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Part 4
Brian slammed the jeep into park in front of Michael’s building. He stormed up the stairs having no idea what he was planning on actually saying to Michael, just that he had to see him. He still didn’t know if he was ready for ‘them,’ yet, but he hadn’t been able to think past the initial, ‘Mikey’s mine,’ caveman mentality that had taken over his body this morning when he’d first lay eyes on the cover of Rage to come up with anything better than slinging Michael over his shoulder and dragging him back to the loft…
***********
Ben scribbled faster trying to finish his thought, but the near constant knocking on the door only grew more insistent. “Fuck. One minute.” His declaration had the reverse effect, it seemed, because the pounding only became louder.
Throwing down his pencil and tablet, Ben carefully set his glasses down on the coffee table and rushed to the door. “I’m here. I’m here,” he answered, unbolting the locks.
Brian didn’t bother offering a greeting as he pushed his way in as if he owned the place. “And hello to you too, Brian.”
“Since when do you two bolt the door?” Brian looked around suspiciously as if half expecting to find Michael naked and on all fours in the middle of the room. His cocky self-assurance died away quickly as he reached the living room.
The room didn’t feel right. Unlike the comfortable, secure feel that Michael’s places usually offered; his childhood bedroom, the comic book store; a strangely oppressive restlessness hung in the air, the foreign feeling catching Brian off guard.
‘This is where it happened.’ Brian swallowed, his throat dry and constricting.
Though Brian knew that over the years Michael had probably had sex in just about every room in this apartment-his mind bringing up one instance in particular, an especially annoying boyfriend-16 right, 11 left… It had never bothered him before.
Brian’s eyes were drawn to the kitchen, where sitting on the counter was a brown, stone Buddha. The small idol felt completely out of place in his best friend’s apartment-in his life.
Suddenly Brian felt fragmented and incomplete; torn between a fierce possessiveness over Michael and an utter feeling loss. It was like the apartment was tainted and for the first time in his life, Brian felt as though he’d lost his place in Michael’s life.
His insecurities must have shown on his face, because when he looked up, Ben staring at him with an air of concern.
“Brian. Are you okay? You seemed a little out of it for a minute there.”
Brian found himself taking notice of the Asian inspired tapestries on the walls, the books on the shelves. No longer were there just Michael’s colorful comic books, carefully concealed in their Mylar wrappers. Now, everywhere he looked, Ben’s influence could be seen around the apartment, textbooks and philosophy journals intermingling with Michael’s fantasy world, interfering in Brian’s future.
“No…” Brian answered unthinkingly. Turning back. Ben’s wide-eyed stare made him realize what he’d said. “I mean no, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine…I just smoked some really strong stuff on the way over.” He covered quickly. “Is Mikey here?”
Ben sat back on the sofa. “Michael’s in the shower.” He paused. “You want me to tell him you’re here?”
“No!” Brian stated a bit too vehemently. ‘Real slick, Asshole,’ he berated himself. He was seriously beginning to lose it. Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, Brian took a deep breath. “There’s no need to rush him.”
Sliding his glasses back on, Ben used the fact that his back was to Brian to hide his smile. “Big plans for tonight?” He asked casually. But there was a definite smile in his voice.
“Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Professor.” Brian’s smirk was defensive and not at all friendly; the one that most people who knew him were well acquainted with.
“If it involves Michael, it does concern me.” Ben surprised himself with how defensive he felt. Michael’s true happiness may lay with this man, but there was no way in hell he was going to allow Brian to push him out of Michael’s life completely.
“Mikey’s not your business anymore.” Brian stated firmly. There was no misinterpreting his declaration for anything other than what it was. A warning.
Before he’d thought better of it, Ben stood up, facing Brian in an offensive stance. “Make no mistake, Brian. Michael will always be my business. I should think that you’d be happy that there was someone else wanting to look out for him.”
“Are you saying I don’t know how to take care of Mikey?” Instinctively, Brian took a step forward and the only thing now separating the two alpha males was the couch-the couch, and Michael. As if on cue, the bathroom door opened and out of a cloud of billowing steam, the smaller man emerged clad only in a low-slung terry towel.
