CHAPTER TWENTY SIX When the door slammed in my face, I stared at it in shock. Not again. Please. I almost had you. I felt my eyes water. I didn’t mean to cry, I never mean to cry. But it seems like lately that’s all I’ve been doing. Crying. Over him. I can’t hurt like this anymore. My heart literally aches and I just…can’t take it. I can’t control my feelings for him, and I can’t control my feelings her. I can’t control anything in my life anymore. And I hate it. I hate the way they make me feel so helpless. I wiped my eyes and leaned against the door. I’m a man, and I can control this. I love Nick…I feel something for Leighanne…I’m in trouble. But Leighanne wants me, Nick told me to go fuck myself. I guess that made my choice that much easier. I slid to the floor. Since I’m giving up the one thing in my life that I care so much about, I deserve one more cry, don’t you think? ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ “I think he’s doing much better, don’t you think?” Kevin smiled and looked over at Howie. AJ, who was reading a magazine on the chair next to Kevin, shook his head. What an idiot. He had no idea what mess he just made. Nick stormed into Kevin’s room and sat down on the bed. AJ looked over and raised an eyebrow, but Nick stayed silent. He still felt awkward talking to AJ about anything lately. Him knowing just…didn’t sit well with Nick. Kevin turned toward Nick, “what’s up?” “Fuck you,” Nick growled. Kevin raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me?” “I’m really not in the mood for your shit,” “Then why’d you come into my room?” “ ‘Cause everyone else is here and I need to keep busy.” “Why?” “Will you just shut up?!” Kevin’s eyes flared, but AJ shook his head lightly telling Kevin telepathically not to get into anything. Kevin rolled his eyes and resumed his conversation with Howie. “Yeah, I think you are right,” “I know, it’s so good for him, too…don’t you think?” Kevin smiled. “Good for who?” Nick asked. Kevin looked over at Nick, “I thought you didn’t want to talk to me?” “Good for who?” Nick repeated. “Brian,” Howie smiled. “What’s good for Brian?” Nick practically spit out his name. “Leighanne,” Kevin concluded. Quite bluntly. “You’re not serious?” Nick asked, his mouth dropped in shock. “I am,” “You brought her here?” “Yeah,” Kevin felt proud. He’d done something good for his cousin, finally. “You idiot!” Nick screamed before slamming the door behind him, leaving two confused boys and one who was getting a migraine. CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN We’re leaving today. Rising early isn’t one of my favorite things to do and anyone who’s around me at that time…God help them. I jumped into the shower, packed what I had taken out of my bag and made my way to the lobby. I check my watch. 6:15. Pretty good. A couple of minutes to spare. I walked through the hotel garage into the bus. I adjusted my backpack and looked around. This was Nick and my bus. How was this going to work? Where would Leighanne stay? I heard something behind me and turned around. Leighanne made her way shyly over. I noticed her backpack. “You’re…” “…Joining you? Only if you let me,” Her smiled was perfect. It reached her eyes and let them sparkle. I swallowed hard. “Join me? Sure…but…what about…” “Nick?” I loved it when she did that. Finish my sentences. I nodded. “Oh, Kevin’s getting another bus and sticking AJ and Nick on it. So we have this bus all to ourselves.” “Just us?” “Mmm hmm,” she smiled innocently and made her way toward me. I braced myself for whatever, but she simply walked passed me further into the bus. “I miss these buses,” she exclaimed as she looked around the bus. I nodded. “So which ones mine?” She pointed to the bunk bed. “Um…could you take that one?” I pointed to the top one. I don’t know, something about sleeping off the ground didn’t sit well with me, that…and I was kind of afraid of heights. “Right! How could I forget?” She laughed lightly and placed her bag on the bed. I sat down in the nearest chair. I was about to spend 5 hours with her. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have enough will power. I looked just as she sat down in front of me. Her skirt was riding dangerously high and it took all I had not to look. “Well there’s a start,” “Excuse me?” I was so sure she caught me almost looking. “You didn’t turn me down when I told you I was staying,” “Leigha-“ I began, but she cut me off. “No no. That’s not what I meant. I mean, that is what I meant, but I know what you’re going through…” I blushed fiercely and hoped to God she didn’t. “…do you have feelings for me?” I nodded dumbly. She smiled. “Let me see if I get this right, you feel something for me, but you don’t want to act on it because…” she paused, waiting for me to fill in. I blushed even a darker shade of red if that were possible. She noticed and continued, “…you’re upset with me. You don’t entirely forgive me and you’re afraid of what will happen if we do get back together. You don’t want me to hurt you again.” She looked up at me, “is that it?” I watched her for a moment. She was adorable. So vulnerable. She put herself completely on the line for that. She was partly right anyway. So I nodded. Yes that was it. “Bri baby, you don’t have to be scared. