Once upon a time, Manniquins, one of the nightclubs at Walt Disney World's Pleasure Island played the ersatz headset chatter from the club show into the elevator. It went something like this:
SM: Alright people settle in. Who've I got on headset? Lightboard?
LB: Yo
SM: Sound? ... Sound?
Sound: Hello? Hello-o?
SM: I take it you're there?
Sound: Hello-o? I can't hear you.
SM: I TAKE IT YOU'RE THERE
Sound: What? Hello-o
SM: (under his breath) Wonderful. Well that's good enough I suppose. Followspots? Followspots? No one home. Okay how about fog?
Fog: Here, boss
SM: How many pounds today?
Fog: hundred pounds of dry ice loaded, another two hundred chopped and ready to go. I can give you zero visibility if you want it.
SM: Great. Followspots? ... Followspots? Okay how 'bout flies?
Flies: Yes sir, all present and accounted, sir, safety check is complete and all flying scenery is A-OK. Roger Wilco, 10-4, and ready when you are C.B.
SM. right. Has anybody seen the followspots?
Flies: Last I saw they were down onstage arguing with Nutsy
SM: Nutsy huh. Nutsy! Hello Stage right?
Nutsy: What do you want - we're busy here.
SM: I'm looking for two spot operators
Nutsy: Why didn't you say so, they're right here.
SM: Ask them if they would grace us with their presence on their lamps.
Nutsy: They said "in a minute"
SM: Remind them I'm they're boss
Nutsy: They said "so what"
SM: Remind them they're cutting into their next break.
Nutsy: They're on their way
SM: Good. How are things on stage?
Nutsy: Just peachy.
Sound: Hello-o? Are the wireless mics preset?
SM: Sound is that you?
Sound: (singsong) If anyone's listening could someone they tell if the wireless mics are out?
Nutsy: (singsong) Yellow, Orange and Blue are out, Brown's still here.
SM: Sound, who's got the brown mic?
Sound: Are we going total track or live to track today? Hello-o
SM: I think it's Jason. Nutsy, please tell Jason to pick up his mic. Sound, we're live to track today do you copy?
Nutsy: Jason says he wants another color. Mauve perhaps.
SM: Just tell him to take the mic. Gosh there's gotta be an easier way to make a living.
Nutsy: He said he'll settle for beige.
SM: So, do we have any beige tape.
Nutsy: I've got some real old white.
SM: That'll do. Tell Jason he owes me one. ... On second thought, nevermind. Sound?
Sound: Hello-o
SM: Hello, the Brown wireless is now "Beige"
Sound: Hello-o. Can anybody hear me? What's going on out there?
SM: Okay folks we gotta get going here. Followspots are you there yet? ... Alright you're not. Here's the plan.
Tracy: Hi guys, whatcha talkin' about?
SM: Who is this?
Tracy: It's me - Tracy.
SM: Tracy get off the headset. Spot2, Your first pickup will be Jason upstage right with the brown - excuse me with the beige microphone on a 1-2 combination.
Tracy: I can't find my character shoes?
SM: Why do you need character shoes to run a follow spot?
Tracy: I'm not running a spot, I'm dancing in the show.
SM: Alright flycues 2 & 3 - who is thi - Tracy
Nutsy: who else, I'd recognize that squeak anywhere.
Flies: She doesn't squeak.
Tracy: Is that you Donny? Where are you?
SM: Running on fog? Machines 4 & 5. Sound you've got the orange mic followed by the beige.
Flies: I'm at the pinrail.
SM: Warning, electrics 15 thru 19. Warning manual flashes on preset 5.
Tracy: What do you do over there?
Flies: I make all the stuff go up and down.
Nutsy: Isn't that precious.
SM: That's enough people. Tracy get off the head set and go to your place, please.
Tracy: Party-pooper. (chipper) Bye!
SM: Goodbye Tracy.
Flies: (fondly) So Long, Tracy
Nutsy: Say Goodnight, Tracy
Sound: Have we started yet?
