Stephen's Guide: The Second Edition!

Stephen’s guide to Sonora: A definitive guide of Places he’s been, People he’s met and Things he’s seen (as well as stuff he only heard) by everyone’s favourite Pecari - Second Year Edition.

Aladren – Aladren is where the smart people are. I don’t know where their common room is though. We’re not supposed to go into other common rooms anyhow.

Alumni - There was a feast in the middle of the year - right before the Christmas holidays - and all the Alumni were invited. Some of them were nice - Ash and Sorrel's Mom was there, but so was a nasty man who hit my new friend Gwennie and a lady in a wheelchair who kept on bossing Cackling Dude about.

Arixios – I think he’s in Crotalus. He eats oatmeal for breakfast, and didn’t really talk much.

Ash – Ash is a girly name, but he is a boy. He’s in Pecari like me and he does Broom Jousting and hangs around with his sister a lot. They’re heaps fun and they fight like cats and dogs. He plays Beater which means that he gets this bat and gets to hit a ball at people. He also helped me to keep Rover a secret.

Astronomy - Astronomy is the class taught by Dione. It's all about planets and stars and stuff. I'm not sure what it's got to do with magic.

Blizzard - A blizzard came after Christmas. It got really, really cold. The waterfalls in the Cascade Hall were frozen over, and there was stacks of snow - so much we Pecari couldn't get into our commonroom by the entrance. It was kind of a downer though, being snowed in at school. You don't get snow days at Boarding schools.

Bones – Bones is Zack’s Broom. He’s a bit slow, which is why Zack called him that I think.

Books – There are heaps of these in the Library, and maybe in Aladren as well, but I don’t know for sure. Some of the teachers (they all seem to want to be called ‘Professor’ here) want you to read them for classes.

Broom Jousting – This is something that the Craven twins Ash and Sorrel do. Sorrel promised to show me, but never seems to have gotten around to doing that. Apparently – so I’ve been told – it’s not the same as ‘Shunt Bumps’, whatever that is. Two years I've been waiting now... two years.

Brooms – At Sonora we get to fly on brooms. It’s really cool because you get to go really high and it’s kinda like riding a motorbike, except that it isn’t as loud and you don’t have to mostly stay on the ground. I named my broom Fido and my friend Zack called his Bones. I don't think anyone else named their brooms, but I don't know why.

Cackling Dude – Is the coolest guy ever. He’s really old and he looks after the grounds at the school and he has these elf people who do anything he tells them to. I think his real name is Simon or something. This year he was a bit busy with all the problems that kept cropping up with the weather

Care of Magical Creatures – Is a class we have here. Professor Couldyouski showed us Rover in our first class before the duststorm hit.

Cascade Hall – Is where we get food. It’s full of all these waterfalls and it’s really cool because we’re in the middle of a desert. They also have the start and end of year feasts there. This year it was even cooler than before because the waterfalls froze during the christmas holidays. They thawed out when the weather problems came to their last stage.

Cats – There is a grey cat in the Library. He is not very friendly. Kneezles aren't cats, despite looking like them.

Charms – Is another class. Its taught by the Grump (who is now Acting Headmaster, so I don't think I'm supposed to call him Grump anymore.. although I think he still needs cheering up) but I think that he might loosen up once I can get him to learn what fun is. We get to do stuff with our wands there, like ~~cong~~ um…. Conjuring water.

Coach – There is a new coach. She came last year and has a limp, but Quidditch was cancelled anyhow 'cause of the weather.

Connell – Professor who teaches Potions and is the Pecari Head of House. She’s a bit strange, and Ash and Sorrel really don’t like her for some reason. She got really annoyed at us having to walk through her office all the time last year because we couldn't use the usual Pecari entrance that I'm not going to tell you about.

Conner– Is in the grade below me. He seems to hang out with Gwennie alot, despite him being Muggleborn and she being from a nasty Pureblood family. He signed up for Quidditch (with a little help) before it got cancelled.

