Hi, first off, my name is Matt, and I suffer from Hemifacial Microsomia. It is the most horrible and most painful thing that could happen to a Homo sapien like myself. Or a Homo like myself. Either way you look at it, it's true. Except for the most horrible and most painful thing, 'cause it's pretty much neither. But I like to think it is to make myself sound really cool. On account of me being in pain, and crying myself to sleep every night. And I'm lying completely right now. And my paragraph is on the wrong side of the page. And I have a horribly small penis, but they might fix that (I'll explain below). That is all for this paragraph.

What they are going to do:

• Cut along my jaw on both sides, and then slide the jaw down, this way my jaw will be even on both sides.
• "Harvest" (that's what they call it) bone from my hip. This is going to suck probably more than anything else. That's the story. I can't wait.
• Put in metal studs in my gums in two places for later implants. Breast implants that is. They figured that since I'm never going to ever have any real breasts in my mouth, then they would help me out a little. I can't wait for this one.
• Take my wisdom teeth out. I think they decided to give me the Works, 'cause they're killing like, 389087 birds with one stone here. I think they are going to go ahead and do the plastic surgery on my face so I look like Brad Pitt, and then they are going to same me some time and give me the penis extension that they know I'll be in for in a few years anyway. They are just so nice there. So thoughtful.
• Make fun of my small penis whilst I am under anesthesia. 'Cause I would do the same, because small penis people are always gettin' made fun of, so I would just join the group. HECK yes.