Stephen’s guide to Sonora: A definitive guide of Places he’s been, People he’s met and Things he’s seen (as well as stuff he only heard) by everyone’s favourite Pecari.

A

Aladren – Aladren is where the smart people are. I don’t know where their common room is though. We’re not supposed to go into other common rooms anyhow.

Arixios – I think he’s in Crotalus. He eats oatmeal for breakfast, and didn’t really talk much.

Ash – Ash is a girly name, but he is a boy. He’s in Pecari like me and he does Broom Jousting and hangs around with his sister a lot. They’re heaps fun and they fight like cats and dogs. He plays Beater which means that he gets this bat and gets to hit a ball at people.

B

Bones – Bones is Zack’s Broom. He’s a bit slow, which is why Zack called him that I think.

Books – There are heaps of these in the Library, and maybe in Aladren as well, but I don’t know for sure. Some of the teachers (they all seem to want to be called ‘Professor’ here) want you to read them for classes.

Broom Jousting – This is something that the Craven twins Ash and Sorrel do. Sorrel promised to show me, but never seems to have gotten around to doing that. Apparently – so I’ve been told – it’s not the same as ‘Shunt Bumps’, whatever that is.

Brooms – At Sonora we get to fly on brooms. It’s really cool because you get to go really high and it’s kinda like riding a motorbike, except that it isn’t as loud and you don’t have to mostly stay on the ground. I named my broom Fido and my friend Zack called his Bones.

C

Cackling Dude – Is the coolest guy ever. He’s really old and he looks after the grounds at the school and he has these elf people who do anything he tells them to. I think his real name is Simon or something.

Care of Magical Creatures – Is a class we have here. Professor Jinx seems to have gone away, but there’ll be a new Professor next year for sure. We get to learn about magical creatures in this class.

Cascade Hall – Is where we get food. It’s full of all these waterfalls and it’s really cool because we’re in the middle of a desert. They also have the start and end of year feasts there.

Cats – There is a grey cat in the Library. He is not very friendly.

Charms – Is another class. Its taught by the Grump but I think that he might loosen up once I can get him to learn what fun is. We get to do stuff with our wands there, like cong um…. Conjuring water.

Coach – Teaches us about flying and Quidditch. Someone told me she has a kid who was at the school over the Christmas holidays, but I wasn’t here then because I went home to get my motorbike from Alan. It’s red and loud and really, really cool.

Connell – Professor who teaches Potions and is the Pecari head of house. She’s a bit strange, and Ash and Sorrel really don’t like her for some reason.

Corridors – I like the Corridors. You run at the girl’s corridor, and if you are a guy you end up falling into the middle of the common room. I call this the Corridor Ride, and it’s one of my favourite things to do when I’m in the common room. Liz gave it a go, and it happened to her too, but I’m not sure that is normal…. Except that Sorrel spends a great deal of time moaning about not being able to come into the boys dorm. She reckons she wants to put something in Ash’s bed.

Crotalus – Is where people from the real important magical backgrounds seem to go. At least that’s what they say.

D

Defence Against the Dark Arts – Another class they teach here. It’s taught by Zepherflame who gave us the warning about the Knife-Wielding Maniac. In this class we learn how to cast spells that make people do things like dropping their wands and other spells like shields.

Doc – is the new guy in the Infirmary. He has this other name, but it’s long and weird. He can heal people real good, except you can’t go testing the healed things straight away by getting up and jumping because they need a bit of time to work properly. Or something like that. I think he has a fixation on Plant Dude’s girlfriend.

E

F

Fido – Is my broom. He’s a really good boy ‘cause be comes when I whistle and he stays when I tell him to (mostly) and I like him.

G

Grump, The – Professor Bulla is the Charms teacher and the Deputy Headmaster and the Teppenpaw Head of House. I heard that he writes Charm text books – I know, boring huh – and he won’t hear a word against Marnett. And one of the Teppenpaws let it slip that he can dance.

H

Hall of Plants – Is where Plant dude and his girlfriend live with lots and lots of other plants. It’s near the Cascade Hall and apparently is where you go if you want to see Marnett.

I

Infirmary – Is where Doc works. It smells kind of like a hospital and there are beds and curtains and a polished floor and odd looking potions in bottles and other things.

J

Jake – Is in Teppenpaw. I think he is part Spanish or something. He plays Quidditch and was the captain for the blue side in our game at the end of first year.

Jeeves – Would probably prefer to be known as Professor Reiner. Weird name, huh. And even weirder, I heard that his first name is ‘Bastian’! Anyhow, he teaches Transfiguration and I think he is friends with the Grump because they’re both a bit boring, although at least the Grump doesn’t wear tweed. He made me write meanings in cursive, which was a bit mean because I don’t even know any magical language yet. And he doesn’t like green. I know because he got rid of most of my cool green ink.

Jen Z – Is a cono has good taste. She ate the oatmeal that I fixed for her so that it wouldn’t be all bland and boring.

Jenn – We were partners in Potions for the first class. She is in Pecari like me.

Jenna F – Doesn’t like green ink for some reason. She yells out teachers names and tends to freak out over things.

K

Kneezles – There was one of these in Care of Magical Creatures. The professor was telling us about them. They make good hats, but only for short periods.