Corridors – I like the Corridors. You run at the girl’s corridor, and if you are a guy you end up falling into the middle of the common room. I call this the Corridor Ride, and it’s one of my favourite things to do when I’m in the common room. Liz gave it a go, and it happened to her too, but I’m not sure that is normal…. Sorrel spent alot of time in first year moaning about wanting to get into the boys side... and this year she managed it. Does this mean that she's really a boy?

Couldyouski– Professor Couldyouski is the Aladren Head of House and teaches Care of Magical Creatures. I call her 'Profski' sometimes for short, and alot of the others call her 'Professor K'. She's kinda cool... but she took Rover away from me.

Crotalus – Is where people from the real important magical backgrounds seem to go. At least that’s what they say. One of the Alumni who came to the Alumni event this year and who was apparently a Crotali when he was here was pretty nasty to his daughter... I hope that's not what they're really about.

Crup – Rover is a crup. They look like dogs, and they act like dogs, but they aren't dogs. Everyone needs to remember that. And they don't have tails.

Defence Against the Dark Arts – Another class they teach here. It was taught by Zephyrflame who gave us the warning about the Knife-Wielding Maniac in first year. He disappeared last year after the Mudstorm and there's supposed to be a new professor starting this year. In this class we learn how to cast spells that make people do things like dropping their wands and other spells like shields.

Dione – Is the new Astronomy Professor and the Crotalus Head of House. Some of the others think she might be a vampire.

Doc – is the new guy in the Infirmary. He has this other name, but it’s long and weird. He can heal people real good, except you can’t go testing the healed things straight away by getting up and jumping because they need a bit of time to work properly. Or something like that. I think he has a fixation on Plant Dude’s girlfriend.

Duststorm – There was a dustorm at Sonora during Care of Magical Creatures. It was really windy, and it stung, and Zack got hurt so I had to help him to the entrance of the school, and Ash and Sorrel got stuck out in there and had to be rescued by Couldyouski and the Grump. It ruined the no girls allowed fort. The weather was pretty bad this year.

Fido – Is my broom. He’s a really good boy ‘cause be comes when I whistle and he stays when I tell him to (mostly) and I like him. Alan (my big brother) is helping me out these holidays with this idea I've had.

Flood - There was a flood at the end of the blizzard. It's a good thing that Cackling Dude and his minions were there to stop it getting at us.

Grump, The – Professor Bulla is the Charms teacher and the Deputy Headmaster and the Teppenpaw Head of House - and now he's the Acting Headmaster as well. I heard that he writes Charm text books – I know, boring huh – and he won’t hear a word against Marnett. And one of the Teppenpaws let it slip that he can dance.

Gwennie - Is a first year from Crotalus. Her Dad is a bit off - he hit her at the Alumni thing. I helped her out and took her to Charms.

Hall of Plants – Is where Plant dude and his girlfriend used to live with lots and lots of other plants. It’s near the Cascade Hall and apparently is where you go if you want to see Marnett... or the Grump these days.

Infirmary – Is where Doc works. It smells kind of like a hospital and there are beds and curtains and a polished floor and odd looking potions in bottles and other things. It got pretty badly smashed up in the mudstorm.

Jake – Is in Teppenpaw. I think he is part Spanish or something. He plays Quidditch and was the captain for the blue side in our game at the end of first year. I heard he got made the Teppenpaw Quidditch Captain before it was cancelled for the year.

Jeeves – Would probably prefer to be known as Professor Reiner. Weird name, huh. And even weirder, I heard that his first name is ‘Bastian’! Anyhow, he taught Transfiguration and I think he was friends with the Grump because they’re both a bit boring, although at least the Grump doesn’t wear tweed. He made me write meanings in cursive, which was a bit mean because I don’t even know any magical language yet. And he doesn’t like green. I know because he got rid of most of my cool green ink. He disappeared at the same time as Zephyrflame. I guess he didn't like the weather.