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, and I won’t hurt you again,” Leighanne got out of her chair and kneeled in front of me, she placed her hands on my knees. “Will you give it a try?” I blinked. A try? Why did part of me so desperately want to say yes? Why did part of me so desperately want to say no? Her eyes bored into mine, waiting for an answer. CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT Before I could react, her lips were pressed to mine. Her perfume was intoxicating, I felt my head begin to spin. Her tongue slipped between my lips and ran over my teeth. I let her in, I couldn’t fight my need for her anymore. Her hands came up and she ran her fingers through my hair, just the way she knew I liked to be touched. She played with my hair lightly, teasingly. She sucked my bottom lip until I moaned, and her lips continued their way down my neck. Sucking and nibbling. She pressed her body against me, and I moaned when I felt my cock press against her. I felt her smile against my neck as she began unbuttoning my shirt. Why hadn’t I wanted this before? God, it felt so right. “Brian,” she whispered when I slid my leg between hers. As I was working on her blouse, I checked the time. We only had 20 minutes. My eyes left the alarm clock on the table to the Nintendo. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to block him out as I slipped the blouse off her delicate shoulders. I couldn’t think about him. Not now. I kissed it before removing the bra strap. She cupped me through my pants and I moaned, almost inaudible, “Nick,” My eyes flew open. SHIT! I can’t think of him. Holy shit I said that out loud!! I disentangled myself from her and backed away. I was horrified! Had she heard? What would she have done? Why is he still in my head? I said that I was going to get rid of him. I don’t need him!!!! “Brian! Brian!” Leighanne tried getting my attention. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “That’s okay, what’s wrong?” Leighanne asked, and I was kind of satisfied to see her out of breath and flushed. At least I had that effect on someone. “Nothing,” “Brian…” “I’m fine,” thank God. She didn’t hear. But that was still so wrong. As much as I wanted her at that moment, my mind didn’t. “I-I have to go,” I stammered. I hadn’t gotten off in the longest time and it felt like everyone was just teasing me. I needed my release, and it just didn’t feel right to do it with her. “Brian…wait!” She called after me. I ran off the bus and ran smack into something, knocking me right on my ass. I heard laughing and I looked up to see AJ staring at me from above and grinning. “Me strong like bull,” he punched his chest and growled, “me hard as rock!” “Loser,” I mumbled, getting up and brushing myself off. “What’s um…” he started as his eyes drifted downward obviously noticing my crotch. I blushed, “I have to go,” “Is Nick in there?” AJ pointed to the bus. I looked behind me at the bus, trying to figure out what to say when Leighanne appeared. Obviously. Shit couldn’t get worse. I hung my head and looked back at AJ. His eyebrow rose over his sunglasses but he said nothing. He probably knew something was going on. “I have to go,” I mumbled brushing past AJ. AJ turned to stop me, but Leighanne caught him by the arm and asked him not too. Thank the Lord. Everyone was still getting into their buses, so maybe I had the chance to talk to Nick before we left. I couldn’t spend the next 8 hours alone with her on the bus, and I couldn’t really let go of Nick. I knocked timidly on the door. “Jesus AJ, I’m gonna kill you! Stop walking around! I’m not going to be here to open the door for you…” Nick trailed off when he opened the bus door. He stared at me in shock for a second before looking me over. I braced myself, this is slightly embarrassing. His eyes roamed slowly over my lower torso. I shivered involuntarily, that look in his eyes was the last thing I expected to see, but I wasn’t about to act on it. I had to tell him. “Can…I come in?” “Oh! Yeah…sure,” he stepped aside to let me pass. The space was so tight I was almost completely against him as I past. I bit my lip to keep from moaning, and my heart from pounding. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. “So…” Nick looked around uncomfortably. “So…” “We’re leaving soon, you may want to get back on your bus…” Nick motioned to the one right next to his own. “It wasn’t me! I had nothing to do with it!” I blurted out. “I know. But, like I said before, you shouldn’t be justifying yourself. I don’t care. It’s not my place to care.” His face was stone. I felt my heart drop into my stomach yet again. “But…” “No, it’s fine. I think you should leave,” My eyes watered. I shouldn’t have come. I knew this man only caused me pain, “I…” “Brian, I asked you to leave,” I nodded, completely deflated. I let a tear fall as I walked out of his bus, bumping into AJ. “Fucking shit! Watch where you’re going!” I screamed, unleashing all my anger on him. I flinched from his reaction. “I’m sorry…” “Whatever man, it’s cool,” AJ smiled. I thanked him as he helped me up and walked back to my bus. It wasn’t cool. It wasn’t near cool. I was flaming. How fucking dare he! How dare Nick rip my heart out repeatedly. Fuck him!!!!! I stormed into my own bus, panicking briefly when I didn’t see Leighanne. She lay innocently on her own bed, reading a book. In a flash I was at her side, ripping her blouse off, making the buttons fly and sticking my tongue down her throat. Fuck him! CHAPTER TWENTY NINE The sheets were ripped, the bedspread on the floor below us, the clothes at our feet. It was animalistic. It was what we both needed. It was good. But now I wasn’t sure what to do. “What happened?” “What happened?” I repeated, not quite sure what she meant. She turned to her side, braced her head up with her hand and watched me. She simply nodded. I watched as her messy hair fell over her shoulder. “I don’t…” “Don’t lie to me. What happened out there that made you change your mind. What made you come back?” The light touch on my arm made my heart beat faster. “I-I…” “Are you back?” I shut my eyes. Was I? I didn’t know. All I knew was her touch