As always, Michael’s voice was light and full of the relaxed boyish laughter that had remained unchanged since he was fourteen years old. “Ben, I saved you some hot water, but we’re running low on…”
It was at that moment Michael’s eyes came to rest on the other occupant in the room. “Brian! You’re here.” His face lit up, and Brian couldn’t help the smugness he felt with knowing that he was still able to put that light in Michael’s eyes.
Even with that tender thought floating around in his head, Brian’s eyes were way ahead of him, lasciviously traversing his best friend’s body. “I always come when I say I’m going to.” Michael blushed at the double entendre, making Brian smile even wider. The smile was short lived, however, swept from his face when he realized that Ben had the same field of vision.
Michael’s antiquated ex was blatantly staring at Michael, drinking in his damp, exposed skin and watching as the thick droplets of water that clung to Michael’s chest hair gathered at the ends of the springy, dark strands. When heavy enough, Ben’s eyes tracked the moisture slowly trickling down Michael’s firm pecks, his ribcage, across his flat belly until it disappeared beneath the twist of the fluffy fabric wrapped around his pale, slim hips.
Michael however was oblivious to Ben’s gaze. His eyes remained on his best friend, peering shyly at him through his thick black lashes. Brian had Michael grabbing for the loosely twisted towel around his waist, as though, with no more than a provocative look, the fabric would be peeled away.
“That what you’re going to wear out? Not that I mind, I just want to know so I can dress accordingly.”
The scandalized look on his friend’s face had Brian wanting to laugh out loud, all his unease forgotten. Michael’s predictability was amazingly comforting at times.
“I’m going to…” Michael pointed toward his bedroom, blushing madly. “…I’m…I’ll be ready in a minute.” Michael scurried away quickly, once again leaving Ben and Brian alone. Yep, everything was still the same in the land of Brian and Mikey. Anyone else could go fuck themselves. Brian was definitely feeling better.
Through the frosted glass of his bedroom door, Michael’s body could just barely be made out. But it was enough to distract Brian long enough for Ben to take notice.
“God, I feel like a parent.” He murmured, but loud enough for Brian to hear. “I have to ask…”
Brian picked up a glass from the dining-room table and made a sour face as he sniffed at the slimy green contents inside. Ben almost felt like laughing. That was very the same face Michael made when he’d first experienced one of his protein shakes.
“What’s that teach?” Putting the glass back down, Brian poked around various shelves and tabletops until he found something else to occupy his time.
Ben chuckled, watching as Brian played idly with one of Michael’s toy robots. It was almost an endearing sight. If this was the Brian that Michael saw, it was no wonder he was in love with him.
Thinking again about how often and how easy it was for Brian to manipulate Michael, about Michael’s open, yet tender heart, Ben’s voice became serious. “What are your intentions toward Michael?”
Before Brian could formulate an answer, Michael’s door opened and the smaller man appeared, clad in a tee shirt and jeans. Still damp, his hair was sticking up in broad thick spikes and his cheeks were still flushed from the earlier embarrassment of being visually mauled.
Brian grinned at the hot picture his little Mikey made. “Nothing good, I can assure you, Professor.” He turned to a bewildered looking Michael. “Ready?” Nodding instantly, Michael happily waved to Ben and took off down the steps.
Behind them, Ben smiled. ‘Well, it’s about time.’
***********
Michael studied his friend from the passenger seat. Brian had been uncharacteristically quiet since they’d left his apartment and it was beginning to make Michael feel very uneasy. Even though he could think of no better way to spend his time than staring at Brian, five minutes of nothing but watching the passing streetlights illuminate his best friend’s handsome profile in dead silence was pushing it.
“You haven’t changed,” Michael ventured, referring to his best friend’s attire, having no idea just how appropriate that statement was. But Brian remained quiet, determined, it seemed, to concentrate on nothing but the road ahead of him. Something was definitely ‘up,’ with his friend.
Over the next few minutes, in his head, Michael tried numerous ways to innocuously broach the subject of what was bothering Brian, but it was no use. Subtly was not his strong suit.
After eighteen years of friendship, Michael knew pressing Brian would get him nothing but a headache, anyway, so he decided to just wait him out. Brian would open up when he was ready-or really drunk. In Brian Kinney’s world, it was usually the same thing.
That decision made, Michael was content to just settle back and enjoy the ride, when a quick glance down at the console turned up an interesting item. There, wedged between the cup holder and the driver’s seat sat a new, and somewhat battered copy of Rage.