Jen Z – Is a ~~cono~~ has good taste. She ate the oatmeal that I fixed for her so that it wouldn’t be all bland and boring. She took Liz to England with her for the Christmas holidays.

Jenn – We were partners in Potions for the first class. She is in Pecari like me.

Jenna F – Doesn’t like green ink for some reason. She yells out teachers names and tends to freak out over things.

Jenna H - I head that one of the little elf guys attacked her in the Library, but I reckon they were making it up as they're nice little guys.

Kneezles – There was one of these in Care of Magical Creatures in first year (and I heard that the firsties this year had one too). The professor was telling us about them. They make good hats, but only for short periods. They are not cats just like crups are not dogs.

Knife-wielding Maniac - Zephyrflame told us about him. Apparently he is somewhere in the school, just waiting to jump out at someone. I went on a hunt for him in first year, but all I found was Plant Dude and Doc.

Labyrinth Gardens – Is where Cackling Dude and his army are most likely to be found, and is where Spy Guy communicates with remote Russian Satellites by sitting on Statues. Although that is still just a theory – I’m not sure that they can see through the barrier that is supposed to be around the school. There are paths and plants and statues and fountains and the Grump hung around there alot before the weather got bad.

Leann – A girl at school who I tried to get to be my partner in the second Potions class after she got majorly dissed by Pink Girl. She ignored me for reasons that continue to escape me. I think she might have left.

Liz – Is another Pecari. Liz has cold blue eyes and wears Italian boots and although she was friendly at the beginning of first year was not so friendly by the end. She's speaking to me this year, so I guess she's better now, but I don’t know if she rides the corridors anymore. She is a Chaser, as she told me.

Marnett – Is the Headmistress. Was the Headmistress? Dunno. She is really, really old. I only ever really saw her at the feasts, but the older students seem to like her, even if they say she is a scatterbrain. She had to go away just after Christmas and left the Grump in charge.

Mudstorm - The mustorm happened after the duststorm and before the blizzard. There was thunder, lightning, and one heck of a lot of mud. And it trashed heaps of the school - particularly the infirmary.

No Girls Allowed Fort - It started out so well. A cool secret place I found near this stream at the beginning of the year and me, Sorrel, Ash, and Zack built. But then the weather came and ruined everything. After the duststorm if got mysteriously rebuilt, but after the mudstorm, the blizzard and the flood, it was a lost cause.

Pecari – The best of houses. I’m in Pecari, and so I know how to get into the common room, but I’m not telling you ‘cause we’re not supposed to. We won the House Point competition first year because all the teachers liked us and gave us points. I dunno who won this year as things got a bit confusing towards the end. Might have been Crotalus.

Pink Girl – Is this girl from Aladren who really likes pink, and threatening people with pink, and doing unspeakably sadistic things to innocent frogs and poor dogs. She is the Anti-Boy but appears to have all bar left.

Plant Dude – Lived in the Hall of Plants with his girlfriend. He is kinda like one of those plants that eat flies – I forget what they’re called – only he is as big as I am, and he likes to trip people up and he can talk. He left when Marnett left.

Potions – Is taught by Professor Connell, my head of house. In Potions, we learn how to mix all sorts of cool and strange things and get these…. these… Potions! Connell seems to think that normal potions are boring though, and has ideas about Charms that would make the Grump blow a gasket.

Prairie Elves – Are little people who follow Cracked Dude around and call him ‘Master’ and ‘Sir’. And they cook the food. They do a lot of stuff actually. Jenna H said that there was a nasty one, but she seems to have disappeared, and I've never seen an elf like that.

Princess – Is another girl in Pecari. I call her Princess even though her name is Mia because that’s what my friend Sorrel calls her. Princess wears glasses and apparently likes to wear nailpolish and the colour pink, but I haven’t got anything against her. Plus, I think she’s Muggleborn like me.

