring the euphoric feeling running through me.
I wondered what she was thinking but I didn't want to push her so I stayed silent.
After a moment she looked up again and smiled softly. "Well, I was right... This was intense."
"Mmm..." I nodded, not knowing how else to respond.
She brought her face closer to mine and I felt her warm breath play on my lips. With a husky voice she continued. "All I keep thinking about is how I want to kiss you again..." She placed a chaste kiss on my mouth. "And again..." Another kiss. "And again..."
I closed my eyes and moaned as she sensually kissed me. This time not as hungrily as before, but definitely equally hot and intense.
She drew back and I groaned in frustration.
"I guess that answers your question..." She smiled sweetly.
Huh? "What question?" My brain struggled to catch but failed miserably.
"The plan." She clarified. "You asked what the plan was."
Ah. That question. "And?" I prompted.
She cocked her head and grinned. "I haven't worked out the details yet, but it definitely involves kissing you... a lot."
I felt as if I were on fire. "I think I can live with that." I beamed.
She closed her eyes and put her head on my shoulder. I felt her shuddering breath against my neck.
"Are you nervous about this?" I asked.
"Oh yeah." She admitted shakily.
"Don't be." I breathed. "We'll go slow. I won't push you; I'll just be there to guide you."
She nuzzled my neck. "Okay... Slow is good."
"Slow is good." I repeated, hoping that my thundering heart would get the message.
"So what do we do now?" She asked, lifting her head.
I glanced at the clock. "Well, it's late and, unless I'm mistaken, you have to be on the Bridge in the morning. So I should leave and let you get some rest."
She frowned as if she had forgotten all about Bridge duty. "Right... We can't let this interfere with our work."
"I know." I conceded. "Work comes first. That's a given."
She nodded. "Of course."
"That said, I think it's time for me to go now. It's late." I stated regretfully. Leaning closer, I placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Sweet dreams, Kathryn."
She copied the gesture. "You too, B'Elanna."
Not too happy to let her out of my arms, much less my sight, I made my way to the door.
"You know, I'm not likely to fall asleep anytime soon..." I heard her voice from behind me. "So maybe you can stay a little while longer... If that's alright with you."
I chuckled and turned around. It was more than just alright. "If you're sure... I wouldn't mind at all."
She motioned for me to join her on the couch. I sat down and leaned back as she snuggled close to me. She tucked her legs up underneath her and sighed happily.
"So," she began conversationally, "what I'd like to know is: who were you daydreaming about this morning during the staff meeting in the Briefing Room?"
I felt my cheeks reddening a little and cleared my throat. "Uhm, you actually."
"Do you often have daydreams about your coworkers?" She teased.
"Oh yes." I stated mock seriously. "Especially about Neelix. There's just something about his whiskers that makes him... completely irresistible."
She grinned widely. "So you like whiskers... Anything else I should know about?"
"Hmm, let's see..." I pretended to be thinking. "I also seem to have a thing for beautiful Starfleet Captains." Now it was her time to blush. Kahless, she looked cute like that.
She shifted a little and her bra strap fell off her shoulder again. She didn't notice. Of course I did. With one finger I pushed it back up.
I sensed her tense up at my touch.
"Hey, it's okay." I soothed. "It was just your bra strap."
She exhaled softly. "Sorry... Guess I'm not completely used to this."
I stroked her cheek. "You set the pace here. I won't do anything unless you ask me to."
"I know." She nodded. "You just startled me a little. That's all." She yawned.
"You're tired." I observed.
She rubbed her eyes. "A little."
"Well then, go catch some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." I urged.
Stretching her legs out, she turned to me. "What time do you have to go on duty?"
"I don't." I smiled. "Tomorrow's my day off."
She stood and yawned again. "Tuck me in, in a minute?"
I raised my eyebrows.
"What? I like to be tucked in." She said with a teasing smile.
I swallowed and nodded.
"Just give me a minute to get ready for bed." With that, she disappeared in her bedroom.
~*~
I looked around her quarters and thought over everything that had transpired here tonight. For once in my life, my big mouth actually had gotten me what I wanted. Now there was a new one. It usually just got me in trouble.
"B'Elanna?"
I was shaken out of my reverie and looked in the direction of her bedroom. She stood in the doorway, clad in her pajamas. A white tank top and a pair of beige boxer shorts. Her breasts strained against the fabric and the outline of her nipples was clearly visible.
Swallowing convulsively I got up.
When I entered her bedroom, she was sitting up in bed, the duvet already drawn to her waist.
She lovingly gazed up at me. "I know it's a strange thing to ask you, but I've always liked being tucked in." She laid down. "I guess it makes me feel safe."
I smiled softly. "I can check under your bed for monsters as well, if you want."
"Oh, would you? Please?" She grinned.
I ducked and cast a look under the bed. "All clear."
"Good. Now, do I get my goodnight kiss?" She asked teasingly.
Grinning, I sat on the bed next to her and pulled the duvet up to her shoulders.
I bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Sweet dreams Kathryn..."
She took my hand. "Will you stay until I sleep?"
Did I look like I wanted to leave? "Sure."
I put a pillow against the headboard and leaned against it. She placed her hand on my leg and sighed contentedly as I softly petted her hair.
"Sleep well, Kath."
"Mmm, `night Lanna..."