that was sending shivers up my spine and I had a broken heart from a young BackStreet Boy. She nodded in understanding. And leaned back into the pillow. “No, that’s not what I meant. I…I don’t know. I’d-I’d like to give it a try, if you’re willing to.” “A try?” Her eyes seemed to light up. I couldn’t help but smile, “perhaps…” She punched me lightly in the shoulder, “perhaps?” I laughed, “well yes madam, perhaps. Will you go out with me once more m’ lady?” She closed the tight space we were already in and answered my question for me. Her lips burned into mine and I knew I was doing the right thing. I just had to forget about a certain blonde boy. * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * When we finally stopped for food I was starving. It was a small dingy little diner and I didn’t even know where the hell we were, but it was better than nothing. My stomach grumbled when I existed the bus, and I heard Leighanne laugh lightly behind me. I did miss that. I missed it a lot. I turned around and stuck my tongue out at her, which only made her laugh harder. As we made our way to the run down restaurant the rest of the buses pulled in, and my stomach tightened. Nick. I had forgotten about him. Completely. After Leighanne and I made the decision to start over, we talked for hours…we talked about everything we missed out on each other’s lives…I just circled around the Nick parts. I had never been so interested in someone’s life. I was totally wrapped up in her. Which I missed too. Leighanne bumped into me from behind, “Bri baby, the restaurant’s that way,” her long manicured nail pointed the dingy shack. I nodded, but my eyes didn’t leave Nick’s bus as she pulled me to the door. I wanted to see him. But I didn’t. I had this weird satisfaction that since Leighanne and I were together and didn’t need Nick anymore, and he wouldn’t be able to hurt me again. “Now, right here there’s a step,” Leighanne warned me before I tripped over it. She didn’t even ask what was on my mind, why I was staring out into space, she just accepted it. I missed that too. No probing questions. She cracked a smile but didn’t laugh. Once we got our food we found a big enough table to fit everyone in and sat down. It had been literally eight hours on the bus without Nick. Eight hours where I was truly happy. Just then, golden blonde hair caught my eye from the sun and I looked up. There he was. But I didn’t feel my heart quicken like it usually did when I saw him, it was more like it weighed down from all the pain he’d cause. He caught my eye briefly before they flickered over to where Leighanne was, and I didn’t feel guilty. I was happy. AJ stormed in and I smiled. He was upset this wasn’t Mickey D’s. That boy will never grow up. Everyone got there food and made there way over to us. Nick sat oddly across from Leighanne and the rest in other spots. I was smiling. They hadn’t seen me smiling in a long time. Kevin smiled briefly, “why so happy cuz?” AJ’s eyes met mine, and his face etched across in worry. Howie’s face looked hopeful, mirroring Kevin’s. I didn’t bother meeting Nick’s because I knew he wouldn’t be looking at me. Leighanne took the initiative, and touched my hand lightly over the table. I looked down at it and smiled. “I knew it!!!” Kevin cried out triumphantly. “I am so the man!” I laughed as well as everyone else at the table. Except Nick. I risked a glance at him, his eyes were wide in shock and his mouth was hanging open. He was shocked? He should have been happy that I was out of his hair. “Is it true?” The question came from AJ, whose reaction I couldn’t really decipher. “Yeah,” I smiled. “We’re going to try it again,” he nodded and looked down at the table. “Can I talk to you a second?” I glanced up at him, confused. “Sure,” The entire table watched us go to the men’s bathroom. Once the door was securely closed he turned to me, took off his sunglasses and began while his eyes bored into mine. “Are you sure about this?” He asked leaning against the counter. “Sure about what?” “Leighanne,” I blinked. “About getting together,” “Yes,” I smiled. “You’re smiling,” “I know,” “Why are you so happy?” “Do you not want me to be?” “I just don’t understand. I guess I never will,” he sighed turning to look at himself in the mirror. “Understand what?” He looked at my reflection. “When was it? Like, a month ago, you came crying to me. Or rather I found out and then you came crying to me. You were about to break if you didn’t have him. Then you got him, and everything was perfect, and I don’t know what happened, which I’m not going to ask because it’s none of my business…but something happened, and you guys won’t talk to each other. You were a wreck…” “What about Nick, was Nick a wreck?” He paused. Thought about it, “that’s not really the point.” “That’s exactly the point,” He nodded. "Are you truly happy, or is that new acting skills I see poking through," "I never was really good at acting," I smiled at his understanding. I was almost at the door when he asked me. "So about Nick," I turned back to him, he was still leaning on the counter, this time facing me. "What about Nick?" "Do you still love him?" "You can't get over someone in 8 hours," "Do you still love him?" He knew how to get to the point. "I don't break out into a sweat every time I see him, I don't start to shake." "You didn't answer the question," "I don't know how to," "I think you do," "I'm completely confused," I thought it was truthful. " Are you really?" And then he was past me and out the door. My head began to spin and I had to hold it in my hands. I was so confused, so tired, and so not in the mood for this drama anymore. BACK NEXT |
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