Quidditch – Is the sport that they obsess over, here in the Magical World. Well, that and another one they’ve mentioned called ‘Quadpot’ or something like that. Apparently it involves six hoops – three at each end – and four balls and fourteen players on Brooms. I’ve played in one game, where I got to play Keeper, which meant that I had to guard the goals. It’s a pretty cool sport, even though you don’t get to do any running around. There's supposed to be a house competition - Sorrel and Ash are Pecari's Captains, Jake is Teppenpaw, and a couple of firsties got the other houses, I heard.

Rover - Rover was my pet crup. I took him from Care of Magical Creatures when Profski (see Couldyouski) abandoned him after the duststorm hit. Unfortunately, he didn't like my family much, so Mom made me confess to Profski, and then she took Rover away.

Sorrel – Is Ash’s twin sister, and the first of the two who I met. I think she wants to be a boy, which is kinda sad, because she isn’t one and never will be because she is a girl (although she made it up our corridor... maybe she is one after all). She wears her hair in this kinda strange style too, but she’s cool. She beats up her brother (when he isn’t beating her up) and she isn’t very ticklish and she likes rough sports like Broom Jousting and playing Beater, like her brother, in Quidditch. And this year she was made the House Quidditch Captain.

Spy guy – Is really a spy from the KGB posing as a M16 agent who is pretending to work as the Librarian. He has a guard cat and likes to read odd books and has a contact called ‘red fox’. Well… he probably isn’t a spy, but you never know!

Stephen – Is me! Everyone knows me, and everyone likes me - Pink Girl once even pretended to be me to try to be as cool as I am, but I caught her out. I’m in Pecari and I have a shiny red motorbike back at home where my older brother Alan is looking after it for me.

Tal – Is a girl in Teppenpaw whose real name is Tally. She is really good at Defense Against the Dark Arts and is my friend. She helped me to learn Expelliarmus, and was with me when I was first looking for the Knife-Wielding Maniac, although she laughed at me. Tal has a sense of humour, and likes to have fun.

Teppenpaw – Is where Grump is the Head of House. I’m not entirely sure what kind of people get into that house, except that they’re all friendly. Maybe that’s it.

Tori – Is another girl in my house. There are a lot of girls at Sonora. Tori apparently has moved around a lot, likes hexes and pranks and doesn’t like maths.

Transfiguration – Is the class that Jeeves taught. I have the coolest green desk there (and it’s mine, so hands off) and it’s where I made my awesome green ink. One of these days I’m going to try to make some more, ‘cause it looked cool. I wonder what the new professor will be like next year.

Ty – Photographs things like me with a Kneezle hat. Ash mentioned that she has a pet squirrel which he said is a “frickin' weird little scuzz ball” and that Ty is obsessed with it. I reckon that she is ok for a girl though, and Ash says that if the squirrel isn’t in the picture that he agrees. Ty got hurt during the mudstorm and I haven't really seen her around since. I hope she's ok.

Wagons - We travel to and from Sonora by flying Wagons. Cackling Dude looks after then the rest of the time in a shed somewhere in the gardens.

Wands – Are these sticks that have magical stuff in them that makes them cast spells when you wave them right and say words.

Weather - The weather went a bit mad this year. First there was a duststorm, then there was a mudstorm, then there was a blizzard and then there was a flood. But they fixed it in the end.

Zack – Is a little guy who is in Aladren. He had a Broom called Bones and he is really, really smart. And he reads a lot of books. He's little enough that he has to watch out for strong winds though, and I don't think he likes crups.

Zephyrflame – Taught Defense Against the Dark Arts. He told the class about the Knife-wielding Maniac and taught us some spells for if we meet him. But this year he left. There's supposed to be a new Professor replacing him.

Author’s annotation:
*When reading this, translate ‘Anti-Boy’ as ‘Anti-Christ’ and you’ll have some idea as to how Stephen regarded her when she was around a little more often.

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