Questions & Answers
These are the best of the STD Q&A
Q - melodie asked:
"Why cant I feed the squirrels? Why does Shannon have to be so pretty? (Im glad he won the beauty pageant)"
A - Good question! I've always wondered why feeding the squirrels was forbidden... It certainly wasn't encouraged where I went to school, so we tried to catch them in large boxes instead. As for Shannon be so pretty, that's a good question too... science can't explain why one man should be given such good looks while the rest of us have to wait around and pick up the chicks he doesn't want. Just doesn't seem fair, does it?
Q - Justin Michael asked:
"I want to know why Shannon is so crazy and sexy? I go to school with him and he gets alll the girls....he is such a stud and i want to be just like him."
A - I'm sorry Justin, if I could figure out why all the girls want Shannon I'd have stolen his secret ages ago. Maybe it's his good looks... hmm, maybe if I tranquilized him, sergically removed his face and placed it on me (like in that movie I won't mention cause we didn't make it), I'd get the girls... good idea, he's coming home in a few weeks... don't tell him my plan!
Q - cueball asked:
"you does steve d make comments during all the way over the rainbow shows"
A - Ah yes, the unintelligable ramblings of some twit... we love these types of questions... keep 'em coming.
Q - Richard Stratton asked:
"WHY ISNT SHANNON PRESINDENT"
A - Well Dick, Shannon is a part of a new, enlightened group of thinkers. This group prides itself on having moved past being "pre-sindent" and now have labeled themselves as "post-sindent".
Q - Tanya asked:
"When do I get to meet Tyler? Shannon says he wont allow me to see him! Its just not fair! Hah, I sound like a creepy stalker... oh well!"
A - T says, "come on down baby, we'll have a good time then" *wink, wink*... S on the other hand says, "Tyler, I'll put your hat down my pants... again!"
Q - Stevie D asked:
"all the food at sobyes looks at me and calls me bad names.....why why why"
A - Oh good, Stevie D and his delusions have joined us once again. Just for the record, all inanimate objects (and most animate objects) probably have better things to do than look at, talk to, or think about you! Please stop asking these questions! One more question of this type and we will officially ban you from the Q&A section... have a nice day.
Q - Jon Grimes asked:
"What is the capital of North Dakota...Purple monkey dishwasher."
A -
Funny you should ask (which you did without the aid of a question mark) that question.
It's actually a trick question. There are two capitals in North Dakota. The capital "N" and
the capital "D". As for the "Purple monkey dishwasher" comment, I think you have a mental disorder.
Q - Erika M asked:
"Have you ever 'ridden the Bronco' in the park?"
A - Actually, no one in the STD family has ridden the Bronco, but Shannon says "next time you're in town, it's a date."
Q - Shaggy asked:
"Is tyler really gay? and also...how much would i have to pay to get Tyler to sleep with me? cuz id pay just about anything... "
A - Here's another question that we're not going to dignify with an answer, so like always when we don't dignify a question, we're going to make fun of your name Mr. Lover, Lover, Boombastic. Anyone who would wish to associate themselves with someone called Shaggy (other than Shaggy Roger's from Scooby-Doo... quite possibly the best cartoon ever) should have their gonads shaved... except, you'd probably enjoy that a little too much. Oh yeah, Tyler is our friend and we'd appreciate it if people didn't pick on him so much.
Q - Shaggy asked:
"Yes. Yes that IS right. I AM Mr. lover lover . . . and I think its grand. BUT I received the title "Shaggy" in 1998 . . . before Mr. Boomtastic burst onto the scene. And it did stem from a Scooby-Doo reference, as I did bare a striking resemblance to one"
A - Excellent life story... you should write a book. Preferably a very short book. Possibly in German, so I'll never be tempted to read it. FYI: Mr. Boombastic "burst onto the scene" in 1996 when he did back-up vocals on the song "That Girl" by Maxi Priest. Thanks.
Q - shaggy asked:
"Norville "Shaggy" Rogers. Also for the record I’ve known Tyler since I was eight, I have earned the right to pick on him. "
A - And so continues the life story of "Mr. Boombastic"... tune in next week, when Shaggy tells us about his potty training and the horrible mental scars that it has left him with.
Once again, no question!!! SO, I guess that means no answer... come on people. Send us questions BUT keep them short!
Q - Shaggy asked:
"do you think anybody will have a story as phun and as exciting as mine? AND can i have that?"
A - No one could ever have a story as great as yours. I'll tell you what... if you actually write your story, we here at STD productions may actually think about possibly making it into a movie, or at least make fun of it... which is the most likely possibily.
Q - Dean Sparkes asked:
"when will the next weekend be flimed and will there still be std prod while shannon and tyler are gone to college danny is the best actor, then tyler shannon more shannon we hardly see this guy and nore office glenn and his monkey"
A - Good to hear to from you Dean. Umm, your question is quite incoherent, but I think I may know what you're trying to say. Yes, I also thought that the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz were kind of cute and probably could have went places in Hollywood if they had better representation.