Knife-wielding Maniac - Zepherflame told us about him. Apparently he is somewhere in the school, just waiting to jump out at someone. I’ve been on a hunt for him, but all I’ve found so far is Plant Dude and Doc.

L

Labyrinth Gardens – Is where Cackling Dude and his army are most likely to be found, and is where Spy Guy communicates with remote Russian Satellites by sitting on Statues. Although that is still just a theory – I’m not sure that they can see through the barrier that is supposed to be around the school. There are paths and plants and statues and fountains and the Grump has been hanging around there lately.

Leann – A girl at school who I tried to get to be my partner in the second Potions class after she got majorly dissed by Pink Girl. She ignored me for reasons that continue to escape me.

Liz – Is another Pecari. Liz has cold blue eyes and wears Italian boots and although she was friendly at the beginning of the year is not so friendly now. I don’t know if she even rides the corridors anymore. She is a Chaser, as she told me.

M

Marnett – Is the Headmistress. She is really, really old. I only ever really saw her at the start of term, but the older students seem to like her, even if they say she is a scatterbrain.

N

O

P

Pecari – The best of houses. I’m in Pecari, and so I know how to get into the common room, but I’m not telling you ‘cause we’re not supposed to. We’re going to win the House Point competition this year because all the teachers like us and give us points.

Pink Girl – Is this girl from Aladren who really likes pink, and threatening people with pink, and doing unspeakably sadistic things to innocent frogs and poor dogs. She is the Anti-Boy.*

Plant Dude – Lives in the Hall of Plants with his girlfriend. He is kinda like one of those plants that eat flies – I forget what they’re called – only he is as big as I am, and he likes to trip people up and he can talk.

Potions – Is taught by Professor Connell, my head of house. In Potions, we learn how to mix all sorts of cool and strange things and get these…. these… Potions! Connell seems to think that normal potions are boring though, and has ideas about Charms that would make the Grump blow a gasket.

Prairie Elves – Are little people who follow Cracked Dude around and call him ‘Master’ and ‘Sir’. And they cook the food. They do a lot of stuff actually.

Princess – Is another girl in Pecari. I call her Princess even though her name is Mia because that’s what my friend Sorrel calls her. Princess apparently likes to wear nailpolish and the colour pink, but I haven’t got anything against her. Plus, I think she’s Muggleborn like me.

Q

Quidditch – Is the sport that they obsess over, here in the Magical World. Well, that and another one they’ve mentioned called ‘Quadpot’ or something like that. Apparently it involves six hoops – three at each end – and four balls and fourteen players on Brooms. I’ve played in one game, where I got to play Keeper, which meant that I had to guard the goals. It’s a pretty cool sport, even though you don’t get to do any running around.

R

S

Sorrel – Is Ash’s twin sister, and the first of the two who I met. I think she wants to be a boy, which is kinda sad, because she isn’t one and never will be because she is a girl. She wears her hair in this kinda strange style too, but she’s cool. She beats up her brother (when he isn’t beating her up) and she isn’t very ticklish and she likes rough sports like Broom Jousting and playing Beater, like her brother, in Quidditch.

Spy guy – Is really a spy from the KGB posing as a M16 agent who is pretending to work as the Librarian. He has a guard cat and likes to read odd books and has a contact called ‘red fox’. Well… he probably isn’t a spy, but you never know!

Stephen – Is me! Everyone knows me, and everyone likes me - Pink Girl once even pretended to be me to try to be as cool as I am, but I caught her out. I’m in Pecari and I have a shiny red motorbike back at home where my older brother Alan is looking after it for me.

T

Tal – Is a girl in Teppenpaw whose real name is Tally. She is really good at Defense Against the Dark Arts and is my friend. She helped me to learn Expelliarmus, and was with me when I was first looking for the Knife-Wielding Maniac, although she laughed at me. Tal has a sense of humour, and likes to have fun.

Teppenpaw – Is where Grump is the Head of House. I’m not entirely sure what kind of people get into that house, except that they’re all friendly. Maybe that’s it.

Tori – Is another girl in my house. There are a lot of girls at Sonora. Tori apparently has moved around a lot, likes hexes and pranks and doesn’t like maths.

Transfiguration – Is the class that Jeeves teaches. I have the coolest green desk there (and it’s mine, so hands off) and it’s where I made my awesome green ink. One of these days I’m going to try to make some more, ‘cause it looked cool.

Ty – Photographs things like me with a Kneezle hat. Ash mentioned that she has a pet squirrel which he said is a “frickin' weird little scuzz ball” and that Ty is obsessed with it. I reckon that she is ok for a girl though, and Ash says that if the squirrel isn’t in the picture that he agrees.

U

V

W

Wands – Are these sticks that have magical stuff in them that makes them cast spells when you wave them right and say words.

X

Y

Z

Zack – Is a little guy who is in Aladren. He had a Broom called Bones and he is really, really smart. And he reads a lot of books.

Zepherflame – Teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts. He told the class about the Knife-wielding Maniac and taught us some spells for if we meet him. Author’s annotations *When reading this, translate ‘Anti-Boy’ as ‘Anti-Christ’ and you’ll have some idea as to how Stephen regards her.



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