Standard Disclaimer: I do not own this or anything for that matter...;

This fic came to me while I watched The Real Folk Blues, Part One, last night on Adult Swim...it’s the episode where Julia asks Spike to go away with her...Spike said he couldn’t because of Vicious...what if Spike doubted his decision in the hours right before heading off to confront his archenemy...This is a oneshot...

Vanish

I pace the area in front of my desk anxiously, trying to create a plan of attack on the Syndicate’s headquarters. With no luck, I plop down in a chair and light up my last cigarette...damn...gotta bum some from Jet before...My mind rolls over the events of the last fourty-eight hours. “Julia...” I whisper out loud. How she smelled...how she walked...how her auburn hair shook when she laughed...sighing despairingly, I grab a piece of paper and begin to doodle. My doodle turns into words...words to Julia...words I wanted so badly to say...

you asked me to vanish to blow away with the wind you asked me to leave a debt to be repaid

I couldn’t say yes I couldn’t say no yet I wonder again what could have been

would we have been happy together at last? or did we thrive on heartbreak and glass?

you asked me to vanish and leave not a trace of past tears and past pains left undone at the seems

would you have been joyful at my nod of the head? I shook my head no and you had a smile on your face

you asked me to vanish... oh God that I would have had I known that you would be gone oh so soon...

My heart aches for you, Julia. I sit here, alone in myself, wondering at what could have been. You would say move on, Spike. You would say move on. But I can’t forget your voice...your laughter...your tears. I can’t forget the words you spoke to me at the grave. Yet I know that it was a right decision. For now, I will repay all the heartache he caused you. I go now to my grave and you...