Q - Sarah asked:
"Why do all the girls want Shannon? Is it his fabulous personality or his sharp mind or his stunning good looks?"
A - 1. It is not his "fabulous personality"
2. It is not his "sharp mind"
3. Nor is it his "stunning good looks"
I would have to say that girls are just stupid. Shannon hates me... and with good cause. Nice of you to write Sarah. Thank you, come again.
Q - Natalie asked:
"If you leave milk out on a raditor to sour what do you think will happen?"
A - We're not quite sure what would happen if you left milk to sour, but we do know what wouldn't happen... you're best friend in the world wouldn't chop you up into little pieces and spread you around the camp and think it's "no big deal"!!!
Q - Sarah asked:
"Which came first, the llama or the basilisk?"
A - Shannon told me to make excessive fun of you for asking such a silly question... and I thought about doing so, but instead I decided to do a little bit of research. From what I found out basilisk is a simple Mac Classic emulator for BeOS and Linux, therefore I concluded that it came into being no earlier than the early 1980's... and from what I hear, Llamas have been around for several thousand years, so I would have to go with the Llama came first.
Q - Shaggy asked:
"do you think if i jumped off my roof i would turn into a bat and then fly anyway??"
A - Oh look everyone! It's our old friend Shaggy! I'm excited, how about everyone else?
Well Shaggy, I don't know if you would turn into a bat and fly if you jumped off your roof... but a wise old man once said sometime to me that I'll never forget... he said, "Hey you kid, get off my lawn!" He was a nice old man... he threw bottles.
So, as you can clearly see, the only way to find out an answer to your question is to try it*... let us know how that turns out for you.
*For legal reasons we have to tell you not to really jump off your roof... now that we've told you not to do it for real, we can't be held responsible if you don't turn into a bat and instead drop to your death.
Q - ASH asked:
"Are you as bored as i think you are? If jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares why does he keep doing it? have you seen my sphincter?"
A - Yes, I am as bored as you think I am... if you think I'm bored. I have very little excitement in my life...
I love the question about why Jimmy cracks corn even if no one cares. I would have to guess that Jimmy has some sort of 'corn fetish' or is in fact brain damaged in some way. I guess you could say that Jimmy is a lot like me... I answer these questions, and noboby cares, but I do it anyway.
Nope, I haven't seen your 'sphincter', but if I do I'll tell it that you're looking for it.
Q - hippy asked:
" "
A - Nothing! Hippy asked nothing! What an extremely horrible waste of my time! I could have been doing something much more productive than "answering" nothing. I mean, I could have been sleeping for goodness sake. I urge our visitors to be more considerate in the future.
Q - Shaggy asked:
"do you think if i tried hard enough and believed in myself enough that i could possibly be as cool as you?"
A - Well, that really depends on which one of us you are asking. Unless of course you are using the word "you" in the plural sense. Wow, English is a strange language, ain't it? I mean, really, we say that we park on driveways and drive on parkways. We talk about eggplants (which has no egg) and hamburgers (which aren't made of ham). Seriously folks, it's full of paradoxes; quicksand takes you down slowly... boxing rings are square. It's just plain weird. If writers "write", why don't fingers "fing" and if the teacher "taught" why didn't the preacher "praught"? Don't even get me started on vegetarians... cause if they eat vegatables, I don't want to know what humanitarians eat!
I think that should answer your question.
Q - Susan asked:
"Why is Shannon an evil communist who is determined to take over the world? And why does he want me to live in a cardboard box?"
A - Shannon is, what you call, "an evil communist who is determined to take over the world" because of the society in which he was raised during his formative high school years. You see Shannon's hometown at that time was (and as it still is) ruled by the one we call the Hashman. The Hashman rules with with an iron fist, and Shannon has admired him for years. Now the Hashman isn't what you would call a "communist." He's more of a... umm, I don't know... Facist, perhaps. But we all love him... "All hail the Hashman!"
Oh yeah, Shannon doesn't really want you to live in a box... he just wants you to get that salmon in your eye removed.
Q - Stevie D asked:
"why does my microwave look at me and say funney things and smile at me when i'm sad?"
A - Well, would you look at this! Stevie D apparently thinks his microwave looks at him and talks to him. Stevie D, I have a question for you. Don't you think your microwave has better things to do?
Q - Deanna Steele* asked:
"How do they get caramilk in the caramilk bar? :):):)"
A - It's done by magic. You may laugh, but it's true... why do you think Harry Potter and all those other kids are at that remote "school"? They're there to learn how to put the caramilk inside the bar! It's a big child labor conspiracy and even Hollywood is in on it! Run away!!
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