Okay, funny story: I may not meet every single one of these, but I meet several. That should open me up to thousands of girls. At least. I'll go over all the headings of what they want.
You prefer the wild and curly afro of American Idol's Justin Guarini: Okay, I have what one might call "wild" hair, and it is borderline "curly." And I've never seen this Justin Guarini character, but I'm sure were are semi-similar. I don't know. One for one.
Mustaches aren't your thing: It goes on to say that some facial hair is wanted. And I haven't shaved for a week and a half. I'm batting a thousand so far.
His expression?: They say you want a tough-guy-with-a-sweet-boy-underneath expression. I have to say I don't have that. So 2 outta 3 so far.
Check out those eyes: They want blue eyes. I can't deliver there. But they want alert eyes. I think I have good eyes when I'm wearing my required corrective lenses. So I get half a point. 2.5 out of 4.
How about that killer personality!: Ha. Okay, I don't meet the standard here. But they do want someone who is loud: that's me, and someone who is adventurous: funny they should mention that, because I just got back from spending three years in the Amazon searching for unseen native tribesmen. So I get .75, putting me up to 3.25 out of 5.
How studious: Okay, they want a guy who reads, drinks tea, and listens to classical music. I am reading The Theory of Everything: The Origin and Fate of the Universe, by Stephen Hawking. If you want a smarter guy than that then good luck. I'm drinking a cup of tea right now. And I do like classical. My favorite composer is Piotr Tchaikovsky, and my favorite composition is "In the Hall of the Mountain King." YES! I filled that one completely. Finally a full point. 4.25/5.
Your dream boy has a tattoo: Damn! But I do have some scars. I'm giving myself a quarter of a point, because I have scars. 4.5 of 6.
You don't go for minimalism: They want a guy that wears a little jewelry. I have that one necklace I wear, that's leather. And I have that one bracelet I wear. The aqua colored one. With the purple. It's my little sister's. 5.5 with a total of 7.
He has Jimmy Fallon's sense of humor: If they want Jimmy Fallon's sense of humor, that means they must want someone who isn't funny. And that is me. Chalk another one up. 6.5 in 8.
The outfit he's practically worn out: Ha. I like this one. I've dressed like this forever. What more could you want. In fact, I haven't changed for the last few days. Sweet. I should get two points for this one but I'll only give me one, I guess. 7.5 of 9.
His slammin' body is lanky and scrawny: Holy hell what more would you like. That is me, plus some extra. I think I'm going to give me some extra points here. Just half a point. 9 out of 10.
His ideal date: They want someone immature. I can give them someone immature. 10/11

Okay, so in the end, 10 out of 11 fit to me. Now come on here. That's 90% the perfect man. Girls...hit me up. You have to. You aren't going to find someone who dresses like this and acts like this and everything else. Seriously. So I will be expecting some phone calls, some emails, some letters. Some postcards. Some dates. Anything actually. Thank you and goodnight.