The rest of the ride was spent in silence.
**************
The door to the loft slammed shut, startling Michael out of his thoughts and trapping him between the steel wall, and Brian, who was staring at him intently. “So, when were you going to tell me?”
‘Well, that was blunt.’ Apparently the wait to find out why Brian was behaving so strangely wasn’t going to be as long as Michael had anticipated. Of course, Michael would expect nothing less from Brian.
“There was nothing to tell!” Michael insisted. The speed with which Brian approached him, startled Michael enough to make him back against the door. “Are you and the professor back together?”
“No! And why would it matter to you, anyway?” Michael was furious at constantly playing this same game with his best friend.
“If it concerns you, it matters to me, Mikey.” Brian’s tone was more hurt now, than angry. Michael could tell that there was something else on Brian’s mind besides his recent sexual exploits with Ben. Something that Brian didn’t want to admit to was obviously eating away at him.
Once again willing to face the wrath of Brian Kinney, for Brian’s own good, Michael mentally took a step back. Trying to diffuse the situation, he softened his tone. “Brian. I just let it go too far. I’ve been so lonely lately…”
“Thanks. That says a lot about all of the quality time we’ve been spending together.”
“Not everything in my life revolves around you, you know,” Michael snapped out of frustration. In truth, he would like nothing better than having everything in his life centered around Brian. But his beautiful best friend had spent the better part of almost two decades making it abundantly clear that it would never be so. Friendship was all they would ever have.
Taking a steadying breath, Michael tried again. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life, Brian. But I can’t survive on ecstasy, beer and one-night stands. I need a connection.”
“We don’t have a connection?”
Michael rolled his eyes. “Brian, don’t make me say it?” He pleaded. “You’ll just use it against me later. And before you say anything, I don’t mean that you’ll do it on purpose. I know that. But you have a tendency to aim for the heart when you want to make a point. What I mean is, when I’m going to be with someone, I need to know them in more than just a physical sense…and I need them to know me.”
“Did he touch you?”
“What? Who?” Michael asked, still not understanding Brian’s irritation.
“Justin.” After eighteen years, the look in those familiar eyes was unrecognizable to Michael-feral, primal and territorial. Anger sparkled like lightning in those hazel depths, golden, jagged and bright with warning. “Did he touch you?”
“No! Of course not!” For the first time he could ever remember, Michael felt that he was too close to his best friend. “Jesus, Bri! How could you even think that? Why are you acting so fucking crazy?”
Brian reached out, firmly cupping Michael’s jaw in his hand. For a split second there was a possessive force behind the grip, a slightly painful pressure that had Michael holding his breath. But the pressure quickly receded, easing into a soft, rhythmic stroking. The entire myriad of actions and emotions, in those few seconds, seemed to mirror their eighteen years of friendship. Brian, in an effort to express his frustration, understanding his own feelings toward his best friend, would lash out and hurt him. Then, letting go, (usually drunk) would smooth everything over with a simple heartfelt, unplanned gesture of love.
But this Brian was sober…
Michael swallowed hard, the seconds passing in silence as Brian held him pinned against the door. “Brian,” Michael pleaded softly. “What is this?”
Staring at Michael’s mouth, Brian ran the pad of his thumb across Michael’s bottom lip. He stared intently as Michael’s pink tongue slipped out to moisten his drying lips, and then unconsciously mimicked the gesture with his own tongue.
‘This is it,’ Brian thought. Surprisingly, calmness washed over him and Brian knew. Though the step he was about to take would irrevocably change his entire life; it would be changing it for the better.
Forcibly tilting Michael’s head up, Brian overpowered him with a kiss. “He doesn’t get to touch you, Mikey.” He said in between smothering, wet mouthfuls of Michael’s lips. “No one else gets to touch you.”
Michael’s wanton whimpers were hungrily swallowed, and simultaneously soothed by the broad swipes of Brian’s insistent tongue. “No one else. Ever.”
Brian’s eyes were clenched painfully shut against his own need, and against the silence that was fracturing his soul. ‘Say something, Mikey. Please.’ He couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t bear to see anything but acceptance in Michael’s.
“Never, Brian.” Michael finally choked the words, pushing them through waves of breath stealing happiness.
Brian wanted to look at Michael. He tried to pull away, but was pleased to find himself held in a surprisingly tight embrace. “Never again.”