Tracy: I don't get it
SM: Tracy quiet! Okay, we're standing by on spots, fog and electrics.
Fog: Fog's ready, I got a hundred pounds ready another two hundred
SM: Yeah-yeah
Flies: Monorail's ready
SM: Spot 1 your first pickup will be Jason, stageright, with the brown microphone
Nutsy: Beige
SM: Brown-Beige-Tan, whatever, he's the only guy up there
Nutsy: and that's a stretch.
LB: He's a method actor
Sound: I hope somebody lets me know when it's time to start
SM: Spot 2 your first pickup will be on Tracy who should be downstageleft in the silver leotard
Flies: Better make that pink
Nutsy: Yeah, the ditsy blonde in pink
SM: Alright, pink. Ready spot 1 & 2 2 in a 1-to-2 combination, turntable, Fog 4 & 5 with F/X maniquins
Flies: She's not blonde, she's a brunette
Nutsy: She's got a blonde wig on
Flies: Oh
SM: Electrics 15 - GO, Spot 1 on Orange mic GO, Turntable
Fog: Looks like we got another leak in the hose on the number five fog machine
SM: Fly2 and Spot1 fadeout. GO, Electrics 16 GO Nutsy did you copy that, we've got a leak
Fog: It's a real leaker sir, we better do something fast or this could get messy
SM: Flies 3 and Spot 2 GO, Orange out, GO, Brown out, GO, Kill the Fog. ... I repeat, KILL THE FOG
Flies: I don't think he heard you sir, he's got his headset off, and he's playing with >something< behind the motorboard stageleft
Sound: Just out of curiosity, can anyone hear anything I'm saying?
SM: Standby on soft columns, standby on mirrorball and electics 17. Nutsy are you there yet?
Flies: Sir, he's crawling back over to his chair, AND HE'S SMILING - I think he fixed it!
SM: Fixed what - the hose? Standby on Spots 1&2 to pickup Melissa and Andrea upcenter in a clear
Sound: Hello?
SM: Ready spots, Spots GO and soft columns GO.
Sound: Hello-o
SM: Sound, is that You? Spot2 to half. Dowse the with Electrics 18 and lose the Brown. Ready, GO. HelloSound?
Nutsy: No, It's Nutsy, we got a problem.
SM: Spots set in UV filter. Nutsy, I've heard.
Nutsy: We've got a PROBLEM with the TURNTABLE
SM: Spots you'll strip in and cover a cross shot that -- the turntable, what sort of problem?
Nutsy: It doesn't seem to be operating correctly - IT'S GOIN' THE WRONG WAY
SM: The wrong way?
Tracy: Hey, didn't my spot go out sooner than normal?
SM: Tracey, Get OFF the headset. The wrong way?
Tracy: Is it because I'm not in my silver leotard?
SM: Spots GO. What happened to the leak?
Nutsy: What Leak?
Sound: Hello, HELLO
SM: The leak in the hose.
Tracy: Who's hose?
Flies: Hi, Tracy
SM: Nutsy, just shut it down, we're going to have to keep going.
Sound: What do you mean, Nutsy. THIS IS SOUND. Where've you guys been?
SM: Sound! Really, Sound, Is there something I can do for you?
Sound: I just thought you'd want to know, I got a call from out front. It seems there's a short or something.
SM: Standby f/x maniquins, Standby to follow - What do you mean a short or something
Sound: Well, we're passing the elevator speaker somehow
SM: We're in the Elevator
Sound: Yeah, they can hear everything that we're saying
SM: Aw sh-
Tracy: The elevator, Wow, Hi all you people in the elevator
Nutsy: What are we doing here, I don't see no leak
Tracy: Anyone seen my silver leotard
SM: Sound can you kill it please
Sound: I'm looking, I'M LOOKING
Tracy: Hi Daddy, It's Tracy
SM: Sound do something kill it, kill it before we all get fired
Sound: Ok - I'll try this (massive static squeal)
Then it starts all over again:
SM: Alright people settle in. Who've I got on headset? Lightboard?
