Beginning

                                     I didn't see it coming. I don't think I ever realized that I was in love, and married, and far from my life in Seattle, until I gave birth. Ethan was so loving, and when the nurse leaned forward and showed me my baby boy I knew that everything had changed forever. Fraggin' cheesey I know, but it had. *smiles* A part of me always knew that something truly great would come out of Ethan and I's relationship, even back when I was running and the furthest thing from my mind was Ethan's love for me.   I completely underestimated what would come. Ethan was a proud member of the Ute nation, we called our son "junior" *laugh*** until his One year birthday when he would be given an ceremony by Ethan's mentor, a shamanic elder. Perhaps, I'll remember that day a little more than the pain of birth or the expression on Ethan's face while he stood by my side. I remember the elderly man, hunched over my son. I remember the hut smelling like sage, and dried leaves. It was Fall, the only people in the room were Ethan, I, Duyete, and Iobi the shaman's apprentice. Duyete held our son up and prayed, the baby giggled when he dusted him with earth. Ethan held my hand, and sang with his mentor songs of joy and good hope for the child. Then Duyete began the prophecy, the whole room become warm, and something about the air was thick now. Duyete's expression changed so many times, and when he finally spoke it was with shock and awe. He said my son was to be named Never, for their will never be a strength seen as this. Never was going to be a great shaman, with power like no one would ever know. A power that not even Duyete could explain. He will bring about a hope, and he will bring about a war. But, he will be a great leader, with a boy's truth. I felt something sink in me, because I am not and have never been so naive as to not know that such greatness comes with a price. Duyete saw an owl in his vision for Never. I knew what the owl meant, but the matter was discussed no more. So my next question that sat heavy in my heart was---death for whom?    Duyete prayed, and then we feasted on dinner, and talked of lively things with a squirmy baby boy in our laps.

                                    I was soon to learn as the years past, and Never grew that is was Ethan to go first. The first death in a line of deaths to come. Iobi was banished from Duyete's presence shortly after the ceremony for his disrespect and his carelessness. Iobi was a raven shaman, a trickster, as Duyete explained it. It's hard to hold on to spiritual things when chaos is going down, even harder when the choas has to do with the spirit. Iobi went to Seattle, where he was born and raised before he came to the Ute lands and was invited in to the shamanic circle there. He had to have sold us out. That's the only fraggin' way it could have gone down. All I know is that come Never's second birthday we got a taste of the battle to come. We we all nearly killed. Three men broke into our home, Ethan and I fought them, killed one and then I had no choice but to take Never and run. I had no choice........I know now that there is a peace to what has happened, but I still felt like I would have known better what to do had Ethan lived. Honestly, what do I know of spirits? Duyete hid is in the hills for a couple of weeks, and told us every day that help was coming. What came was a tall, young man, with a sun tattooed on his left shoulder blade. He was an elf, and a dog shaman. His name was Longtooth. I got to know him long enough to for him to start off again to Seattle, this was my first return trip. I learned from him that he was part of a cult called Sun Child, he and seven others were sent from the Tir to Seattle to help settle the Meta-Slayer riots.   Longtooth was also mentored by Duyete, and so I was forced to trust him. When I heard about the "team" already suffering three deaths in the battle, and how they needed help. I suggested my expertise in the shadows.   I was only opting to point him in the right direction, but Duyete insisted that I go. Said that Never would be safe. Said that it would help the war in the long run. I was only gone for a day and a half. I refused to be away a second longer. Duyete was right. My breif encounter with the Sun Child brought them to back Never and I. We'd be no where without them. Two Corps were hunting us, and the four that remained from Sun Child stayed in Seattle longer than expected to help house us right underneath the Corps noses. We were in the city now. I was going to raise a boy in the city who was starting to show his shamanic abilities by five years old. I wasn't by myself, but intimidated and confused. Here was more magic all around me, and I am both human and mundane. Underlining intimidation, but enough. I had to be both mom and protector employing all the skills that I'd learned from the streets.

                                        It's a damned hard fight, each morning. It's a damned hard life to always watch over your shoulder, and never let your son out of your sight for too long. He's stronger than me though, and I get my strength from him. It's amazing the things you see in a lifetime. Sometimes I wake up and wonder how in the world I got to be in this position, but then I remember that I'm alive, and this is my life---certainly not an ordinary one. So, drek happens, I wouldn't trade that for the world. As long as Never is okay, then so am I. Nothing breaks that.

~~Tauni Snow (Dee)